Holy crap!

I needed some clarification on a State Statute for a client of mine, and I wasn't finding the answer by Googling it, so I asked the question on www.freeadvice.com, which I was a user back in 2005 for a short time. If any of you have ever heard of it, it's supposedly free legal advice.

Well, I got the answer I needed alright, but not without attack like you wouldn't believe! I was called a SNOB, RUDE and told THEY WOULDNT FORGET....I was like....What the????

Why? Because I followed up my question with these little words "please, only lawyers or law students". I had no idea that would be so offensive, but I apologized right away and clarified that I needed info for a client, not public opinion-but the attacks kept on coming from the same mean people I remember way back then!!

So what I'm saying here is....wow, if you think some of the posts on this board are rude, go post 1 question on freeadvice.com and you'll be running back to this board for safety!!!

Signed, Put in Her Place

Holy crap!

I needed some clarification on a State Statute for a client of mine, and I wasn't finding the answer by Googling it, so I asked the question on www.freeadvice.com, which I was a user back in 2005 for a short time. If any of you have ever heard of it, it's supposedly free legal advice.

Well, I got the answer I needed alright, but not without attack like you wouldn't believe! I was called a SNOB, RUDE and told THEY WOULDNT FORGET....I was like....What the????

Why? Because I followed up my question with these little words "please, only lawyers or law students". I had no idea that would be so offensive, but I apologized right away and clarified that I needed info for a client, not public opinion-but the attacks kept on coming from the same mean people I remember way back then!!

So what I'm saying here is....wow, if you think some of the posts on this board are rude, go post 1 question on freeadvice.com and you'll be running back to this board for safety!!!

Signed, Put in Her Place

That's amazing, but more typical than it might seem. A lot of forums are like that. They have their core of frequent posters, and anyone who goes against the grain, or who doesn't sit quietly in a corner until learning the perfect way to post a question is given nothing but hell. A number of car enthusiast forums I read are like that. Heaven help you if you should ask a quesiton that someone posted previously, or if you have a misunderstanding about the finer points of owning a certain kind of car. The "regulars" will eat you alive.

But you know what? The same exact thing happened to me, right here on this forum, in the chat room. Several months ago I dropped into the chat room to see what it was about, hoping to learn more about what it meant to be banded. There were about a dozen women there, and only one other guy. The chat was extremely graphic sexual talk among the women, who were discussing very frankly about their sexual activities, which personal sexual devices they preferred, and graphically describing how they performed sexually for their husbands and boyfriends. It was pretty shocking and completely unexpected.

After several minutes of this kind of thing, I tried to send a private comment to the other guy in the room. All I said to him was "I'm getting tired of reading all this sex talk." Well, due to my inexperience, the comment wasn't private. It was posted in the main chat room. The women went CRAZY. It was a feeding frenzy of open, hostile harrassment. They all went way over the top, and completely humiliated me in front of everyone else. They openly laughed and ridiculed me to the point that I left the room and haven't been back since. It was completely uncalled for, and showed a complete disregard for the point of the chat room, which I (mistakenly) believed was to discuss weight loss surgery. Silly me!

The larger lesson is that it showed me there are a lot of aggressive, angry, low-life people in that chat room who are no better than the common bullies I went to school with. They should be ashamed of themselves.

Dave

Wow! that's just crazy! My husband said almost the same thing you did, about the regulars eating you alive if you don't post exactly right. I think they use forums as an outlet for their rage!!!

I have not personally experienced that much hostility on this board. Or seen it. Yes, there have been some comments but nothing like what I saw on freeadvice.com--so far. And I have posted a few exasperated comments myself. But all in all, this board is much more pleasant!

That's amazing, but more typical than it might seem. A lot of forums are like that. They have their core of frequent posters, and anyone who goes against the grain, or who doesn't sit quietly in a corner until learning the perfect way to post a question is given nothing but hell. A number of car enthusiast forums I read are like that. Heaven help you if you should ask a quesiton that someone posted previously, or if you have a misunderstanding about the finer points of owning a certain kind of car. The "regulars" will eat you alive.

