I came out of the closet yesterday

[flrosie 154]

I have followed a couple discussions about whether we're telling people we are having lapband surgery, who we're telling, and why/why not. Up to this point I have only told my husband and my three closest girlfriends. I live in an active retirement community where I am involved in a lot of activities. I know my losing weight is going to be fodder for some of the busy-bodies around here and I just didn't want to hear their crap about my health care choices. After reading so many other opinions, ones that match my own point of view of secrecy and ones that challenged my senses by being so open about it, I came to the conclusion that I really don't give a hoot what other people think of me having the surgery so why am I trying to guard it like a family secret?

I wrote a short note to my children (6 of them, 20 - 35 yo) telling them I was having surgery on Tuesday just to let them know in the event something tragic and unexpected occurs. Later in the day a casual friend of mine mentioned I looked like I was losing a little weight (apparently she thinks we're closer friends than we are - I would NEVER say that to a casual friend!!) I replied I was on a very strict diet in preparation for lapband surgery (I just had to try this out on someone). She told me I was very brave to tackle my weight issue head on like that; she wished she had the gumption to do more than just talk about going on a diet (yes, she's heavy, too). All of my children wrote me wonderfully supportive notes - like I would have expected any less of them - what was I thinking?!?!?

I know I'm going to hear from the rumor mill in my community that I'm taking the easy way out. I know there are going to be some that are vocal about their disdain for my choice. But it's MY choice, dammit, and I am happy I made the choice. I'm not hiding in the closet hoping no one will ask me how I'm doing it. If they ask, I'll tell. Otherwise, busy-bodies of the world: eat your heart out while I fashion a new look!

[B-52 7,113]

So who cares if it is the easy way out??? As long as you have found a way out at all is what matters....You got to look after yourself...these people will not be there when your in the hospital suffering from all the associated illnesses the comes with obesity.....

And is is not all easy...the first 4-6 months for me was hard and frustrating as hell....and many people back out at that point and never get to that "easy" place.....but I did and I do not regret it one bit...how can anyone feel guilty by being 100% healthy, thin, and physically fit......

Do people judge you for being that? Or are they more prone to judge you when you are morbidly obese......

Who are people trying to please by remaining the way they are....

Obesity is a major health epidemic, talked about everyday now as a health crisis that is going to get worse because it effects so many more at such a young age....and we feel guilty about taking the easy way out? At least we took SOME way out......

I read similar posts all the time...about PEER PRESSURE to stay fat......TRUST ME....when you get to your goal and are successful, people will look and accept you in a whole different way...there is nor rumor mill then....

[Sharpie 3,306]

very well said B52, I decided to let people know if they asked... my best friend was the first person I told besides my daughter and husband she was 100% on board... she has seen my struggle for years. Otherwise when people ask that notice my loss, I tell them I had lapband surgery. I am sure they might comment behind my back, but so far none have been brave enough to say anything negative to my face... I dont care what anyone else thinks.. I know this will be a way for me to live a healthier , longer life.

[kll724 3,055]

Yay! Rosie! You did the right thing for yourself and maybe for your casual friend, too! Your children needed to know. Do you have a living will? My hospital, and surgeon suggested one. It doesn't have to be elaborate. Do it for your peace of mind and your family's. But, enjoy this and stay focused on the goal! Best wishes, always, Karen

[flrosie 154]

Yay! Rosie! You did the right thing for yourself and maybe for your casual friend, too! Your children needed to know. Do you have a living will? My hospital, and surgeon suggested one. It doesn't have to be elaborate. Do it for your peace of mind and your family's. But, enjoy this and stay focused on the goal! Best wishes, always, Karen

Yes, I have a living will, health advocate, and DPA for health care. I think my husband was more freaked out by all that paperwork than me actually having surgery! LOL

Thanks for the support from everyone.

[☠carolinagirl☠ 18,721]

if i did not have surgery, i would most likely be nearly home bound as it was getting harder and harder for me to walk and i was scared i would be one who was cut out of my house.......the surgery saved my life....if some consider it easy, and they do and they will, are the ones who do not understand it or grasp the reality of it...what should matter is you...you chose this to help you...good for you...those who care are who matters..add me to that list..

