So, I should start by saying, I am so happy having lost all this excess weight. I feel good, I look good (in clothes anyway!) and the most important thing is I can do so many things. I am fit, I work out and I am healthy. I feel blessed.

Even so, it is hard somedays. I look down at my arms when working out and see the crinkly skin. My inner thighs are a horror - crepey. My tummy isn't as bad as many photos I have seen, but I have a nice "waist" the look being marred - even in clothes - by extra skin. My perky breasts are still fairly perky (shocking) but in some positions, I can't help but notice that they are becoming unfilled little sacks. The extra skin under my arms is probably filling my bra, keeping me from noticing it even worse.

Beyond all that, my face looks weird. Like, not ugly, but like "who the heck is that?"

So, I went for a plastics consult. Good news: I am fit, healthy, already have a waist, I am gonna have rocking results if I get a tummy tuck. My horrible thighs can be made alot better with the medial thigh lift (less extensive surgery) although they will not be a 25 year olds tight thighs even though I am very well toned under that skin. My arms can be made alot better by doing the more minor arm thing (ie not the whole underarm, but the scar is in the armpit. Again, I have good muscle definition on the top, it is the batwings that need to go. I am not seeking to have big breasts, but in the range of normal. Surgeon felt that if I went with a good size implant (say I wind up a D) then it will take up alot of excess skin under my arms and I will feel better about it.

Most importantly, a very simply procedure can put some fill in my cheeks and make me look like myself again. i didn't understand why i look so freaking weird and the surgeon brought it up - even though I didn't go in there for my face. I don't need a lift, just a little cheek fat...lol

So, in summary, I am a good candidate for all this. I saw before and after pics and felt very encouraged - and surgeon said I have realistic expectations.

Bad news: I am terrified of 8 hours of surgery. It can be broken into multiple surgeries, that scares me just as much.

So, here is the headtrip part. I weight 168 pounds. I am 5'5" tall which puts me in a 27-28 BMI range. I will lose about 4-5# of skin as a result of the TT. He said I don't have more weight to lose because of several signs (ie my ribs are already visible, what looks to me like extra fat is mostly skin and some fat cells and cellulite). He wasn't trying to tell me to stop losing weight directly, but more hinting that the thinner I get the less happy i am going to be with my looks. He basically told me to stop right here becuase I look proportioned, healthy and once I get my boobs back - hot...lol.

Somehow, I have massive weight inside me. That is sorta freaking me out. I wear a size 10 and think I should be an 8 given that I do have a pretty large body frame. He thought plastics would get me into that 8.

I have never been a "by the scale" sleever. I have an open mind, but I somehow am struggling with my body image. To me, i look fat still - not obese, but i look like i am carrying 20 extra in my mind. She measured me, I have been wearing 38 bra and really, I am a 36. I recently found out I am still buying too big of shoes.

I have friends and family telling me I shouldn't lose more - but in my mind I weigh what a guy should weigh and I want to weigh what a woman should weigh!

My PCP is a tiny little older woman. she told me that everyone will say I look skinny because they are used to seeing fat people and not be swayed. To get under 25 BMI is still the right target. She is probably more like a 18-19 BMI - she is stick thin and frankly not very attractive although I am guessing quite healthy.

Somehow, my brain is unclear on how to handle all this and I am not sure what I believe. I don't trust my own eyes.

So, I am not as messed up as this makes it sound, but my consult yesterday was both a pleasant surprise (that I am a candidate for really good results) but somehow the negative head trip is what I woke up with this morning.

I am guessing a few veterans can relate to this.

Stefanie, - maybe you didn't catch the details, but I plan to start plastics in Nov 2013, which would put me 23 months post op. It is my docs who say no reason to wait.

So, I am feeling better. Know what I did today - freaking trapeze!!!!!!! I went to a party where we actually climbed a tall ladder and swung on a trapeze. I somehow managed to get my knees up there so I could hang from our knees and did a a back flip as a dismount. Then, I did some crazy stuff on those silks... climbing these silk curtains which required a huge amount of upper body strength. Then, I did some work on this huge ring. That was a little painful but I felt so amazing....like, I can do this! After that, i wore my crazy pippy long stocking circus tights and a silly skirt to the barn and rode my horse. I don't normally ride my horse looking like a circus performer, but oh how fun! Pink cowboy hat too! A guy came in to check out taking lessons there, and he was really interested in me...hahaha... life is so good!

I can't describe the self esteem boost to be able to participate in something like this. sometimes we zero in on things like the excess skin but in reality, life is amazing being normal sized!!!!!

I want to have my plastics, I want to get rid of the hanging skin, but even if I never do that , the world is just a better place weighing like 140 some pounds less!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That sounds SO FUN!!! I tell you, I was just totally jazzed that I could mount a good sized horse (about 16 hands) from the ground. Just swung on up. No need for someone to hold the saddle on the other side. No need for a mounting block. I'm 5'!" so it takes some doing, but I can do it!!

I admire your upper body strength. that's something I'm working on.

I'm going to wear my Stars and Stripes thong when I go cause when else am I going to wear it?

For your wife? Maybe she'll snore the Star Spangled Banner!!

For your wife? Maybe she'll snore the Star Spangled Banner!!

She doesn't need to see the flag flying high to feel patriotic...

lol