How to handle critics?

[NurseGrace 509]

I hear (read) people talking about drama on here all of the time...but I have yet to see it! Which is a good thing...I'm gonna try to steer away from drama!

Yeah, its best not to get sucked into it. A few days ago I jumped into the middle of a back and forth and I really wish I hadn't. Won't make that mistake again. I have been home a lot recently because I am in life transition ATM so its easier to get pulled into... "enthusiastic" discussion.

[rmkwk1 0]

Pdxman I really love your list! I am going to remember that when people ask me

[LizTex2587 212]

I have had mixed reactions....most have been positive, but for the few that have been negative I just told them that I appreciated their opinion, but this is my choice and I expect them to respect that. If they have anything negative to say, they can keep it to themselves.

[UTGal99 327]

I'm having the same issues. I'm 42 and still have over protected parents. My mom is giving me lots of grief. My dad not as much. It all stems from the mortality rate. I was honest to let them know what I was deciding on doing. We need a great support system around us. When we have surgery. My husband is my cheerleader and on my side for sure. I just feel really upset that they cannot support me as I do this. They sent me places to lose weight, tried to pay me to lose weight but it all came down to them always bringing candies and cakes in the house. I've done practically everything they've asked if me while I lived under their roof. You would think they could support me. My goal was not to tell them but my jealous sister told them. I know I'm rambling it I feel so frustrated. I had my consult with the surgeon to discuss my choice of sleeve and I am awaiting approval from my insurance company. Thanks for listening.

I say at 42 years old you need to do what is right for you and your immediate family (husband and children). If you have the support of your husband, it doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks. Also, you can tell your parents that the mortality rate of the gastric sleeve procedure is less than the mortality rate from a knee replacement! If you had serious damage done to your knee would your family expect you to not get that repaired? Of course not! Why avoid having a life saving procedure like the gastric sleeve done which will ensure you get leaner and healthier.

Just my 2 cents--

[angelaet 23]

Thank you UTGAL99! I really appreciate it. I forgot all about the knee replacement statistic. As i told them at my first discussion, this is about me and my family. I will use that in my discuss with them. Btw, It's great to see you on here!

Angela

[DrmBig4Evr 152]

Wow. Thank you all SO much for your positive and helpful feedback!

I haven't told every person that I cross paths with; but I have told those who I think (or thought) would provide me with support through this new chapter in my life. I find myself getting really sassy...and defensive...when explaining my reasons behind my decision.

I think my biggest problem isn't with the people who have never struggled with their weight...it's more the overweight people who I thought would be supportive. Talking to my counselor today, she made a valid point: some people feel like you are "betraying the overweight community." I had someone who is overweight tell me that WLS is cheating and not a tool. I'm really not letting her opinion get to me...but all I wanted to say is "seriously?!"

You are all right. This is a choice I've made for ME. No matter what others say, they will never know or understand what it's like to live in my body. I am proud of my decision and I'm so anxious for change to take place. I am grateful for those people in my life that support me...and I'm also grateful for the support from you guys! You're f'n awesome!

What I will say to you is this...I am still struggling with this question. I will not lie about it, but initially I said that this is my time to focus on myself and its on a need to know basis. However, I did contact someone I barely know, but we have discussed her WLS in the past when I found out about it and I wanted to learn more. She is an excellent mentor and has agreed to be a resource for me. Her response this week to me on this very question is this: She regrets not letting people know up front. If she had to do it all over again, she would not scream it from the mountain tops, but at least inform those around her about it. She said that the hardest thing was having people notice her weight loss and begin to talk about her behind her back, she said that her friends she "confided" in didn't keep it a secret and everyone found out, but not on her terms. I am still processing what she said to me because I can see both sides. Right now, while I'm going through it, and the pre-op, surgery, etc. I will not say anything, after it is done, they can't say anything because what is done is done and I KNOW it was MY decision.

[PdxMan 4,292]

It definately is a personal decision. I, myself, couldn't care less if my co-workers or acquaintances talked about me behind my back. I'm sure they do anyway about all sorts of things including my weight loss. I am powerless over them and what they do. I am not going to even try to control their behaviors or "make them understand" the reasonings behind anything I do.

I am at peace with myself and that is all that matters to me.

