I know I don't post a lot and I guess this is not the place but I am so angry and sad about what happened and I found out today.

I went to the Dr. For my first Infertility consultation. We have been trying for 3 years to no avail. I head up to the front of the line and the woman is coaching a new emplyee about the procedures ect.

Well when I come up I give her my medical card and she says very loudly. "Oh she is here for infertlilty!" I am a little taken aback...but never the less I begin to give her my $10 co pay. So she says Loudly again, "Oh you don't pay up front for Infertility! Your district (I am a school teacher) covers 50% which is great for INFERTILIY"

Now mind you I am not a shy person but when 3 people turned and looked at me with that head tilt and ahhhh look... I could have killed her. So I say quietly to show her how discretion is done, "Oh okay when I get out then."

She then hands me this paper with all of the treatments and their costs (my co pay) and says louder, "See, she will just bring that back after she see the INFERTILITY DR!" It was like she was on a mission to make me cry. I walked away and while that was awful...

It gets worse because then the rest of the nurses were normal and I got in rather quickly to see the Dr. so I started to relax. Big Mistake. Have you ever had to get bad news from a Dr.... Well I have. I know the look. It's something about the eyes. They dont' quite look at you.

Well we were looking up my husbands sperm count... It was very bad. Not only was it a low count but most of them were not moving. So basically he is almost sterile. The Dr. ordered a new sperm count and told me some extraordinary things we could go through...but I just want to cry. I hold it in because while my husband's news is bad mine is just a little better... I have a late ovulation and that means the egg can't implant. Easily fixed though. So I am in a better spot. So after I come out I find out that my co -pay for my horrible news cost me $110. I payed money to find out my life is sucking right now.

Later after crying for awhile my husband comes home... and now I must tell him. This is the worst part. He is such a beautiful man. He supported me through canser/obesity/depression... and he feels like a failure. I hate seeing the look on his face. He says the only good luck he has ever had was marring me. I want him to feel better...but I don't know what to say. I have always imagined having a son that looked like him. He has this beautiful smile and I love his eyes... Don't get me wrong after three years we knew this was possible... and we have always wanted to adopt...but this is perminent... I am just really upset right now

Dear Rica,

Ithat 3 of my 4 miracles were AI babies and true miracles. Your babies are just waiting to make an entrance. ,

Thanks everyone for the encouragement... I feel a little better today and I will keep trying to have an opened mind. BYW what is an AI is that artificial insem?

Rica,

I am so sorry. My DH and I have been through this for 23 years now. We are now in the process of adopting a 9 year old little boy named Josh. Don't ever give up hope. God has a way of working even when we don't think He is.

Sending prayers and hugs your way.

Julie = )

Rica -

I've run through the infertility gauntlet myself. I was fine, but my husband, much like yours, was essentially sterile.

We tried artificial insemination with donor sperm, and when that didn't work, we went the adoption route. Adoption was not without it's trials and tribulations (we had a birth mother back out after we had supported her financially for 4 months) but in the end, we got the baby who was meant for us. That 'baby' is 17 years old now and a spoiled rotten terror who I love with all my heart and soul. I wouldn't have missed one minute of my life with him.

Adoption is great way to build a family, if you have some time, patience and financial backing to see the process through.

Good Luck - you're going to be a great mom.

men always feel compelled to "fix things" and when they can't it hurts them terribly and me do not deal well with that.

I went through alot of infertility stuff and it is not worth it.

I will pray for you and hope that you find peace.

take care - nancy

Yes, AI is artificial insemenation.

Rica,

I am so sorry. My DH and I have been through this for 23 years now. We are now in the process of adopting a 9 year old little boy named Josh. Don't ever give up hope. God has a way of working even when we don't think He is.

Sending prayers and hugs your way.

Julie = )

Wow for that long... I am so sorry for you. I am glas now that you have a son... that may be the answer for us also...maybe embryo adotion so that I can still experience pregnancy... I have been looking into it.

men always feel compelled to "fix things" and when they can't it hurts them terribly and me do not deal well with that.

I went through alot of infertility stuff and it is not worth it.

I will pray for you and hope that you find peace.

take care - nancy

Nancy,

You are right my hubbie is a fix it kind of guy... SO I know he will do everything in his power to make me happy. I just wish it were me. I would do a doner egg in a hot second. But I realize that I would still feel conected through the pregnancy... I am still hopeful that he will change his mind. ...Oh and as far as adoption... We will begin our home study as soon as I can get through the beging of the news.