I started gaining weight around 12, before that I was thin. I don't remember what it felt like not to be fat. I feel like all of my mannerism, my personality, my understanding of people, my empathy, who i am as a person is because I am fat and had to learn how to exist in a skinny world. I feel like I am me, because i am fat. So now i am worry about not being fat, that as the pounds leave me, other pieces of who i am will to. that i will wake up and be different and that scares me the most. Don't get me wrong i know my quality of life will improve 100 times over when i lose weight, i will be able to do things i can't do now because i am to big to slow, and i get to tired to fast. I know my health will get better, health is the biggest reason i am doing this. but I am just scare of not being fat.....

I can completely relate. I am still getting all of my pre work done and it scares me sometimes to think about being "average" size. I've defined myself as being a big person for over 20 years. It is sometimes a comfort to be ignored, not noticed. I've grown accustomed to being fat. I am afraid of being unhealthy so I really want the sleeve. But sometimes I'm scared- what will I be like when I am smaller? What will the world be like?

I can completely relate. I am still getting all of my pre work done and it scares me sometimes to think about being "average" size. I've defined myself as being a big person for over 20 years. It is sometimes a comfort to be ignored, not noticed. I've grown accustomed to being fat. I am afraid of being unhealthy so I really want the sleeve. But sometimes I'm scared- what will I be like when I am smaller? What will the world be like?

Dawn yellow, I really like how you explained your feelings of being ignored. I 100% can relate. There is a comfort in not being a standout. Good luck with your surgery.

We all wear personas throughout our lives. I've been a tan skinny sailing instructor, a quiet GI letting others lead that didn't really know what they were doing and then became the leader, the guy that ran towards the trouble. The one they called when they needed a calm head to bail things out. Eventually I became the big guy in the back quietly letting others do the work, but I was always there to point the way to those that got lost. Now I don't know who I'll be, I've been the quiet big guy for almost twenty years now, trying to stay out of the light, back in the shadows. I expect I'll move back up towards the front, I'm sure it will ruffle some feathers and I won't be quite as well liked, but you gotta be who you want to be. Skinny or Fat we all find our way to be what ever it is we can stand to be. I may be 56 years young, but inside my head I'm still a 19 year old goof ball trying to figure out what I'm going to do when I grow up...here's to finding your way, whatever way that is you choose.