I have planned mine out many times over the last few weeks and with surgery coming up three weeks from tomorrow and the pre-op liquid diet starting two weeks from tomorrow, I've finally decided what I am going to do.

I'm not having one. Why? Because I know that eventually (within 6 months or so!), I will be able to eat anything I want, I will just do so in moderation. (Imagine that concept!) I don't want to mourn the loss of any food, because it's not going away, I am just going to be limited in quantity. I have had more food in my 41 years than I should have consumed in a lifetime and I really see no need to mourn something that isn't dead and more importantly, has done nothing but made me unhealthy because I've allowed it to take control of me.

I want to be the one to make the decision to stop eating so much and to start being healthy, I do not want my surgeon to decide for me. For many people, once they go under, the decision is being made for them by the surgeon who is doing the cutting. Because they are no longer able to eat in mass quantity, they don't. Up until yesterday, that was going to be me. Yes, I've been doing one shake a day and high protein/low carb/under 1000cal for the last week and have lost 10.8 pounds to show for it. In the back of my mind, though, I was looking forward to having a smorgasbord of good stuff a few days before my diet started. I've looked at a million pins on Pinterest and gotten sad that I will never eat that or make that. I've been hyper-aware of all the new restaurants that are opening in my area, studying the menus, trying to figure out what I can have ONE LAST TIME. How ridiculous!

I don't want my surgeon to steal MY power, I want it to be MY decision. I decided Wednesday of last week that I would start prepping myself for the pre-op diet and yesterday I decided to stick to it right up till my surgery date. I decided to cut back on my favorite - Coke Zero - and have only one every few days. No more. I've not had one since Friday and I've lived!

Yesterday I completed all my pre-op blood work, xrays, tests, doctor visits, and signed off on all the papers. I also did all the pre-registration. The surgeon asked me if I was ready to make all the changes starting post-op that were necessary for my success and that really hit me. I told him I was not. I was ready to start right now.

I decided that I am in control of my body NOW because God knows I will not be in control of it for the weeks immediately following my procedure because at that point, I will be forced to do it.

I am the boss of me. Starting TODAY. Good Lord, I think it finally clicked and I cannot wait to start my new life. Oh, wait. I already did.

**EDIT TO ADD. I have no idea why this post is shaded or sized this way. HA! I made it bigger so it's readable.WEIRD!!!**

Tomorrow is a new day, and I hope that whatever triggered such a negative response to what was meant to be a positive post gets better for you, AussieLady. Such bitterness is also a reason to seek professional help. LipstickLady and BayouGal, you're going to ROCK your sleeves!

I have a few close friends that have been sleeved, and each seems to have her own food intolerances. One can't eat oatmeal or bread without feeling ill, and the other would get stomach discomfort and diarrhea with too much sugar intake until 5-6 months out. So I've been asking myself, should I have a "Last Supper" of sorts? Should I binge on deep dish pizza, salted caramel cupcakes, french fries, and the other things that got me in this position in the first place? I've decided that my new, healthy lifestyle starts now, so I'm going to pass on pigging out. The surgery is just a tool and won't do the work for us, so why wait to get started? We're all different, and some will pig out, others won't. As long as we get to where we want to be, and pick up the skills along the way to help us keep it off, I won't judge another's thoughts or choices.

I want there to come a day where I can eat one small slice of pizza, one cupcake, or a small order of french fries and feel satisfied. I'm not a psychologist, nor will I pretend to play one on the internet, but I think everyone that comes to make the choice to have surgery has food issues on some level. The sleeve isn't going to do the work for us, obviously, but can be used a tool to not only lose weight, but pick up better habits and learn to live a healthier lifestyle.

Okay, I'm finished ranting. I just wanted to say thank you for sharing!

Tomorrow is a new day' date=' and I hope that whatever triggered such a negative response to what was meant to be a positive post gets better for you, AussieLady. Such bitterness is also a reason to seek professional help. LipstickLady and BayouGal, you're going to ROCK your sleeves!

