My dd is 5 1/2 years old. She worships my father and his wife and her step aunts. (they are 14 & 15) She is very impressionable, and my dad let the kids get their belly buttons peirced. At first my DD said she wanted hers done, I told her when she gets older we will see. Now I am makeing her plate for dinner and she tells me she does not want to eat because she want her tummy to be flat. I told her she has a beautiful tummy and why does she want flat. She said that nana said that she needs to shrink her tummy. OHHH I AM PISSED... Not only did she tell a five year old thats she is fat but she told her she needs to quit eating....

I have been working with my dd on healthy eating and working out. She has done great because WE were doing it TOGETHER. she worked out 5 days this week but I have never told her that eating was what made her bigger. She has really never asked why she is bigger than other kids. She is very out going and makes friends with everyone. I guess the reason I am so pissed is because I am worried they are going to give her a complex.

I never felt as if my father accepted me 100 %. He always made stupid comments that really hurt, so in turn I would turn to food. He ran out on us kids several time for months and I think alot of my food issues stem from not having a DAD.

His step kids are little prissy brats who put their goods out for advertisement (which I totally disagree with) but they are skinny and pretty and it hurts so bad for me to see the relationshiip he has with them but never had with me. I just don't want him to treat her different.

My dd is over weight, but she is not out of control. Am I over reacting? I just don't want her to be hurt.

I have a 7 yr old average weight, but tall daughter, (4'3") Haley. She wears a 10/12. Everyone thinks she is around 9 years old. One of her best friends is a little petite thing...wears a size 6 & everyone thinks she is 4 years old. Her Grandparents are essentially raising her, and her grandfather walked up to us in front of a friend and said "can you believe they are the same age?" That Haley is a freakin' AMAZON! I practically bit my tongue off to not say, well, not EVERYONE is a freakin' pip sqeak! They are both such cute girls, but I don't want her to get a complex either. Should I say anything to this fella? Haley is already asking if she if fat as she bends over and grabs her skin, because all of her friends are so much smaller than her---I've always told her she is beautiful and perfect. And she is not a bit fat!!! I think they get a lot of this from TV too.

Karen MT from Kentucky

2B banded in TJ Ortiz 7/25/06

I think you need to demand respect from your parents when it comes to your kids. Your dad should have never let your daughters get their belly buttons pierced if you'd already said no, and like everyone else has said, a 5 year old should never ever be told she is fat.

Just tell them they can't see the kids until they can respect your wishes. When the kids ask why, tell them it's because grandma and grandpa aren't following the rules.

Your dad should have never let your daughters get their belly buttons pierced if you'd already said no, and like everyone else has said, a 5 year old should never ever be told she is fat.

It was her daughter's step-aunts who had their bellies pierced - the father's second family is how she explained the relationship between the kids.

Even though they're his kids and he can do as he chooses, I think allowing belly-piercing on 14 and 15 year olds shows a lack of good judgement on his part. But that's just my opinion.

I have a different opinion....maybe because I am a guy.

I wish someone would have jerked a knot in my parents butt for creating the eating habits I had as a child...it made me a fat adult.

I think the sooner your daughter knows why she is fat and what the plan is then the better. Lifelong habits form as a child.

I'd be ticked if the parents did that against your wishes as long as it had been discussed prior but if not then it seems like a simple mistake on their part and they probably have no idea that you are this bent out of it.

I wouldn't make a case out of it unless they knew your wishes.

JMO YMMV.

Halobabe: tell your daugther that all the models out there now (emphasize the "healthy" ones) were tall as kids and one day she may be fortunate enough to be a tall women that people will admire!

I don't know you but I totally agree with you. You are working with her teaching her good eating habits and exercise to be healthy. They have no right to mess with a 5yr old mind. That is so unfair. Keep doing what your doing and tell her to ignore what other people tell her. Tell her she can always come to you and talk and she'll figure things out on her in time.

You guys are sooooooo amazing. I get so much support here it is so nice to know I have another "family" that I can vent too! Last night I cried alot then was pissed then cried again. My dd IS NOT FAT. She is fluffy. She plays soccer, and is very healthy, but I have noticed here this summer that yes she is eating out of bordom. So we have put a stop to it and started working out together.

My fathers "other family" (they are not HIS kids) are small and tiny. They don't understand what its like to be heavy. My dd is going to be like me. Tall and thick. I was not fat in HS but I was thick. I played all the sports and had a great life as a teenager. I guess my fear more than anything is that she does not understand that everyone is different and it ok to be thicker and healthy. My dd will do anything to please her pawpaw and her nana, and I don't want her growing up learning bad habits to try and be like her aunts.