But you know what? The same exact thing happened to me, right here on this forum, in the chat room. Several months ago I dropped into the chat room to see what it was about, hoping to learn more about what it meant to be banded. There were about a dozen women there, and only one other guy. The chat was extremely graphic sexual talk among the women, who were discussing very frankly about their sexual activities, which personal sexual devices they preferred, and graphically describing how they performed sexually for their husbands and boyfriends. It was pretty shocking and completely unexpected.

After several minutes of this kind of thing, I tried to send a private comment to the other guy in the room. All I said to him was "I'm getting tired of reading all this sex talk." Well, due to my inexperience, the comment wasn't private. It was posted in the main chat room. The women went CRAZY. It was a feeding frenzy of open, hostile harrassment. They all went way over the top, and completely humiliated me in front of everyone else. They openly laughed and ridiculed me to the point that I left the room and haven't been back since. It was completely uncalled for, and showed a complete disregard for the point of the chat room, which I (mistakenly) believed was to discuss weight loss surgery. Silly me!

The larger lesson is that it showed me there are a lot of aggressive, angry, low-life people in that chat room who are no better than the common bullies I went to school with. They should be ashamed of themselves.

Dave

Awww Dave...stay out here with us. We promise we won't get sexually graphic.

I popped into the chat rooms a couple of times and had the same experience, although I just quietly left figuring it wasn't my type of crowd. I haven't been back since either.

Mattie, yes there are some pretty hostile forums on the internet. I think the LBT is a pretty nice place with the exception of one particular person but I figure no place is 100% perfect and the 'ignore' feature works beautifully in such cases.

.

Trolls are everywhere. Unfortunately, these asshats have the safety of their monitors to act that the jackholes they really are. I've been on chat room since 1995 (starting with IRC), and there are power-hungry moderators and regulars that try to exert power and knowledge that I can only image they don't have in their "real lives."

I'm thinking about adding a smart a$$ response inspired by David Thorne. http://www.27bslash6.com/

His use of internet correspondence is positively hilarious. If you got nothing better to do check out this site. Some of the more notable letters of his are "overdue account" "please design a logo for me. with pie charts. for free" and "the ducks in the bathroom are not mine" amongst many others.....

wow, every time I have popped in on the chat room there is nothing going on, I mean nothing. This is really the only specific forum I have posted on. I used to chat years ago on a couple sites, but it got old.

Hell go in the the Girls Gone Wild Thread... They post stuff on there that I would only talk about in private not on the interent - I don't do chat room so never had the experience -but IMHO even if I was 20 I wouldn't be putting my business in the streets like that.. But to each their own...

Well, thanks for the support, Ladies. I do appreciate hearing it wasn't just me. The attitude and pack animal behavior of the people in that room that day still gives me the creeps.

I'm a road-weary 57 year old, I have seven grandchildren, and I spent 20 years in the Navy, so there is very little I haven't heard. I've also been an IT professional since the early 70's, and I've been in and around online communities since the 80's. What threw me about the chat room experience here wasn't so much the frank sexual nature of the chat, it was the idea that it was completely outside the realm of what the chat room was supposed to be for. There was no warning about it being an "anything goes" situation, and there could have been underage people in the room - nobody would have known until they got in there. I'm not a prude or anything, but it struck me as being just plain wrong.

(Then again, the comments someone made in another thread here the other day about a 70 pound 12 year old boy masquerading and posting as an obese adult woman comes to mind. I can see him getting his jollies by hanging out in the chat room, pretending to be a sexually frustrated woman, and enticing other [real] women to help solve "her" sexual problems, or give her tips on how to have a better sex life. It gets to be kind of sick when you think about it. And if that 12 year old boy was really a 40 year old man, it gets even sicker.)

I don't need or want the chat room in my life, so it's not a big deal. The bullying and rude behavior of these presumed fellow weight loss patients left a very sour taste in my mouth, and makes me wonder what the site Moderator is here for. I wonder if the chat room is under any sort of jurisdiction and monitoring. It sure wasn't that night. I'll stay out here in public where things are much more civil. Even if the band IS just a tool...

