I am normally full of advice and quite positive about things but right now I am really frustrated with myself.

I weighed myself the Monday after Thanksgiving and I was 215. Today is almost two full weeks later and I am still 215. There were a couple of times during the last two weeks that the scale read as high as 222. I weigh in the mornings in my birthday suit (after I potty). I know it is a stall and it will pass but of course, I have been stressing over it.

In the past, I would get to a certain point in my weightloss and then subconciously self-sabotage. I realized a few days ago that I was doing this by topping off, snacking, drinking full fruit juice, drinking while eating to make the food pass through faster so I could eat again sooner, etc. I usually am pretty good when I recognize a bad behavior in that I will take steps to stop what I am doing. This time seems to be different. I know I am not doing things right and I still don't stop. A few minutes ago, I made myself a snack of shaved chicken, a laughing cow wedge, and a hard boiled egg. I was not hungry because I ate a meal an hour before. I ate it quick so that I could get it all in before my sleeve protested and then drank some fruit juice to ensure that it digested quickly. I know better. I know that I am going against what I am supposed to be doing but yet I don't stop.

What is wrong with me? I know I have an addiction to food and I will battle with that for the rest of my life but geesh! This is sad. I get angry with myself because I am screaming in my head to stop, put the fork down, throw it away, and still I eat it. I have also started eating things that I know I should limit. I had three oreos after dinner last night. THREE! I felt miserable both physically and emotionally but it didn't matter. An hour later I was snacking again.

I think that the stall has worked on me in a bad way. I feel like this is it even though I really know better. The kitchen is the thruway in our house so to get to the family room from the front door, you have to go thru the kitchen and to go to the bedrooms, again thru the kitchen. I am having a ton of trouble walking through and not thinking about what I could grab a bite of. I guess my mind thinks "Well, I tried, this didn't work either." and then I try to make the statement true.

I need to find a support group in my area and find a counselor that specializes in WLS patients. If anyone has any advice, please share. Am I alone in doing this type of thing? Anyone else fight with themselves and lose?

Thanks for reading and I'm sorry for the long post.

I haven't had my surgery yet, I'm on my pre-op diet, I find that if I track what I eat with myfitnesspal.com I eat less. I like numbers, so I actually have this huge spreadsheet that tracks my food calories, exercise calories, weight, BMR, how much I expect to lose and all that kid of stuff; I find that I control myself more because I want to not only to reach my expected weight each day, but beat it if possible. My family thinks I'm crazy, but I tell them whatever works and keeps me on track is great!

This is me to a "T" on every diet in the past. Everytime the scale stopped moving I gave up and quit. I would TRY to resist temptation but I couldn't. I am pretty lucky post op and with the lack of the hunger I feel like my cravings are more easily curbed.

I am sorry you are struggling. It sounds like you might need to work with a psychologist. (I am seeing one!!, my spending on clothes, purses, and make up has been reckless post op, and I know its related to a cross over type thing) I know that sounds harsh but make an appointment and take care of yourself!!!

Here are a few suggestions:

Take you measurements and compare to your pre-stall measurements. I bet you are getting smaller even though the scale in resting. If you don't have pre-stall measurements, try on a pair of pants that were snug before - they may fit great now.

Don't weigh but once a week. No need to torture yourself daily until the stall breaks.

Write down every morsel that goes in your mouth - calories, Protein carb and fat content. Good or bad - keep of record of what you put in your mouth. THis usually helps control behavior.

Get the bad/wonderful food out of your house (OREOS) or if you have kids, put them in a large sealed container and put them in the kids room - not the kitchen. Let them control their own snacking.

Go talk to someone - counselor or support group about your self-sabatoge. A hypnotist could help, too, if you believe in hypnosis.

You could go back on liquids or do the pouch test for a week. If that is too radical, go on a 500 calorie very limited choice eating plan for a week. It is the choices that seem to do us in.

I know of what you speak - I am struggling a bit right now.

I had a super long stall after the first few weeks--I only lost a lb. or two in eight weeks! It was horrible, but eventually my body adjusted to the shock and started to cooperate. That said, since you are self-sabotaging, maybe talking to a counselor will help--I believe these things come from self-hatred and low self esteem. You need to learn to believe the truth about yourself--that you are valuable and loveable and worthy of good health and a trim body.

