Ok, i'm trying to rid myself of negative influences. Whether its bad habits or being around people who don't treat me the way I deserve. right now family is my biggest issue since I only have a few friends.

Family - my side, small group, worry about everything and nay-say. Can't tell them much because but I only see them a couple of times a year.

Family - hubby's side. screwed up. half doesn't speak to other half. thought i was friends with my brother-in-laws wife for last 17 years but finding out that she has been using excuse after excuse and doing things with others and totally excluding us, for reasons I do not understand.

chuch/social groups - none & not intersted.

friends - extremely limited

I'm tired of feeling like a 3rd wheel. I need to reinvent my life and just don't know where to begin. feeling overwhelmed and more upset about sister-in-law than she deserves.

An ex-friend of mine wanted to take a trip to Vegas. While there it waw suggested that we go to "The Heart Attack Grill" I hadn't heard of this place, but thought...ok. When we first walked in the door, we were greeted by stripper like nurses and hospital gowns. I should have left right there, but I was with my friends and didn't want to make a scene. It was then suggested that I get on the scale, because if you are over 350 lbs you eat free. It was one of the most humilating experiences of my life, and it seems that this "friend" got some benefit out of exploiting my misery. I dropped this person from my life right after we exited the restaurant....right there on Fremont Street. Life is too short to spend it with people that don't support you, people that demean you and people that just don't understand this process.

You might have to make your own family, but its the family you choose, not the family that you were born/married into. Blood isn't the only thing that makes a family. Get yourself to a support group, I found one through my surgeon's office. Go to OA. Join a book club. Anything that will get your focus off what you don't have, and bring you to those that will give you what you need and deserve.

Amen Eos!

Surround yourself with the support you need not what's nearby. If you have to shut a door... Another will open soon enough.

Man, that is tough. And you are getting your surgery really soon! Congrats! For me, the only person that is most important to me who I actually care what he thinks is my hubby. I totally agree with the second paragraph above. Focus on the positive. I know its tough and sometimes impossible- I am so thankful for this site.

Quoted by EOS38: You might have to make your own family, but its the family you choose, not the family that you were born/married into. Blood isn't the only thing that makes a family. Get yourself to a support group, I found one through my surgeon's office. Go to OA. Join a book club. Anything that will get your focus off what you don't have, and bring you to those that will give you what you need and deserve.

I am a little confused. You aren't interested in church/social groups, either one of which is a good place to find some friends, as is a support group. Then there is the family thing. Ahhhhh family, now I could write a book about that. Family is a little like a biological or adoptive parent. To me, what makes a parent or a family is love, kindness, helpfulness acceptance. Not biology. You may love your family but you may not like them. So, why stress over them. first, learn to like and love you, then find others (support group, church, whatever) that you have something in common with. I think you may find that your life and outlook is going to change dramatically. So maybe think of this time as an adjustment period for you and them. As you feel differently about yourself you will find that others will also. Oh gosh, sorry about sounding like a mother. Good luck on your journey .

or goto http://www.meetup.com and find a group in your area you can join....I'm a member of a Houston Area group for WLS people, we get together and talk, its great.....I'm a member of that group along with 18 other groups that do various activities around the city...the group I've been a member with the longest is my women's group...they have been so supportive and great! luv them!

I just googled The Heart Attack Grill and I am completely appalled. I am so sorry that you were put into that situation. That makes me sick! You WILL find better people to be around...it just takes a little time and effort! Good luck!

Ok' date=' i'm trying to rid myself of negative influences. Whether its bad habits or being around people who don't treat me the way I deserve. right now family is my biggest issue since I only have a few friends.

Family - my side, small group, worry about everything and nay-say. Can't tell them much because but I only see them a couple of times a year.

Family - hubby's side. screwed up. half doesn't speak to other half. thought i was friends with my brother-in-laws wife for last 17 years but finding out that she has been using excuse after excuse and doing things with others and totally excluding us, for reasons I do not understand.

chuch/social groups - none & not intersted.

friends - extremely limited

I'm tired of feeling like a 3rd wheel. I need to reinvent my life and just don't know where to begin. feeling overwhelmed and more upset about sister-in-law than she deserves.[/quote']

Pray. Ask God to help you. Ive been to the hospital twice since my surgery on June 26. My gallbladder first trip. Second trip I had trouble breathing. I had to have a blood transfusion. I just got out the hospital Sat.I got tried of people questioning me. They did not care. They just wanted to be nosey. I disconnected my text messaging. My husband text everyone telling them to stop texting and calling me right now. It worked. My husband is my best friend. He has my back. God always has my back. I don't have time for negative woman anymore.

<br />Sincerely<br /> Z

Thanks everybody. Wasn't really raised religious so not involved in church. Self-imposed recluse - trying to change. I just never feel like I fit in any situation. Family has been my main go-to but realizing it's not a healthy relationship. Not even going to discuss surgery. Just need to try to open up more. Hopefully it will get easier to climb out of my shell.

Thanks everybody. Wasn't really raised religious so not involved in church. Self-imposed recluse - trying to change. I just never feel like I fit in any situation. Family has been my main go-to but realizing it's not a healthy relationship. Not even going to discuss surgery. Just need to try to open up more. Hopefully it will get easier to climb out of my shell.

It will get better.

<br />Sincerely<br /> Z

I'm sorry for what you are going through. Hopefully with the weight loss your confidence will build. You will than get out and with the right attitude you'll approach more people and build new friendships.