I don't have any fun stories to share. I've always told my husband that if certain things got stuck in certain places...I would just die with them in there, because when you go to the ER to have stuff removed...it's all over the hospital within the hour-screw confidentiality. Bob almost got stuck one time, but I was able to grab on to the cord and retrieve him. He didn't seem to mind.

Me and DH stayed in this fancy hotel one time. After a session of playing, "So this is your first visit to the gynecologist." and me innocently saying Uh, huh. Well, we couldn't find the remote. It showed up the next day, but we joked that everytime I took a step, the channel would change.

I've had a chicken bone stuck in my throat, and no I wasn't having sex with a chicken. I'm from Arkansas, but I have my limits.

I've been constipated before....does that count?

How terrible!!! Did you ever get it out? Or, do you have a liver that quivers?

LOL

I was sweating and praying, and thankfully it came out "in the end"... so to speak...

My daughter too put peanuts up her nose. She came running to me and when she said "Mommy I have peanuts in my nose" it sounded like penis in my nose (because she was plugged up with nuts!!!) Well, having 2 brothers I got a little nervous but then she tipped back her head and showed me what she meant! I ALSO had a today sponge incident -- no wonder they don't sell those anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! On a much less exciting note....I took a nap, 2 antihistimines and then couldn't get my contacts out last week. It was so bad I allowed DH to put his fingers in my EYES! 1/2 a bottle of solution, 45 mins and a near trip to the ER, I got one out. The other took another 20 mins! This thread reminds me of that old Richard Gere rumor (and the hamster....remember?):Bunny

Hey, I say, Good day to be a hamster.

I don't care how good looking the guy is...it would never be a good day to be a small furry rodent stuck up some dudes butt. call me wacky.

Wacky. This isn's some dude...it's Richard Gere.

oh my gosh.....I never heard about Richard Gere and a rodent...I want details. ok maybe not...ok yeah I do. Damn sick minds..LOL

Pulled the cord to my magic bullet, and there was no magic bullet attached!!

Ok, I must be thinking mushies. I read that and started thinking of the blender thing and for the life of me couldn't figure out WHERE you would get that stuck! :omg:

Donali.....Were you making vaginal martini's again with your magic bullet? LOL

By the way I just won a magic bullet at a toy party I was at this last weekend.

Most of you know my Mom was recently released from the Funny Farm, right? Well, I get these letters every couple months that are sad and depressing but often with a funny twist. I'll try finding the letter and posting her exact story, but if memory serves me well, it goes something like this:

Dear Lisa (3 pages of government corruption, tax protesting, insulting every single family member for the pieces of doody they are, yada yada...)

New paragraph: Last week I was awakened by a horrendous pain in my ear. It was freezing since I live in the basement (some millionaire, hey?) and Uncle Nootchie, who lives upstairs, intentionally floods his toilet into my room by eating too much junk food so his bowel movements can't flush. The pain was so severe that I began jumping up and down to alleviate it on the cold, wet, basement floor. Jumping up and down didn't help, so I rushed to the bathroom (where the flooding urine stained the wall) and poured warm Water into my ear while cocking my head sideways, but still no relief, so I began jumping up and down again while cupping the warm water in my ear. The pain became more excruciating and my ear began ringing so I poured Olive Oil in my ear (other oils will kill you, the government wants to kill us so they can get our money for their Devil satanic rituals.) The olive oil didn't help, so again I cocked my head, cupped my ear and jumped frantically up and down in my dungeon. Doctors are murderers but I went to the hospital anyway, where the doctor used long tweezers to pull out a Japanese Beatle. I laughed loud because I forgot I was working in the garden that day when the beetle probably needed a warm home. The pain went away so I asked for the beetle so I could leave, but the crook wouldn't allow me to keep MY J-BEATLE! I argued the doctor that it belongs to ME (even though it had died after going the wrong direction in my ear, he was probably trying to get warmer then got confused and couldn't find his way out.) The doctor insisted that J-Beatles are the property of the hospital, and since doctors are in conspiracy with the IRS, they wanted my J-Beatle AND all my property! So I pretended I was going to leave but the I GRABBED my J-Beatle and started running fast through the corridor but then the hospital security guard caught me. I wasn't leaving that place without my J-Beatle so I let him know that. I think they were scaring the other patients so the security guard finally told me to leave with my J-Beatle."

I can't believe I missed this thread. Yeah, Jenna, like I'll stay away?

Hey, I happen to know where you can get a new bullet! Plug plug plug.

I once shoved a One Eyed Jack in my girl parts and saw God.

LMAO over the beetle. Geez I love your mom Lisa! She is so entertaining!

Ok besides being TOTALLY HILARIOUS! I am horrified by Lisa's mom's story -- how delusional is she -- I mean if a bug can actually get in your ear I am going to have to start wearing ear muffs -- DAILY! Did she imagine it, or can it happen!?!?!?!? Tell me true.............remember the Urban myth about the lady with the boil on her face that she lanced and spiders crawled out??? Let me tell you, I will NEVER forget it! I'm not really afraid of bugs, but this whole parasitic using us as a host thing totally bogs me out!

I've had a Today sponge stuck too! It took me a good 25 minutes to get it out. I was just about ready to call someone for help.

My sister is absolutely not delusional and she had a big old moth fly into her ear and get stuck. Had to go to the hospital to get it out. It would have made me nuts...I hate bugs!

I saw a Trauma: Life in the ER show a few weeks ago where a patient had a cockroach in his ear and got a doc who was terrified of bugs. He did manage to get the bug out of the guy's ear, but then it disappeared into the doc's pant leg...he ended up stripping his pants off in front of the patient who ended up more scared of the way the doc was acting than he was of the bug!

Emily

When i was a kid i was making necklaces out of those heartshaped beads that littlegirls usualy place in there hair.. So my clever brother decided it would be a real hoot to see if he could stick one up my nose .. Well it got stuck... I was freaking out and crying my eyes out.. The big jerk hid me from my mom... I kept wistleing.... and crying untill he managed to pick it out...

lol

Kim