Let's get this singles forum going!

[deletedsally 8]

Honestly, I don't think it's a settings issue. I'm sure that it's possible to meet some wonderful people through eharmony, and even though I was poking fun, the two men that I met were nice guys. To be quite frank, I haven't had a lot of matches communicate with me. I don't think that most healthy, intelligent men my age me are interested in a 280 pound female for a potential partner--and who would blame them? I don't expect the fact that I have all kinds of great qualities to outweigh the fact that those great qualities have been buried under a mound of blubber. I have compassion for anyone with weight problems, but that said, when I reach a normal weight, I don't think I would be thinking of a morbidly obese person as a potential partner either.

[Oregondaisy 2,019]

The sleeve will change everything Katt. Take my word for it!

[deletedsally 8]

Thanks Oregon. I didn't have VSG to help me find a partner--I had surgery because I had weight related health problems and I wanted a better quality of life. At the same time, I know that being at a normal weight will increase the likelihood of my finding a love relationship. It hasn't been that many years since I was at my goal weight after one of my many diets, and I looked and felt like a totally different person. Not only did I look attractive, I felt alive, playful, and sexy.

[TxSam 0]

I just wanted to chime in on this group. I had the sleeve on 3/17 and am now dealing with the lifetime of emtional issues that helped get me to that point. I turn 41 today and am terrified of being alone the rest of my life...although since I'm not happy with myself how can anyone else be. I'm usually the buddy but I want the guy who is romantic, affectionate, caring, and I wonder if it's too late for me. I have had a brief glimpse of that recently with someone who is not available and never will be but an old friend and it made me want that someone special even more. Trying to deal/face the being happy alone issue. sorry for the rambling...just wanted to chime in.

[LAN2k 18]

Honestly, I don't think it's a settings issue. I'm sure that it's possible to meet some wonderful people through eharmony, and even though I was poking fun, the two men that I met were nice guys. To be quite frank, I haven't had a lot of matches communicate with me. I don't think that most healthy, intelligent men my age me are interested in a 280 pound female for a potential partner--and who would blame them? I don't expect the fact that I have all kinds of great qualities to outweigh the fact that those great qualities have been buried under a mound of blubber. I have compassion for anyone with weight problems, but that said, when I reach a normal weight, I don't think I would be thinking of a morbidly obese person as a potential partner either.

My sister, (who is and has always been lean sz,6), just got home from a lovely vacation in Jamaica with her husband. She phoned me and told me that she couldn't believe how many heavy female tourists there were prancing around in skimpy bathing suits with lean fit good looking men by their sides, many married couples. Even her husband, who has expanded in size since married, was surprised. My sis said "I mean these woman were FAT-and walking around in skimpy bathing suites! And their men were FIT AND GOOD LOOKING...I couldn't believe it!" I thought about that and I know that there is more to attraction than what a person looks like physically. Many people shine from within and become beautiful in every way once their personality is known. Once upon a time, (2002) I had lost enough weight (sz.9) and had a good appearance...but I still lacked in self confidence. I was told by my young, (10yrs old) male grandson as we were walking through a Walgreens store, "You want to find a husband? Look around 'mom', look at how many of these ladies are smiling! You need to do that too! You always look sad or worried and THAT"S why men don't want to get to know you!" What could I say? He had a point. Out of the mouth of babes I thought. :confused:

[LAN2k 18]

I just wanted to chime in on this group. I had the sleeve on 3/17 and am now dealing with the lifetime of emtional issues that helped get me to that point. I turn 41 today and am terrified of being alone the rest of my life...although since I'm not happy with myself how can anyone else be. I'm usually the buddy but I want the guy who is romantic, affectionate, caring, and I wonder if it's too late for me. I have had a brief glimpse of that recently with someone who is not available and never will be but an old friend and it made me want that someone special even more. Trying to deal/face the being happy alone issue. sorry for the rambling...just wanted to chime in.

Your not rambling and I appreciate your input. I very much relate to what you are feeling. I am also dealing with a lifetime of emotional issues since having my surgery and medicating myself with food is no longer an option. Being obese is no longer an excuse I can hide behind. I too do not want to be alone the remainder of my life. For me that is a scary prospect to accept. Thanks TxSam for posting your feelings. Hoping that by working through these issues resolution will come and with it doors will open to a better future.

[deletedsally 8]

I definitely agree with you that attraction involves a lot more than physical appearance. When I was 23 yrs old I fell crazy in love with a guy that had a peculiar build and an unruly mop of hair that was a naturally brilliant shade of orange. He was intelligent, emotionally sensitive, highly verbal, and he played the piano by ear. I didn't give a hoot what he looked like. I think what may be a little different about an online dating site, like eHarmony, is that you have a lot of matches sent to you, and you aren't really interacting with those matches or experiencing anything about that person unless you choose to contact that person based on a one dimensional photo and some personal descriptions.

As far as your sister's descriptions of Jamaica, we could really play with that story... For example, some women who are a size 6 think that anything above a size 10 is plus size. How fat is fat? Were they overweight before they got married, or did they get married and gain weight cooking big meals and bearing children? I weighed 130 when I got married, but I weighed 240 after four pregnancies--and I still went to the beach with my family.

