4 months ago I started a thread about my mother-in-law. I am still having problems with her & not quite sure what to do!! I had told my family & friends that I was having Lapband surgery & was TRAVELING to San Diego to have it done. (Which is TRUE!!) My husband & I had struggled with whether to tell our family about my having surgery in Mexico. We decided to be honest & tell the truth. However, we decided it would be best to tell everyone AFTER I had the surgery. 6 weeks after I had recooperated & had my first fill, I told everyone about Mexico. My entire family was fine with it all. My mother was happy for me, my friends had no problems. However, my mother-in-law was a witch about it all. She came over to my house & for 2 hours reprimanded me for lying & told me that my bad example was teaching my children to be dishonest. (There was so much more she said!! I think you get the point!) This is a woman who told me that she would never step foot in Old Mexico or NEW Mexico because she doesn't trust the country at all. She had a fit when we went to NEW MEXICO 2 yrs. ago to visit family. (Yes, I know that New Mexico is in the United States. Try explaining that to her!) So, we chose NOT to tell her about the surgery ahead of time because we knew she would freak out & not be supportive, making our trip miserable. We always planned on telling her, we just wanted to wait until AFTER!!! I believe in being honest & my husband & I felt this was the best way to handle it.

It has now been 4 months since that incident & she is STILL not talking to me or my husband. I have written her 2 e-mails & even apologized to her. She has not responded. She un-invited us to Christmas this year & will not answer the phone when we call. My husband has been 100% supportive of me & thinks his mothers actions are wrong. The problem is that we have 3 kids & they LOVE their grandma. They don't understand what's going on & I feel very sad for them. I have said NOTHING negative to them about grandma.

Up to this point, our relationship has been on & off. She has always liked me & has told me several times that I was so good for her son. She has told me that I am a good mother & praises my decisions. However, she is very controlling. She likes to be in charge & is VERY, VERY nosey. She is into everyone's business. She is also very overweight. She weighs 400 lbs & is bound to a wheelchair. I don't know if she is secretly jealous of my weight loss or what the deal is.

Any suggestions of what you would do?!? All of this was over having Lapband Surgery in Mexico. It's my decision & my life. Why in the world would she act this way? It's been 6 months!!!!

Great idea about sending cards to grandma from the kids!! As of right now, both of our kids are not too thrilled about seeing her again. Grandma & Grandpa took my kids shopping & to dinner 1 week before Christmas so she could see them. (Drove to our house & honked the horn. She didn't say a word to me or my husband.) My 9 yr. old came back saying she doesn't want to see Grandma ever again. She said that she was mean to her & kept correcting everything she did. This has NEVER been an issue before. I am concerned that her attitude with ME is coming out in bad behavior with my kids. I am very close to saying - "Until you change you attitude, I am not willing to have my kids subject to your rudeness."

I am going to have to agree with the jealousy thing. I can't think of anything else it would be!! I will definately be getting my husband involved & hopefully he can whip this woman into shape. This truly is HER problem.

You guys are a wealth of knowledge!!!

Sounds to me like she was just looking for something to be mad about. You've done more than I would have done to make amends, I'd put her on ignore, it's her loss.

I say you tell the kids that Grama is on a vacation and she will be over when she "gets back"......then take em out for ice cream.....they will be okay........THEN sneek over to MIL house with a paper bag filled with dog poo.......light it on fire...place it infront of the door, ring the bell and run like hell~ EHEHEHEH Im Kidding Im kidding...Sometimes my alter ego takes over and I have no control....today....Im outta control~ I know what a "pita" mother in laws can be!! (pita = pain in the a!!) You dont owe her any more appologizes or explainations. you did it once, thats enough. Your hubbie should talk to her.... or at least, carry the bag of poo :rofl:

I am DYING here!!! I would LOVE to take that bag of poo to her door & light it up!! Oh.........that would feel sooooooooo good!!!

I agree your hubby needs to talk to his mom. Maybe include a letter from you explaining your actions and why you did what you did. It isn't fair to your children to get cheated out of their grandmother....just because she is being a wicked witch. Maybe if your children are big enough have them call your MIL and beg her to come visit. Nothing like a little kid to melt granny's ice cold heart.

My MIL is Everybody Loves Raymond's mom. Enough said. I saw this thing on the learning channel about dirty jobs. One girl actually has a lucrative business sending poop with cute little cards. Her only 2 employees are dogs. For obvious reasons. Anyway, the one that is most requested is a big turd that says...Just thinking of you. A lot of folks send this to Ex's but it would be a great gift for those hard-to-buy--for MILs. In case you're looking for a gift for your MIL. The second most requested turd is "Your dog left this in my yard." Just goes to show, you can sell almost anything. :rofl:

I have a MIL from hell also. I worked for her, actually she bought my last place of employment. When I quit, her partner relieved stress by yelling at me all the time, she stopped seeing my daughter. This was in June and we just saw her at Christmas time. I had surgery and she never called to check on me. She used to keep my daughter for about 8 hours each week so they were pretty close. I told my daughter that grandma was mad at mommy and it was not her fault, she stopped asking about her after a few weeks. (she is 4) After Christmas she asked about her a few more times and she has already dropped it again. Kids bounce back, don't bed this woman to be a grandma. That is a gift from God, you and your husband to her, if she chooses to throw that gift out the window let her. I am sure that the kids have plenty of other people that love them and will treat them with respect that they don't need her. (besides don't you worry that they will be with her and someone will drop a house on her?) I have helped my daughter move on and understand that it is not her fault. Just make sure that you are giving extra hugs and kisses and remind them that they are loved more then they know. I am sorry that your MIL is bad, mine is too. I am down 50 pounds and she never said a word at Christmas. I smiled and bit my tongue. She kept offering stuffing and dessert knowing that I don't do either. She also has a habit of serving ham ( I never eat pork) when we are all there. Sometimes MIL are a pain, that is what we deal with for great husbands. I joke that my hubby takes after his dad and that is why his dad divorced his mom, cuz she is a witch. ~Mandy

I've experienced similar situations! Let me first say that I truly love and admire my MIL! She's a wonderful woman and loves us all so much! I married her only son (she has 3 daughters) and am helping him raise his two children and my one.