Here's what I do. I don't bring crap in the house. I portion out my foods, eat until I'm full and then throw the rest away asap. I do NOT count calories, I do not journal my food. I am trying to teach myself to eat when I'm hungry, not at set times, and to not eat when it's out of boredom or to deal with feelings. It sounds like you are emotionally eating. Stay off the scale for a few days if you need to but get your mind in a healthy loving place.

Shae, I second (or third, whatever it is) the suggestion to see a counselor AND to use My Fitness Pal. I love/hate MFP. It keeps me on track for the Protein, but makes me face my food choices, no matter what. One of my "things" is accountability to myself and to others. So, MFP helps me to really look at food before I eat...and I made my diary public for the extra accountability. Anyone who is my friend there can see what I eat daily. :::cringe::::

The counselor is great because s/he can help you look at WHY you are doing this. It's great if you can find one who is experienced in dealing with Bariatric patients, but any counselor that is committed to helping you work on your issues is good. Mine talks to me about not "eating my emotions", which I have a tendency to do...or I did have a tendency to do. I can't physically do that anymore.

You have to believe in yourself. You ARE worthy of being healthier, thinner, and happier in your own skin. I see you posting positive feedback for others and I think "What a nice lady!" You need to learn to be nice to yourself. Take this wonderful tool you've been given and use it to benefit you. It IS okay to do this for you, and you've made the biggest step by having surgery.

(((Shae))) It's tough accepting that we get to do something just for ourselves, isn't it? That's what the sleeve is, a gift we have given ourselves. Now you just have to give yourself permission to accept the benefits that come with this tool. You're actually doing your hubby and kids a favor, too. They get to see a happier, healthier you. And, they get to keep you in their lives for longer.

I will be cheering you on as you get this under control and you get back on track. I want us to both get to our goals so we can look back and say "I did it!" And, we WILL do it!

Thank you all for the encouragement. I will make some phone calls today to see what help is available and either covered under my insurance or affordable.

Lissa, you made me cry! You hit the nail on the head. I am always quick to raise up other people but when it comes to me, I ignore my own words. I have always had issues with self esteem and with "loving myself" which is the reason I reached 258 lbs. I sometimes work so hard to disguise what I truly feel that I successfully hide it from myself, LOL!

I have decided that tomorrow I will start on a modified liquid diet (Protein shakes all day and a small meal at night) for a few days to see what happens. I will employ the help of my husband and kids to clear out all the "goodies" (or should that be "baddies") from the kitchen and not to let me see them with it. They are supportive and would gladly do this (I think) at least temporarily.

Thanks again to all of you for the encouragement and advice.

Shae

I'm sorry I made you cry, Shae! I just wanted to remind you that you need to shower some sunshine on yourself, too!!

You are gonna make it!!

Lissa

No no, it was a good cry. A "You are so right" cry that I needed desperately. A "thank you" cry.

Oh, honey....you and I are SO much alike! We had our surgeries a day apart and we struggle with the same things! Please, please, please don't beat yourself up and just realize this is just a bump. You WON'T do this forever, trust me. I find myself being 'bad' for about a week, topping off, eating when I'm not hungry, etc, especially after a stall, which I have definitely had (!), but then a week or so later, it just seems to taper off and I'm okay for a while, then another week, I'll eat 1/2 a donut and two chocolate chip cookies!

As for measuring inches, that can be true for some, but my measuring tape doesn't show many inches lost! Only about 3 inches off the waist, an inch here and there, but overall not much, so that just makes me feel worse. The inches lost doesn't change much, either. But what did help is that I started a weight loss chart, which compares what I have lost to what a pound or two pounds per week would be and it shows that I am really ahead. AND I average my whole weight loss over how many weeks sleeved...so for you, I am calculating about 4 lbs a week on average since you're surgery, right?? That is incredible! There is no way that you would have EVER done that on any other diet. Do you use myfitnesspal.com? If not, try it. You will see that even with your 'extra' eating, you are probably still below what calories you need to lose weight. When I indulge, I find that I am still in the safe zone, so feel much less guilty about it!!

