Disappointed!

[lizajane2000 1]

I have done my research and checked insurance and have a surgeon consultation appt soon, but my 4 sisters (whom I am very close and have been all my life and especially when mom and dad passed away) think that I am doing a very wrong thing. I'm very excited about this, this is probably one of the best decisions I have made along with marrying my husband and having a child.

Does anyones family's mind change after you have had surgery?

I am just disappointed that they can not be as supportive about this as I would be for them in any decision they make and believe me they have made some decision that I personally wouldn't have done, but I support them. This has made me rethink about having surgery done. :blushing:

[Donna4545 13]

My mom was very against my surgery--until after I had it. Now SHE wants it! The reason she was against it was because she remembered all the early Gastric Bypass horror stories from the 1980s, and was under the impression that my intestines were being re-routed. There were a few key facts that calmed her down:

1. Surgical risk is no different from having your gallbladder out (very low)

2. My doctor had a zero complication rate

3. They are just making my stomach smaller, nothing else

Now that she sees that I've done just fine after surgery, she's way more accepting. And with the weight loss, she keeps bringing up her own problems losing weight, and has hinted that she's like to have it done. Don't give up--people can change their minds. They're against it because they don't know about it, and fear of the unknown is pretty strong. Educate them and they'll probably come along.

Good luck!

[Tiffykins 672]

My mom told me that I was being reckless by having my stomach removed. But, I told her me puking up food, and not being able to eat a normal diet because of the band was more reckless. She has a band and just "accepts" the band issues because she's lost 70ish pounds, but still has 40 to go before hitting goal.

This is the best thing you can do for you and your family. My husband and son benefit because of my weight loss. I'm happier, healthier, and living a very normal life. My mom, and brothers all went through a weird phase when I had lost a large amount of weight. They accused me of being anorexic, and looking "sick". It caused a rift, but we worked through it. We live out of state so they didn't see me eat. When I went "home" for vacation, they saw me eat, they saw that I still have some fat on me, and were happy to know that I was indeed taking care of myself. I know that in my heart of hearts they were concerned. Their delivery of that concern just sucked. Do not allow anyone else take this from you. My husband wasn't extremely happy with the thought of me getting "skinny". He kind of likes thick girls, and liked me at 180ish pounds. Well, he still loves me, and has adjusted to having a wife that wears a size 3/4.

Having support is fabulous, and definitely helps us through recovery, but I told my family "if you want to be negative, do it elsewhere, I need positive, strong people to lean on, if you can't be that for me, then don't bother." Stand strong in your decisions, hold tight to those that do support you, and have faith in yourself.

[dragonfly 0]

I agree with everything they have said so far. I had the band back in 2008 and have recently had it removed and the sleeve done. Best decision of my life. The first time around my oldest daughter gave me great support until i started to get thinner then her, it then ended and she made my weight loss all about how horrible i was making her feel. This time around i expl to her that if she cannot be my support, then just don't talk about it at all.

It is very important to have support... lesson learned. If they cannot be there for you now, find someone who will and just know later down the road, when your healthier, and are living your life and enjoying it, they will come around. People get frightrened, sometimes they only hear the few negative things out there and make it all they hear. Just do whats right for you. No one can make those choices but you and watch out for those who would sabatoge you!

Also don't feel disappointed, this isn't about them, but you. Get used to thinking that, and be happy in your decision.

btw, im 30 lbs down and 22 days out!

[eriadne 6]

If they want to start carrying around your extra 150 lbs for you, then they can call the shots -- otherwise it's your body, your decision. They can't step into your body and feel what it's like to be you, so don't take their reluctance to heart. They are probably speaking out of love, concern and fear for you -- but they do not realize that it is much more dangerous to continue down the path you feel you are on.

Stick to your convictions and hang on to your excitement. You are making a great decision and the right decision!

Part of this journey is coming to terms with your own feelings of remorse, disappointment, fear and self-image, but another part of it is learning to have people comment openly about your weight in both good and bad ways. Personally, my friends and family hardly ever brought up the subject of my weight with me... everyone was usually quite considerate but in the back of my mind there was always that "elephant in the room" feeling -- and I felt like the elephant! Talking with my mom, sister, grandma, husband, in-laws, friends & even strangers about my morbid obesity was uncomfortable at first, but knowing that I had made a really good, healthy decision and was getting a tool that would help me change for the better made it a lot easier to come at it from a positive place rather than the old negative one. I know my family was worried about me and didn't want to be attending my funeral or something -- but I knew that they would be at my funeral for certain if I didn't get my surgery.

Educate your naysayers on the real risks of obesity versus the much lesser risks of surgery and let them know that you need and want support -- hopefully they will come around, but even if they don't, do what you know is right for you.

Surgery isn't the easy way out. It's not cheating. It's not "too drastic" -- if it was, your surgeon wouldn't be agreeing to operate on you. Diets and exercise don't work for us. They don't work for 95% of people. This surgery is safe, and it works.

