Unsupportive mother :(

[myrori 55]

I have come to the conclusion that the nay sayers and negative people about wls surgery are really speaking from their sub conscious and their own insecurities about themselves! The big people are scared to see you succeed because they feel bad they don't have what it takes to take control and the skinny people don't want see you change because in some sick way they get satisfaction of "being the better one".

It all boils down to this, YOU have to do what YOU need to do! This surgery and the subsequent weight loss has to be about what YOU and YOU alone WANT for YOU! If you look to others for approval you are setting yourself up for failure. This has to be about you and YOU ALONE!

[tlong 0]

Kelly,

What did you tell people when you had surgery? I do not want anyone to know either. I live in a small community and I don't want anyone to find out.

You have to keep in mind that you have to do what is best for you and this surgery is NOT for anyone else but YOU!!

I told nobody but my husband and I am glad I didn't!! Still haven't at 10 weeks out!

Do what is best for you and nobody else!

Kelly

[VSG4aHealthierMe 6]

Kelly,

What did you tell people when you had surgery? I do not want anyone to know either. I live in a small community and I don't want anyone to find out.

Ditto! I plan to tell as few ppl as possible until AFTER the surgery, AFTER I am making strides and dealing with all the changes well. So what did you tell ppl? What did you tell yours and/or DHs empolyer? DH will need the time off and Walmart is a rumor mill, if one knows every1 knows. I know we may have to tell management but they are bound by confidentiality. I could sue if it got out and they were they only ones who knew. Doubt I would, but point is that HAVE to keep there mouths shut, everyone else is another story...Also, what have you told ppl regarding your weight loss?

[Texasmom65 23]

Kristie, did you change your screen name? I swear it was different yesterday or my mind is playing tricks on me. LOL

[VSG4aHealthierMe 6]

Kristie, did you change your screen name? I swear it was different yesterday or my mind is playing tricks on me. LOL

Lol, no your mind isn't playing tricks, I changed it.

[lunarose 97]

Kristie, Maybe you should ask your mother if she rather you too end up needing PT after heart surgery due to obesity? I am almost 11 months out 70lbs down no more blood pressure or cholesterol drugs, sleeping through the night can move so much easier and loving my sleeve. Seeing now what I need to eat to maintain I know that there is no way I could have of ever make 1500 calories a day a life long commitment pre sleeve. Like everyone has said it has to be your decision. I imagine with your mom a lot of her negativity is just plain fear no mom ever wants to see their baby undergoing surgery when in their eyes there is another alternative.

[VSG4aHealthierMe 6]

Kristie, Maybe you should ask your mother if she rather you too end up needing PT after heart surgery due to obesity? I am almost 11 months out 70lbs down no more blood pressure or cholesterol drugs, sleeping through the night can move so much easier and loving my sleeve. Seeing now what I need to eat to maintain I know that there is no way I could have of ever make 1500 calories a day a life long commitment pre sleeve. Like everyone has said it has to be your decision. I imagine with your mom a lot of her negativity is just plain fear no mom ever wants to see their baby undergoing surgery when in their eyes there is another alternative.

I sent her some info, and have tried to explain. At this point there isn't much more I can do. I hope she comes around but I can't sit around worried what SHE thinks when my palpitations and tachycardia seem to have been worse the past couple days than ever. I need to do what I have to. While I would LOVE her support, I can't dwell on her negativity. Also, she said something today that reassured me she still plans to watch my kids. So either way, with or without her support this WILL happen.

[Soosy 10]

I'm in the same boat! My mom is totally against my choice to have surgery. She asked me the same thing, "have I tried WeightWatchers?" (yes) but I had to tell her last time I talked to her that I did not want every conversation to become her convincing me not to get my surgery! Even though I know she is responding out of love and concern for my well being. My surgery date is pending right now, prob Aug/Sept. But I'm already on my pre-surgery weight-loss plan. The wheels are in motion and I'm excited even though I'm hungry! I've decided not to give her my actual surgery date since she has already brought so much negative feedback to my plans. I do have many supporters and that makes a huge difference! I think you should get involved with a support group in your area and meet some people who have already gone through the process! Online forums are nice, but nothing beats being face to face with the future you in the form of other WLS success stories!

[VSG4aHealthierMe 6]

I'm in the same boat! My mom is totally against my choice to have surgery. She asked me the same thing, "have I tried WeightWatchers?" (yes) but I had to tell her last time I talked to her that I did not want every conversation to become her convincing me not to get my surgery! Even though I know she is responding out of love and concern for my well being. My surgery date is pending right now, prob Aug/Sept. But I'm already on my pre-surgery weight-loss plan. The wheels are in motion and I'm excited even though I'm hungry! I've decided not to give her my actual surgery date since she has already brought so much negative feedback to my plans. I do have many supporters and that makes a huge difference! I think you should get involved with a support group in your area and meet some people who have already gone through the process! Online forums are nice, but nothing beats being face to face with the future you in the form of other WLS success stories!

