:cry I need some advice. I won't get into too much detail but here goes. I have a beautiful, smart, 17 yr old teen daughter. She is in grade 12 and works part time. Up until about 4-5 months ago she was going to attend university and eventualy be a teacher. About 7 months ago she started dating a 21 yr old, who hasnt graduated, has a record, and lives on his own. He does however work, and seems to treat her fairly well.....The problem. She now skips school quite a bit, isn't studying, passing her classes but not trying, since buying a vechicle only comes home when we tell her she must. Now she is saying she may or may not go to university now, and anytime we give her tightened restrictions she just rebells and says she's been asked to move with her boyfriend and she's gonna leave. So I need advice !!

How well I remember being that age. I met my now DH when I was 16 and still at school. I went on to university to do physiotherapy, something I had to work very very hard at school to get into as it required similar entrance marks as law or medicine.

Unfortunately, our relationship had matured to the point where we were ready to think about marrying, and physio was very very hard, it required long hours at uni, lots and lots of hard study and no time at all to work part time for a little independence. I was living at home totally dependent upon my parents for money and Doug did his accounting part time so was out in the working world. I just drifted away from my studies, began to fail and eventually dropped out. I went and did a secretarial course and went out to work and we got married when I was 23. Life has been great since then but I've always regretted simply not taking a year off and having a break from study and working. My parents wouldnt "let" me do it, they believed I'd never go back and that if I wasnt studying then it was up to me to support myself so it was study or get a job. I dont harbour bad feelings but I feel they made a mistake as parents in that, I can understand it as I am the oldest and they hadnt had the experience before me, but I do believe I should have just taken a break and gone back to my studies. I've now gone back to university to do teaching, something I always wanted to do but which my family and school didnt believe was prestigious or challenging enough for my academic abilities, another area where I think my parents made a mistake. I was kind of forced into physio because I was a good student and they all wanted to see me do the best I can do but there's no shame in being a teacher! They just felt it wasnt good enough given my private education and good results.

So if it were my child I'd encourage her to defer her studies and get a job. Its a bit more difficult if she's acting up, but you cant make her do anything. I also dont believe its EVER too late to go back to your studies so if she doesnt do so for 10 years that's her choice, not yours. She will eventually come to realise the benefits of being trained as a professional and may want to return, if she doesnt then that's her choice.

Also, I think the more you try to break her away from this boy who seems to be a bad influence, the more she'll cling, she needs to learn that lesson for herself.

I'm really dreading getting to this stage of life with my kids - its easy to say what I just said, much less easy to actually do it.

update....

She actually did move out way back in December(I thought I told all you guys that, boy, Im really losing it). Ya she decided life would be better there, so off she went.

Well................just Sunday night she calls and tells us that they have been in a car accident. After finding out that both were fine, she tells us that HE was driving HER car. HE got charged for improper lane change. So theres tons of damage to HER car and the car that they hit. The cops were called and everything. She can still drive the car but it is in rough shape. Now she comes over all mopeing cause her insurance is threw us, even though she had her own, now they will find out that she dosent live here anymore and now she has a accident under her name. Her insurance will go threw the roof. Now, he says he will pay to fix the car and the difference the insurance will be. But, the cost to fix the car is more than it is worth, and she knows that her insurance will now go up for years to come, and I think shes starting to realize that he may not be around then. So she's pissed, and I'm laughing inside, finally reality hits her. HA!! The other part is that they live like a half an hour from town, so her school and her work is far. HE dosent own a car. So Im not quite she how she thinks she will get around, even if she only fixes it. I'm expecting to here from her soon, with a sob storey. But, sorry, no-can-do. Thats why 17(barely) year olds should stay at home with there parents!!!!!!

Wow ....I hear ya though Cloe....sorta bad news and good news all rolled up into one. She's gotta learn though, eh?!!

ooooh, if she wants you to lie and say she lives there, don't!!!

I'm kinda snickering here. I'm definitely getting old. :omg:

LOL, ya Mandi, when you agree with the parent and not the child, thats a serious "I'm getting older" sign.

Be a friend to her and try to spend time with her. Get her to talking about her future and just listen...say nothing, ask lots of questions, non judgemental... She will probably figure it out on her own if you can get her talking and thinking about her life and what she wants.