Pity party...

[No game 14,436]

Thank you for the advice Laura!

Melissa,

We are all in this together

I am still learning everyday to try to love and accept myself.

[Molly3 495]

Laura,

You are truly helpful! I LOVE reading your posts & replies!

[No game 14,436]

Laura' date='

You are truly helpful! I LOVE reading your posts & replies![/quote']

Molly I think your pretty sweet too!

I love seeing that big ole smily face

with a smile like that on your profile picture

You can't help but feel happy!

[SnapRoll 20]

JessicaAnn, I have great news..... Your husband does not really care about your weight number. I'm totally sure of it. That being said, if you want to keep it to yourself, its ok. I'm pretty sure if he did hear a number, he's not going to relate it to anything. I understand the "numbers" in wight is a very emotional thing. I too have been sensitive to it at times so I can relate. I am however talking to you from possibly your husband point of view. Your weight number is not a concern of his and thankfully so. I'm not sure if this helps, but its good news nonetheless. *smile*

** Pitty Party** toppic: My wonderful wife LOVES to take pictures. (She's 5'5 and 124lbs...she has her "vanity lbs" she complains about but she's "thin" by most standards.) For the last 5 yrs I HATE to have pictures taken of myself. I hate it. Thankfully I don't "show" it to many emotionally-outwardly. Like most dudes I can hid my feelings pretty easily. She actually thought that I didn't want to take pics with "her"....CERTAINLY I was not feeling "that" way...it was truly a "its me, not you" thing for sure. I tried to relay that to her, but she still is disappointed we don't take many pics "together". I have TONS of pics of her though.

Shopping:

I feel terrible shopping at the "big and tall" stores. I hate parking in front of the building just as bad. My wonderful wife skips through the isles and starts picking up $50-$60 shirts...and $70 pants (yes girls....they are THAT expensive at these big and tall stores for men).............anyways, She gets all happy and trys to make it a "fun" experience for "me"......................

...........flash to the "fitting room"..... ok.... so wifey gave me 3 pairs of pants, and 4 shirts. I'm facing a full length mirror.....I start changing. All the while I'm thinking "I know 1/2 of these dang things are not going to fit right) Shirt comes off....I slowly slide on the new button down shirt...checking for snugness in the arms..then comes the horrible BUTTON experience. Sure enough.....the feared "TENSION" buttons. The around the belly button area - button(s). DANG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.... off comes the shirt fast.......2nd shirt....better but still Puckers when setting down......Finally...ONE shirt of the 4 fit "ok". and sure enough....DANG!!! THE SHIRT ARMS ARE TOO TIGHT....well, I can deal with tight shirt arms....I'm sure not going to deal with my semi-harry navel showing to anyone with my shirt screaming "I'm going to pop" from the bottom front.

I would slowly open the dressing room door, just to half smile at my wife (hiding my shame) and giving back the clothes that didn't fit. My poor wife is always surprised when things don't fit (mostly because she is normal weight) but I still just pick up the few things that do fit mosey onto the check out.....

Even though its a Big and Tall store I'm still awkward as the lady takes the clothes off the hangers and neatly folds the "beasts" of shirts and mammoths of pants together....after dropping say $350 bucks for some "new stuff" I walk out thankful that I don't have to go through that again for some time. My wife oblivious of my emotions kisses me and smiles because of me "finally" going to buy new clothes again.

I drive away feeling defeated. Knowing that I'm a big boy, but dealing with shame deep inside that rarely comes out accept when shopping. Facing my obesity really comes to fruition when shopping....I guess that's why I hate it. ............... I didn't used to hate it............... I remember shopping for clothes without a thought to it other than how my pants would fit over my tennis shoes. Times have changed.

I'm looking forward to getting over the physical pain and opening up to the emotional freedom of feeling "normal again".

Wow.............sorry for the rambling.

[No game 14,436]

Shopping:

I feel terrible shopping at the "big and tall" stores. I hate parking in front of the building just as bad. My wonderful wife skips through the isles and starts picking up 50-60 shirts...and 70 pants (yes girls....they are THAT expensive at these big and tall stores for men).............anyways' date=' She gets all happy and trys to make it a "fun" experience for "me"......................

