I have reached my goal weight............

josephine · July 1, 2006

I am not sure if anyone goes on Obesityhelp.com but I posted something there and I thought I would share it with my Texas family(lapbandtalk.com). It is quite long so grab a 32oz. bottle of Water, get comfortable and start reading. I believe alot of people will relate to this testimony of mine but for my mind I had to write this.

food ADDICTION

JODI’S LIFE STORY

(MY BATTLE WITH FOOD)

THIS IS WRITTEN FOR MY MAINTENANCE

I am 41 years of age and I can’t believe I finally figured out the meaning, and the importance of food.< /span>

Growing up in my home, food was plentiful. During my time as a child, it was so important to eat everything on your plate because of all the starving children of the third world countries. We didn’t know how fortunate we were and how unfortunate other children were because we didn’t understand the differences. I must say though that my addiction has never been and never will be my mother’s doing. She didn’t stuff the food in my mouth. In fact, she was a very healthy cook. She always made sure we had the five food groups like we are supposed to. I ate everything under the sun behind her back. I wasn’t going to allow anyone to disrupt my favorite (unhealthy) foods. For a while though I thought it was a lot of her fault and at this time I want to apologize to her for even having those thoughts.

To give you a little background on this, I remember in second grade my mother noticed I was having a weight problem. She brought me to a doctor who put me, I believe, on a diet. The only thing I can truly remember is diet sodas and skim milk. candy was allowed during Halloween in which we broke the bank in our neighborhood. They gave out big bars, not the bite size or fun size like they do now. With that said we were allowed one piece a day. Of course I didn’t listen. I had the candy underneath my bed and enjoyed every morsel. Our Easter basket hunt my mother had panties, socks, trinkets, fruit and jelly Beans. Till this day I HATE JELLY Beans. I can say at that time I hated her for this. It was so unfair. As of today, I was so unfair to think that of her. I love her with all my heart and can’t thank her enough for everything that she has done for me and all the care, love and understanding she has given me all of my life. Even during this time when I am struggling with my food addiction she is supporting me 100% and has always been worried about me only for health reasons. She loves me unconditionally for who I am and is not disgusted by the way I had looked. My mother has always been my rock.

My husband is an unbelievable man. What he has put up with in his lifetime with me, I believe any man would have left their wife. There are many other reasons besides my weight problem but this is what I need to write about. I thank God on my knees for bringing him in my life. He is caring, loving, understanding, most of the time, and no one has more patience than him. I love him so much too and unfortunately I don’t tell him enough. I will be letting him read this and I want him to understand from this letter that I was never much for I love you, hugs and kisses. I want him to ask my family what a cold person I used to be. They know. I hated myself so much and I was so stand offish. I was just a hateful child even as an adult because of my weight issues. I realize now it was because I hated myself. I was very unhappy with myself. The more I hated, the more I ate. Who me? I eat fruits and vegetables, right? I was only getting bigger and bigger. Who in the hell was I kidding………………………………… I was just killing myself inside.

Probably in my lifetime I have lost close to 1000 pounds. Up and down, up and down. I have tried Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, Adkins Diet, Cabbage Soup diet, starvation diet, that was one salad a day and fried chicken on Fridays only and if I couldn’t stand the hunger I used to eat some popcorn. I even took 8 Exlax chocolates a day to get rid of my food. At that time I was losing my hair so I went to GNC to ask why I could be losing my hair. There was a doctor there and he put one finger on my upper chest area and he said, you are taking Exlax and you better get off it. I didn’t say a word to him and I turned around and left. I did stop taking them.

I was fine medically for the moment but then once I got to 254 pounds I started noticing my knees hurting. I walk my dog daily and every time I went up a few steps my knees were hurting. I just dealt with it because on the outside I was just accepting myself for being obese because I truly believed there was no hope for me. I have been through the ringer with dieting, losing and gaining. I was in a lot of pain mentally though with myself. I am a pro at fake smiles. I soon was turning 41 years old, at this time my knees were burning going up those stairs to walk my dog and I thought, what am I doing to myself, I have to stop allowing this food to run my life. It is slowly killing me, I thought. I finally said to myself I have to do something about this but then I was afraid. I didn’t know what to do.

One day at work, God must have spoke to my friend Jalinda because she came one day to me and told me about a weight loss procedure she knew about. It is called Lap Band. It is a Laparoscopic Banding procedure and it is a minimally invasive procedure. I thought that was perfect for me. I went to a seminar one Saturday to learn about it and that is when my new life began.

I went to see Dr. Snow with the appt. that I had made from the seminar. It was two weeks after the seminar and I was over anxious to get the preliminaries over with. I wasn’t even sure if the insurance would cover this much less approve me. I was severely obese according to my BMI reading. I believe I was approved by my insurance 3 weeks later.

My surgery was scheduled for November 10, 2005. Five days prior to the surgery I had to go on a liquid diet. I told my crew at work that if I am crabby, I am sorry for that. What a starvation diet this was going to be. It wasn’t bad at all probably because I was still able to drink my coffee. During that time I lost 12 pounds and that was a hell of a jump start for me to keep me motivated, even though that was just Water weight I’m sure.