I have a few close friends that have been sleeved, and each seems to have her own food intolerances. One can't eat oatmeal or bread without feeling ill, and the other would get stomach discomfort and diarrhea with too much sugar intake until 5-6 months out. So I've been asking myself, should I have a "Last Supper" of sorts? Should I binge on deep dish pizza, salted caramel cupcakes, french fries, and the other things that got me in this position in the first place? I've decided that my new, healthy lifestyle starts now, so I'm going to pass on pigging out. The surgery is just a tool and won't do the work for us, so why wait to get started? We're all different, and some will pig out, others won't. As long as we get to where we want to be, and pick up the skills along the way to help us keep it off, I won't judge another's thoughts or choices.

I want there to come a day where I can eat one small slice of pizza, one cupcake, or a small order of french fries and feel satisfied. I'm not a psychologist, nor will I pretend to play one on the internet, but I think everyone that comes to make the choice to have surgery has food issues on some level. The sleeve isn't going to do the work for us, obviously, but can be used a tool to not only lose weight, but pick up better habits and learn to live a healthier lifestyle.

Okay, I'm finished ranting. I just wanted to say thank you for sharing![/quote']

I just don't understand, I have no bitterness. I'm just trying to get through the reality of being sleeved. But hey, live in the fantasy world if you prefer. Once you are sleeved you will know where I am coming from completely.

FindingElise, you are wonderful. I will happily live in my "fantasy land" for the rest of my life if it means looking forward with eagerness, excitement and positivity towards what my future will bring me.

Strike that. Positivity towards what the future *that I am building for myself* will bring.

I just don't understand, I have no bitterness. I'm just trying to get through the reality of being sleeved. But hey, live in the fantasy world if you prefer. Once you are sleeved you will know where I am coming from completely.

I agree. You just don't understand how bitter and judgemental you come across. Perhaps you might go back and read some of what you post. Starting with the snarky comment in the above post. Sheesh!

Dealing with one's emotions and taking control of eating habits is a huge part of preparing for the sleeve. Why is that so hard to understand? I did the same thing. I am also living with the reality of my sleeve and quite frankly, gaining control of my emotions and eating habits prior to being sleeved has helped me in the process. There are still lots of hurdles and realities I have yet to face but having a handle on these things I have no doubt will help see me through.

I hope the same for you. Just a suggestion, perhaps a little understanding and compassion for those who come after can help those of us who have been there.

It feels good to pay it forward. Try it sometime.

I think that's amazing, Lipstick! I wish I would have done that as well. I are so much before my pre op diet, I was completely miserable! I ate crap that I didn't even eat before and gained 10 pounds.

Taking control now is great! You may have obsessed over your food funeral before but you stopped it! That's admirable. If I had done that, I'd be at least 10 pounds lighter right now. You are one step closer to ridding yourself of bad habits than I was before surgery. I'm sure you'll have difficult days. We all do,but nothing in what you've posted indicates the need for professional help. Good luck with the pre op and surgery!

Thank you. I appreciate your support!

I think you both really need to talk to a professional before you have this surgery. You both seem to really have the wrong perception about what you are about to do.

still lmao @ this one

still lmao @ this one

Girl, you are living in a fantasy world. Everyone knows you can't laugh your ass off. If that was the case, all us jolly fatties would be skinny as a rail.

I guess I'm a weird one. I had no "food funeral" because I took the supervised six month pre-surgical weight loss period very seriously. I lost 100lbs prior to being sleeved by changing my habits and listening to the nutritionist. I was terrified of falling off the wagon by the time my surgery date rolled around.

Now that I'm six months post-op, 133lbs lighter since surgery I'm excessively careful about following the rules that were set forth. I make mistakes and I have had complications and deviating from the game plan would (in my opinion) only make it worse.

As a former "foodie" and a total food addict this is a change that will never be easy for me. Being sleeved was considered an EXTREME measure because I was eating myself to death at almost 500lbs. Along with being sleeved I did seek professional help from a psychologist that deals with eating disorders and body dysmorphia- both things that I'll deal with for the rest of my life.

Whether you track your food or you don't; whether you "cheat" on your pre-op liquid diet or you have a food funeral or you don't; ultimately the weight loss with the sleeve is going to slow down and we're all going to have decisions to make. It's a lifestyle change. It's a whole new mindset. My personal decision was to start as early as possible to get the best possible results for as long as possible. Only YOU can be responsible for your own choices and decisions.

Congratulations to you!