I am so frustrated with my mother continuing to tell me that I can lose weight without surgery if I just get up and move. My job is physical and I am usually totally exhausted after a long 12 hour shift. I have been overweight for 14 years now. My mother was overweight for most of my childhood, and struggled with one diet or another and then one day it started to change for her. I am not my mother.

I get so frustrated with people especially parents telling me I shouldn't have to get surgery to lose weight. What else am I supposed to do?

So far, I've decided not even to tell my parents. In fact, outside of my wife and a fellow co-worker I have not told anyone of my plans. That feels a bit wierd but I just don't want to get into things like you are bringing up. Enough to deal with around this already. I will tell my kids before surgery but that is all I have planned for now.

This is a personal decision. It effects you and your direct family. Others need not understand if they choose not to. You do not need their approval if they refuse to give it.

It's a decision only YOU can make... regardless of what others say, be it good or bad... You have to decide what is right for you.

I told one friend from work- and the week prior- I told my oldest son- only because I needed a ride home LOL!

I went thru this alone- so I hope you do have someone who is supportive- will make it much weasier on you.

Good Luck to you!!

Just be patient with them, they are trying to keep you from having to go through such a drastic measure. Remind them that you love them dearly but this is the only way to make sure you won't ever be fat again. Most people yoyo and that is bad for their health, and yes this is drastic sounding but is easier for most people than having their gall bladder removed. Tell them you will still have to work very hard over the next 9 months to a year in order to lose the weight but once it is gone, it stays gone. And that you will be so much healthier and energetic and fun to be around that they will see that the end results justified the means. Remind them that this sleeve procedure is the safest and the one with the least complications and that you are glad to have found out about it, as it just might save your life by preventing all the ailments that obesity contributes to. But once again be patient - they will understand sooner or later, and will be glad for you.

Cheers,

Donna

I know a big part of my mom's issues before surgery was that she was scared for me...complications, death, would I be successful, etc. She didn't phrase it that way, but I know that was a big part of it. For me there was no way I couldn't tell her because I tell everybody pretty much everything, but that's just my style and I understand (especially in my large, very opinionated family) that not everybody is going to agree. But it does really suck when it's your mom who seems to not be on your side.

Ultimately it is your body, health, and decision. If it gets to be too much, I suggest being firm and letting her know you are no longer willing to discuss the issue (of course said in a calm voice with a sweet smile:-). Good luck!

I know my mom loves me and wants whats best for me. My mom is my best friend and she will be my ride.

She is very supportive and also concerned because she has had complications from her surgeries (not bariatric surgeries) in the past. So her baby going under the knife voluntarily is a little nerve racking for her.

I am a talker and okay with people knowing what I am thinking. I prefer to have others understand and know what my decision is, than to feel like I am hiding it.

It is still my decision and one I am making with guidance from God in prayer and informed professionals.

I know for me the decision to have surgery wasn't about losing the weight - I had done that many times, once losing 120 pounds - for me the surgery was about keeping the weight off. Every time I lost and gained I would develop a new health problem. I was very good at dieting, but was horrible at maintaining. The long term success for keeping significant weight off when you diet on your own is something like 10%. Surgery provides a way to get to a healthy weight and stay there. It is a tool, and I needed all the help I could get. My family accepted my decision when I explained it to them this way. I was on my way to diabetes, sleep apnea, had already developed high blood pressure, etc. I couldn't continue going up and down - so surgery provided the best solution for me.

You want support and you live in Raymore, Mo. We're neighbors! I live in Olathe, Ks and I have battled my weight for 50 years. I am a therapist by profession. Any assistance that I can be with your parents, I would be happy to help. I had the sleeve surgery done Oct 30 and have already lost 42 lbs in 24 days. I can explain the whys of surgery in a manner that they will understand. PM me if you want and I will give you my cell number.

I have not told my parents. I am 4 months post op, they know of my wt loss, but I just told them I am changing my lifestyle, especially my diet. They wouldnt understand. My mother also yo-yo diets, and has my whole life. My dad bugs her constantly about her weight. I just don't want to hear it from them. It's my decision, and I will never regret it!

I know my mom loves me and wants whats best for me. My mom is my best friend and she will be my ride.

She is very supportive and also concerned because she has had complications from her surgeries (not bariatric surgeries) in the past. So her baby going under the knife voluntarily is a little nerve racking for her.

I am a talker and okay with people knowing what I am thinking. I prefer to have others understand and know what my decision is, than to feel like I am hiding it.

At first I didn't tell anybody but my husband and family. Mainly because I knew others would try to talk me out of it. Eventually I had to tell my Boss, and some co-workers because I'd be gone for 4 weeks. Now it seems everyone knows, but at this point I don't care. It's something I want for my self. For the first time in my LIFE I'm doing something just for me! I've always thought of everyone else first, especially my husband and kids. Well it's MY turn. I know the risks, I know the cost, and I especially know it will be difficult to adjust to eating so little when I'm used to eating

so much. But I consider myself an addict, I cannot do this on my own, I've tried for 25 years to loose more than 25lbs, and I've NEVER been successful at keeping it off. To me this is a GOD send, finally a way to be successful. My family has NAGGED me all my life about my weight, they've hurt my feelings more times than I can count. I always felt they never loved me for who I was, but what I COULD look like if I just lost weight.