GOOD LUCK on your surgery!!!!!! I imagine you are pretty anxious! I have nearly a year (gotta save up the $$) and I already can't wait lol. I will get my pre-op info hopefully Monday so then I will have a better idea of what is to come! Then I have 10 months to obsess about it lol. You just a a month or 2 though and your whole life is gonna change for the better

[KristeyK 3]

I'm sorry to hear about your mother Kristie. I can only imagine what it's like to have your own mom questioning you and being unsupportive about something so huge. So... let me give you the perspective of another nurse. (I'm still a student, but have seen enough...)

I also got to take care of bariatric surgery patients on the unit I was doing my clinical rotations on. At the time I was considering revising my lap band to a sleeve. After seeing them during their hospital stays, then seeing them even a month later at support group meetings was enough to convince me that I needed this. I have talked with the other nurses on the floor about it and what complications they have seen with the VSG. The only negatives they have seen are people who have been readmitted after they did NOT follow what the surgeon tells them to do after surgery. For instance, one patient a nurse took care of had been readmitted because she decided two days out of the hospital that the diet was crap and she wanted her steak darn it. She had a little bit of red meat that night. The next night she had a shredded beef chimichanga, and the next day she had more grilled beef. She ended up overeating before her sutures had healed and caused herself to develop a leak. She was embarrassed to admit it, so when she developed a fever, she didn't call the surgeon. It was when one of her friends checked on her two weeks out and found her barely conscious that she was taken to the hospital and readmitted. This nurse said that the ONLY complications she has seen in her four years on this particular floor were because of the PATIENT not following the rules. All of the nurses I talked to said that the complications they see are from the bypass and the lap bands.

Now, I don't mean to pooh-pooh the opinion of another nurse, but we don't all know what we're talking about when it comes to an area we're not familiar with. If this nurse works in a cardiac facility, or orthopaedics, or in PT- she doesn't know about bariatrics. It would be like my aunt who works in a neonatal intensive care unit telling me that I shouldn't have this surgery. Apples and oranges as far as the SPECIFIC knowledge base goes. Sure, we all know about anatomy and physiology, and drugs that are commonly used, but even then I'm not going to ask my aunt about MY medications, when her knowledge base is about babies. (In fact, since she knows I have recent experience with adult issues, she has called ME about advice on a few things. LOL.)

[SKCUNNINGHAM 298]

Your mother is probably worried about you having complications and dying. The text below is from an answer I gave to another person on this site about chances of dying:

If you go to www.surgery.com, it will tell you the following (I got this from typing "deaths from sleeve gastrectomy" into my search engine)

The American Society for Metabolic and Bariatric Surgery lists the complication rate in vertical sleeve gastrectomy to be relatively low, even among patients considered to be at high risk. Cumulatively the overall mortality (death) from vertical sleeve gastrectomy is 0.39 percent—lower than with traditional bariatric surgeries. (last updated 11/24/2009)

From an article on www.gastricbypassfacts.com, here is a extract from "How Does the Sleeve Gastrectomy Work?"

The risks and complications of the sleeve gastrectomy:As with all forms of weight loss surgery, the vertical gastrectomy does carry risk and these will clearly vary from one patient to the next and must be discussed with your physician. Complications might include:

• Gastric leakage and fistula 1.0%
• Deep vein thrombosis 0.5%
• Non-fatal pulmonary embolus 0.5%
• Post-operative bleeding 0.5%
• Splenectomy 0.5%
• Acute respiratory distress 0.25%
• Pneumonia 0.2%
• Death 0.25%

http://healthengine.com.au/article/sleeve-gastrectomy.html

This article quotes " The mortality rate in gastric sleeve is 1:500 and it lies between the gastric band, which is the safest, and the laparoscopic gastric bypass, which carries the highest risk."

So the first source says 3.9 patients out of 1000, the second source says 2.5 patients out of 1000 and the third says 2 out of 1000. So I would feel comfortable (based on these 3 sources) saying the death rate is somewhere between 2 and 4 per 1000.

If you are considering a surgeon, ask how many procedures he/she has performed in a year, and how many he/she has performed in total. Then ask the same two questions about patients that died. This will give you an idea where your surgeon is versus the norms.

If you are just in the considering Sleeve / Doing Research phase of your journey - your Mom has quite a bit of time to get on board with the idea. It could take you 6-9 months to get approved and scheduled - depending on your insurance. If you are self pay - you can get it done really soon.