Dave

No Dave, it's a mechanical patsy......!!!!

Well, thanks for the support, Ladies. I do appreciate hearing it wasn't just me. The attitude and pack animal behavior of the people in that room that day still gives me the creeps.

I'm a road-weary 57 year old, I have seven grandchildren, and I spent 20 years in the Navy, so there is very little I haven't heard. I've also been an IT professional since the early 70's, and I've been in and around online communities since the 80's. What threw me about the chat room experience here wasn't so much the frank sexual nature of the chat, it was the idea that it was completely outside the realm of what the chat room was supposed to be for. There was no warning about it being an "anything goes" situation, and there could have been underage people in the room - nobody would have known until they got in there. I'm not a prude or anything, but it struck me as being just plain wrong.

(Then again, the comments someone made in another thread here the other day about a 70 pound 12 year old boy masquerading and posting as an obese adult woman comes to mind. I can see him getting his jollies by hanging out in the chat room, pretending to be a sexually frustrated woman, and enticing other [real] women to help solve "her" sexual problems, or give her tips on how to have a better sex life. It gets to be kind of sick when you think about it. And if that 12 year old boy was really a 40 year old man, it gets even sicker.)

I don't need or want the chat room in my life, so it's not a big deal. The bullying and rude behavior of these presumed fellow weight loss patients left a very sour taste in my mouth, and makes me wonder what the site Moderator is here for. I wonder if the chat room is under any sort of jurisdiction and monitoring. It sure wasn't that night. I'll stay out here in public where things are much more civil. Even if the band IS just a tool...

Dave

No Dave, it's a mechanical patsy......!!!!

Oh. Right! I keep forgetting...

Dave

That's amazing, but more typical than it might seem. A lot of forums are like that. They have their core of frequent posters, and anyone who goes against the grain, or who doesn't sit quietly in a corner until learning the perfect way to post a question is given nothing but hell. A number of car enthusiast forums I read are like that. Heaven help you if you should ask a quesiton that someone posted previously, or if you have a misunderstanding about the finer points of owning a certain kind of car. The "regulars" will eat you alive.

But you know what? The same exact thing happened to me, right here on this forum, in the chat room. Several months ago I dropped into the chat room to see what it was about, hoping to learn more about what it meant to be banded. There were about a dozen women there, and only one other guy. The chat was extremely graphic sexual talk among the women, who were discussing very frankly about their sexual activities, which personal sexual devices they preferred, and graphically describing how they performed sexually for their husbands and boyfriends. It was pretty shocking and completely unexpected.

After several minutes of this kind of thing, I tried to send a private comment to the other guy in the room. All I said to him was "I'm getting tired of reading all this sex talk." Well, due to my inexperience, the comment wasn't private. It was posted in the main chat room. The women went CRAZY. It was a feeding frenzy of open, hostile harrassment. They all went way over the top, and completely humiliated me in front of everyone else. They openly laughed and ridiculed me to the point that I left the room and haven't been back since. It was completely uncalled for, and showed a complete disregard for the point of the chat room, which I (mistakenly) believed was to discuss weight loss surgery. Silly me!

The larger lesson is that it showed me there are a lot of aggressive, angry, low-life people in that chat room who are no better than the common bullies I went to school with. They should be ashamed of themselves.

