Can I start Over??

[Dbanner 0]

Has anyone ever messed up at the very begining? If so how do you start over and get on the right track. 2 weeks after surgery I was very depressed as I was only down 3 pounds. Being an emotional eater I started trying solid foods and had no problems. I am now 3 weeks since surgery and back up a pound. I am eating regular foods (granted less than before) and I am not loosing anything. I was scared before the surgery about the fact that I am a snacker. People told me not to worry that I would not be physically able to snack. Well I found a way. Evening are the worse. It is like now that i have this in me and more compelled that ever to eat. I am so embarassed I am avoiding friends and family and worst of all my doctor. How do I start over?

[giveyouthemoon 4]

Ok....first....you gotta stop beating up on yourself. Wow, there is a lot of pain in your post.

Second...just know that the band doesn't work that well until you have a fill. It is normal to be able to eat after surgery but before a fill. It's not even unusual to gain a couple pounds between surgery and the first fill.

Third....you need to get scared a little. Two weeks after surgery is TOO SOON to be eating solid foods. You could do serious damage to your band. As my doctor explained "you have to let the band settle in so that it will work right with a fill". When you eat solids, your stomach does a lot of contortions to digest and your band is too new so complications can happen. You don't want to lose your band! You've gone through all of this for a good reason so take care of your band. Treat it like a treasure. liquids and mushies are MUCH easier on the tummy so PLEASE stick to that!!!! You can find lots of yummy things that are mushy, just get creative!!

Fourth.....I honestly suggest that you seek out some professional counseling. I think you've got some deep seated issues with food. Your saying you are compelled to eat even tho you know you aren't supposed to sort of tips me off. We all have food issues here (BIG issues for me personally) so this isn't a bad or wrong thing. But I think some professional therapy would help you recognize issues and find tools to help when the food demons are really trying to get at ya. I hate to break it to you, but wrasslin' with you food demons never really goes away. But if you can find some good coping tools, it makes it easier and more effective to deal with them when the demons go dancing around in your head.

Fifth...hang in there....your LBT family is here to support you!!

[LilAngel 0]

Wow. I was just coming on to post because I was wondering about how many folks gained initial weight loss after surgery, but before a fill. I am still down over all, and not really that stressed since I don't have a fill, but I was just wondering if it was normal. I think all will be well after my fill. I am already eating so much less, but somehow still putting on some of what I have lost. Can't wait to get my fill. I want to get this show on the road!

DBanner, I am sure we aren't the only ones this has happened to. Probably at least a few folks, who now have had great success, went through a time like this. Hang in there, better days are coming!

[Teresita 0]

Hi DBanner there is always a way to star anew at any point. If I gain or know that I am eating right. I go back to my Protein Shakes. Drink 1 shake a day to replace Breakfast or lunch. Eat soft mushy foods, get your Protein and veggies in. Stay away from junk foods and sugar drinks. This should give you a good start. Good Luck

[Anwyn 0]

You can absolutely start over. I can tell that it was really hard for you to post here. I'm so glad that you did. Sometimes just getting it out to someone is all it takes to get back on track. You need to baby your band right now. Just because you've eaten solids doesn't mean that you can't back up the bus to mushies.

The counseling suggestion from Karen is a great idea. It sounds like you're not sure if you're ready for this. The good (and bad) news is that it's too late now. Time to get in the game and embrace the new lifestyle. I also gained a few pounds once I started eating solids. It's not at all unusual. Don't worry about it - you'll have plenty of time to lose weight after your first fill.

Good luck - you can do this!!

[vinesqueen 2]

Yup, you have to stop beating yourself up. NOW. And yes, I know that is easier said than done.

The Band is not a diet. It is a lifestyle. Diets can be cheated on or broken, but a lifestyle is how you life your life. It takes time to learn any new skill, and this is no different. I know that many of us get stuck in the "perfection" mode. If we can't do it perfectly, the first time we try, we give up. Obsessive compulsive behavior, overbearing parents, or take your pick of hundreds of other reasons. We want to do this perfectly, and when we can't, we feel like we've failed.

Failed our families, our doctors, our friends, even ourselves. But that's the thing, with a lifestyle, you cannot fail because there is no perfect. There is only "doing our best." Sometimes that best means we fall short of the ideal. But that's okay, because sometimes "the ideal" in unatainable, unreachable.

For instance, take my supposed "ideal weight." By the charts and the books and schedules, being 5'5", my "ideal weight" is 125 pounds. But given my body type and composition, the only way I will ever reach that weight is if I end up with a terrible wasting disease, like cancer, that eats 50 pounds of muscle and bone. For me, the "ideal weight" is unatainable, unreachable, and unwanted.

The other wonderful thing about the band is that it is always there for us. It is a friend, a mentor, a cop. You can always start over because you cannot fail at life.

The only way to fail at life is to die.

So. You need to call your surgeon, make that doctor appointment. You also need to find a therapist who can help you with some of your other issues around food. You need to call your friends and let them know you are okay.

Let your band heal. Take care of it, and it will take care of you. And just so you know, the first weeks before your first fill are for healing, and NOT for weight loss. Any weight lost during this time is just bonus.

[Dbanner 0]

Thank you so much for all of your feed back. I will call my doctor this afternoon and schedule that appt. Thank you for not judging. Your feedback was just what I needed. It took me 3 years to find a way to get this surgery and when I wasnt loosing instantly while doing the liquids I freaked out. I have friends that lost weight fast after getting the band which has made this even harder. It is good to know there are people who understand and can relate. Thanks Again!