[Dalola 12]

I too am 5'6" but was barely @ the minimum 35 BMI. I had to go through insurance hoops and many appts. to qualify for the surgery. I have been struggling with my ever climbing weight for 15 years and finally had to accept that I no longer could control my weight on my own and needed help. I made the decision for my health, not my critics. I have watched gangrene take both of my mother's legs and she was not over weight or a diabetic. She had genetic kidney failure. She just had the same vascular disease that causes diabetics to face amputations. Her mother was type 1 diabetic and died @ 34. I felt I was putting gas on my genetic fire with excess weight. Diabetes is the # 1 cause for amputations and blindness, and excess weight is the # 1 cause for diabetes. 90% of the people at mom's dialysis clinic were type 2 diabetics. I faced "attitude" even from the health care providers. You sure? You really don't need this surgery....yet! Oh yes...even downright snotty attitudes. Am I suppose to wait until my kidneys are damaged, my liver compromised and my toes rotting off? Here is what I did to get past the criticism......My health- OR- your attitude......YOU LOSE! Not me! Don't tell the people you think will be critical. Let them fight their own weight battles. You will find most of the critics are critical because they are afraid to take the necessary steps. Ignore the critics and feel better that you will likely keep your limbs and vision if you have the surgery and follow the rules. You can send your critics get well cards when they face weight induced health issues. I am tired of the public scorn of not being thin and being scorned by taking action. I am 2 MO post op and feel great about my decision. I would do it again in a minute and do not give a flying hoot about what anyone else thinks. I just did not tell anyone that I thought would be critical. IT IS YOUR LIFE!!

[JennyBeth 127]

I for one LOVE the "you're not THAT big" responses that I have heard from 2 out of the 4 that I've actually told. Really? Should I wait until I am? I'm big enough to qualify (my BMI is 37) and I think it's better to do it now while I'm still considered "low" risk and my health hasn't completely gone to poop?! Now I'll just say my doctor and myself disagree with that.

[VSG_me 184]

I for one LOVE the "you're not THAT big" responses that I have heard from 2 out of the 4 that I've actually told. Really? Should I wait until I am? I'm big enough to qualify (my BMI is 37) and I think it's better to do it now while I'm still considered "low" risk and my health hasn't completely gone to poop?! Now I'll just say my doctor and myself disagree with that.

^^ agreed! same here!

[lessofmeismore 1,405]

It definately is a personal decision. I' date=' myself, couldn't care less if my co-workers or acquaintances talked about me behind my back. I'm sure they do anyway about all sorts of things including my weight loss. I am powerless over them and what they do. I am not going to even try to control their behaviors or "make them understand" the reasonings behind anything I do.

I am at peace with myself and that is all that matters to me.[/quote']

Love this!

[ignats639 81]

Love this thread - i struggled with "what to say" also and then just decided to say "diet and exercise" - this is way too personal for me and i dont feel i need to tell people. Im embarrassed about my weight to begin with and dont want to have to answer the question of "well how big WERE you!!" - this will just make it worse. Only a handful of people know and that's it! For me, the less i say, the better off i am. Isnt it funny how, the more ammunition we give to people, the more they use it"? lol

[nyc8dove 40]

I'm so tried of having to deal with people and their negative reaction to my decision to have the sleeve. I'm 269...5'6...but the first thing people say is "you don't need that surgery!" I feel like I have to justify my decision to everyone. They are always saying things like "all you need to do is diet and exercise' date='" or "you're too young to make a drastic life changing decision like that." (I'm 26.) I try to let it roll off my back and let it go, but I can't help but to let their comments get to me. How did you handle negative feedback?[/quote']

It can be difficult to deal with criticism from people who you thought would support you or SHOULD support you. Some people don't understand that times have changed and these type of procedures are available to people who are in need of help losing weight. And sometimes maybe they just drink too much haterade!

[ignats639 81]

lol haterade...

[Tryingtobringsexyback 17]

Wow. Thank you all SO much for your positive and helpful feedback!

I haven't told every person that I cross paths with; but I have told those who I think (or thought) would provide me with support through this new chapter in my life. I find myself getting really sassy...and defensive...when explaining my reasons behind my decision.

I think my biggest problem isn't with the people who have never struggled with their weight...it's more the overweight people who I thought would be supportive. Talking to my counselor today, she made a valid point: some people feel like you are "betraying the overweight community." I had someone who is overweight tell me that WLS is cheating and not a tool. I'm really not letting her opinion get to me...but all I wanted to say is "seriously?!"

You are all right. This is a choice I've made for ME. No matter what others say, they will never know or understand what it's like to live in my body. I am proud of my decision and I'm so anxious for change to take place. I am grateful for those people in my life that support me...and I'm also grateful for the support from you guys! You're f'n awesome!

I think it's better that you are doing it when you are young.. I am 44 and getting sleeved on march 2nd. After I recover I will probably wish I had done it a long time ago. I am 5'5" and weigh 220 so people always says I don't need the surgery but they don't know how many times I've gained and lost in my life. I have probably lost a whole other human being by now. My husband is so supportive because he is the only one who knows the true me and has seen my struggle with food for the past 20 years. My boss is the only one who knows I am having a sleeve. I couldn't lie to him. Everyone else thinks I am getting a lap band. I am going to dr Alvarez in Mexico. People would freak if they knew I was going to Mexico. They are just ignorant. Don't let others discourage you. We are all here for you because we are you. No one understand overeating like we all do. People who don't struggle like we do don't get it.