Until I had a scheduled date of surgery and had to tell my employers I needed time off, I would not tell anyone at my office or my husband's. A good thing your husband could say to his employers when asking for time off is that his wife is having surgery to fix "plumbing problems and correct a hernia". That is enough to stop most men from asking anything else.

[VSG4aHealthierMe 6]

Your mother is probably worried about you having complications and dying. The text below is from an answer I gave to another person on this site about chances of dying:

If you go to www.surgery.com, it will tell you the following (I got this from typing "deaths from sleeve gastrectomy" into my search engine)

The American Society for Metabolic and Bariatric Surgery lists the complication rate in vertical sleeve gastrectomy to be relatively low, even among patients considered to be at high risk. Cumulatively the overall mortality (death) from vertical sleeve gastrectomy is 0.39 percent—lower than with traditional bariatric surgeries. (last updated 11/24/2009)

From an article on www.gastricbypassfacts.com, here is a extract from "How Does the Sleeve Gastrectomy Work?"

The risks and complications of the sleeve gastrectomy:As with all forms of weight loss surgery, the vertical gastrectomy does carry risk and these will clearly vary from one patient to the next and must be discussed with your physician. Complications might include:

• Gastric leakage and fistula 1.0%
• Deep vein thrombosis 0.5%
• Non-fatal pulmonary embolus 0.5%
• Post-operative bleeding 0.5%
• Splenectomy 0.5%
• Acute respiratory distress 0.25%
• Pneumonia 0.2%
• Death 0.25%

http://healthengine.com.au/article/sleeve-gastrectomy.html

This article quotes " The mortality rate in gastric sleeve is 1:500 and it lies between the gastric band, which is the safest, and the laparoscopic gastric bypass, which carries the highest risk."

So the first source says 3.9 patients out of 1000, the second source says 2.5 patients out of 1000 and the third says 2 out of 1000. So I would feel comfortable (based on these 3 sources) saying the death rate is somewhere between 2 and 4 per 1000.

If you are considering a surgeon, ask how many procedures he/she has performed in a year, and how many he/she has performed in total. Then ask the same two questions about patients that died. This will give you an idea where your surgeon is versus the norms.

If you are just in the considering Sleeve / Doing Research phase of your journey - your Mom has quite a bit of time to get on board with the idea. It could take you 6-9 months to get approved and scheduled - depending on your insurance. If you are self pay - you can get it done really soon.

Until I had a scheduled date of surgery and had to tell my employers I needed time off, I would not tell anyone at my office or my husband's. A good thing your husband could say to his employers when asking for time off is that his wife is having surgery to fix "plumbing problems and correct a hernia". That is enough to stop most men from asking anything else.

Lol, yeah his boss is a man hehe. Unfortunately, he will be taking 2 weeks off for my surgery. The first week he will take vaca for. He has 2 weeks vaca a year but Walmart (ours anyway) has this ridiculous policy that you can only take a week at a time. So the second week he will take off to give me some recoup time b4 I am all alone with the kids again and for that he will have to take a FMLA leave. In order to do that Dr. Aceves will need to fill out some forms (I have already talked to his office and they said this will not be a problem). Having taken an FMLA leave b4 due to a high risk pregnancy I know what is required on the forms and you must list the reason the leave is required. So Management will find out one way or the other.

I am a self-pay, but it will take us several months to save the $$ to time wise it will be like doing it in the US with insurance. I have already been approved though and I am calling to schedule a tentative date tomorrow. They don't have a schedule for next year yet because they don't know when the seminars and whatnot that he must attend will be. Once that info is known a firm date will be set.

With the info I sent her I included stats, so I really can't do much more. Now I am just waiting and hoping she comes around on the procedure. She seems to have excepted that she can't talk me out of it. I don't know if she finally read the info or what but when I mentioned something about it today (well actually my son did. He said "When you go to Mexico I am going to stay with "punk-punk" [my mom], "baba" [my grandma who lives with my mom] and aunt angie[ my sister in law who will share the the responsibility of watching them so that no one has them for a week straight, they will take turns]) she didn't get super quiet like she has the past couple days. I also mentioned aguy on youtube (MrSmileyFL) and was telling her that I liked his videos because he is real. He doesn't act like he went to the spa the day after surgery, he was honest and admitted he was feeling kind weak. Plus he does reviews on high Protein foods which is helping me get acquainted with my options post-op. Anyway, I told my mom all that and she actually seemed kinda happy to see that I knew that this is surgery and it won't be easy (even though I have said a hundred times that post-op adjustments would be difficult). Whatever helps, lol.