Hi gang iwas wondering for those of you that have kids how did you explane it to them? I have seen threads on if you tell people or not and I have for now decided not to tell people except for a friend who had RNY 10 years ago. I'm actually going to ask her if she will help me with the kids. Naturally the hubby will know. But how did you tell the kids mine are 14 and 12. My 12 year old is high functioning autistic so my situation is probably a little different than most. I have never said anything negative about my weight or anybodies in front of them. Right now I think I will go with this will help mom loose weight so her feet don't hurt all the time, and it not something other people need to know about. So how did you handle it?

I have a 10 year old and she asks a lot of questions! I told her the doctor was going to make my tummy smaller so I can't eat as much. She asked how and I said with a special tool. She was afraid of the word surgery for some reason but that satisfied her.

This thread might be helpful.

http://www.verticalsleevetalk.com/topic/43639-what-did-you-tell-your-kids/page__p__393636__hl__+mommy%20+owies__fromsearch__1#entry393636

I told my 6 year old son. He has been through this journey the whole step of the way. He freaked out about surgery.

He was nervous about the surgery and stayed at my in laws for 4 days. My husband called him as soon as I woke up from the anesthesia and then I called him everyday after. He asks to see my scars and he is now CHOOSING healthy foods so he does not get fat. That's not to say that he doesn't want junk food too, he is 6. LOL

I will say that my son is my BIGGEST cheerleader. He doesn't know what I started at and has never asked, but every Saturday morning he asks me if I lost more weight to get healthy and no matter what I say, whether it's .4, 1, 2 or 3 lbs, his reaction is always the same, "YESSSSSS!", A high five and a big hug.

Before surgery, he told me that he didn't want my big belly to go away because I was soft and comfy. He is a cuddler still. Now, he still sits on my lap while watching movies, but he recognizes that my belly isn't taking up as much room and he tells me he can give me bigger hugs. What Mom doesn't want bigger hugs?

Take your kids on your journey, because it's their journey too.

I feel like your 14 year old is old enough to understand it and deal with it in a healthy way. I would just explain that you were unable to maintain a healthy weight on your own and in order to be a better healthier parent this procedure will help with that. You could follow up that nothing will change except you will be healthier more energetic and yes skinnier. You need to tell them because your 14 year old will notice you are not eating very much and your habits have changed. Being honest is the best policy. I agree with Tif 2.0 it is their journey too. Keeping it in the family is what we decided to do also. It is really no one's business and so many people are judgemental. It will all be fine and your 14 year old may be your best ally and help keep you in check lol.

I'm actually not telling my six year old. I will tell him mommy has an owwie (how the heck do you spell that lol) in her tummy and the doctor has to fix it and that he has to be careful not to jump on mommy etc til it's all better. He's too young to understand and he's spent a couple of years in hospital so anything associated with hospital freaks him out. Will I tell him later in life? Maybe, but maybe not. This isn't his journey (IMO) it's entirely mine and unless he has weight issues as an adult I don't see it being necessary. Just my opinion of course. We all see things differently.

That said if he was a teen I'd definitely tell him. The only person outside of my mom and husband I am telling is his nanny because she lives with us and I will need her help after surgery more than usual. It would be hard to hide it from a close family member (someone in the house) and you might worry them with your odd behavior if you don't tell them. That said, given the autistic older child.....only YOU know what they can handle or would notice. My son has special needs as well and no one but those who are closest to them know where their mind is (I hope I said that in a way that makes sense to you!).

Best of luck on your journey!

I guess I'm really worried about passing on my body issues to my kids. Fortunately my daughter seems to have inherited her dads slim genes ,thank you God! My son not so much but he has slimmed down after his last growth spurt

I'm actually not telling my six year old. I will tell him mommy has an owwie (how the heck do you spell that lol) in her tummy and the doctor has to fix it and that he has to be careful not to jump on mommy etc til it's all better. He's too young to understand and he's spent a couple of years in hospital so anything associated with hospital freaks him out. Will I tell him later in life? Maybe, but maybe not. This isn't his journey (IMO) it's entirely mine and unless he has weight issues as an adult I don't see it being necessary. Just my opinion of course. We all see things differently.

