So, up until about 10 minutes ago, I have been incredibly happy about the possibility of getting surgery. Let me start by saying I have a great life. I have a husband that loves me, regardless if I am the 210 pounds I am today, or the 130 pounds I want to be. I have everything I need, and some of what I just want. After a great weekend with lots of friends and family I sat down and got to thinking.....

In all honesty I think that my weight is the only thing that I do not like about my life/myself. All of my life I have been at least slightly overweight. It has been the first thing I think about every single morning since I have been 8 years old. The extra pounds have brought on PCOS, hypertension and I am pre diabetic. While yes, these things all suck, what if something goes terribly wrong?

Also, this might sound weird, but I am worried that I won't be the same person with the lost weight. I worry that my weight is part of who I am. Does this make any sense to anyone? I feel like maybe I am 'the funny one' because I always had to be to stand out, or the 'nice one' because who likes a bitchy fat girl? To those that have already been sleeved, I am curious to know if it has changed you? I hope it does not me, because I would totally be my best friend.

Oh goodness. I understand where you're coming from. I'm pretty sure I kept weight on for years to keep men away. And yes it does become part of who we are. But what I've found is that we are the ones who attach it to ourselves, and not necessarily those around us. We might consider ourselves the funny fat one, but if we're lucky, our friends don't.

I have done this twice now. First with a band and lost 50 lbs (from 217 to about 265) and finally last Tuesday with a sleeve. So I have experience with life with restriction and then for the past year without. What I've found is that I feel more same with that one element of mylife under control. I was just like you...wake up, first thought, I'm fat. Before going to bed I'd be mapping out whatever diet Id pursue the next day (which never happened).

So here's my thought: I've watched my mother struggle every day of her life. Every little thing that goes into her mouth is carefully pondered, counted, etc. So I saw that as an option. The second option was to be fat and embrace it. And lastly, there was the sleeve.

I dont think being fat is bad, much to the chagrin of this skinny seeking nation. However, if health issues are brought about by this, then fat is a problem and luckily for you, the sleeve is a very viable option! I would go to the surgeon (as I did) with the least complications and highest success rate to avoid anything bad from happening. And I'd follow his orders to a t. Mine makes us do Clear liquids for three weeks which sucks! But guess what, all the nurses at the hospital are amazed by how successful he is.

In the end, whether we're fat or thin...that doesn't make us us. What's inside does. Cliche, yes. But hopefully true.

Best of luck.

Actually, my skinniness has given me some more confidence. I have a really good life with a loving husband that loved me at 223 lbs. I have wonderful children that are grown up and some wonderful loving rescue pets that love me to death! I also was contemplating this procedure but pushed for it because I had crossed the line of pre-diabetic to diabetic. I had decided that I wanted to be healthier, and that I really didn't need to eat a lot of food. Since the surgery, my blood sugar is within goal and my cholesterol is pretty much at normal. I have so much more energy to give to my family and other now. I am still the same person I was before losing the weight. I love my skinniness and would have the surgery again in a heart beat. It is a big adjustment to make, my biggest struggle is drinking water. It is such a hard job. But it is worth it! I hope you make the best decision for you.

BTW, this is totally normal to be freaking out and second guessing ourselves.

Thanks so much guys! I already feel a bit better!

First let me tell you- you will second guess yourself the first week out, but by week two it gets better. I would strongly suggest that you go see a therapist, to get to the root of your eating/ weight. I did , and I knew I was totally ready for surgery because I had worked that out. I truly think those who don't lose alot or do that great, have not tackled this. Having this surgery is not a funeral for the food you can't eat, it is a giant love letter to yourself that you deserve to be healthy.

Like you I battle PCOS, and I never really realized the weight was the source of the issue, this weight has caused me so many issues but I do not think weight makes you skinny or fat. I think you are who you are and you can only get better, look better and make your health better. It is normal to fear the unknown but I think you will be fine.

Just to let you know, weight gain is caused by PCOS. Not the other way around.

I love the reframed idea about a food funeral instead being a love letter to myself. Thanks much