We want to live longer lives and healthier lives. You'll still be able to eat normal foods. Nobody is going to be adversely affected by your decision, except maybe your local grocers and restaurant-owners. :blushing:

Will the naysayers come around? Hopefully, but even if they don't, you're the one that has to live the rest of your life in your body, whatever shape it's in, whether it's a regular stomach or a sleeve. You're not doing your family or friends any favors by feeling unhealthy, tired, sluggish and disappointed with yourself. I say go for it and let other people figure out their feelings for themselves.

[lizajane2000 1]

You guys are great. You all made me just about cry at these words of encouragement.:crying: I am going forward with my plans. My husband is behind me and will support me and also the friends at my work are behind me and you all are behind me. I know that I can come to you all with any problems and you are going to help me think this through and so I can make the right decisions.

Boy this is sure a rollar coaster of emotions.

Thanks again for everything. You will all be blessed!

Edited August 5, 2010 by lizajane2000

[goodlife 3]

Have they given you their reasons for thinking it's not a good decision?

Because whatever they are, I'm positive they can be countered easily.

Thankfully most of my friends and family were super supportive. My husband went through a spell (out of fear) where he was being difficult. I was ready to sell him to pay for my surgery! LOL.

He came around and is my biggest supporter. He still worries that I'm going to get sick by not eating enough or whatever...when he's home he brings me Breakfast every single day to my office and also checks with me every single night to make sure I"m taking my Vitamins. LOL I swear he feels more like my daddy sometimes...and that's just kinda weird. *grin*

Anyway, if you are confident in your decision then that is all that matters...best of luck to you. And for what it's worth..I think it's a great decision! I love my sleeve!

[Miss Lili 0]

hi! I too agree with everything written above. The most important thing is that YOU are happy with what you decide to do. It is hard when our close friends and family don't agree with us, but in the end, this is your life. And once they see how healthy and happy you will be, they will probably come around.

I think most of us here have encountered some resistance to our decision. For me, it was the fact that I am going to Mexico. But education is key. People are often afraid of the unknown, and this is an unknown area to alot of people. I went over the facts, and explained everything, and most of my entourage is 100% behind me.

But again, in the end, YOU make your own decision, and do what is best for YOU!

And this forum is sooo great! Support is always just a click away...

[PABR463 4]

Hi, I'm 10 days out from surgery. I researched this for 2 years and did my homework. I know I made the best choice for me.

My husband was freaked out something fierce when I chose a surgeon from Mexico BUT he supported me 100% and now sings the praises of Dr. Aceves to anyone that will listen.

Make your decision and go for it. You'll be so glad you did!

Patti

[sumthingwong 1]

Are youre 4 sisters fat?

[chilo1 62]

As long as your husband and children support you and you've done your research, go for it! I've had mine done a week agoin the UK and I'm really happy, good luck:thumbup:

[cwalker 12]

We're here for support, I'm not sure if obesity runs in your family but if you have the surgery and are thin and baeutifuil then they may want your support!!:crying: I love my sleeve!

[Papillon 7]

He came around and is my biggest supporter. He still worries that I'm going to get sick by not eating enough or whatever...when he's home he brings me Breakfast every single day to my office and also checks with me every single night to make sure I"m taking my Vitamins. LOL I swear he feels more like my daddy sometimes...and that's just kinda weird. *grin*

/QUOTE]

Ahh that just means he loves you dearly and wants to make sure you take care of yourself so you can be together for many many years to come. My husband does things like this too haha it used to annoy me until I started looking at it differently.

[Lisalu 89]

I didn't have a lot of support going in.

The only member of my family I told was my sister and that was because I wanted to have the surgery in OKC where she lives. She didn't think it was a wise decision and she worried about me. She didn't support me emotionally that well but she really supported me in practical ways like taking care of my son, letting me stay with her, etc. I love her for it.

Most of my friends were against the surgery; they thought it was too drastic and again they worried about the risks. They were able to support me emotionally though, once they knew I was determined.

I sought support from two women I knew who had they surgery.

I believe that those who were against the surgery really love me. They were worried about me and concerned that I would be undergoing major abdominal surgery. I hope you can feel your family's love and concern but still do what is right for you. There ARE major risks to this surgery. There are also serious risks to being 150 lbs overweight. As for me, I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

Good luck.

[Lady E. 0]

I am having my surgery on Aug. 11th and my family has not been the most supportive as well. My mom and aunt especially, they feel that I can lose the weight naturally, but as I have explained to them that it is easier said then done. I have been trying diet after diet for years, only to lose weight and gain it back again. I can understand there concern, but I have to do what is best for me, and what is best for me is to be healthy, just as it is for you.

Best of luck to you :-)

Edited August 6, 2010 by Lady E.