Help! Talking to friends and family- Suggestions, tips, stories?

[Feffers 0]

Hi everyone-

I've been searching past threads and reading posts on LBT trying to find posts about talking to loved ones about WLS.

How did you all approach the topic with family? Spouse? Friends? Did you keep it a secret?

(sorry if this is a bit rambling)

Surprisingly my parents are completely supportive and even offered to help with the cost since I'll be a self-pay and my mom has volunteered to babysit the twins in my house while I recover (although her reason for that is pretty selfish... she loves to spoil my girls):001_wub:

I'm still having a hard time talking with DH about it. His responses are pretty limited when I do try to talk to him...

"You don't need it" DH comes from a very overweight family and while he is normal sized, he doesn't see obesity as an issue even though he has family members dying from heart problems and diabetes complications. :wink0:

"So and so had it, and look at how miserable she is" (referring to lap-band friend)

"You could die/have complications"- this is pretty much his trump card... As a newly wed with newborn twins and a wonderful life... this pretty much scares the crap out of me. I know logically the chances of complications are low but it is surgery and shouldn't be taken lightly.

"You lost weight on Atkins, just do that again..." while true, I know my past diet attempts have all failed and I don't want to yo-yo for the rest of my life.

Did anyone have similar issues when talking to a spouse? I would really like his support in going forward with this, so any suggestions are appreciated.

I feel like there is a huge social stigma attached to WLS and it's been really difficult to talk about, I'm thankful to have found this forum. :redface1:

[MacMadame 81]

Yeah, my spouse started out being a butt. I tried to be logical about it. I answered his points, but he kept bringing them up. I finally had to tell him that I was doing this no matter what and that, as my spouse, he could be supportive or he could shut up. He thought about it for a day or two and said he would be supportive.

As for the points he brought up:

1) Need is up to the individual. Your medical team and you think you do need it.

2) So-and-so is So-and-so. You are you.

3) This surgery is as safe as any routine surgical procedure and complications are rare. There are plenty of surgeries you could be schedule for that he wouldn't even think this about. People think about it for WLS because they still think of it as some optional thing that is more about vanity and not about curing a disease

4) It's not losing weight that's the issue, it's keeping it off. Clearly, you didn't keep off the weight you lost on Atkins

As for telling people, what I did was frame the discussion so as to discourage negative responses. I portrayed it as "I'm doing this wonderful thing for myself and I'm so excited and let me tell you all about it." This seemed to work for me.

I did wait until I was only a few weeks out from surgery to tell more than a handful of people though. I wanted to limit the period of when they could be giving me a hard time, if people decided to do that anyway.

[Ruthi 60]

Very Good advice Mac, I couldnt have put it better

[carolnphx 16]

Hi everyone-

I'm still having a hard time talking with DH about it. His responses are pretty limited when I do try to talk to him...

As I have stated before my dtr had/has the band. Doing well so far. I had been privately researching for several months and then 1 day when husband & I were sitting at the table I said, "I have decided to have WLS". His response was I figured that. Guess I wasn't sneaky enough..ha.

Well, after that I e-mailed him allot of info from LBT. I let the site convince/assure him. We each have our own computers so I could send him info and he could read and absorb it at his own pace...usually during his waking hours at night. That laid it out there and we discussed it later around the table. The LBT had excellent input from people and I found it easier to give him info from all the wonderful people on site. Now with the 2 forums there is so much info to share.

It worked very well for me and it did ease his mind about my risks. Just a thought. Good luck.

[Oregondaisy 2,019]

mac gave you some good advice on how

to talk about it with your spouse. As for the

rest of the people, it's up to you who you tell.

I didn't tell people because I didn't want to

hear their negativity. Nobody knows other than my kids and my friend who also had

the sleeve.