My mother has embarrised me SO many times with her comments in front of co-workers or friends at lunch or dinner..."you know you don't need that". It's easy for someone else to criticize when the don't live in your skin.When the don't feel the pain of the remarks, the belittling, the shame.

It's like kicking someone when they are down. It's like telling someone who is unatractive, if you were only pretty life would be so much better. I could go on and on and on, because the world is SO superficial. Do this for YOU, nobody else, for YOU. You have to take chances in life in order to make things happen. I'm taking mine. Take yours!

Thank you. I believe its not the actual surgery that is their fear. I am their youngest. My mom and I are both RNs by profession and she has great knowledge of procedure, I think their concern is the complications she suffered with her hemicolectomy might happen to me. I told her this is a lap procedure, but she is still anxious. They are not going to try and talk me out of it, but just really want me to research, and Pray to come up with the right answer.

Thank you

You want support and you live in Raymore, Mo. We're neighbors! I live in Olathe, Ks and I have battled my weight for 50 years. I am a therapist by profession. Any assistance that I can be with your parents, I would be happy to help. I had the sleeve surgery done Oct 30 and have already lost 42 lbs in 24 days. I can explain the whys of surgery in a manner that they will understand. PM me if you want and I will give you my cell number.

Unbelievable, 42-lbs in 24 days...how wonderful!!!!! I'm hoping for 30 lbs in a month. How are you doing with access skin? I'm starting out at 235lbs.

I have a bit of a hanging stomach, because of 2 c-sections and the bikini cut incision. I worry that the skin will sag after weight loss. I will be exercising to prevent this as much as possible. Any advice in that area

would be greatly appreciated.

:redface1:i did not tell any of my family about my surgery i just went and did it. i also winded up in the hospital and we all know when we get sick mom is the frist person we want. when my parents came to the icu my mother waited till the nurse left to share with me in her every most how do you do voice " i would strangle your neck but it woldnt do me any good considering doctors are only 20 feet away and i saw the police on my way coming up" (oh how i love that woman) my mom still to this day think i didnt need it but she tells me everyday how proud she is of me and my dad calls every other day just to ask how the lose is coming along. i think in the end your mother will come around and will loudly admit she proud you took a step to better YOUR life:smile1:

nikki

JudyJudyJudy,

I had three overhanging stomach areas when I started. I am sure that I will have some excess skin and have started a plastic surgery fund to tackle that in a couple of years. However, so far my skin is not getting loose. I had a triple chin that is almost gone and people are telling me that I have lost years in my appearance. I am quite amazed at how easy this has been so far. I have not even been able to exercise like I want to as my knee is so sore from being bone on bone. I walk a little each day and have only been focused on getting the 70-80 grams of protein in and doing 3 "meals" a day. I have had no hunger issues and no trouble with the diet or with pain from the surgery. I am taking the Nexium 2 x a day since I have to take pain meds for my knee and I have added Colace and a vegetable laxative due to the costipation issues of the pain meds for the knee. My favorite thing about the surgery is that I no longer obsess about food all day long.

I know my mom loves me and wants whats best for me. My mom is my best friend and she will be my ride.

She is very supportive and also concerned because she has had complications from her surgeries (not bariatric surgeries) in the past. So her baby going under the knife voluntarily is a little nerve racking for her.

I am a talker and okay with people knowing what I am thinking. I prefer to have others understand and know what my decision is, than to feel like I am hiding it.

I told my mother early on since she was so concerned about how my weight was affecting my health as I am middle aged. She was mostly supportive but at moments humbly would ask me if I would consider just trying to steadfastly stick to a good diet and exercise instead of having this surgery. I felt her concern but insisted on the surgery. I waited until the week before to tell my dad and he didn't question my integrity feeling that I researched and all would be OK. Both my parents were with me on the morning of the surgery. For just a few moments that early morning whilst getting ready to leave for the hospital I had the thought to just not go ahead with it. I felt I might regret it and it would be irreversible. But I proceeded nevertheless and picked up both mom and dad on the way to the hospital. I woke from the surgery in a state of shock and had anxiety beyond belief. There was no peace within me and I was terrified at what I'd done. My parents could clearly see this and stood by my side every day and I was in the hospital 5 days. I suffered with severe anxiety for weeks so badly that I could hardly eat. My mother and father stood by my side. Many a time I would just physically cling to them and just say hold me and don't let go. I was so afraid of what I was feeling. I was no longer the happy confident me but a frightened child fearing for my life. I am still on medications for anxiety and depression and never once have either parent questioned why I had this surgery. They have been my pillars of strength and shown me nothing but unconditional love and concern. I am still regretting my decision because I am so not myself. I cry all the time, (grieving) and still worry that something may go drastically wrong. Two months out and food is still not going down with ease, nor is there any sense of normal satisfaction when I've eaten. I don't know when the discomfort ends or if I'll ever feel good about my decision to have had this surgery. But my parents never once questioned the integrity of my decision although I know they are terribly worried. Have compassion for what your parents feel and consider carefully what they have to say. Please don't take this the wrong way so many people who have had this surgery have been very happy right from the get go...I just suggest you regard your parents, for me they have been my best friends. I pray you make the right decision and if you go through with it you are very glad and things go smoothly for you.