Social Stigma and Full Disclosure

[☠carolinagirl☠ 18,721]

i can speak from experience that i let (everything) people say or think affect me.. when i had surgery, i told some friends i work with and my hub...i was concerned slightly that my co workers would think, man are you that lazy to eat right that you need surgery? you fat cow, whats wrong with you? what was wrong is i was killing myself...but it has saved my life...i have no doubt.

i am doing this for me. dont like...deal with it

i am finding me again and i am strong and i am making it work.

[kca1fan 326]

I told everybody I know and some I don't. I really don't care if they think it is the easy way out. I have done the research. I know my success or failure depends on me.

[Baba Wawa 543]

You're under no obligation to tell anyone. It's none of their business. You will be dieting and will be fully responsible for your weight loss. For me, my band just kept me satisfied between meals...I'd forget to eat, so mealtime is more another 3 items on my daily agenda. I'm no longer emotionally attached to foods and there are very few things I miss eating.

Your privacy is one of your most precious rights in the workplace. Protect it

Best wishes for a speedy recovery!

[sbox 24]

I've only told a few people. I didn't even tell some of my siblings because I was afraid of them judging me. It's not anyone else's business. Tell the people you feel comfortable with. All the people that I have told have been very supportive and proud of me for doing it.

I did have to have my gallbladder removed afterwards so it could happen.

[stephanieg89 8]

I am the same way, I don't want my coworkers to know, I told only two of them who I know would support my decision. I have told my BFF who has had the procedure herself, and one of my family members. I told two other very close friends I was thinking about it and one was very supportive and the other was negative so I decided not to disclose anymore information to them until I am ready. I set the date for my surgery in March, I am still trying to think of a good reason to take off that day.

[m1aman 944]

I only told my parents because I needed a ride home from the hospital. They, in turn, told everybody they knew.

[Mellzbellz21 21]

Oh I absolutely hate having to make something up to my coworkers, it's a very close knit office. I just feel like it's my own business; I don't want to talk about it with my coworkers. I am taking one week off because I'm having medically necessary surgery. Isn't that enough of the truth for them to know??? I actually AM getting my gall bladder out at the same time, I've always had gall bladder issues, but that is kind of secondary to the fact that I'm getting the band.

I'm only telling my family and my best friend. Like many of you said, I don't want to be the subject of gossip, and I don't always want people asking me how much weight I lost. Everyone knows I've been trying to lose weight and that I recently joined a gym, so I plan on attributing my amazing weight loss to that.

I hate how people automatically assume that the lap band is a magic bullet. Yes, I am being lap banded, but I am also in the process of making major life changes here as well. I think that is the key; anyone can get banded, but it takes a lifetime of commitment and work to lose the weight.

[☠carolinagirl☠ 18,721]

i took 8 days off, the majority if my co workers just knew i was on vacation.

its your life, your business. if you wanna tell, tell. if not, then dont.

thats how i see it. congrats on our wonderful decision

[Redesigned_Curves 312]

I was the same way. I told some people, but not my boss because the one time I did mention I was thinking about it he made a big deal about how he didn't see me as a quitter and he couldn't believe I would just take the easy way out. I also didn't want them to require a doctors note and for me to have to use more than one weeks vacation. However, about day 6 of my liquid diet, which was by far the worse, I let it slip to my boss's boss and it was the best thing that could have happened. He made me feel so much better about it. He had me go sign up for short term disability just incase I needed more than a week off. I told him I didn't think this surgery would qualify since it was elective. He told me I was looking at it all wrong and that granted it was my choice to have the surgery, but the company as well as my insurance were going to benefit because I would would be a healthier version of myself.

[Jim1967 3,569]

I only told my parents because I needed a ride home from the hospital. They, in turn, told everybody they knew.

I can relate. My Mom told her Sister and My Father's sister and they in turn told everyone else in our extended family. So all my cousins, aunts and uncles know.

[Lapbandster 496]

I have not, and do not intend to tell anyone out of my immediate family

Not because I'm ashamed, but because most people don't understand even the basics of the lap bad surgery, or how hard it is to diet + be obese

[Instyle98 240]

Why should your co-workers resent you taking time off for an elective procedure? Are you not allowed to take time off ever and/or didn't you earn your time off? It's none of their business what you choose to do with your time! It doesn't matter what you do or how you do it, some people will always have negative opinions, and ask rude questions and make insensitive remarks. It's the nature of the beast and you just have to try like hell to not let it bother you. I think it's important to remember that just because someone asks you a question doesn't mean you have to give them an answer. If I don't want to answer a question such as how much did I used to weigh, what do I weigh now, was I always overweight, what size clothes do I wear, etc. I just try to laugh it off and give a vague response such as more than I do now, or less than I did before, I wasn't born fat... For those that don't have the sense to realize I'm not going to answer them, I politely tell them that I'm not going to give them that information. This is about you and what you choose to disclose is your business. I even had someone make a comment when I gained a little weight back (my doctor said I was too thin). I told him that people should pay more attention to what their scale says instead of worrying about mine. Don't let their ignorance control you. I used to be one of those who that getting WLS surgery was the easy way out. Now I know better. I still struggle with embarrassment and shame when I do confess to someone I have had surgery, but I'm learning to leave that behind. The embarrassment would be if I just gave up and quit trying.

There was a period in time when I lost 165 lbs, no surgery, no pills, no special program. I went from a size 24W to a size 6 (I even had some size 4's in my closet). I went to this event that is held once a year in different parts of the country (at that time I was maybe a size 10/12) and when I came out of my hotel room this person yelled across the parking lot something like, "OMG! Look at how skinny you are! I mean you were obese!" That stopped me dead in my tracks with my mouth open until someone loudly chastised him. I mean really, what do you say to that? I think my comeback was something like, "Gee, thanks for telling me - I had no idea!" You would not believe how much things in my life changed and how differently I was treated by almost everyone. It's true that you really learn who your friends are and the true nature of people. It affected me so much that after I gained most of that weight back I became a recluse for fear that someone who had seen me thin would see me now. It pretty much paralyzed me. Well, this time will be different! I'm older and wiser.

[Shackwacky 72]

I told only my husband. I am a very private person and it's no one else's business, I don't tell my coworkers or friends any of my other medical information, why should this be different?

[Molly40.P 55]

I told my husband, emediat family, and two close friends. It's not like I'm going to post it on Facebook or anything. I've been overweight my entire life, and I feel that people have already judged me. But the main reason why my loved ones know, is because I know there the ones I'm going to need my support from, so pick the ones you trust, and love. I haven't even got my band yet, and thats the first thing I thought of, keep your head high. Lots of luck.

[akwright68 114]

My husband does not have a privacy filter so everyone of our friends and family know about my upcoming surgery. I originally had only told one or two people at work, but I have 8 managers and had to tell them when my phone was forwarded to a conference room during a training session and the hospital called confirming my pre-op appointment. There were only twelve of us in the room, so it is still very limited, but I did open up at that point and stated that I was having the lap band procedure on my vacation day. I confirmed that I would be back to work on the following Monday morning and that if anyone had any questions for me they could ask me privately at a more appropriate time. So far there have only been two of my immediate managers that are acting a little strange towards me, but it really is their issue, not mine.

I think mentally that I have reached the crossroads of being totally comfortable with my decision and that I really do not care who knows. At least they can come ask questions or be ignorant and not ask any and just assume they know. It is my personal journey and I am comfortable with my upcoming surgery and my new lifestyle.

I hope that you find your own comfort zone. I wish you luck regardless of how you approach it. We are all in this together.