[mrsto 2,925]

Rosie - BRAVO for you! There will always be people who absolutely don't get it, and have strong opinions. But these are people who have their own agenda, and their judgment is based on ignorance.

When I first started seriously exploring WLS, I didn't tell anyone except my husband (of course), my immediate family and my best friend. Part of me was embarrassed that I couldn't take control & handle this without surgical intervention. And most certainly, there will be people to mirror that self-judgment. I had this very same conversation with my best friend, yesterday. My surgery is a week from tomorrow, and I told her that I wasn't going to discuss it with anyone. Her feeling is, why not? You are taking control of your life, and what you're doing is a very brave thing. I told her that I felt that people would be watching me under a microscope, and I can't handle that. It's already a lot to deal with, without having all eyes on me. The reality is, I'm self employed......work from home most days, and who is really watching??? All that being said, I mentioned to one of my clients, that I would be off the radar the week of 3/25. I told her that I was having surgery. She asked, what, and I told her. She was very supportive; told me a couple of her friends had WLS, and both are very happy. When I went to the Vitamin Shoppe to pick up my Protein, Vitamins, etc.; as I was standing in front of ALL the Protein powders, the woman helping me already knew what I was doing, based on the criteria of the protein I was looking for. I told her that I wasn't really talking much about it, and she said "WHY.....you're taking control of your health, and should be proud of what you're doing".

After months of preparing for this life change, I'm now getting comfortable with the idea of being open about it. And as everyone in this forum stated above, we are taking the bull by the horns in doing what we need to do for our health. And anyone who has already had the surgery knows that it is NOT the easy way out! The band doesn’t do the work, we do! And anyone along the way with the "do it the right way-do it my way" attitude, can take their sanctimonious attitude & stick it.....(I'll stop here) LOL!

Rosie – thanks for this post. It was very timely, as I’m right along side of you Please let us know how you’re doing after your surgery. I wish you ALL the best of luck!

[Toddy 758]

I love this post!! I, too, was going to keep my surgery a secret. I ended up having to tell two of my good friends when I went to dinner with them one night shortly after a fill and got stuck. The one I thought would be most "judgmental" about my surgery was also obese and a serious diabetic.

Well, after I "confessed" to surgery, she showed a lot of interest in the process and actually ended up jumping through all the insurance hoops, has now had the surgery, has had great success and, best of all, she's completely free of having to do daily insulin injections!!!!

I like to think my "coming out of the closet" might have even saved her life !

[dylanmiles23 2,198]

I have followed a couple discussions about whether we're telling people we are having lapband surgery' date=' who we're telling, and why/why not. Up to this point I have only told my husband and my three closest girlfriends. I live in an active retirement community where I am involved in a lot of activities. I know my losing weight is going to be fodder for some of the busy-bodies around here and I just didn't want to hear their crap about my health care choices. After reading so many other opinions, ones that match my own point of view of secrecy and ones that challenged my senses by being so open about it, I came to the conclusion that I really don't give a hoot what other people think of me having the surgery so why am I trying to guard it like a family secret?

I wrote a short note to my children (6 of them, 20 - 35 yo) telling them I was having surgery on Tuesday just to let them know in the event something tragic and unexpected occurs. Later in the day a casual friend of mine mentioned I looked like I was losing a little weight (apparently she thinks we're closer friends than we are - I would NEVER say that to a casual friend!!) I replied I was on a very strict diet in preparation for lapband surgery (I just had to try this out on someone). She told me I was very brave to tackle my weight issue head on like that; she wished she had the gumption to do more than just talk about going on a diet (yes, she's heavy, too). All of my children wrote me wonderfully supportive notes - like I would have expected any less of them - what was I thinking?!?!?

I know I'm going to hear from the rumor mill in my community that I'm taking the easy way out. I know there are going to be some that are vocal about their disdain for my choice. But it's MY choice, dammit, and I am happy I made the choice. I'm not hiding in the closet hoping no one will ask me how I'm doing it. If they ask, I'll tell. Otherwise, busy-bodies of the world: eat your heart out while I fashion a new look![/quote']

I am in the closet with a lot of people. But you are brave to share. I just don't want a lot of people to know my business. I hate my SIL and her husband and would never share my life with them. Enjoy your new life. I am enjoying mine. I can move better.