...........flash to the "fitting room"..... ok.... so wifey gave me 3 pairs of pants, and 4 shirts. I'm facing a full length mirror.....I start changing. All the while I'm thinking "I know 1/2 of these dang things are not going to fit right) Shirt comes off....I slowly slide on the new button down shirt...checking for snugness in the arms..then comes the horrible BUTTON experience. Sure enough.....the feared "TENSION" buttons. The around the belly button area - button(s). DANG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.... off comes the shirt fast.......2nd shirt....better but still Puckers when setting down......Finally...ONE shirt of the 4 fit "ok". and sure enough....DANG!!! THE SHIRT ARMS ARE TOO TIGHT....well, I can deal with tight shirt arms....I'm sure not going to deal with my semi-harry navel showing to anyone with my shirt screaming "I'm going to pop" from the bottom front.

I would slowly open the dressing room door, just to half smile at my wife (hiding my shame) and giving back the clothes that didn't fit. My poor wife is always surprised when things don't fit (mostly because she is normal weight) but I still just pick up the few things that do fit mosey onto the check out.....

Even though its a Big and Tall store I'm still awkward as the lady takes the clothes off the hangers and neatly folds the "beasts" of shirts and mammoths of pants together....after dropping say 350 bucks for some "new stuff" I walk out thankful that I don't have to go through that again for some time. My wife oblivious of my emotions kisses me and smiles because of me "finally" going to buy new clothes again.

I drive away feeling defeated. Knowing that I'm a big boy, but dealing with shame deep inside that rarely comes out accept when shopping. Facing my obesity really comes to fruition when shopping....I guess that's why I hate it. ............... I didn't used to hate it............... I remember shopping for clothes without a thought to it other than how my pants would fit over my tennis shoes. Times have changed.

I'm looking forward to getting over the physical pain and opening up to the emotional freedom of feeling "normal again".

Wow.............sorry for the rambling. [/quote']

This was very moving SnapRoll.

[SnapRoll 20]

Thanks......it seems like I'm preaching to the choir on this avenue. Just know that men share many of the feelings women do, just in an different way. Like I could give my weight (372 lbs now) to my wife no problem, yet to go shopping for "me"- I would make up just about anything to get out of it. I fear the "shopping for clothes" bit with my dear loving wife. I know deep inside there are issues with my body for sure, but I hide it well, and rarely affects my day. But.................sometimes it...........does.

[No game 14,436]

You should tell her about the pain that you feel sometimes in that dressing room? It was a very powerful story.

[SnapRoll 20]

This was very moving SnapRoll.

Thanks Laura. Sometimes I can get in a writing mood.

To everyone here, your husband loves you very much and only wants your inner happiness to be full of joy and whatever it takes to make you feel better about yourself, I would hope they support you too.

When "you" are happy "he" is happy.

I'm wishing everyone here success with their choices and efforts.

[SnapRoll 20]

Have you told her this? Have you told her about the pain that you feel sometimes in that dressing room? It was a very powerful story.

At this particular time, I don't tell her this for 2 reasons. 1) Its my struggle personally and 2) I try to keep her "stresses" of my bigness low because she would feel horrible to know the agony I feel (sometimes) about myself in my personal physical looks and sometimes my soreness from just being obese (i'm pretty healthy otherwise).

[No game 14,436]

At this particular time' date=' I don't tell her this for 2 reasons. 1) Its my struggle personally and 2) I try to keep her "stresses" of my bigness low because she would feel horrible to know the agony I feel (sometimes) about myself in my personal physical looks and sometimes my soreness from just being obese (i'm pretty healthy otherwise).[/quote']

Well you know what I said up there to the others...

It's part of the wall we are putting up around ourselves. She loves you, and just like my husband, she can't fully support you until you fully let her in.

I have laid so much bare (figuratively and literally)

In front of my husband since this began and its done nothing but brought us closer together.

I write this with tears in my eyes because I really know your pain .

