Who did you tell?

[Youngun 53]

Who did you tell about your surgery and why?

How did you explain your recovery/eating to those you didn't tell?

Ill start...

I'm 25 started out 31-ish BMI

5'4" close to 195 starting weight, 185 by surgery time.

Now 175

Sleeved on December 18 2012

I told my best friend. That's it. I went alone. She was very concerned (more concerned than judge-y, but I think it's hard for a 5'5" 115 pound waif not to judge). I gave her my just-in-case letters. She couldn't afford the flight to Mexico.

I didn't tell my parents or any family members.

My parents wouldn't have approved (mentioned it to my mom who forbade it, and with a much stricter father I didn't even mention it to him). Some family members would have been understanding, but they've been known to tattle on me when they were concerned about something, so I didn't want to risk it!

During my recovery (holidays at home) I told everyone I had been in a horseback riding accident where the horse crushed me and they had to repair some internal organs (mainly the stomach - hence the diet restrictions).

Why did I keep it a secret?

Aside from the fact that my parents would have murdered me, I also won't tell strangers because people have an easy-way-out mentality when it comes to wls, and I want the credit for my weight loss! I don't want people to have the attitude that I got surgery and a year later I was a lot skinner (fingers crossed!)... People don't understand that it's not like that. Especially thin people who have never had weight problems which bothers me because they obviously don't understand what we go through.

As a completely unrelated tangent: I have an MSc and plan on getting a PhD on obesity work and I'd love for it to make a difference in the perceptions of the general population about the PHYSIOLOGICAL causes of obesity. I find too much media (biggest loser, dr. Phil, dr. Oz, etc) focus on the PSYCHOLOGICAL... "It's all in your head" kinda perception. Which is why 98% of those people gain their weight back and those who don't gain back need to maintain abnormally active lifestyles with uncomfortably limited portions because they treated their symptoms (the fat) not the cause (the physiological problem; hormones, etc).

[funinthesun00 154]

I told my husband, my mom, and my best friend. My siblings do not know and no other family members. I haven't had surgery yet, so I'm not sure how I'm going to deal with recovery. We will see.

[jkl94597 34]

I only told my mom and 2 best friends. No one else needed to know

As for the weight loss, I just explain it by saying I worked with a dietician and have been following a diet... All true statements

It's been 6 weeks since my surgery and so far so good!!

Jules

[jwhite692 10]

I told a select few... I really don't want anyone else knowing. I did it for me and my health.

[AdeptDreamer 104]

I'm pre-op but would like to tell people once I lose a substantial amount of weight and of course that would be only family and friends..

[Dreamingofhealth 223]

I am currently on a very looong waiting list to get sleeved, but I have ONLY told my hubby so far. My parents would be 100% on board, but I'm waiting until I get closer to the day before I tell them only because I don't want them to worry.

I don't think I will tell anyone else because I've been judged my whole life being obese and I don't want to continue being judged for the way I decided to get healthy! But then again you never know. I am a fairly private person and can't see myself telling a ton of people.

Good luck to you!!

[iegal 460]

Wow, I told no one other than my DH and two dear friends. Not the kids, family, co-workers or friends. A little more open now, but not to everyone. My only concern is that your "horse riding accident" is worse than the truth.

Understand more than you know about disapproving parents/family. My mom was not told for over 3 months after surgery. She lives less than one mile away from me and "pops in" all the time unannounced so this was not easy. Dear mom was the one who told me "maybe I should tape my mouth shut" Yes. I understand. Dad was told at 2+ years out. My grandparents and other extended family members still have not been told by me, but I am sure gossip abounds.

I did not tell because I did my reasearch and was entirely comfortable with my informed choice. Didn't need the negativity, the haters, the people who would tell me horror stories about "a friend", the lies (oh you aren't fat), and the people watching me every minutes to see if I would fail once again at another weight loss attempt.

So, moving forward - so glad you had VSG for you. Excited about your future goals. Help others understand that saying No to a cheeseburger is easy, yeah...right. I just used to chose to say - No after burger was in my stomach before VSG.

[cm89 1]

I have only told my immidiate family, parents and siblings, they came with me to the hospital and have been amazingly supportive. i have not told any friends and i don't plan on telling any. the ones that noticed I'm eating little i just told them its a new very strict diet and no ones raised any eyebrows.

