I am so angry, and want to know if I am justified or just over reacting. I have chosen to tell my family and closest friends about my vsg surgery. However I did NOT want my in laws to know about it. I have my reasons and in all honesty it's not about the surgery itself, it's more about the money my husband and I are going to be spending on it. My in laws often put their noses where they don't belong,especially when it comes to money. They often call my husband for little chats about "OUR" money and make sure I am not invited to these meetings which makes me furious. Well one of those little meetings was called the other day and of course I was not told about it till after the fact. This time it was regarding the money that we are going to be getting from a work bonus. My husbands parents want him to invest it, so to make them drop the subject he told them we were spending some of it for me to have my surgery. Of course this did not make them happy which is why I did not want them to know, plus it's none of their business. Well I feel so betrayed by my husband for spilling the beans. I know they would find out eventually, but they didn't have to know how we paid for it. My in laws are very judgmental people. I remember when my husband proposed to me I looked over at his dad and he rolled his eyes. I was hurt. I come from a family where half of us are overweight ( mom, sister,me) and the other half are not (dad, brother). My father in law also tried to discourage my husband from marring me by telling him just look at her mother, that is what she will look like in a few years. I hope I am not making my husband sound like a bad person, because he is not for the most part, but I am so very angry with him and his parents right now. His mom has already told several people about my surgery. It was something very personal to me and now it's out for everyone to know. They would have eventually but it would have been on my terms not theirs.

Now I have been having second thoughts about the surgery. I have a date of march 15th. I was so excited but now not so much. I hope I didn't get to personal, but could really use some advice.

Thanks for all the replies. Well I do believe we have had our come to Jesus meeting and I do believe I have cleared it up. Tonight at dinner my inlaws or should I say monster inlaw made a comment to me. I was talking to someone else and had mentioned how I hate that my husbands boss keeps him so late at night sometimes, she butted in and said "you like the money don't you" I promptly said it's not about the money it's about keeping him from his family, she then said well we all know you like the bonus. It was at that moment that I went mid evil on her ass. Not only will she not want to have dinner with me again, it will probably be awhile before she even comes near me again. My husband and I have been married for 13 years and have 2 children. I know I shouldn't but when she pisses me off that bad, I don't let her see the kids. It's really the only thing that makes her get the message. Plus like others have said she would only talk bad about me to them anyway. My kids are 8 and 10 and while I never say anything bad about the inlaws to them, they both think their grandmother is a little on the crazy side. Truth is she is very crazy. Well I feel much better now and surgery is still on more than ever. March 15th here I come. I will keep you guys updated. Thanks for being there and letting me vent.

Thanks for all the replies. Well I do believe we have had our come to Jesus meeting and I do believe I have cleared it up. Tonight at dinner my inlaws or should I say monster inlaw made a comment to me. I was talking to someone else and had mentioned how I hate that my husbands boss keeps him so late at night sometimes, she butted in and said "you like the money don't you" I promptly said it's not about the money it's about keeping him from his family, she then said well we all know you like the bonus. It was at that moment that I went mid evil on her ass. Not only will she not want to have dinner with me again, it will probably be awhile before she even comes near me again. My husband and I have been married for 13 years and have 2 children. I know I shouldn't but when she pisses me off that bad, I don't let her see the kids. It's really the only thing that makes her get the message. Plus like others have said she would only talk bad about me to them anyway. My kids are 8 and 10 and while I never say anything bad about the inlaws to them, they both think their grandmother is a little on the crazy side. Truth is she is very crazy. Well I feel much better now and surgery is still on more than ever. March 15th here I come. I will keep you guys updated. Thanks for being there and letting me vent.

Good Girl!!!! I'm proud of you! I'm very happy your surgery is still a go . . you are going to be so happy with your decision!

I wish you all the good energy and prayers in the world lady! Stick to your guns and do what is best for you and your family! My mother-in-law is a wonderful woman and usually good to me. She told my husband behind my back that I am usually such a smart girl, and that she can't believe how unintelligent I am being about this. I can't imagine how hard it is to deal with a PITA mother in law over all this! I hope all is well with you and that you have a speedy recovery!

~Kris

I hate to say this but the problem is not you in-laws....It's your HUSBAND!!! He allows them to get into your business by even engaging is these conversations. When they bring up your personal finances, he should politely interupt them and say, "i'm sorry ...my wife and my financial business is private," If he did that ...it would be a NON issue. Your husband is feeding into this rudeness and intrusion!! They don't need to know about what you make, what you spend your money on....He needs to cut the apron string..

It's time you sit down with your hubby and have a serious conversation.

Yeah, what NJMOMof 2 said. Hubby needs to cut the cord and be a husband first and a son second!

In Laws!!!! Husbands !!!!! ARGH!!! I had a similar issue with my husband telling people a few days before my surgery last week, I was angry and upset and it was justified, but you know what you cant let it get to you. You love your husband otherwise you wouldnt have married him, sit him down and tell him how you feel. How does he think it makes you feel when they have their meetings?? talking about you like your property instead of a human.