That said if he was a teen I'd definitely tell him. The only person outside of my mom and husband I am telling is his nanny because she lives with us and I will need her help after surgery more than usual. It would be hard to hide it from a close family member (someone in the house) and you might worry them with your odd behavior if you don't tell them. That said, given the autistic older child.....only YOU know what they can handle or would notice. My son has special needs as well and no one but those who are closest to them know where their mind is (I hope I said that in a way that makes sense to you!).

Best of luck on your journey!

I think your right with a 6 year old. They are not going to notice as much what your NOT eating. A 14 year old especially a girl will notice. The thing is your 14 year old will see you are taking a healthy approach with a medical team to guide you instead of doing things that are not safe.

My five year old does notice what I eat and don't eat. After all,we've shared many many meals together. Especially during the liquid phase, I still had to make food for her while I drank my meals. I told her that I was having surgery to help me get healthier. And she is my biggest cheerleader. We don't talk about my weight per se, but she does make sure I've taken my walks for the day and I'm eating what the doctor said is okay for me to eat.

Everyone is different and you have to do what's best for you and your family. Best of luck to everyone along this journey.

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I would definitely tell your 14 yr old but I don't have much experience w/Autistic children. I do know that they are all different, well really every kid is. You are the only one to know if your 12 yr old can handle or even needs to know what is going on.

My 6yr old knows. She was 2 when I had my band surgery and she's been with me to the doc and thru all the stuff that I've gone thru w/that. She smart and observant. We also spend a lot of time together so there is no hiding things w/her. She also does MUCH better when we tell her what is going on. She gets anxious if she knows something is up and yet can't figure out what is happening.

AND I was spending a night in the hospital! No way to hide that from her!!!! My husband took me to the hospital, stayed until I was in my room and awake, then went home to our daughter. The next morning he went w/her on her field trip, left her w/our sitter, then came down to get me when I was discharged.

She's my little nurse and helper. She's been awesome!

I guess I'm really worried about passing on my body issues to my kids. Fortunately my daughter seems to have inherited her dads slim genes ' date='thank you God! My son not so much but he has slimmed down after his last growth spurt[/quote']

Think about the real issue you are passing on to your kids. Not a body issue...you're not ten lbs overweight looking at this drastic approach. You have to be in a serious condition to do so and as such you are teaching your kids that you can and should do what it takes to be healthy. That's a great lesson!

I think your right with a 6 year old. They are not going to notice as much what your NOT eating. A 14 year old especially a girl will notice. The thing is your 14 year old will see you are taking a healthy approach with a medical team to guide you instead of doing things that are not safe.

My son notices EVERYTHING I eat and don't eat. We talk about healthy foods all the time.

This is an EXACT conversation from yesterday morning. I posted it on Facebook because I was shocked.

""Mommy, I haven't even had Breakfast yet. I'm starving."

"Ok, Babaganoosh, I know you're wasting away to nothing. What do you want?"

"Honey Nut Cheerios."

"There's 1/2 of your cinnamon roll left, do you want to finish that?"

"No, that's not very healthy. Honey Nut Cheerios is healthier. I want that."

"You got it.""

My son's kindergarten teacher this past year and his Summer Camp/Day Care teacher this summer has noticed a change in him and jokingly told me that Junior could teach the nutrition module because everyday he points out the healthy stuff at lunch and the unhealthy stuff. She said he stopped drinking the fruit punch at lunch and gets up and gets Water.

Another example is that yesterday was my niece's 14th birthday party. After her soccer game, we had brunch at a local crepe place. Junior and I shared a shrimp crepe. I ate the shrimp out of my part and he ate his 1/2 and then ate the fideo Soup. Later that day after swimming, we had pizza, chocolate cake and ice cream and I brought some string cheese and baby carrots. Yes he had pizza and we shared some cake and still left some on the plate, but he took my carrots and ate those.

These instances are exactly why I say it's his journey too. I'm not saying all kids are the same, not by a long shot. But he IS watching me and the choices I make. Of course, your mileage may vary. I'm just explaining where I'm coming from.

I have an 8 and 12 year old and I explained the process to them. They now look out for me and help me stick to my diet.