D

[pamela 6]

Hi Dbanner,

I'm right there with ya. I lost 15lbs quickly since surgery on 10/19 and have gained back at least 5lbs... I started to freak out the other day too. And since I told people that I was having the surgery, they expect me to lose quickly! It's taken me a while to accept that I need to give this time. I go in for my 1st fill on the 21st, so we'll see how it goes after that.

You are not alone!

Good luck!

~Pamela.

["with the band" 1]

Like the others said - don't beat yourself up over this and don't think that all is doomed.

WE CAN ALWAYS START OVER - That is what you have to believe. You know yourself well enough and think of the place that took you to this road in the first place. That will start you over.

Good Luck - Nancy

[the best me 6]

It is like now that i have this in me and more compelled that ever to eat.

Oh yeah, don't tell ME I can't eat something! I can really relate to this coment. I don't Know if it's the control issue for you that it is for me, but it's an issue I have been grappling with for years and years. I take care of me with food. So if you dissapprove of what I'm eating or how, you dissapprove of me. Just makes me wanna say "screw you" and eat. Terrible attitude that takes on other subtle, not so "in your face" attributes as well.

Post-banding, I didn't get a fill for three months. There were several reasons for this, including the fact that I didn't really need one, but the biggest factor was I wasn't ready for one! I had to spend time with my band, getting to know it, seeing how it worked, and yes, pusing it to see just how far it would let me go, figuring out just what I had to do to get away with eating.

I had the need to feel like "me" again, or find the newer, more improved "me" with the band and see how she worked...even though the old me was the one who got me in all this big fat trouble to begin with!

Anyhow, if all that makes you feel a bit more "normal" or exceptional, then I hope it helps.

You have received great advice on this thread. Drink it in, my friend! You will do fine. Do what you gotta do mentally, just take care of that healing band so you'll have it around to do the hard work with. Blessings!!!

[sunsett 2]

Hi Dbanner,

I like your name itls a cute one.

I had my surgery on 9/26. less than 3 weeks after we went on a 9 day cruise!

I have a therapist who I see now about once a month. She is wonderful ! She has been there done that! She had WLS, stomach stapled back in 97. So she has helped me tremendously before my band and now after.

I like everyone else has failed the "scale" over and over agian. I have an eating disorder and have over the past 20plus years tried every diet out there, nutritionist, and therapists. I even went in patient for 6 weeks back in 91. It was there that my self exceptance began, I learned to except myself the way I was. That was the begining of the end of being "good or bad" with food. Now thats not to say that I don't think it or feel it once in a while, but I accept myself easier now.

I also learned during that time that the scale is NOT MY FRIEND! So many people like I did, have there day go according to the scale, your either going to feel god or bad today depending on what that # says. I have litterly thrown out 3 scales from the 3rd floor of my house. After the 3rd I have not brought any more. I just know how it effects me. I am tired of the emotional feelings from the scale. I had to learn to accept myself today for me not for what the scale says.

Oh are there days that I REALLY want to go on, you bet, but for me it is a step into a dangerous obsessive life which I have worked to hard to stay away from. I now only go on the doctors scale. Once a month is good for me. But remember, that is me and it is from years of therapy and self acceptance.

I don't know how often you go on it. That is up to you. I'm just hoping that if those #'s effect your day, perhaps it's time to not look so often at them. Judging yourself by that # is not what you are all about.

Yesterday when I went to my therapist, we talked about the freedom! We now have freedom to make choices. I really hadn't thought about the band as freedom, but she made so much sense to me. We all have to freedom to have a bite of cake or a cookie, we have the freedom to choice healthy or not. We do not have to restrict ourselves from goodies, we are all adults, we need to deside what is right for us. Sometimes it will be the salad sometimes it will be the cookie. What ever the choice, we are not bad, we have not failed.

Today I went to costco starving! I did have a brownie, just 1, not great to do but I did. They had ham and I went back twice for that because of the proitien. So have I flunked today? I don't think so, I made a choice. Will I gain from the brownie, I dought it. But I do know that 2 months ago I would have gone back and had 2 more brownies.

You can start over. Everyday is a new day. I strongly encourage you to eat Breakfast, if it;s a protien shake or a bowl of Cereal eat it. Time yourself. Try to make it last AT LEAST 20-30 minutes. If your still hungry drink some Water. Whatever you chose, taste, you know when you think about food and how fast we eat it, we really don't taste it. But when you chew slowly and really taste it you enjoy it a lot more!

You are not a failure!!! You have made a huge desision to change your life. Everyday and every step is a learning experience.

Today is the first day of the rest of your life! God Bless

[kimalicious 5]

No biggie, I start over with every fill I bet. Sometimes I start over with every new day. Once you get your fill it will be like a new start anyways. Every fill after that is different also. Don't get down on yourself and don;t mind what you eat, just start exercising if possible to keep yourself motivated. Good Luck.

[It's me-Debbydo 0]

Dbanner,

Here's some non judgemental tough love.

Get your head in the game. And that is exactly what it is. Head games are our own worse enemy.

Hang tough and beat those distructive demons to a pulp!!!!!

I read through the repies and you are in this with some great company.

You can do this!!!!

[It's me-Debbydo 0]

Dbanner

ROAR!!!!!!!!