I thought it might be a good idea to have a thread where we could discuss the different challenges/issues we face as being single and banded.

I'll start with introducing myself. My name is Chris, I am 32 and live in a suburb of Boston. About a year ago I got out of a 5 year relationship and have just casually dated (online dating) since then. I have decided to take a break from dating for a bit, so I can focus on myself and adjust to living life as a bandster. (I was just banded on 10/2). One of my biggest concerns when I start dating again is if/when to tell that I am banded. It's not that I don't want to tell people, it's just that my idea of great dinner conversation does not include discussing my weight. Overall I would say that I have a great life. I have a good job, a very supportive family, and lots of friends. I am happy to be taking control over my weight and issues with food, and am excited at the prospect of my future as a not-so-fat woman.

I look forward to meeting more single bandsters and hope this thread takes off!

Chris :cocktail:

Congratulations! I joined e harmony and they haven't sent me one match.

I know it's expensive, and people around here are just too cheap.

I am meeting someone today that I have talked on the phone with,

who found me on Plenty of Fish. I am not very excited about it though.

Something in my gut is telling me this is one very dysfunctional person.

Okay, so I managed to land a BEAUTIFUL girlfriend earlier tonight! YAY!

She and I have been seeing each other for a month and a half-ish. It's been really amazing. We met on the EHarmony bit and it's been great. When we were talking on the phone, I decided to bring up the possibility of the boyfriend/girlfriend thing. She was pretty enthusiastic about it. I can't tell you how happy I am. :tongue_smilie:

YAY! haha.

CONGRATS Neveragain!!!

I wish you both the best!

Congratulations! I joined e harmony and they haven't sent me one match.

I know it's expensive, and people around here are just too cheap.

I am meeting someone today that I have talked on the phone with,

who found me on Plenty of Fish. I am not very excited about it though.

Something in my gut is telling me this is one very dysfunctional person.

Denise,

Do you have a lot of restrictions on your Eharmony? When I first did my free profile I had only listed 3 preferences... State they lived in, Race, Height.... and I was only received 3 matches in 1 year. Then I re-adjusted the prefernces and I now get about 3-4 a month. I haven't become a paid member yet. Only use it when they have those free communication weekends. But that will be my next goal.

Also a little side note...LISTEN TO YOUR GUT!!! I have been in and out of the internet dating sceen for over 6 years and I have realized that in the long run our gut feelings are always right!

Goodluck!

I am so excited today!!!

I finally recieved the official paperwork in the mail from the courthouse today about my divorce. Even though we seperated over 6 years ago we have been dealing with the legal stuff for over 4 years now, but I finally got it DONE..... The Judgement says it was signed by the Judge with a Dissolution date of March 25, 2008!!!!

Congrats neveragain!!

I have a "date" tomorrow night with a business contact. It's not officially a date, the story is kinda funny and to save my poor soul I told him this would have to be a Social Visit only.

Basically, a few months ago, he and I were talking business when I was in a different role at my company. He was so nice and giving me info that I offered a referral bonus, he said please don't bother, I said well at least let me take you to lunch, and he thought I was flirting (which I wasn't)...so I was mortified and embarrassed. Then I thought why not, I've seen his picture, I can do this gracefully...and according to my (useless) friends, they swore he was interested. So I said let's make it a drink after work instead of lunch and we can talk about stuff other than business. (look at me go!) Long story short, we had so many mixed signals, I ended up asking him out several times, making it clear it was personal. He seemed to reject me a few times. I finally said look, I'm not asking you for a shoot-the-breeze thing, I'm asking for personal reasons. He said he had a GF, and I said why on earth would you string me along, then? He sounded confused. I was confused. He asked me to have the drink, I politely declined.

Now, several months later, he emails me out of the blue and says he wished we could still be friends, after having his female friend review our emails she told him I was interested and he was being dense as hell. I told him I was over my embarrassment he said no way he was the one who should be embarrassed. He was now single, and wanted to have the drink.