She's very bossy and controlling and loves to have things her way. I think it's from being a teacher for so many years! lol! She's not in favor of my band surgery which is in a few days. (I haven't told her the date!) I never spoke to her about it at all, but DH received an email from one of his sisters about how she just knew my insurance wouldn't cover it and I was going to put him in financial ruins....blah, blah, blah! I was to have surgery a month ago but due to some drama w/ the clinic I was going through I had to reschedule. My MIL told me "it's okay Sweetie, we love you fat!" I know she means well, she and two of the three sisters are very overweight as well. But what I need most is for them to all understand that this decision is between me and my husband! It's non-negotiable. So this time when I scheduled I haven't said a word. We're going to tell her the night before when we ask her to get the kids to school for us the morning of surgery!

I have to feel that your MIL has some jellous issues of her own weight. I think that unconciously my female in-laws do as well. My goal is to not only lose the weight FOREVER for me, but to be an example to them that they can do it too! I truly love them and want to turn this into a positive situation. For ALL of us!

I can understand why you kept things from your MIL. I think she's being selfish and childish. Hang in there and keep losing the weight! One of you will be healthy!

Hugs!

Wow, you are all a lot nicer (or at least less cynical) than I am. In my opinion, you have apologized 50 ways from Sunday, when you have nothing to apologize for and that has gained you nothing.

I don't have children or in-laws, so I can't say that I've been there. That's reason enough to ignore what I'm about to say. But I want to pass along a piece of advice my mother gave me me 20 years ago: Don't let anyone treat you like crap, even if they are family.

I am a bit surprised at all the comments about "depriving" your children of a grandmother. The fact that she's not seeing your children is HER choice, not yours. Forget whatever it is you believe she's saying or thinking about you and look at her actions. To be brutally honest, her actions tell me that hanging on to that grudge is more important to her than you or your husband, or your grandchildren.

Maybe one day she will get over it and you two will mend fences and be closerthanthis. Hopefully, you will. But this is the way things are right now. You can't change her, so you have to decide how you will react in the future. Will you apologize and apologize and apologize, or will you say (very politely) "Thank you for sharing your concerns. I'm sorry you feel that way, but (insert husband's name) and I are making the best decisions for our family so hopefully you won't continue to upset yourself in the future." And then LEAVE the room? Which is the better example to set for your children?

I know you don't want to rock the boat, but the truth is, she's already rocking it. She's treating you this way because you and your husband allow it. And it will continue. As you lose weight and grow more confident, she's going to like it less and less - and she's going to make sure you know it.

I hope I don't seem overly harsh, I don't mean to sound that way. But you don't deserve the way she's treating you.

Sleepyjean!!! For not ever having to deal with a MIL before, you sure seem to truly get it! I loved your comment about "her actions are showing that she is more concerned with holding her grudge then us or her grandkids." YOU ARE SO RIGHT!!!! Why do I feel like I need to apologize to her?! I know that I truly did NOTHING wrong. I think I will plan on using your wording of - "We are making the best decision for our family so hopefully you won't upset yourself in the future." HA!! That is sooo perfect. This is HER choice & I need to move one & do what's best for my family.

I'm still toying over the bag of poo at the door idea. She wouldn't be offended by that would she?!?! Do ya think?!?!?!?!?

eheheheh glad you like the poo idea....muahahaha stick with me, ill getcha in trouble with the rest of the family OR at the very least arrested!!! eeewe wouldn't it be a great experience to get the whole family in on the poo adventure. hubbie can carry the poo, you can light the bag of poo and the little ones can bring the Toilet paper to throw thru her trees~ muahahahahahahaha oh that would be the ultimate revenge. tell the little ones that gramma wants to cover her trees for the winter...they are cold ehehehehehe IM KIDDING... I would never do that~~ I might shrink wrap her entire car so she couldn't get in it, but I would never poo her door step....eheheheheh oh Im kidding......I wouldn't get my kid in on it too...or would I :evil:

I had only read a short bit of your post when I thought to myself, "I bet her mother in law is very over weight herself and that this is the reason for this type of total over reaction to somebody elses life decisions." Sure enough.

Hello;

I have two BIG DOGS, so lots of supplies if you like to go with the poo idea- I'll send it to you for free!!! HAHAHA

No need to spend any more money on your MIL - I'm more than happy to help.... just let me know where to send it to....

Carola

I agree with sleepyjean...enough is enough. You've already gone the extra mile by apologizing when you did nothing wrong. What makes her think you owe her any explanation of what you choose to do medically, anyway? I also think that if she's acting that way, she's not being the kind of person I'd want my kids around. She's acting like a 5 year old, and none of you have to join in her game and try to placate her. You didn't withdraw from her...she chose to remove herself from your immediate circle by her actions.

Kids are very adaptable, and they will be fine. For their sake and your own, you can't let her manipulate you or waste your valuable emotional energy on worrying about her. It's her loss if she's going to let her jealousy get in the way of her family relationships. I understand about feeling guilty (if there's a problem at work, I really have to struggle to not feel like it's automatically my fault), but you've done nothing to feel guilty about.

Just my 2 cents...

Emily