Dave

It just happens that I was there the night that Dave is referring to. Now, let me explain something. Yes, this is a chat room for discussing lapband. It is also a support group for many of us. Many of the regulars talk for several hours daily. If all we ever talked about was the band, it would get pretty boring for all of us quickly. We are all adults and thus, yes, sometimes even sexual questions get asked. We answer those just as well as we answer band questions. If someone needs support in any area, we try to be that support. Your accusation that is nothing more than a porn fest is completely ridiculous. As far as anyone attacking you, that is also ridiculous. We kept trying to tell you that you were posting in the room...that we could see everything that YOU were saying about us. YOU were the one who started tossing insults that you did not mean for us to see. YOU thought they were being said privately which shows you had no spine to say it to us directly and were instead resorting to gossip. YOU kept doing it even after we had told you that we could see it. I was the one who finally posted your pm that we were all seeing in the room back to you so you would finally understand that we were seeing it. ATTACKING YOU? That is hilarious. Instead, I was trying to show you that you were not understanding how to work private chat in the room. The others responded to the crude things you were saying about us. Let me add, this happened MONTHS ago and you are still hanging on to it? REALLY? All I can say is that I am personally sorry that you did not have the intelligence to work chat right so you could insult us without us seeing it. I am sorry that you got your feelings hurt even though you were the one who starting making insults. I am sorry that obviously this traumatized you so badly that you are still talking about it months later. I am sorry that you have such soft feelings that you could not handle someone trying to show you that you were messing up. Have a great day!!!! I won't hold my breath waiting for an apology for the things you said about us. BTW, had you waited around a few minutes, the entire conversation changed...just as it does anytime anyone has a question or a need. The regulars in this room are friends and we support one another through ANYTHING. We don't whine everytime someone doesn't pay specific attention to us.

I'm not sure why you're attacking Dave. I wouldn't consider it "hanging onto" a memory by simply responding to a post who's subject was specifically about internet trolls who use posts to say mean and angry things directly to and about other posters. hmmmmm........

I'm not sure why you're attacking Dave. I wouldn't consider it "hanging onto" a memory by simply responding to a post who's subject was specifically about internet trolls who use posts to say mean and angry things directly to and about other posters. hmmmmm........

Resorting to calling someone you have never met rude names shows true childishness and immaturity. I stated nothing but the facts. Unfortunately, Dave tried to post his rude post in a PM and did not know what he was doing and it instead was shown to an entire room of people who did not appreciated his hatefulness and told him. Dave was in the room for about 5 to 10 minutes. I have been in this chat room for months. I have seen a full range of topics discussed...from the lapband...to the death of a friend...to quitting smoking...to sexual questions...to parenting questions...etc. I could go on and on. When you make a comment about anything without fully education yourself you are going on nothing but assumptions. People who make those kind of assumptions come off as true asses. If you want to post a rude comment about chat, stay in there longer than a few minutes to see what it is ALL about. If I am in the room, there is not one person i do not say hello to and ask how they are when they enter the room. If anyone has a question that I know the answer to it, I explain it to them. If anyone is in the room making a fool of themselves, I tell them that too. I do not support anyone causing problems in the room...which is exactly what Dave did. You ask why I am attacking Dave. I am not attacking him, I am stating the truth. However, I realize that there are many who can not handle that truth. hmmmmm indeed...take care

Resorting to calling someone you have never met rude names shows true childishness and immaturity. I stated nothing but the facts. Unfortunately, Dave tried to post his rude post in a PM and did not know what he was doing and it instead was shown to an entire room of people who did not appreciated his hatefulness and told him. Dave was in the room for about 5 to 10 minutes. I have been in this chat room for months. I have seen a full range of topics discussed...from the lapband...to the death of a friend...to quitting smoking...to sexual questions...to parenting questions...etc. I could go on and on. When you make a comment about anything without fully education yourself you are going on nothing but assumptions. People who make those kind of assumptions come off as true asses. If you want to post a rude comment about chat, stay in there longer than a few minutes to see what it is ALL about. If I am in the room, there is not one person i do not say hello to and ask how they are when they enter the room. If anyone has a question that I know the answer to it, I explain it to them. If anyone is in the room making a fool of themselves, I tell them that too. I do not support anyone causing problems in the room...which is exactly what Dave did. You ask why I am attacking Dave. I am not attacking him, I am stating the truth. However, I realize that there are many who can not handle that truth. hmmmmm indeed...take care

You know, I wonder how many people hiding under their rocks sit there behind their keyboards and call US the big bad wolf, not even to our 'faces', but on some 'lets hate everyone in the chatroom board'. I wonder why all of you have such a big pair of balls now- to hate on us, when YOU wern't there. Every side has two stories. Did dave also fill you in on all of the rude comments he had accidently posted in the main room? How they we're hateful and demeaning? I didn't think so. But go ahead and feel sorry for poor ol' road withered Dave since he took his time on the forum ( which he doesn't need or want in his life, of course) to describe how pitiful he is. Don't even second guess EXACTLY why we were talking about intercourse that night. But just in case you do- I'll tell you why. We were talking about making love and intercourse because these people have endured a very long deployment of my husbands and I was simply expressing to my FAMILY how nervous and scared I was for intimacy again after being away from my husband for such a long time........I hope you have had a good time ASSuming what mean and heartless people we are.......