So I told him, for my SANITY, this was NOT a date. he said OK. And we've been emailing all week as if it were a date. It's now on a Friday. He's asking me all sorts of personal questions every day about my hobbies bla bla :tongue_smilie:

ugh. This crap is hard. Man do I despise dating! If you're married or in a relationship, kiss your significant other.

I hope it goes as well as neveragains :>

Denise, please make sure someone you trust knows who you're meeting and where, and what all his contact info it. Might want to send his profile pics to that trusted person too. I don't want to sound paranoid -- but I am.

Edit: And Kate, I like your blog :tongue_smilie: Especially March 4th

Edited March 27, 200818 yr by Manatee

As for me and my world-renown dating escapades, let me fill you all in.

Ok, done.

:tongue_smilie:

LOL...yeah your dating escapades pretty much have been mine, except for this latest, which could be filed under: Foreshadowing of Drama

Thanks for the note about the blog. Which reminds me, I need to update it.

As for me and my world-renown dating escapades, let me fill you all in.

Ok, done.

:huh2:

I hear ya on that one Manatee!!!!! I think mine is even shorter than that. HHHHHMMMMMM!!!!!!! Let me put it like this, next month will be 7 years. 7 is not such a lucky number for me!!!!! I think that qualifies me for a convent or something doesn't it????

My meeting with the plenty of fish guy was horrible. I took one look at him and knew it would be a long lunch. He looked nothing like his picture. I'm sorry, but one deal breaker for me is they must have teeth. :smile:

By the time I got home, I already had an email from him saying how perfect we were for each other. I tactfully replied that I did not think we

were a compatible match.

As for E Harmony, my restrictions are must live (I believe I checked) 100 miles or less away. I need to move to a real town instead of living in the middle of nowhere. I also need to get a life and find more things to do. All that happiness comes from within sort of stuff come to mind.

Edited March 28, 200818 yr by Oregondaisy

Hi there....Its a mindset I had too. I wanted people to like me for me--even when I reached my highest weight of 317. Now that I am down to the 220 area-It's not bad. People in the USA are sometimes suspicious of sudden weight loss. Many have not caught on to the weight loss surgeries or good and positive weight loss. When you start to get smaller-many suspect other negative effects of why it is.

You have pass over that and move forward for your best interest. Think of some of the nicer places to go and meet new people. It will not be all about romance at first. It'll be about you as a person. Before you know it-you're going to have new friends and possibly a new love...But time is what we deal with...

Ok so i was just going over my own personal preferences and i stumbled upon a moral quagmire. As a big person is it ok to not want to date other big people. Cause looking back on my social life and relationships i can see a definite pattern emerging.

So what do you think...

Ok so i was just going over my own personal preferences and i stumbled upon a moral quagmire. As a big person is it ok to not want to date other big people. Cause looking back on my social life and relationships i can see a definite pattern emerging.

So what do you think...

I've had the same thoughts but you can't help whom you are attracted to. The reason I haven't dated since gaining all this weight is if I don't want to date someone that is Morbidly Obese then why would they want to date me. I know it sounds awful but it is the truth. I don't want a skinny man either. I want someone with meat on the bones but not too much. I'm not saying I wouldn't date someone that is very overweight but the chances of something developing are slim if there isn't some type of connection.

see thats different for me cause i never stopped dating and its not that i wont date someone big but i don't chase them either. Now that i am thinking about it i have a pretty sharp double standard

You can change what you are, but it's hard to change what you like. For me, tall and slender has always caught my eye, and the ex definitely fit the mold. It's no double standard to have preferences.

I don't know if this has been covered already, or if anyone will relate...

But is anyone else nervous about starting a new relationship, and telling them you have a band? What if they're disgusted? Some people can be so judgemental, which is why I haven't told anyone other than my immediate family.

It's times like these I wish I just had a husband already!

Annie