I still think that in our culture, the overwhelming majority of men are not attracted to obese women. Are there exceptions? Sure.

[LAN2k 18]

...As far as your sister's descriptions of Jamaica, we could really play with that story... For example, some women who are a size 6 think that anything above a size 10 is plus size. How fat is fat? Were they overweight before they got married, or did they get married and gain weight cooking big meals and bearing children? I weighed 130 when I got married, but I weighed 240 after four pregnancies--and I still went to the beach with my family.

I still think that in our culture, the overwhelming majority of men are not attracted to obese women. Are there exceptions? Sure.

Oh no doubt you are right that the women she referred to were probably heavy weights and not morbidly obese. She does know how heavy I became though and I was in the obese catagory, just under 100lbs overweight. I agree that the majority of men aren't attracted to obese women and the converse is probably as true but I do notice exceptions and when I do I sort of wish I would find a man who'd love and cherish me even in the fat. I would feel so much more secure in that love.

[deletedsally 8]

I understand that desire to be loved and cherished for who you are--at any weight. I was thinking about that a lot when I initially signed up for eHarmony, and I thought, "Well maybe there's someone out there that won't really care about the weight..." And you know what? There probably is...but what I came to realize is that KATHY cares about the weight. The partner that would get along with "Fat Kathy" would just not be interesting to a "Slim Kathy". You know why? Because the heavier I got, the more and more my activities were restricted by my own exhaustion and discomfort. I would be completely bored with a partner that was content to sit around the house all the time with the only excursions being to the grocery store and to restaurants. If I ever have another partner, I'm not looking for a sky diving athlete--but I want to be with someone who enjoys traveling, who wants to walk on the beach, who wants to hike to waterfalls, who will help me work in the vegetable garden, and who would enjoy exploring museums in NYC, etc...

Life happens and sometimes people become handicapped as they age. But I'm only 54. How could I find the person who would voluntarily settle for the sedentary lifestyle of a morbidly obese person exciting or interesting? I was a prisoner to my own body and I decided that rather than hoping to find a partner who could accept me the way I was, I needed to find a way to reclaim my life.

[Oregondaisy 2,019]

I am 57 and I just went dancing. I have a dance class every wednesday night and one of the adorable little girls in the class who is 25 wanted to go out after class. I thought why not? My bf is busy with his kids and I love to dance.

I went to a bar, and I haven't been to a bar in YEARS. I had all these guys asking me to dance and I had so much fun. One of them walked me to my car and gave me a rose.

You really aren't going to believe the changes that will come in your life when you lose the weight.

It's sad, but true, that most guys aren't interested in overweight women. I am having so much fun these days being thin. It bums me out that I wasted so many years being fat, but better late than never. One of these guys said he was probably too old for me cause I was probably around 30 and he was close to 40. I just laughed at him and told him I was older than him and he didn't believe me.

The sleeve is Life Changing!

[TxSam 0]

Thank you for the inspiring stories and views. It really helps. I agree that the person I would want as "fat sabrina" would not the be person I would want as a "healthy sabrina". I know I still have a ways to go and the hardest part of this whole thing for me is the emotional issues that I have to deal with that the food has been helping me avoid. but I will get there...thank you again...I plan on sticking around with this group.

[deletedsally 8]

You go Daisy! That's a great NSV. When I was in college I was a ballet dancer and I taught ballroom dancing for a while...I love dancing! Before my sleeve, my feet hurt so much from being heavy that I had to wear these big clunky Birkenstock shoes and orthotics just to be able to walk for the last 2 years. Can you see me trying to dance in my orthotics? I haven't worn a dress in 2 years because of the shoe issue. Well guess what? The last couple weeks, I've been walking all over the place, and wearing sandles! I WILL dance again!!

[Chancie 65]

I have been having so much fun lately... I even got on the back of a motorcycle again!! It was soooooo much fun!! I was a bit nervous at first thinking of the "old fat" me.... can he handle me on the back of this thing?? But after a minute I was fine!!

And, you gotta admit... after being overweght... the attention is flattering!

I havn't decided what I'm gonna do with the fellow that travels... but am not closing any doors if you know what I mean?:wink0:

Part of me wants to just let it go... and I want to tell him I am looking... am a member of several dating sites... and have a few that want to meet me... isn't that crazy??

Before I would never think of meeting anyone like that... but I am so much more confidant now.

life is tooo short.. and yes.. I too wish I had done this years ago... but like you said.. it is never too late!!

[Itstime 0]

Hope you singles will not mind me jumping in here...I have enjoyed reading all the great posts about getting your life back and dating with trying to let all the old baggage go with the fat. My husband loves to dance and would be on the go too if I would go with him. But the fat kept me more and more a stay at home. We have a bike also and I would always feel like people said, what is he doing hauling that fat chick behind him?? Well not anymore..let me at it, we go all the time now and I feel so much more confident. He tells me "your getting all skinny on me!" Right! I just feel like I should have done this years ago, he was so patient with me. I am so happy for the great victories you all are having and wish you the best on being happy with YOU.

[deletedsally 8]

KA CHING! Watch out world--Its time rides again! I'm going to be thrilled just to get on a bicycle and cruise around the block with my 4 yr old grandson. He keeps looking at my bike and asking me when I will be able to ride it again...and now I know that it won't be long!