lyndeeboo

Thank ladies! I LOVE this place! You are all wayyyyy too good for a girl's self-esteem! I'm so encouraged by all of you that have had this surgery and seem to have no major regrets. Thank you for taking the time to be so supportive.

You're so right that all of this should be gotten out of my system before surgery - - and it's funny, I had completely forgotten that I had written this post. I think having this forum and getting my thoughts out there, my feelings validated, but then being given the tools and encouragement to know that I've got this had helped me SO much. I'm happy I put those thoughts down when I did because somehow I think I've gotten past some of them and for me that's a small victory I absolutely agree that once I'm on my way to getting to a healthy weight hopefully the changes I've made will be easier! Thank you for your comments and good luck in your journey

Exactly! I'm looking forward to those moments when I'm not "too big" to do things with them! It's kind of silly when I think about myself....I'm scared to have surgery for ME (afraid of pain, complications, etc) but then when I think of THEM and their future with me being so unhealthy and out of shape it's almost like I get a false sense of bravery and for a brief moment forget about MY fears because I owe it to THEM. Ahhhh, if I can just keep up this bravery until AFTER I have surgery

I'm so excited for you!!! I'm still in the waiting to be approved stage...submitted 11 days ago and the wait is killer! Knowing that you're in the liquid pre-op stage - - as hard as I'm sure it is - - must be so exciting since it's making it seem REAL! Best of luck to you with everything - Pre-op, surgery, post-op, etc. I hope it all goes nice and smooth and really quick! By the way, your pic is beautiful!

Thank you ladies. It's so nice to have the support of others who actually KNOW what I'm going through instead of always hearing "Well if you'd just eat less..." from well-meaning people.

Thanks for taking the time to read my blog post! I appreciate the support! I wrote it when the feelings were SO raw so that when I lost this motivation I could go back and read it and reread over and over again...I'm sure I will have moments when I'm afraid but those won't compare to what I felt last night. Thank you SO much for the support. I love this place

I've finally completed all of my insurance req's and am now awaiting approval. Since I've completed my requirements I guess this entire process has become really 'real' to me and it scared me. I kept asking myself if I really NEEDED this surgery...why couldn't I lose wieght on my own? Am I being lazy and taking the easy way out? Is it worth putting myself under the knife and having major surgery when I'm already too lazy to eat right and exercise? Am I wasting my family's money by having surgery? etc, etc, etc. Well tonight my sweet 5 year old ittle girl innocently made a statement that first broke my heart and then made me realize without a doubt this surgery is the right thing for me. We were driving home and she asked what would happen if I started to drown (We have a pool and swim a lot. I used to teach swim lessons and water safety, so water safety is REALLY important to me). I said, "Well, if I was truly drowning and couldn't get out, hopefully someone would help me out of the water." She replied (Here's where my heart broke...) "But Mommy, you're so big. How would they be able to pull you out? You're too heavy." And THEN she tried to backtrack...that broke my heart even more. She shouldn't have to worry about what she says to me and if it hurts my feelings. She shouldn't have to try to change what she said to make me feel better - - she's FIVE! AND THAT DID IT FOLKS. I almost broke down in tears right there in my car. I can hide from cameras, I can hide from the mirror. I can ignore the fact that my clothes are too tight I can hardly zip my pants. I can look past my double chin. I can choose to not look at my stretch marks. I can ignore being breathless just from walking from my car to my house. I can not pay attention to the fact that I now have to undo my top button to my jeans when sitting at my desk because it is digging in to my stomach. I can pop another blood pressure pill and ignore my high blood pressure... But I cannot ignore the fact that my kids notice I'm overweight and that kills me. I guess up until then I knew I was wayyyyy too heavy but since no one else would address it I could go on my merry-way and ignore it. But there's no ignoring it anymore. I have to do something more powerful than myself so that I can stop living a hollow life and stop living in the shadows, hoping no one addresses the fact that I am unhealthy. The heck with the fact that I am so unattractive anymore, I am unhealthy and am not the role model that my kids deserve. So I'm having this surgery. I don't care how it happens, I need this surgery. I need to lose weight. I need to get healthy. I need to start caring about myself. I need to start caring about my family and their future - - with ME in it.

Ha! Way to work that sleeve you sexy thang!!! ..But this post is WORTHLESS without a picture! Put up or shut up

Thanks girlie

Oh sweet lady! I could have written this post myself but since I'm having a 'strong' day I can tell you this: you ARE doing the right thing IF this is what you want! Nothing in life is ever easy, but you have to just keep rolling with the punches. I am like you in not telling anyone (besides a few close friends and my husband) that I'm having surgery. I've had to go to wayyyyy too many appointments and I feel like my boss and coworkers HAVE to know something is up...then again, maybe they're all too busy to notice? I hope so Don't be so hard on yourself! It sucks that you're having so much come up over and over again that seems like it's getting in the way, but the fact remains that you're still trucking along and that is GREAT! Take one day at a time, celebrate your successes (like the candy bar - - yay you!!!) and I'm sure your surgery date will be here before you know it!!!