On the day of surgery I remember Dr. Snow coming to see me before he performed the procedure. He said, with percentages possibly being wrong, it is 20% the band and 80% you’re doing. I truly took that to heart. I believe at that moment I was hooked on changing my lifestyle. I am not going to live to eat anymore. I am going to eat to live. I am on the road to becoming healthy and enjoying it too.

Today is my 7 month band anniversary and I have lost a total of 103 pounds. I have 3 more pounds to go to get to my goal weight and I am excited to get there.

My struggles now are not losing the weight. I have proven that to myself. I am now terrified to be able to keep it off. Maintenance has always been an issue with me. Once I get to my goal weight I have to figure out how to stop losing weight. Then I have to figure out how the scale is going to stay at 145 lbs. People have said to me that there is no way you would ever be able to gain that weight back. They don’t know about my history though so there isn’t much baring on what they said. I am a food addict. To be more specific, I am a fast food junkie. Till this day it still bothers me to smell deep fried food cooking. I used to say if I could just lick a French fry it would satisfy me but I know that I am just fooling myself. I would have grabbed the bag of fries, run into the bathroom and eat them. I am a very good closet eater and I was a pro at eating in my car. I will never do that again unless I have no choice but my food choice will be extremely different. I don’t crave that food at all but smelling it is a different story.

I know that I am able to see Dr. Snow if I start falling off the band wagon. He would be able to give me an adjustment to help with restriction but I haven’t needed that so far and I would like to say that I have conquered my food addiction some day and I never would have to be restricted; if the need arises though I will run to his office to get help.

Food can be very addictive. For some, it is a drug. We need to understand what food is for. We need to fuel our system to survive. It is not to be taken advantage of. I don’t understand what happened in this country and the food intake. It isn’t the amount that you put in your system that makes it better; it is the taste of the food that satisfies you. We need to listen to our stomachs that is telling us, “Hey you are stuffing me” and you have had enough. STOP EATING when your stomach is satisfied. Be thankful for what we have. There are so many starving people in our country as well as in other countries. If you are plentiful, give to the ones who really need to eat it. The restaurants put enough food on our plates to feed two people. We need to be realistic about our food intake. Take your time eating your meal and realize how lucky you are to be able to eat.

I am in dire need for a lot of support now. I made a lifestyle change and I still do not trust myself. I am hoping I can make it this time. The struggle is all in my mind and not in my stomach. I still see myself as obese. Not in the sense of looking at myself but my mind. I will go to support group meetings just like an alcoholic would to AA. They are considered, I believe, an alcoholic the rest of their life and I consider myself a food addict all my life. Hopefully I am on the road to recovery but it will be a life long struggle for me.

To my husband, all of my family members, Jalinda, and Dr. Robert Snow I want to Thank you from the bottom of my heart for the support you have given me thus far. My journey is not finished yet though. It has only just begun……………………

With Loving Thoughts

Josephine (Jodi) Darugar

June 10, 2006

ericsmom · July 1, 2006

Congratulations on reaching your goal. Thank you for sharing your personal testimony. You're an inspiration and I wish you all the best.

Dianechef · July 1, 2006

Wow Josephine!! What a wonderful story. Thank you for sharing it with us. I am so happy you posted it here. I personally need to hear positive stories like yours to keep me going!!

THANK YOU!!

jess-band4/06 · July 1, 2006

Dear Jodi,

You are an amazingly brave person! I felt like as I was reading your story, I was reading my own life story. I am 34 years old and have been on too many diets to even count losing and regaining each time. My first diet was in 1982-I was ten years old, it was called Lean Line a NJ type of Weight Watchers. I was banded on 4/10/06 and as of today I have lost 39.5 pounds. I am quite excited, but anxious too. I think we all have different relationships with food. I can eat happy, sad, nervous tired etc. I too have vivid memories of food. My father died of a massive heart attack when I was four years old. One memory that has stayed with me was that fruit/candy baskets came to my grandparents home and my thin cousin was given a candy bar and I was given an apple. UGH!!!

My mother too is my rock. My husband has never battled his weight, so he is unable to really give me the support that I would like, but that is not his fault. I have two wonderful children . My ds is seven and has the precursors for weight problems and my dd is very thin. I hope to be a good role model and to have my ds spared a life of food fixation

I think what you have done is amazing and if I can help you in any way to stay the course please email me.

Jessica

Elisabethsew · July 1, 2006

Congratulations on reaching your goal and for realizing that the journey to STAY healthy is a battle we'll fight in for as long as we're alive. You're an inspiration.

NJChick · July 1, 2006

Awww big hugs to you my prayers are with you that you will be able to maintain. I know its a difficult journey, I kept 150 lbs off for 10+ years only to regain 100 back (not banded).

But, you sound like your mind and heart is in the right place and that you have handed all your needs and cares over to the Lord. I believe your gonna be just fine.

Good luck and thank you for sharing your story.

:bananajump:

lianna · July 2, 2006

"...it is 20% the band and 80% you’re doing. I truly took that to heart. I believe at that moment I was hooked on changing my lifestyle. I am not going to live to eat anymore. I am going to eat to live. I am on the road to becoming healthy and enjoying it too."

This revelation was the key to your success! Thanks for the reminder and inspiration! I loved this post on OH and I love it here!