[GoingforGoal 1,734]

Congrats on your decision to be banded and you choice to share with family, friends and community alike.

I'm lucky in the sense that I have a small group of family/friends. They all know. But I am picky as to who I share this with otherwise. Not because I fear their response or judgement..that I can genuinely state I care less about. But more because I'm not sure I want to have to explain what a lapband is and what it does over and over and over again lol. Whenever I see someone discussing getting GB or LB I am the first to share my experience to lend support.

As for LB being 'the easy way out'...let's just as have a communal chuckle shall we. I put as much effort and focus on my LB diet than I did with any other diet I attempted. I make daily choices to improve my health, if I make the wrong ones I don't lose a pound. And one just needs to sit on a LB forum for a little while to learn of complications, struggles/obstacles and setbacks... And we won't mention surgery and liquid diets...so easy is not synonymous with LB! lol

Congrats again for being a outted bandster

[Rojasanoll 920]

Lapband surgery is NOT an easy way out. Look what you have to go through, elective surgery! Some easy way and then recovery, time off from work (sick leave or vacation), special Vitamins & foods, monthly (or close) doctor's follow-up visits(more time off). Some easy way!

On he other hand, the real Easy way is to stay fat, possibly shortening your life, and eating fast foods all your life until you die. I guess thats an easier way.

You are doing right, stay the course and Keep the faith. YOU can do this!

Best wishes

[parisshel 1,892]

As always, love your posts, Rosie. When I first made the decision to have LB surgery, I kept it very close to my chest. Then, as my date draws closer, I find I am very open with what I'm about to do. I'm excited about what's ahead and I just want to share this with everybody! So far, I've only had two "lukewarm" reactions from two good friends, both of whom are obese. So my sense is that my change is a threat to how they feel about themselves...and they aren't happy I'm about to leave the Fat Girls Club. One actually said "who am I going to eat lunch with now?".

Re: "Taking the easy way out." First, of course this isn't easy. I'd venture to say that a traditional diet scheme is easier in fact, because if you deviate from that, the worst thing that can happen is you gain weight. If we deviate from our post-op directives, not only do we gain weight, but we experience pain, vomiting, and a whole lot more. So a "diet" is easier, folks, in terms of would-be consequences should directives not be respected.

Also, where's the virtue in suffering? That's my answer to those who think this is the easy way. There is no nobility in making one's path hard. Do we accuse smokers who use nicotine Patches of "taking the easy way out to stop smoking"? No, we don't. We applaud them for doing whatever they have to do improve their lives. Just as I am doing with my decision to get a lapband. That's right: the lapband is the nicotine patch for the obese...a tool that helps dim the addiction but doesn't work unless you work with it.

[mrsto 2,925]

Parisshel - LOVE your post Articulate and OH so true! I especially love the comparison to the nicotine patch, and how a LB is the patch for the obese. I will keep that in my back pocket, and use it when negativity comes my way.

And you are so right about suffering not being virtuous. A very close friend of mine's husband lost a lot of weight; exercises on a regular basis, and is obsessed with staying on his program. I applaud him for what he has achieved, and though he's become a zealot, I totally get it. What I DIDN'T like, was his comment to me to "do it the right way". This was before I seriously considered WLS, but he was eluding to my previous use of diet pills. My last comment in my above post about the "sanctimonious", was a direct response to that interaction with him.

15 years ago (and other times as well), I dropped 90 pounds with diet pills. I maintained that loss for a good 5 years, but let it start slipping, blah blah....we all know the story Though I had great success (to me, 5 years maintaining a size 6 was great success), it was still "the wrong way" to him. Though I have not mentioned this surgery to him, I'm sure my girlfriend has, and I'm sure he has strong opinions about it. He told me that he will NEVER be fat again, and I told HIM that his use of the word "never" was scary to me. How many times have any of us lost a lot of weight & thought we had it licked? With this disease, we're NEVER (I'll use the word now) cured; we can only take it (not to be cliche) one day at a time.

Thanks again for your post.....it really hit home.

[CHEZNOEL 4,061]

You tell em Rosie! iT IS YOUR LIFE!

[Lady VS 1,147]

Awesome that you came out of the closet! Congratulations on doing you.