Been with someone for 8 years. We've had our ups and downs but all paths seem to lead back to each other. But he didn't even send flowers to me in hospital. He didn't msg to find out where I was at. He did not visit. I finally gave in (stupid me) and called him and said what is going on? How come you are being like this? No response really from him, said he had to go. Well today is fathers day so he is with his girls but I want answers! I hate covert crap. I should be strong enough to not need closure but I'm not, I'm a few days since surgery and the person who was there for me every day before it is gone!!!

Sorry about his lack of support. I hope you have others who are supporting you and you have this site as well. You can do this.

Thank you notime. I'm crying and just left him a voice mail asking him to get in touch and that I'm hurt he was there for me up until surgery but not since. Maybe he just thinks his job is done, maybe he's not into me anymore and so that is that. Grrr hate how people change with the wind.

Zonda, I am sorry that you are having problems with your boyfriend(?). Maybe he's jealous/afraid of you loosing weight and looking better. Remember you are doing this for yourself. If he is not going to be supportive then it's time to find someone that is. hang in there and good luck

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but you must realize that if he truly loved and cared about you he would have been there. This is one of Oprah's "Ah,hah" moments hitting you over the head! Learn from this moment.

Move on with your new life and trust me you will find someone WHO does care and love you for YOU!!

I know....you are right. That's why I'm so upset, because actions speak louder than words but don't feel I'm strong enough to deal with this whole new world without him to help. I know its narrow minded. But he helps with my business too. I need to realise I can do it without his help but gosh right now I can't see it!

I have only told a few chosen people about my up coming sleeve. This time I don't want anyone around who is not going to be positive and supportive....Any other time I have dieted I allowed others to influience me and I would give in..This time....no.....Anyone who is not going to be there for me can hit the road......This is all about me! This is my time to do this for me......I have warned the ones that are supporting me that if they can't continue to be there for me...back out.....this is a life changing adventure I am doing for me...no one else......stay strong and find the strength to not blame yourself or imagine why he is not being there for you....You have already done one of the hardest parts by having the surgery.......You on your way.....don't look back........ your already doing it girl......be the little train that could!

Yes you're right rj...I guess he knew all about it as he was the most supportive of my heart challenges...used to always take me to my Dr appointments re thyroid issues etc. He was there always helping. So quite a shock that after something so mega he isn't. And I'm a strong person, but in my post surgery discomfort etc I'm not feeling the love lol!

I am truely sorry Zonda.....it is disheartening to face this at a time like this........you have us here on this site for encouragement a long the way....it does not make up for a broken heart but it will help you deal with the issues regarding your journey.....I wish you well and believe that it takes a very strong person to even get as far as you have...you will make it.....and you will come out of it stronger and richer and better then before..........I have been told by my doctor that this journey is not for the faint of heart.........you are not a weak person I am sure or you would not have gotten this far........

Thank you.

Guess there is never a "good" time for this stuff but in a few weeks would have been nice lol. So nice to have your kind words...really helps

No response really from him' date=' said he had to go. Well today is fathers day so he is with his girls but I want answers! I hate covert crap.[/quote']

Hi Zonda - Sounds like this is about HIM and not you. Concentrate on, care and love yourself

I'm sorry to hear this. My husband of 16 years decided to abandon me at the beginning of my journey. I had a terrible time coping and trying to forget him, til I got a "special friend" My depression was instantly removed and it helped me realize that hubby did me a favor and he doesn't deserve to enjoy the new me.

Thank you. Just spoke to him. He said he was done because I was harsh in an email to him. I said "what an email typed when I was a day pre op and anxious? It wasn't that bad, just honesty...how have you managed to make MY surgery about you?". He said "I don't need this in life". What an absolute arse. I said you were there for me every step leading up and now its too hard?

I don't want someone who doesn't care for me! But at the same time he WAS my supporter, and so now I'm feeling so left in the wilderness, like the light that helped is gone. Its a hard thought to get used to. But I'm sure with time it will feel ok

Maybe he's scared. You've taken a big step. You're going to lose weight. You're going to start feeling better about yourself. You're going to have more confidence. And that scares the crap out of him! It sounds (from what you say) that he needs you to be dependent on him, and now that things may be changing, he just can't deal with it. If that's the case, you're better off without him. Has he sabotaged your weight loss efforts before??

Never. All my weight gain has been other health problem related. He always took me to the Dr, etc. He was concerned about me having the surgery, thought it was drastic and not guaranteed to work in my case especially as even though I love nice food, I've not over eaten or been unhealthy. I doubt he is scared...probably just his way of walking from a situation he sees no benefit in being in...either way if all he cares about him then he certainly shouldn't be around for my new start. Just such a shock. Very unexpected...

Zonda......wait until he sees the new you.....the true you. The one that is still who you are but will be more confident and stronger and feeling beautiful in a few months........then see how he feels about it..I coulda, shoulda, woulda will make no difference then. You may find that it was the best thing you have done to shed that extra weight of the past...and I mean by the extra weight...HIM........You need strength in your life not weakness and selfishness...I hope you have other support........