Talking about sex too soon? DATING

[SeriouslyChange 319]

Hi,

I met this amazing guy online and we've been talking non stop for about.... A week now?

He would start texting me at 8 am and we'd go to bed around 3 am.

My question is:

Sex. When is it too early to speak about it?

The topic was brought up, and so I rolled with it. I am pretty open about my sexuality, but I am now left with the feeling that this may just be about sex and that I ruined a potentially good, no great relationship by answering these questions too early.

We have spoken on 2 occasions about sex. It dominated our first 3 hour phone conversation, taking up at least one of those hours towards the end.

Opinions please, I'm meeting him face to face on Friday, and I really want this to work.

Thanks.

[PdxMan 4,292]

I'm guessing you are young, since you are asking this question. You have never physically met this person, yet you are talking about sex, what, at one time as I understand it for most women, was one of the most intimate exchanges. How many partners have you had? How do you regard sex? Is it the icing on the cake or the appetizer to be enjoyed whether you are even served the main dish?

Again, without knowing your age, dating history, the value you put on sex and where you are at in your life, this is a difficult question to answer. Just to let you know, when I was in my 20s, there wasn't much I wouldn't do or say to get into your pants. Just being honest here. So, it's up to you whether you want to get to know this person before you share this with him.

[Sassygirl06 962]

How scary...I'm so glad I'm married. I defiantly would draw the line for him clearly. Whatever you do I would not have sex with this guy on the first couple of dates! I hope you are meeting him in a very public place, or with a friend. Good luck girl!

[Cristin 73]

It depends on how you met online. A dating site is fine probably. Craigslist... Not so much. But I think great relationships can start online and sex is part of flirtation. Just be yourself and don't worry about anything but being honest with him.

And yeah, make sure the date is in a public place just to be safe. But this really is a new era. People meet online all the time.

Sounds really exciting and fun!! Just like you would want to do with any guy, don't let him push or pressure you into anything you're not ready for.

And have fun!!!

[lyndeeboo 68]

First, just because you spoke about sex doesn't mean you've already jumped in to bed with this guy. It's never too late to change how far you go until you've already gone 'there'. If you're already regretting going too far in a conversation then tell him this. If he doesn't want to meet you because of it, then he really wasn't THAT great of a guy to start out with. Him not being receptive to your feelings and wishes now should be a HUGE red flag that he only wants one thing.

I don't know you or him, BUT, if you've only been speaking a week and you're already having doubts about how far you should go, DON'T HAVE SEX YET. END OF DISCUSSION. if you're already regretting going too far in a conversation, imagine how you will feel Saturday morning after actually doing the deed.

If you truly are looking for a relationship and not just a boy-toy I wouldn't jump in to bed with him yet. Is that me saying that no great, long-term relationships start out having sex the same week you meet? Absolutely not. My husband and I actually slept together much sooner than I normally would and we're now happily married...BUT, I was in college, looking to have a good time and wasn't going in to the night emotionally clinging to the hope that we would fall madly, deeply in love with each other and have lots of babies together. I wanted FUN and I got FUN. It wasn't until much later I got the ring and babies and all of that.

It sounds to me like you're wanting LOVE...which is GREAT! Everyone DESERVES to be in a loving, long term relationship if that's what they want - - I just know a LOT of girls who are wanting the exact same thing you're wanting, they find a guy, give him what he wants right away, and then he's gone....that, or he ONLY wants them for sex, not a long term relationship because that is what they TRAINED HIM TO EXPECT!!! If you jump in to bed with someone right away they don't HAVE to get to know your likes and dislikes, they don't have to do sweet things to earn your respect and body.

Just ask yourself this: Are you hoping for long term or a one night stand? If you're hoping for long term, don't sleep with him this Friday and tell him how you're feeling silly and regretting speaking about it so soon. If he feels more about you than a bootie call he will laugh at your honesty and you'll be good.

If you just want fun, and you're not going to regret anything should things not work out, then go have fun

[Jacqueline Marie 73]

I think talking about sex is fine... as long as you are upfront and clear about your intentions.

[rybecca20 160]

First' date=' just because you spoke about sex doesn't mean you've already jumped in to bed with this guy. It's never too late to change how far you go until you've already gone 'there'. If you're already regretting going too far in a conversation then tell him this. If he doesn't want to meet you because of it, then he really wasn't THAT great of a guy to start out with. Him not being receptive to your feelings and wishes now should be a HUGE red flag that he only wants one thing.

I don't know you or him, BUT, if you've only been speaking a week and you're already having doubts about how far you should go, DON'T HAVE SEX YET. END OF DISCUSSION. if you're already regretting going too far in a conversation, imagine how you will feel Saturday morning after actually doing the deed.

If you truly are looking for a relationship and not just a boy-toy I wouldn't jump in to bed with him yet. Is that me saying that no great, long-term relationships start out having sex the same week you meet? Absolutely not. My husband and I actually slept together much sooner than I normally would and we're now happily married...BUT, I was in college, looking to have a good time and wasn't going in to the night emotionally clinging to the hope that we would fall madly, deeply in love with each other and have lots of babies together. I wanted FUN and I got FUN. It wasn't until much later I got the ring and babies and all of that.

It sounds to me like you're wanting LOVE...which is GREAT! Everyone DESERVES to be in a loving, long term relationship if that's what they want - - I just know a LOT of girls who are wanting the exact same thing you're wanting, they find a guy, give him what he wants right away, and then he's gone....that, or he ONLY wants them for sex, not a long term relationship because that is what they TRAINED HIM TO EXPECT!!! If you jump in to bed with someone right away they don't HAVE to get to know your likes and dislikes, they don't have to do sweet things to earn your respect and body.