I am going to have a talk with them and tell them her weight is not to be discussed with her. The thing that pisses me off so much is when she is over at there house, my dad eats nothing but junk, and she knows where it is at and they let her have anything she wants. Like 3 bowls of ice cream, yes her nana called me once and asked me if it was ok if she had a third bowl of ice cream. I asked "are you stupid?" No, and then she said "well she said you let her" Yeah right she is five!!!

Thanks for all the help I needed to hear that I was not overreacting. Ohh and here is a pic of my DD in case you were wondering....

http://www.lapbandtalk.com/showthread.php?t=19589&highlight=baileigh

Let's put this in perspective....you are saying your daughter is built like you....thick.

You are on a message board for lap band patients who have decided they have no recourse other than having themselves cut open and a silicone band implanted around their stomach so they won't eat themselves to death.

And you say that you want your daughter to know that it is ok to be thick?

I am not trying to start something or irritate you or even lecture you as I am as fat as the next guy....but I think you are doing your child a disservice if you think it's ok for them to be "thick".

5 years old is no time to be freaking out...but it's also the perfect time to start a lifetime of healthy habits......not of justifying the bad ones.

Fluffy? Do you really think that?

YMMV.

Sorry, I misunderstood about the piercings and who had them. Either way, 5 is too young for any kind of diet unless a doctor tells you otherwise. And the mixed signals this really is irritating I'm sure "Here, have a third bowl of ice cream, oh, but you know, you really are getting a belly". I hope you are able to get them to understand to some degree...

Yay for being a good, caring parent. And we wonder why kids have such complexes about the way they look. Do they take issue with the fact her head is bigger than the rest of her body? Most kids do have that at some point. Some people are so ridiculous. I still remember my mom talking about my baby fat. It haunts me to this day. Ugh!

Oh, c'mon BPM.....

I hear what you are saying but she is FIVE !!!!!!

Oh, c'mon BPM.....

I hear what you are saying but she is FIVE !!!!!!

Ok...well what specific part of my post did you disagree with?

I don't think she needs to be on a "diet"...at 5 years of age the parent can easily control what they eat so why not teach them habits now that will last a lifetime?

At 5 it is a great time to start teaching good habits...one way many children get "empty" calories is in their drinking. After 3 it's no longer baby fat medically speaking....she should never feel deprived but it's great that you are working on avoiding boredom eating! VERY GOOD!! My journey to obesity started at just her age.....my grandmother loved me so much she poured the food in!!!! So keep her active....keep building her up as she is a gift from God!!!

GOd Bless,

Melody

Banded 3/20/06 -65lbs

Look, we are talking about a good mom here who is teaching her child good habits, and working on bettering herself and her family's health.

One... it is not their place to criticize the child, especially with the mixed signals (here eat more... btw you are fat).

Two... F' them. At this young age kids are impressionable, and that can seriously damage their self image.

People are not all destined to be thin no matter what exercise or diet regimen they follow. If her genetics and family history show that she can be healthy and thick... GOOD. Healthy is important, twiggy is not.

I guess I may be different than most men, but when I look at Paris Hilton, all I can think is... "for God's sake, eat a sandwich."

The aunts don't know any better, they are just rude teens... that I can forgive (although they should be told it was wrong), but the grandparents should be flogged, publically. Uncalled for attitude to the kid, and it upsets her and her mother.

Sorry again, but this riles me up.

Ok, I think this could get out of control here. BPM, your point is a good one, and she is taking the proper steps to changing this behavior. She stated that she noticed the eating out of boredom and that they are working out together. She is the one that has to work with her child when it comes to her weight. It is NOT in ANY WAY the grandparents place, unless they are raising the child themselves, to be telling this 5 year old that she is fat and that she should be eating less. they should not even mention her weight. If they have a problem with it they should go to her mom. Period. Yes, the parents are responsible for teaching their children good eating habits. And yes, it is ok to be thick growing up. thick does not mean fat. It means you have a different bone structure. Everyone should not be 120. It doesn't work for all. And she is telling her kid the right thing. Healthy weight is the key. Don't get fat, but don't think that because you are healthy you are fat. This is what she is teaching her child.

It all comes down to who's position it is to tell the child that her eating habits must change. And it is in no way on this planet the grandparents position. It is the parent's part and their's alone. Anyone else telling that child what she should and shouldn't eat should be smacked down hard immediately.