I also think that we need to get away from thinking about 'bad' food and feeling bad for just eating. It's just that....eating! We're not killing anyone, we're just eating! And your three Oreo Cookies is what a normal person would eat as a treat. We used to eat half a bag!! And your shaved chicken, your wedge, and egg was a GOOD choice, not bad. So what if you weren't technically hungry? You didn't eat a maple bar! I can guarantee you are still eating less calories than before, and can probably guarantee that you are not eating enough to stop weight loss. You're stall is just because your body is adjusting. You will lose, you will see. It's almost impossible to screw this up. I stall a lot, also, but overall my average has been good!

Don't beat yourself up, honey. It's just food. The more you get away from 'bad' and 'good', the more healthy your outlook with food will become. I had this surgery to be normal, to be able to eat some cookies once in a while, God forbid! So what if I sometimes eat when I'm not really hungry? There will be some days when you're not that hungry and you don't eat much at all...some days you want more food for whatever reason. Normal ups and downs, just like anyone else!

We love you, and we are all in the same boat, to varying degrees. We are here for you, and if you aren't on myfitnesspal, come and find me...I'm shadowdlady there.

Love and hugs, sunshine....you will do this, and you will not fail this time

Very good advice ideas.The main thing I do is write it ALL down. (fitday.com) I eat with protein first as the intended rule... I end up eating three cookies once in a while... then I write it down. I try to keep under maybe 1600 calories with an ideal target of 12-1400. Writing it all down forces me to remain conscious of what Im doing. I have had a history of eating what I want.... but WAY too much over time, and when the scales would stall, for a day or a week, I would bolt off the plan I was following. This had to change. With the sleeve, after working it for 11 months so far, I see that I am in it for the long run. If I don't lose weight for weeks or months, I know if I follow a semi healthy plan daily,within the intended calorie range, eventually, the scale reading will go down. And it always has. I think in the past, pre sleeve, I just jumped ship before my body had the chance to really lose the weight my actions would lead to in the long run. Slow weight loss is not bad. For plenty of reasons it is good. Embrace it. Enjoy the ride as much as you can. This is your life too... don't hold out enjoying your life until you lose the weight.

Shae, I'm glad that it was a good cry. You are doing a great job and recognizing that something is an issue for you is the first step to fixing it.

I agree with Chris that food isn't inherently good or bad. It's JUST food. I'm trying to wrap my head around eating like a normal weight person and I know that they can and do keep goodies in the house. You should have seen my mother's "snack corner" as she got older, and she never weighed over 140, even pregnant! Normal weight people can eat what they want and, if they see themselves gaining a bit, they back off for a few days and drop that pound or three. That's what I'm looking to create for myself: the ability to eat what I want without feeling guilt. Guilt got me fat and I'm not going to live that way anymore.

I think MFP is a great tool for tracking food and keeping us on the road to our daily goals. Keeping on the daily goals will get us to our final goals eventually.

You hang in there! We're gonna get there and you're WAY ahead of me. You'll be standing at the finish line cheering me on while I'm still working to get there. But, we'll both get there!

Thank you all for the eye openers. I am a strong person and I will get through this rough patch. I am going to have my husband hide the scale for a week so I can quit stressing about it not moving. I am also going to try my best to track what I eat (I am consistently inconsistent) so that I can see if there is a problem or not.

Thanks again to all of you.

Shae

I haven't seen my weight once since my surgery, which was over 3 months back. I am the same as you! My history has shown that I will sabotage my diet when I see a lot of loss, and when I see a stall or gain, the diet goes down the drain.

What's worse, when I eat something I feel guilty about, I find myself going back into pre-surgery mode, where I hide and eat, so that there is no one around to hold me accountable.

Now, I don't check my weight at all, from fear of hurting myself and my health. I will get onto the scale backwards for weigh-ins.

Not checking has helped my enjoy my life, and not feel restricted or guilty in any way. I eat healthy because I want to, not because the scale forces me to.

I do, however, keep a vigilant journal (by hand) with my calorie and Protein intake. If I go over on a day or two, I don't stress about it anymore. I only stress when I see myself reverting back to my old, destructive self. Then I come onto this site, and these wonderful people help me pick myself back up. Good luck to you!