Just ask yourself this: Are you hoping for long term or a one night stand? If you're hoping for long term, don't sleep with him this Friday and tell him how you're feeling silly and regretting speaking about it so soon. If he feels more about you than a bootie call he will laugh at your honesty and you'll be good.

If you just want fun, and you're not going to regret anything should things not work out, then go have fun [/quote']

Wow that's awesome of u to take the time to write such a long response. alot of good advice here!!

[MrsG 329]

I met my hubby online. I did give it up on the first meeting tho. I think it depends on a lot if things like Pdxman said. Your age, how many partners you've had, how you view sex etc. most of the time it's the woman calling the shots so I guess it's up to you to decide how you want this meeting to go. I would say typically if you want something long term hold out on the sex. But then again, that wasn't my case, I was lucky and we've been married now for 3 years. It's a tough one, good luck!

[keldolbeth 262]

I've done a fair amount of online dating. I have a very clear line (in my head) when it comes to sex talk and flirtation. I am also a very sexual person and have engaged in purely physical relationships but also know how to present myself when I want more. Yes, finding out his intentions is important. I always say that helps me to know which "box" to put my feelings into as things progress. It's really just a defense mechanism so I don't get hurt.

However, about my "line"... It's one thing to talk about your likes, dislikes, past experiences, etc... It's another to make sexual comments about each other, well, me. I can have a frank, mature discussion about my sexuality and not feel awkward or threatened at all. But if that guy starts making comments about things he wants to do to me or what we are going to do together in the future... whoa, dude, put on the brakes! That kinda weirds me out. It's one thing to enjoy talking to someone, THINK you're attracted to them and then another to meet them face-to-face. Just don't commit yourself to anything or get into a situation where there's expectations. That's my biggest fear.

Good luck!

[SeriouslyChange 319]

Thanks for all of the good advice everyone.

You are correct, I am young, I am 23. I regard sex as an important part of a relationship. I have had a few partners, some which were relationships, and some one night stands.

I haven't felt this way about someone in a long time. And I think that's what scares me.

The phone conversation wasnt about what we would do to each other, it was about past experiences, both good and bad, likes, dislikes, and such. I don't want this relationship to revolve around sex as in the past, what could have been a potentially great relationship, was ruined after we slept together too soon. Then it became a physical relationship, and then I cut it off as it was going no where.

I explained to him last night that I wasn't comfortable making this relationship about sex, and that as great as sex can be, I'm looking for something long term at the moment and that if he purely wanted sex, to please let me know so that I could shift my mental gears from potential next boyfriend to guy who just wants to f... Which would be fine with me too. (Not really but I wanted an honest answer)

He told me that he was sorry that it was brought up so soon and that given the great connection we had, he would want to explore this first before jumping in bed.

We plan to meet at a local Starbucks at least for the introduction.

[lyndeeboo 68]

Awesome update! Hope your meeting goes great!!!

[PdxMan 4,292]

I absoutely love your response. I just recently posted on another thread the importance of just being honest and forthright with what you are feeling. With what is going on inbetween your ears. Now, you don't have to guess where they are coming from and they don't have to guess either. You have set expectations and everyone know what they are.

As I posted before, it amazes me how we can't share come of the biggest things that occupy space in our brains and expect our partners to know what is going on. Keep this attitude all through your relationships and (one day) marriage.

[SeriouslyChange 319]

...

[Wolfgirl1978 256]

Hi' date='

I met this amazing guy online and we've been talking non stop for about.... A week now?

He would start texting me at 8 am and we'd go to bed around 3 am.

My question is:

Sex. When is it too early to speak about it?

The topic was brought up, and so I rolled with it. I am pretty open about my sexuality, but I am now left with the feeling that this may just be about sex and that I ruined a potentially good, no great relationship by answering these questions too early.

We have spoken on 2 occasions about sex. It dominated our first 3 hour phone conversation, taking up at least one of those hours towards the end.

Opinions please, I'm meeting him face to face on Friday, and I really want this to work.

Thanks.[/quote']

It's very frustrating, I'm also on the online dating scene and haven't found very many men that are not propositioning me for sex right out the gate. I didn't put anything like that in my profile, so I don't know why I'm attracting that element. And don't get me started about the guy who put "no big girls" in his profile that won't quit messaging me even though I've told him its not gonna happen. I'm gonns delete my profile soon. It's discouraging. Sorry, I had to vent for a minute. Lol

Like others have said before me, just make sure your up front about your intentions, even if that includes not jumping in the sack right away. Was it last night you were supposed to meet him? How'd it go?

[Cristin 73]

It's very frustrating' date=' I'm also on the online dating scene and haven't found very many men that are not propositioning me for sex right out the gate. I didn't put anything like that in my profile, so I don't know why I'm attracting that element. And don't get me started about the guy who put "no big girls" in his profile that won't quit messaging me even though I've told him its not gonna happen. I'm gonns delete my profile soon. It's discouraging. Sorry, I had to vent for a minute. Lol

Like others have said before me, just make sure your up front about your intentions, even if that includes not jumping in the sack right away. Was it last night you were supposed to meet him? How'd it go?[/quote']

Yeah, when I'm thin, that is going to be one of the first things that turns me off a guy: a "no big girls" or "no fat chicks" sentiment, joke, or anything. It's so pathetic and small minded.