Need some good advice from people that understand.....

casinocat74 · April 10, 2006

Hi everyone. Sorry I haven't posted in awhile. I have been too busy being depressed and feeling soory for myself that I cannot control my eating and refuse to excersize. I feel like I am the most unmotivated person on this planet. I get home from work and all I want to do is sit on the computer or the couch and do absolutely nothing! I constantly think about what to eat next and plan my meals around what time my boyfriend is coming home so that he won't see what I am eating. Isn't that sad?? I feel like I eat all day and then he gets home and I hide from food, even though the whole time I just want to eat. I hate it. I have been feeling so crappy lately. I have decided to have a consult with my surgeon about removing my band and having the RNY done. I get so jealous when I see the success they have had and then look at myself and see a pathetic 19 pounds in over 4 months. I have had many friends that have had the RNY done and have lost all of their wieght in less that a year. I think that the band is goor for people that have the strength to eat right and excersize. But in my world, I honestly believe that I need to be forced to eat less and I would excersize if I saw some pounds coming off. I am just really unhappy with myself, not the band. I have realized that I made the wrong choice for me. Hopefully my doc won't have any problems doing this for me, I really feel like it is the best choice for me at this time. Thankyou everyone for reading my long sob story.

Tearby · April 10, 2006

Theresa,

Have you had a fill and if so can you have more and maybe that would make a difference. I have only had my band for 2 and1/2 weeks so I am sill new at all of this. Maybe having a fill would help motivate you. Good Luck with everything.

casinocat74 · April 10, 2006

Thanks for responding. I have had two fills in which I was told I would feel restriction. In both cases I felt nothing. I am going to try one more fill and if that doens't work, it looks like RNY for me.

Tricia K. · April 10, 2006

Teresa,

You're a beautiful woman...inside and out. I'm sorry that you're going through such a tough time lately. I truly believe that you should get another fill (or 2) and see what happens before you make a huge decision to get RNY. The band does work, as long as you're willing to be committed to it. Have you thought about seeking the help of a therapist to help you deal with your lack of motivation and low self-esteem? I think you might also want to talk to your boyfriend about it. I bet he would be supportive and help you get back on track. I offer these suggestions because, personally, I don't think RNY is the right choice for anyone. It's too risky. I hope you feel better about yourself very soon and make the right decision.

If you EVER need someone to listen or just need some encouragement from another bandster, I'm just a phone call away. Please send me a private message and I'll be happy to give you my phone number.

Hugs,

Tricia :love:

DonnaB · April 10, 2006

I get so jealous when I see the success they have had and then look at myself and see a pathetic 19 pounds in over 4 months. I have had many friends that have had the RNY done and have lost all of their wieght in less that a year.

Hi casinocat,

I'm sorry your having a tough time. It sounds like you're suffering from mild depression in addition to disillusionment! I don't know if my post is going to help or hurt. Maybe a little bit of both. I hope you understand as you read my response that your post hit a nerve with me and I felt like I couldn't turn away without trying to help you out.

A couple of things first. You don't say how long you've had your band or how much fill you have in what size band. All these things are critical if you want us to be able to support your decision. 19 pounds of weight loss in over 4 months may seem like a small amount to you but if you lost 19 pounds every 4 months that's close to 60 pounds in a year! 60 pounds in a year is great - and that's without exercising and while eating things you know to be counterproductive. You're being too hard on yourself and, I think, unrealistic about what your weightloss tool is capable of accomplishing without your participation.

You say you haven't been on LBT talk for some time. Do you have other sources for support? Meetings or a Nutritionist or anything? I hope you'll be more consistent and visit LBT more regularly, make some friends or at least acquaintances whom you can lean on when you need support or motivation.