Wow. It seems like just yesterday that I joined this forum and looked at the list of things I had to do before insurance would even CONSIDER approving me for surgery. I had to find a doctor (check), I had to visit a nutritionist for 4 visits (check, check, check and check), I had to get a letter from my Endo saying that I could have surgery (check), I had to have a sleep study (check) and finally, I had to have a psych evaluation (check). After all of those requirements were met I had to have one last appointment with the surgeon's assistant before they would submit everything to insurance. As of 10 minutes ago I had my super short meeting with the physician's assistant and I am DONE! I have officially fulfilled all of the requirements insurance laid out for me and now await hearing those beautiful words "You are approved!" I'm not even entertaining the thought that they might deny me...nope. I have prayed about this and am faithful that this is the right path for me! I'm scared/nervous/excited all at the same time. Keeping my fingers and toes and everything in between crossed for approval!

I can TOTALLY relate! I WANT this surgery, yet one of my fears is that I will become depressed when I can't eat as MUCH of my favorite things as I used to...how silly! It's not that I can't eat my favorite things, it's that I can't eat AS MUCH...and I wonder if that will make me depressed! SO DUMB that I let food control me the way that it does. I haven't had those thoughts lately....this past week my thoughts have been how NICE it will be to have some new (smaller outfits)...ummm yeah. I don't think I will even have surgery until August, yet I'm already NOT doing any shopping because I want smaller outfits...I can't wait for the surgery so my skinny body can catch up with my skinny mind

Just wanted to wish you luck! Originally I was wanting to be banded...thought it was less scary than permanently being sleeved...but the more i thought about it and researched it, the more the sleeve looked to be the way for me to go. I hope your journey is quick and uneventful and you're on your road to being sleeved soon

I love your testimony!!! Way to give God all of the glory and to trust in Him!!!

I want to follow responses. Up until this point I've thought I will tell people what you have told them...that you're on a high protein/low carb diet...but I worry that I will feel GUILTY later on that I haven't told the truth! You're making me reconsider what I tell people if you truly DO feel guilty! Ugh, why do I feel like I need to be an open book!!! By the way, congrats on looking so dang good

What a great way for me to look at this entire journey - - that this surgery and the rest of my life will be my 'rehab'. SInce I am not powerful enough to do this LONGTERM on my own, the sleeve will be a real-life rehab...one that will enable me to not fall off the wagon so easily. I am grateful to you for sharing this because this truly has been a light-bulb moment for me. I want to congratulate you on getting approval! For me this entire time my focus has been on getting 'approved'...even though I'm not yet approved, after sitting through my last nutrition appointment it hit me that IF approved this thing is REAL and lifelong..and for a few minutes I let it scare the crap out of me. Thank you for your reply, I appreciate you so much!

WOW, 7 miles! I truly admire that. I know it can be done...I've seen people transform their lives to include running...I just want to be one of those people. It's funny that you said even when you could run you still hated it! I think that will be me. I don't see myself ever loving it...but I want to!!! That should count for something, don't ya think!!! I wonder if anyone 'hates' food the way I hate running?

What is VLCD? going to have to google the Bernstien diet Okay, so you're saying that you lost most cravings?!?! That is incredible and really DOES give me hope! I can't even imagine having to REMIND myself to eat....ahhhh what a beautiful day that will be But what in the world cost $600 a month???

I am going to get that book, thank you so much!!! This forum is so amazing to me and such a wealth of knowledge and so supportive. Thank you! When you say you're trying to find something outside of food to comfort you...I want to be a runner. I HATE running. But I've long lusted after the thought of transforming my huge, flabby body in to a runner's body...even though right now I hate to run..in fact I can't run. At all. Not even a few steps! But you just saying that you want to find something thta comforts you outside of food just gave me the crazy notion that maybe somehow, someway, I can make running my obsession. For this out-of-shape body, how cool would that be?!?!

She might just be a vegetarian She didn't say I couldn't have it, but said that most people choose to not eat it after surgery because it is much harder to digest. I don't even have steak very often (3 kids ages 5 and under...steak is a luxury!) but every once in awhile when Hubbs and I go to dinner kid free (once a year!) there is nothing better than a good, juicy steak! The thought of not getting to ENJOY that every once in awhile made me a little sad....and then the thought that I was getting SAD over FOOD that I hadn't even had taken away from me made me MAD AT MYSELF!!! How foolish that I've let food control my thoughts so much That is great to hear that you can still eat meats. Not that I couldn't live without them, I just want that choice

Did you do your sleep study yet?