It just happens that I was there the night that Dave is referring to. Now, let me explain something. Yes, this is a chat room for discussing lapband. It is also a support group for many of us. Many of the regulars talk for several hours daily. If all we ever talked about was the band, it would get pretty boring for all of us quickly. We are all adults and thus, yes, sometimes even sexual questions get asked. We answer those just as well as we answer band questions. If someone needs support in any area, we try to be that support. Your accusation that is nothing more than a porn fest is completely ridiculous. As far as anyone attacking you, that is also ridiculous. We kept trying to tell you that you were posting in the room...that we could see everything that YOU were saying about us. YOU were the one who started tossing insults that you did not mean for us to see. YOU thought they were being said privately which shows you had no spine to say it to us directly and were instead resorting to gossip. YOU kept doing it even after we had told you that we could see it. I was the one who finally posted your pm that we were all seeing in the room back to you so you would finally understand that we were seeing it. ATTACKING YOU? That is hilarious. Instead, I was trying to show you that you were not understanding how to work private chat in the room. The others responded to the crude things you were saying about us. Let me add, this happened MONTHS ago and you are still hanging on to it? REALLY? All I can say is that I am personally sorry that you did not have the intelligence to work chat right so you could insult us without us seeing it. I am sorry that you got your feelings hurt even though you were the one who starting making insults. I am sorry that obviously this traumatized you so badly that you are still talking about it months later. I am sorry that you have such soft feelings that you could not handle someone trying to show you that you were messing up. Have a great day!!!! I won't hold my breath waiting for an apology for the things you said about us. BTW, had you waited around a few minutes, the entire conversation changed...just as it does anytime anyone has a question or a need. The regulars in this room are friends and we support one another through ANYTHING. We don't whine everytime someone doesn't pay specific attention to us.

I appreciate you posting, but I think you may be misremembering how it went. I made ONE statement to the other guy in the room about being tired of all the sex talk, and everyone went off on me. I am not one to insult ANYONE, online or in person. It is absolutely not my style. If insults were being posted in the chat room, they were most definitely NOT posted by me. I don't DO that. After several minutes of the harrassment I received, I made one final post, which was, "Okay Ladies, you can have your fun." And I left the room. I have not been back since. If you truly remember something negative happening, it was after I left the room. Maybe it was the other guy. He was still there when I left.

In my earlier post I was not accusing anyone of making it a porn site. I was referring to the explicit chat happening at that time, and how I felt it was inappropriate. True, I don't go into chat rooms as a rule, but I am certainly intelligent enough to have an idea how they work, or I wouldn't have gone in there. In that case, I did think I was making a private comment to the other guy. Sorry, obviously I was in error. I quickly figured that out when it was pointed out that my post had been seen by others. But I also didn't ask to be openly humiliated by everyone who felt it was acceptable to make fun of my error. I didn't post anything else, waiting for the assault to end. But when the hostility continued, without me saying ANYTHING more, I realized that was not the place I needed to be. So I left. It was made very clear to me that I was not welcome there.

The greater point that it happened AT ALL points out the problem with unmoderated chat rooms. My bringing it up on this thread was in response to the OP saying she encountered similar treatment on another forum. Prior to this thread, I haven't brought this event up to anyone, and it happened last Fall. So obviously I wasn't that traumatized by what happened. I just happen to think it was uncalled for. Just as I think your several insults to me in your post here are uncalled for. Anyone reading what you've said here can easily see the open hostility in what you said about me. It pretty well supports my memories of what happened in the chat room that night. Thanks for helping me out.

Dave