I have been trying to stay happy knowing that I have not gained. Knowing that unbanded I could be significantly heavier and that I would still weigh 312! I cherish my tiny NSVs and work hard, knowing that I am learning skills that will help me to succeed. I understand that it can take 4-6 months to get restriction. My next fill is this Tuesday (yay).

A friend of mine is really bugging me. She can't understand why I haven't lost more weight. She sounds so disappointed that you'd think someone befouled her birthday cake. I kind of want to scream "What about me!!"

I don't think anyone else should have permission to be publicly disappointed with my weight loss until I say so. That time is not here yet. She is normal weight and always has been. Last time we got together was over a month ago. At that time she said that she couldn't notice that I had lost twenty-five pounds. Ouch. Not sure where to go with this one.

I am starting to feel like a broken toy. One that was supposed to fly, but just flops over and twitches when you wind it. A big disappointment.

Anyone else been here? Did you pelt your friend and/or family member with something foul and sticky? That's what I wanna do...

Thanks again ladies, you all are so special!

I am not sure if she has it in her to be the kind of friend I need right now, but I will give her scrawny backside a chance. We are getting together next week. She was very supportive when I quit smoking, but has made comments about my weight from time to time. Like, for example, the time she compared me to the bouncer she met. "He would make even you look diminutive." Sweet huh?

We used to work together. I left the job behind three years ago; if she doesn't shape up... I'm gonna pelt her with something foul and sticky!

Love you guys!

Your friend sounds like a friend of mine. My friend was totally against me having this surgery, even though over two years ago, she had the RNY surgery herself. She has gained some of her weight back, and now she's mad at me for getting banded! I saw her on Tuesday, and she started describing her lunch to me (while I'm on a liquid diet!!) How mean is that? I told her that I didn't want to hear about her lunch as I am dealing with only being on a liquid diet. She told me, "I had to deal with that when I had my surgery!". I just thought it was absolutely insensitive. I've decided that if she does that again or talks negatively about me having this surgery, I'm going to tell her that she is being insensitive and I can't talk to her anymore if she is going to act like this. I was very supportive of her when she went through her surgery, and I really don't appreciate her attitude.

You should say something to your friend, like "why can't you be happy for the success that I've had so far, do you know how hard it has been for me to get this much weight off so far?" Something like that..... and then tell her if she can't be supportive of you, then you will have no choice but to stay away from her.

I would not call that person a friend at all. For the reasons you described, I chose NOT to go public with my surgery. Only 2 other people know and both are 100% supportive. I too am trying to "find" restriction and having people around who point out how much weight you DIDN'T lose is not healthy.

Where do you live cathmo? You can be my new friend!

I'm in northwest Arkansas.... Fayetteville. :cake:

Cathy

Where do you live cathmo? You can be my new friend!

Thats OK, you can be my online friend... WA is just a click away.

I completely understand your situation!

I tried to avoid telling my co-workers about the surgery for the same reason you are going through. I really have a hard time with people who assume all WLS means the Gastric Bypass and they expect you drop weight like crazy. I find myself the spokesperson for the band almost daily and it drives me nuts. There are so many misconceptions about the band.

Hang in there, you're doing great so far. Your friend probably means well but may be confused. If you value her friendship, and it seems like you do, then try to explain to her once again how this surgery works and how it differs from other surgeries. If you give her the info and a chance to be more supportive and then she still acts negative, then I'd say she may just be jealous and perhaps isn't your best source for encouragement. If so, use us instead!

Good luck!

This comes under the "easier said than done" category, but...

You're putting all this energy into wondering why she's being snarky. Maybe she doesn't know it's bugging you. Maybe she's just concerned. Or maybe she's doing it because she knows it bothers you. Or because it makes herself feel better. Or because she's just evil like that. Whatever it is, it's not going to stop all by itself.

I think writing her off when you've got this many questions in your head is a bad idea. Why not find out the answers? Next time she makes one of her comments, look her dead in the eye say "look, I'm struggling. This is <b>hard</b> for me and your comments are making it even harder. I don't know if you are trying to support me or trying to hurt my feelings. Lately, it seems more like you're trying to hurt my feelings. What's going on?"

Her response to that question will tell you all that you need to know. She'll either

1. be apologetic and change her ways

2. pretend like she's apologetic but <b>not</b> change her ways

3. get angry/defensive

If it's anything but #1, you'll know it's time to kick her to the curb and you won't have to spent one more minute of your life worrying about her or wondering if you should've given her the benefit of the doubt.

I'd be proud to be your friend! :grouphug:

Cathy

Thats OK, you can be my online friend... WA is just a click away.

I have a co-worker that watches everything I eat and comments about it.. And just the other day my boss was proud of me for something and said "I ought to take you out to a nice dinner... Oh.. Im so sorry.. I forgot you cant eat" I guess Im not supposed to eat any more...And every day people at work ask me how much I have lost.. the same people.. over and over like they are obsessed with it.

chin up girl, you are losing weight for yourself, and not anyone else. Twenty five pounds is a huge difference. Its a small child and nothing to take lightly.

Slow weightloss equals LASTING weight loss. Your friend is not your scale, not is she your coach, and she obviously doesnt understand that weight cannot be lost over night. If its worth it, make sure you enforce this with her and tell her to back off

The way she is rushing you, is making me almost feel like she must not want the best for you, or maybe is experiencing a little bit of envy. (from my own personal friend experiences)...

A bit. And that is also what I was kind of afraid of. People asking me all the time about how much weight I have lost and being disappointed if it wasn't enough. That's a great reason for NOT telling people you are banded! But it's too late now. I've told people.

This is exactly why I have told only a few very close people who I can anticipate their reaction either way. I sure do not need to open myself up to other's "measurement" of my success or failure....only I am allowed to measure my success.

I am the one that made the decision to be banded, I am the one who will be controling my food and beverage intake, I am the one who paid for it, I am the one who has to live with the consequences if I fail, I am the one who will live with everything good when I succeed.....only my thoughts, comments, complaints matter..........everyone else can keep their toxic comments to themselves and I will tell them that......positive motivating comments I'll accept with thanks.

Carol

I don't think she's the kind of "friend" you need now. Sounds like she's more interested in telling you her "stuff" than making it a two-way street. Sometimes we just outgrow people and need to move on. If she's really important to you (which it doesn't sound like), you could try educating her, but I'd guess she won't be interested...too self absorbed.

Emily

See? This is why I wish I didn't have to tell anyone! But I'm single and I need someone to take care of my dog and my house and possibly me when I have this surgery later this year. So I have been forced to tell my worst critic--my mother!

My mother, who is happy for the first, oh 60 pounds or so, and then turns very jealous. She knows several people who have had the RnY and is expecting some giant turn-around within a year, and I keep telling her it's going to be sloooooow progress.

Let me tell you a little story about the LAST time I lost a significant amount of weight on Jenny Craig (over 140 pounds). She out-of-the-blue asks me "What are you going to do about your extra skin?" and telling me how awful I'm going to look after I lose all my weight.

My best friend of over 15 years also abandoned me completely and only made up with me after I had regained it all.

I had coworkers who wouldn't ALLOW me a piece of cake at office birthday parties (despite the fact I had allowed for the extra calories).

Everyone, be STRONG! You are doing this FOR YOU. For a better life for YOU.

Dang it, I'm so angry right now.