[SnapRoll 20]

Well you know what I said above up there to the others...

It's part of the wall we are putting up around ourselves. She loves you and just like my husband can't fully support you until you fully let her in.

I have laid so much bare (figuratively and literally)

In front of my husband since this began and its done nothing but brought us closer together.

I write this with tears in my eyes because I really know your pain .

Laura-ven. You know........ I think you are right. Is it bad that I keep this from her? She deals with so much after our marriage 1.5 yrs ago and leaving her family. She only has "me" as her family too. I feel compelled to keep this inside of me because I can't bare for her to "feel bad for me". I don't want to burden her with it. I "feel" like I can handle it because the feelings I can suppress pretty well.

I just may consider telling her if this is your suggestion. I just may. I may also keep this inside me until I become less "obese" (rough word) or even (hard to say it) "Normal" weight again.

We live in such a TUFF society of being judged as FAT.

Many of us experience it....I feel SOOO sorry for the women. Society is pretty darn hard on women. Its shameful! This has caused women to feel unworthy and unhappy. Supplying fuel for the YO YO dieting and feelings of anxiety and even worse things like depression or even worse.

**** I feel glad to see strong people on these forums....I feel I'm strong too in many ways.........but there is a part of me that is quiet and cries deep inside of me. Only to show up in the mirror....in the middle of a mall......in sunny California....... with eminem playing in the background......all by myself........................ me and............ the mirror. After taking a deep breath....looking at myself looking away from myself to carry on the pain later......another day.

[Fiddleman 4,376]

You look so young in your profile pic! I can't believe you have a 16 year old daughter!

I keep thinking that too. Laura are you sure you are not 28?? Sure looks that way from your photo. Of course that would mean you were 11-12 when your daughter was born...you age well.

[JessicaAnn 564]

I keep thinking that too. Laura are you sure you are not 28?? Sure looks that way from your photo. Of course that would mean you were 11-12 when your daughter was born...you age well.

I thought she was close to my age and I'm 23!

[No game 14,436]

Laura-ven. You know........ I think you are right. Is it bad that I keep this from her? She deals with so much after our marriage 1.5 yrs ago and leaving her family. She only has "me" as her family too. I feel compelled to keep this inside of me because I can't bare for her to "feel bad for me". I don't want to burden her with it. I "feel" like I can handle it because the feelings I can suppress pretty well.

I just may consider telling her if this is your suggestion. I just may. I may also keep this inside me until I become less "obese" (rough word) or even (hard to say it) "Normal" weight again.

We live in such a TUFF society of being judged as FAT.

Many of us experience it....I feel SOOO sorry for the women. Society is pretty darn hard on women. Its shameful! This has caused women to feel unworthy and unhappy. Supplying fuel for the YO YO dieting and feelings of anxiety and even worse things like depression or even worse.

**** I feel glad to see strong people on these forums....I feel I'm strong too in many ways.........but there is a part of me that is quiet and cries deep inside of me. Only to show up in the mirror....in the middle of a mall......in sunny California....... with eminem playing in the background......all by myself........................ me and............ the mirror. After taking a deep breath....looking at myself looking away from myself to carry on the pain later......another day.

Snap you know we live close to one another?

It is a tough place to live! downtown Los Gatos home to the beautiful people, and me...

I truly wish you well and luck with your up coming surgery. And know it does get better.

I still have hang ups but I'm working through them day by day.

Somedays not so great! All this talk of shopping? last night I told my husband "I'm going shopping tomorrow" I couldn't bring myself to do it today,

I fit in "regular" clothes now but still carry that fear!

Laura-ven work in progress.

[ShariM735 189]

As you can see in my profile picture, my husband does not share my weight problem! As of this Sunday, April 21, we will have been married 47 years. When we got married, I was 20 and thin. He has watched me battle my weight for 30 years. He has never said a word about my weight. Now he is my biggest supporter. He really does give me unconditional love and I'm sure your husband does too. I too have to wait until July. Right now that seems like forever, but I started this journey November 27 and the time has gone quickly. Hope the next three months go as fast!

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