My inlaws are judgemental aswell and you know what I was so worried about what they would say, i was practicing the polite "im sorry I dont want to discuss it" but after the surgery all I received was allot of "get well soon"messages. no judgement. If they did throw some hard comments my way I would have told them where to shove it because this surgery is about you. not your in laws. It sounds a bit rude on your husbands behalf to be discussing your finanaces with his parents behind your back.... thats not a marriage is it?? This surgery will change your life. It will change your marriage (hopefully for the better) Talk to your husband. You cant go into the surgery with bad memories. You have to be positive. You have to be 100% committed. You have to want it. If your in laws dont then they dont have to have surgery do they?? its all on you. Be brave.

Love

Holly.

Thanks for all the replies. Well I do believe we have had our come to Jesus meeting and I do believe I have cleared it up. Tonight at dinner my inlaws or should I say monster inlaw made a comment to me. I was talking to someone else and had mentioned how I hate that my husbands boss keeps him so late at night sometimes, she butted in and said "you like the money don't you" I promptly said it's not about the money it's about keeping him from his family, she then said well we all know you like the bonus. It was at that moment that I went mid evil on her ass. Not only will she not want to have dinner with me again, it will probably be awhile before she even comes near me again. My husband and I have been married for 13 years and have 2 children. I know I shouldn't but when she pisses me off that bad, I don't let her see the kids. It's really the only thing that makes her get the message. Plus like others have said she would only talk bad about me to them anyway. My kids are 8 and 10 and while I never say anything bad about the inlaws to them, they both think their grandmother is a little on the crazy side. Truth is she is very crazy. Well I feel much better now and surgery is still on more than ever. March 15th here I come. I will keep you guys updated. Thanks for being there and letting me vent.

Good Luck with your surgery, you will be so successful with your tool, It's hard when you can't have a loving relationship with your inlaws. It's a constant upheaval. You sound like a sweet nice person that has tolerated too much. Hubby won't know what hit him when his beautiful wife tranforms, he wont havet time for meeting with Dad, he will want to be with you instead.

I told several friends before and figured it would go no further. Apparently I needed to VERBALLY say it with specific instructions as a bunch of us were at dinner and we were talking about his HCG weight loss diet and he blurted out, "Lu had weightloss surgery" and everybody turned and looked at me. I quietly said, "...And I believe that would be up to ME to disclose." What is wrong with people???

I am sorry I am late on this... I'm glad it seems like you have everything situated at this time.. But I totally agree with not letting your b**** a** in laws see your children.. I know I wouldn't want my children to see someone disrespecting me.. Plus, it's hurtful for your children to hear those snide remarks from their grandparents about their MOTHER... and I'd also tell my husband to get the titty out of his mouth and be a man for once in his life This post makes me angry FOR you!! LOL Hope I'm not offensive.. Don't mean to be!! It is my TOM.................... lol

You know the only reason I can think of that inlaws would be so obsessed with their son's money is because they think they're going to get their hands on it somehow. I mean it almost sounds like jealousy. Like what they would really expect would be that he handed his paycheck over to them " to manage." I can't even imagine. I'd be so overwhelmed with violation and fury I would probably clean out the bank account and tell my husband to marry his parents. Geeeeeepers.

The reality is that the surgery is all about you and that's how it should be. Sadly your husband succumbed to pressure and tried to get out of a jam with his parents and ended up with another set of problems.

My wife got sleeved in December. We have some family members who attempted to make her feel bad about it but she made it clear that she didn't want to hear any of that negative talk. My decision is that I'm keeping this pretty quiet. Somewhat for the same reason, the other is that it just isn't anyone's business. I have all the support that I need in my wife and I'm good with that.

You're right to be angry. Don't let it derail anything that you're doing though.

I am going through something similar right now with my husband's older kids. I am apparently the step monster and they pretty much don't like me. It is hurtful, but the worst was when one of them would talk bad about me in front of my son who is 3, and I found this out from the lady that takes care of our 3 year old during the day. The daughter takes such joy in being my critic. I let her know, and asked her to not come to my house when her dad nor I are here, because she was purposely visiting when I was at work.

What is weird to me, I don't know if you experienced this or not, is that they have NO TROUBLE setting boundaries themselves that I'm not allowed to cross. But I am apparently NOT allowed the same priviliege.

We used to get along better, but when I started taking up for myself just a little, well, no one liked it.

Kinda sad, I'd rather be in a happy family. Eventually it does start taking a toll on the marriage.

I am going through something similar right now with my husband's older kids...

Man, that's a really tough position.. It's one thing to tell your parents to go screw themselves, it's another when it's your children.............. Has your HUSBAND set boundaries with his kids? When she disrespects you, she's also disrespecting your husband and your marriage, in my opinion.. I'd make sure he's taking care of it because (having a step mom myself) there isn't much you can do that will change her and not possibly piss of your husband in the mean time... I'd probably also tell her (when you're alone of course) "what kind of sick b**** says horrible things to a 3 yr old??".......... Maybe that would help her to realize that her actions are pretty messed up?? Not sure... I'd also forbid her from seeing the three year old if you are not around..

You might also want to consider family counseling... I know a lot of employers offer an EAP (Employee Assistance Program) which usually gives you a certain amount of counseling sessions for free.. If anything, counseling for you, your husband, and your 3 yr old..