[SweetTee 448]

I've pretty much told people all over the country(because I'm telling you guys, lol). But really I've only told my husband, one cousin and my two best friends. I did mention it to my mother when I first began researching the surgery and she called me stupid for even considering it. My mom is overweight and has so many medical issues (diabetes, HTN, high cholesterol, asthma, sarcardosis, arthritis, CHF, sleep apnea, narcolepsy) and the list goes on and on. She had a stroke and heart attack at 40 which left her disabled. Thank goodness she has recovered and is able to function independently to some extent, but is this what she wants for me. I so see myself heading down that road. My brothers also shot me down when I mentioned it so as far as my immediate family knows, I've forgotten all about it. Nevertheless my surgery is Feb 26 and I am not turning back.

[livehealthy 4]

I totallh understand what you mean! Every person I have told I have had to like prove them that it is a good choice and every negativity they came up with, I have an answer. Its been hard and I think that its true that havi g people judge you because they think your taking the "easiest" way is not fun. But at the same time I think about it and who cares what people think it is your decision, your body and and only you know the reasons of going through the surgery.

[Youngun 53]

I'm glad I'm not the only one who has kept quiet! I had a frank discussion with my mom about the surgery again and she said I'd be throwing away my degree (almost done my masters degree - wont be affected by the surgery) because ill have the same complications as 3/4 of her friends had when they had RNY's. She said if I went for surgery that she'd take my car out of her name (I can't get affordable insurance) which would make me unable to drive to school (I live 30 mins away) and this unable to finish my degree... I don't understand :S she wants me to finish my degree but will stop me from finishing if I do something to better my health! Urgh...

And she recently told me that she doesn't know why I don't tell her things :S hahaha!

Little does she know I already had the surgery and recovered fine!

I'm so surprised at how little support there is for wls.

On the bright side, I told my family doc and she said I was "an incredible young lady" and that she's proud I spent my money on my health. I was very pleased at her reaction!

[PinkInTheCity 0]

wow...ive been struggling with this for about a year now. i cant help but feel even guilty sometimes when people say i look great..because i know i cant answer honestly when they ask me, how'd you do it !

I'm so glad i came on this thread, because now i don't feel like the only one. I'm knocking on 22 and young people just have no idea the severity of obesity-related health issues enough to understand why I chose the surgery. My close family members, and 3 of my best friends know. I got my surgery December of 2011 and i was just wondering, how do you guys deal with going out to eat or having dinner around people you don't know? it's been my largest challenge...i've avoided lunch dates, dinner dates, and i just wanna know how others cope with it.

[2013newme 42]

This is a great discussion... I have told my husband, my bff, and my boss - that's it... I too didn't want any negative support, and I know that my parents would not be any support at all. As for the rest, and my new eating habits - some I have told that I had to have hernia surgery (which is true, I had a Hiatal hernia that was repaired with ONE STITCH LOL!!! during my VSG)! This seems to have those that I told understand why I am eating differently. I have a big challenge at the beginning of Feb.... my husband's 50th bday party with his whole family. Easy to say I'm the designated driver for that, but not so easy to understand why I'm having Protein Shakes, while they munch on the catered foods I have. I am also concerned about the "big hugs" I will get from his family... OUCH!!!!

[ibehere10 163]

At first I only told my SO and a cousin who had gastric bypass years ago. I thought about keeping it from everyone else but the closer I got to the date I felt it was silly not to tell so I told my daughter and her husband. I then told people at work as several had already had the wls. I found all to be supportive. I am sure a couple of the caddy ones had negative things to say, behind my back of course( no guts) but I was Glaxo told everyone. This way I can be upfront and not have to make a story up. I know not everyone is fortunate to have the support I have had and that makes me sad.

[pomeerin 44]

This is the first time I've ventured into the age specific board here, and I'm so glad to see someone else already posted about this. I've told only my SO, my mom, and my best friend so far. I know I'll need to tell my dad at some point too because I know he'll be supportive and also because I know he'd be very hurt if he figured out later that I kept a major surgery from him. He's not the problem though, his wife is. Uggghh, that woman! @$#&! I don't want her to know ANY of my private business because she is just absolutely tactless and insensitive, but I know my dad will spill the Beans to her because he doesn't like keeping secrets from her.

I really don't want anyone at work to know either. I'm going to have my surgery over spring break while I'm out of school, and I was just going to tell them that I'm taking a vacation. And then I'll cross my fingers and hope I have no complications and that I can return to work as scheduled. I was thinking that if I happen to get a complication I could tell them I suddenly got appendicitis while on vacation or something.

Whew, it feels good just to spell out my plan and my fears. I'm really glad this forum is here.