Crap, I NEVER saw this. I'm so sorry! It went good! I passed, so one more thing crossed off my check list of things to do. the one thing I didn't like was i had a male technician....it ended up being just fine, it was just the whole metal thing of knowing that it was just me and another guy alone in a building and if he decided to rape and pilage me no one would ever hear my screams...I woke up the next morning fine and untouched and realized how silly I had been I have my psych evaluation scheduled for next Friday and then will have one last nutrition appt before I've met my insurance requirements. Although getting excited I started to have a mild panic attack (not really panic attack, just emotions!) about how REAL this is all becoming. I'm so addicted to food and the comfort that it gives to me that I am having serious questions of whether or not I am strong enough to give it up. I HATE to be...my kids NEED me, but holy heck, I am so attached to it. I also decided to not have the surgery in May/June which is when I thought I would have it (providing I get approval when I first submit!) and actually wait until August'ish. I have a family reunion I'd like to attend (haven't gone in 7 years) and it's a 12-hr drive, each way. That would have been about 3 weeks after surgery and thought that wasn't a great idea. Then my best friend is visiting from out of California the very next week, and then in July we're having a big birthday party for my little guy. I want to set myself up for success and not failure and don't want to allow myself to be in situations where I might be tempted to slip something I otherwise wouldn't be exposed to if that makes sense. So anyway, I'm thinking the end of July/middle of August would be great....and well before the Holiday's so I can be one sexy lady by then!!!

I had my 3rd nutrition appointment yesterday and I am scared! I KNOW that the benefits outweigh the stuff I’m going to have to give up, I just need to get these thoughts on to paper…maybe that will help. I’m feeling guilty that I’m even having these thoughts because I want this surgery so badly. I worry that if I’m having these thoughts am I going to fail, or is this what everyone else thinks prior to surgery and this is normal??? Here is what worries me. One of the things she said was after surgery, don’t drink water (or any other beverage) 30 minutes before, don’t drink during and don’t drink an hour after a meal. When I asked why she said that water speeds up the digestion process and will cause your teeny stomach to digest even faster, which will make you hungry earlier. Makes sense, but I don’t like it! I ALWAYS drink water with my meals, always. I know that in the grand-scheme of things not drinking water at a meal isn’t a big deal…for a few meals, but for the rest of my life??? next is eating meat. She said that after surgery a lot of people can’t really digest meat any longer. She also said that meat isn’t really all that great for you (I’ve heard this before) so that it’s really not a big deal. Well I know health-wise it’s not a big deal, but after having such a love-affair with food for so long, I worry that I will be sad when I can’t order a nice, juicy steak. It’s easy to say something isn’t a ‘big deal’ when you’re not an addict. I’m a food addict. Everything when it comes to food is a ‘big deal’. Portion sizes. She said that your portion size goes down to like the size of the palm of your hand. Holy cow. I don’t eat to be “full” I eat, and eat and eat because I like the flavor of food…to only be able to eat that small of a portion….will I regret having this surgery and will that in turn make me miserable? I WANT to give up needing the comfort of food. I WANT to not overeat any time I sit down to a meal. I want to have something stronger than ME controlling what I put in to my mouth because I just can’t control what I eat at times. I’ve tried so hard and after a few weeks of great will power I succumb and let weeks of good choices go down the drain in a few meals. I know that on the outside looking in these are all really stupid reasons to be concerned. I know that when I read them tomorrow I will look at them and wonder what I was thinking. But right now, today, right in this moment I wonder if the fact that I’m having these thoughts means that I am not in the right place, mentally to have the surgery. Ugh, this sucks! I guess yesterday in talking about everything it just hit me hard that once I have this there’s no going back. Don’t get me wrong - - once I leave this fat, unhealthy body I don’t WANT to go back to where I am right now…it’s just so final and official. I HATE FOOD AND THE CONTROL IT HAS OVER ME!!! I hate the fact that I am doing things to my body that I know if it continues will kill me, yet I am questioning letting it go...I hate this. I think for the first time in my life I am feeling what a drug-user feels! The 'knowing' that you need to give something up, yet the longing for the relationship and comfort that it gives. Not cool, not wanted and not welcome in my brain!

What a great idea. Thank you for sharing! I'm still in the qualifying stage with insurance but would love to start making small changes now...adding protein to my coffee instead of creamer is a great change I can incorporate

My insurance coverage is slightly screwey and honestly I won't know until I'm on the operating table if I'll be covered/approved. My primary insurance (through my employer) is blue cross blue shield. They do NOT for ANY reason, for ANY person cover ANY TYPE of bariatric surgery. Like it's stated on one of the first pages of the policy. The way my work has the policy set up there is no way to opt out of blue cross coverage, therefor it MUST be my primary (unless i quit working!). My husband added me to Aetna so that I could have the surgery. But since Aetna is secondary, we have to submit everything to Blue cross, get a nasty letter back saying (again and again and again!) that these tests associated with bariatric surgery are not covered and THEN I have to submit the bill to aetna. So far Aetna has yet to cover anything since I keep getting letters back from them saying that because I have primary insurance my primary insurance will have to cover me....it's been a LOT of hours and tears making phone calls...and I'm not even halfway through yet!!! SO if I finally get that beautiful letter stating aetna approves me it's going to be a beautiful day Until then, I will continue fulfilling all of their requirements and fighting with them and blue cross ! Oh you poor thing to have to pump while away from your baby. Not that pumping is bad! Just the fact that you won't be able to get a good night's sleep Hopefully it will all work out and you will fall right back to sleep each time after pumping. Good luck! I will let you know how the sleep study goes after this weekend.