Are you logging your food intake? There's a great website www.fitday.com which is free, easy and very motivating. Like you, I used to be a secret eater. I'd eat alone so no one would know what I was doing. Hello! They only needed to see me to know what I was doing. Who did I think I was fooling? With food logging, even if you secretly eat you still have to be accountable to yourself. There's something about seeing it in black and white that makes you start caring about what you eat and trying to stay within certain limits. Best of all, on FitDay YOU set your own limits so you don't have to feel like you're trying to live up to someone elses standards or expectations. You decide and then try to stay within your own goals, which is very empowering.

Dont give up yet. I agree with TriciaK about RNY - it's just not a wise decision, IMHO. Like most people nowadays, I know someone who had RNY. She lost a lot of weight very quickly but unfortunately, LIKE MOST RNY patients, she has started to regain the weight. In the last 6 months she's put on 30 pounds. She only had the surgery 2 years ago, she never reached her goal weight and was only close to her goal for a few months - maybe 6. Then it started creeping back on. I understand that this is a very common problem with RNY patients. Along with malabsorption, sugar dumping, hair and bone loss, tooth decay, and, shall we say, unpleasant bowel symptoms.

I hope you'll reconsider, or at least delay your decision, if only to give yourself and your band, a chance to succeed. Talk to your doctor, talk to a Nutritionist, talk to us here on LBT, maybe even talk to a therapist. No matter which WLS option you ultimately choose YOU WILL HAVE TO BE A PARTICIPANT, IF YOU WANT LONG TERM SUCCESS. There is no magic pill, no breakthrough cure. Choose an option you can live with and remember, with RNY you have no choice, you HAVE to live with your decision forever. At least with the lapband you have the luxery of choice.

I'm so sorry to carry on, I didn't intend to preach at you, I really do want what's best for you, and I guess my definition of best includes options. Whatever you choose, visit LBT and we'll always support your decision.

Good luck on your weight loss journey.

lady in red · April 10, 2006

I feel for you, I have gotten so darn depressed with comparing my progress with others success! The rny is such a permanent decision, please think carefully before making a life-altering decision like this. I think you are making wonderful progress. You have lost 19 lbs. in 4 months, that's exactly on the mark girl! We are supposed to lose 1-2 lbs. a week, right? That's what my band literature tells me. Try not to be so darned hard on yourself, how long did it take to gain weight? If you lost alot of weight in 1 year, you would have so much extra skin a new problem would exist that would require putting up with it or having more surgery and spending more money. My freinds that have had the rny have tons of extra skin and 2 have begun to regain weight. Please give the band a chance and treat yourself more kindly; you deserve kindness and fairness, would'nt you offer the same to someone you cared about? Take care of yourself, no one else can. See ya1

ReneBean · April 10, 2006

Hugs!

Please keep in mind that even with the RNY - you will be able to eat counter-productive foods and hide your eating from others - Your doc will still expect you to make the effort to make good food choices, to exercise, etc.

What you won't be able to do is change your mind...

If you are eating and not exercising - AND STILL losing a pound a week? Well, that's pretty darned good. I really have to advise you to get some kind of counselling - or at least someone you know that you can talk to about this kind of stuff.

I had all the same issues in the first two mos after I got my band - not wanting to do anything but eat, and so darned happy I still could. It's only in the last couple of weeks that I have sort of pulled myself together.

I wouldn't make such a permanent decision as RNY until I was ready to at least commit to making the effort. In the mean time, find someone to talk to - professional or just a pal - it doesn't matter. You can keep on doing what you are doing and losing a pound here and there while you do it.

I sincerly hope you can pull out of this slump. Regardless of what surgical option you decide to use, you have to do the work - and you are going to need some peace and strength to do it.

Hugs, HUGS, HUGS!!

pugmum · April 10, 2006

I met a woman at the store the other day who had the bypass and regained almost all of her weight back. As my surgeon told me, maybe we need head transplants! I say that in kindness, though, because I understand. I think you're doing great! You're probably doing better than you think, but even if your not doing what is suggested at least you're losing weight.

