Found My True Friends

[dexter 205]

And the number of true friends I have is ZERO! I have moved people (last one was 4 freaking days after my surgery - had to enlist help of my kids), helped others through problems, taken them out to chase away blues, given rides, etc. I asked one thing of my 'friends'. That during my recovery to just save me and take me out for tea to help stave off getting depressed or stir crazy. And do you know how many have called to see if I want to get out? Yep. Zero.

I'm forgotten. At least it feels that way. Kids in school, hubby at work. My car tire has a slow leak that hubby keeps forgetting about so I can't get to gym. No support groups nearby. No meetup groups (unless I want to go to the Ron Paul group or anarchists group). Just me.

I'm just done doing anything for people. Next time someone asks for my help, I just may be too busy for them.

[Randi 21]

Dexter - don't get too down on yourself (and your friends). People get busy and not everybody wants to be a cheerleader. It sounds like you do a lot for other people and that's great. Not everybody can do that. My husband had back to back brain surgeries in 2010, was in the hospital for almost 6 weeks and only 1 member of his family and 2 of my relatives came to visit him. I was heartbroken but people are people and you have to take them for what they are.

[Rootman 1,101]

I'm with you sister, I've encountered the same in the past few years. I'm sorry that I cannot offer words of condolence or wisdom, I just wanted to let you know you are not alone.

[dexter 205]

I just feel used and very angry. And getting angry hurts my new stomach. Crying hurts my stomach. I guess sad and alone are better than people who let me down.

[pokie 1]

Thought. I was alone in these feelings...I can mirror your feelings in almost every word...except son is 3....have been and given to family and strangers even when I couldn't and the one time in my life I truly needed help..not for me..for my baby where is everyone? ?? Everyone that asked received took and took more...funny when your up everyone is there...but when u really need them...even with your asking...where are they...just hope we find better friends...it has taken off my roses colored glasses..but don't let this change who u are...its just a shame they dropped the ball....remember this is for you....RANTS N RAVES

[thinoneday 445]

Dexter, hi there, well welcome to VSG, you really do find out whose in your corner with this surgery, thats for sure. On my Facebook page someone posted a poster which states the following "fri end, boy/girl fri end, week end, notice that these all "end". . . but fam ily remains the same ily "i love you" Hope this bring a smile to your face.

As far as getting out, GO OUT!!! You don't need someone to be there to make you feel good, you can do that all by yourself. Love yourself enough to take yourself out for tea/coffee whatever. Girl, come on, as far as getting that tire fixed, it's not like you have to get down there and change and patch it yourself. Drive to the nearest mechanic that fixes tires and go sit down in the waiting area and have coffee/water/soda whatever while THEY fix your tire for about $10.00. We don't need to depend on men to do something as simple as that now. . . Actually we don't need to depend on men for anything really. . . hahaha good luck and know we are your "cyberfam ily"

[theshrinkingchef 61]

For the longest time I made excuses as to why I couldn't do things by myself, but often found that people let me down when I asked them to fo things with me. Why would I go to the movies by myself? Go out to eat by myself? Go to a party by myself? Travel by myself? I would ask people to go with me and at the last minute they'd cancel or better yet act as if they didn't make a commitment in the first place. I'd get so mad! I'd cry and I would make declarations like I'm done or forget them.

One day, I woke up and said I'm going to Paris. I bought a backpack, a train ticket and hopped on a plane by myself. It was the most amazing trip ever! I was gone two months and I made it by myself! I met amazing people and I traveled all over Europe! I've been several times and even had an expensive meal in a fancy restaurant BY MYSELF! I realized that my fears of going alone held me back and the disappointment I had in my friends made me lonely. I'm stronger than that and I don't need anyone to make me feel whole, I can do it for myself. That self discovery is awesome! It made me appreciate who I was as a person and love myself even more!

Just think, if I waited for my friends to do anything, I would have never gone anywhere! This is your moment to discover how strong you really are! You just watch as your friends realize you're leaving them behind!

I wish you all the success in the world!

[NurseGrace 509]

Dude, could be be anymore in the same boat? I have no real friends and its been quite troubling for a long time but you know what? Thats OK, I am going through a time of personal growth and I have FOR SURE outgrown my friends. The best thing for me was to just not have any contact, I got rid of them off Facebook, and installed a call blocker on my phone. I know it sounds extreme but hanging onto people like that in you life just makes it worse because you will always be let down. If they try to contact you just explain that you have been hurt, OR don't even respond at all. It was an amazing weight off my shoulders.

[FatFreeMe 37]

I just left a job (laid off) where I worked for 20 years. Not one "friend" there has called, emailed or asked how I was. It's sad when you feel you've done so much to nourish a relationship that others take for granted. I'm done with those people - I deserve so much better!! I just got approved today - my best revenge for their hurtful behavior will be the look on their faces if I ever run into them again

[jac1970 39]

Fatfreeme...know just how you feel. Worked same job 20+years and when we moved, ONE person has consistently stayed in touch. I defriended everyone else from Facebook and when I did that, the one good friend said someone asked her if I was "too good for them" now. She replied "No. She's too good to waste get time on people she hasn't heard from since she walked out the door." Thank God for her. I know who my true friends are. The rest of them can just suck it.

[Ballermom 803]

For the longest time I made excuses as to why I couldn't do things by myself' date=' but often found that people let me down when I asked them to fo things with me. Why would I go to the movies by myself? Go out to eat by myself? Go to a party by myself? Travel by myself? I would ask people to go with me and at the last minute they'd cancel or better yet act as if they didn't make a commitment in the first place. I'd get so mad! I'd cry and I would make declarations like I'm done or forget them.

One day, I woke up and said I'm going to Paris. I bought a backpack, a train ticket and hopped on a plane by myself. It was the most amazing trip ever! I was gone two months and I made it by myself! I met amazing people and I traveled all over Europe! I've been several times and even had an expensive meal in a fancy restaurant BY MYSELF! I realized that my fears of going alone held me back and the disappointment I had in my friends made me lonely. I'm stronger than that and I don't need anyone to make me feel whole, I can do it for myself. That self discovery is awesome! It made me appreciate who I was as a person and love myself even more!

Just think, if I waited for my friends to do anything, I would have never gone anywhere! This is your moment to discover how strong you really are! You just watch as your friends realize you're leaving them behind!

I wish you all the success in the world![/quote']

I love love your post.

Thank you!

[Ballermom 803]

To the shrinking chef

Reading your post reminded me of my own reasons why I'm having surgery ummm

Today. Hurray!

Thanks

[ignats639 81]

It's good to get rid of toxic relationships!!!! Surround yourself with positive people and positive things!

[Ballermom 803]

I have made excuses why I can't do things for my self after recovery looking forward to getting back on my feet and becoming back independent and more.

But having a celebration today is my sleeve day

It's a different party!