Kelli

waterlily1072 · April 10, 2006

Casinocat,

In the last year I had to make the decidion to do RNY or LB. Both are effective tools, and I belive both require your participation in order to reach and maintain your goals. No one can lose the weight but you, and no one can make the diecision but you. This decision you are sitting on is a big one. We will support you in whatever you decide .

Oh, before you make a final decision, talk to your friends and family. They love you and can help you.

Molly

scuuder3 · April 10, 2006

it is not true that most RNY patients, gain their weight back. MOST keep off at least 60% of their excess weight off. The old style RNY had much less long term success, when they didn't completely seperate the pouch from the entire stomach, food would eventually start to pass through, sorta like the band. the misinformation on this site, to justify one's own choice is staggering at times.

Alexandra · April 10, 2006

Teresa, you're going through a stage that is not unfamiliar to bandsters. You are not alone, you know that. You've only been banded for 4 months, though, and have lost 19 lbs!! As everyone says, that's right in there for the average expected loss for bandsters. And you're losing it in the safest, sanest way--slowly.

PLEASE don't make any big decisions just now. Why not set a date--like your one-year bandiversary--to take another look at it? Just put that decision in a box for the moment and stick it under your bed. Commit to working with what you've for for the next 8 months, and don't delay getting another fill if you need one. If you're not feeling restriction you don't have proper adjustment, whatever the reason. You say: "But in my world, I honestly believe that I need to be forced to eat less..." and that's exactly what a properly adjusted band will do.

And come back here!! We all understand and have been there. We're behind you!!!

NJChick · April 10, 2006

Teresa, I've had 3 fills and so far I have very little restriction. Give it some more time darling, please

As far as the exercise thing, I am the QUEEN of denial and excuses. I just hate it because my body hurts while doing it. So for now, until I can be comfortable doing it, I am just trying to focus on my eating and the exercise will come later.

Hugs to you, and you do what you need to do, FOR YOU!!!

(btw, your not alone in your thoughts, I've thought about gastric bypass myself but I want to give this band more time... I'm just impatient and I know it).

Elisabethsew · April 10, 2006

Hi Teresa,

Is the lack of weight loss causing your despair or are other things going on in your life? You mention you have a boyfriend. Are things good between you or has something changed? You say you wait for your boyfriend to come home. Do you have a job or attend school? Perhaps you need to look deep inside yourself and give a fair evaluation of where you're at, where you want to be, and what measures can be taken to get you there.

I would never talk you out of having RNY surgery if that is truly what you think you need. I don't have enough experience with the lapband to advise you but many people on this board do. When I "lost" the feeling of being full after only a week of being banded, I learned from people here that my experience is not uncommon and to wait for my first fill. I accept that and am determined to stay on the prescribed diet. Some people have had 4-5 fills before they experience "band satisfaction" so perhaps that's all you need as well.

Stay strong, evaluate ALL your options, and keep posting.

lyndalafe · April 10, 2006

Don't fret, this band thing is a test in adjustment........the band and yourself. I have been filled, unfilled, overfilled, underfilled and am still working on that just right fill! Try getting a little more fill and give it some time........many bandsters go 6 months before starting steady weight loss.

I'm 5 months out and only 29-30 lbs gone and those came off during initial surgery and those moments I was overfilled and suffering from acid reflux...have yet to hit that 2 - 3 lbs. a week steady loss....but working on it!

Jessiebear · April 10, 2006

(((((HUGS))))) I don't think I can add anything here other than I have been exactly where you are. I probably would have considered GBP if my insurance would have covered it. I was self-pay. I have been a turtle from the beginning. But I am a little over 14 months out & I have lost 75 lbs. I have had 4 fills & I have very tight restriction right now. I was down in the dumps up until I had my last fill. I can't exercise due to back problems. I have a cousin who had GBP & last week I saw her for the first time in like 3 or 4 years. She looked great! She didn't know I had had WLS. When I told her, she assumed I had had GBP. She began to tell me all the problems she is having. That conversation made me feel a lot better about my choice. I hope you decide to give the band a try. It really does work. The progress is just slower. Hope you get to feeling better!