boringtessa

I like your list! I have had a tough time finding non-food rewards, but, though my interests are quite different, your list has helped me expand my scope. I'm looking forward to seeing other lists!

Meeeee! I have never been a normal weight since childhood, so the surgery will be giving me a brand new experience! I can't even imagine what it must be like to NOT be the fattest person in the room, nor what it's like to walk around without the weight of two full-grown humans putting stress on my hips, lower back, legs, and feet. I'm looking forward to the new normal-weight me, I can't wait!

Well, it looks like I've met all my requirements! Woooo! I see the surgeon next Thursday, and I'll be ready for him to send all the info off for insurance approval. This is very exciting! I hope that he'll set a date for my surgery at that point... I'm going to start slowly buying things I know I'm going to need after my surgery; today I ordered a "fancy" scale (which was an affordable off-brand, but which I have read is accurate) and some leggings (since my pants are already falling off me). My biggest problem is that I'll really get into something then GO ALL OUT and buy everything I need for it in one go... and then I'm broke for weeks until I build my finances back up. So I'm working on doing it slowly, just getting one or two things that I can afford within my budget for the week. I am pretty excited about this - it seems like this surgery is not only going to improve my weight, it may also force me into healthy habits that I wasn't expecting, like practicing self-control and discipline. I already feel the improvements, I'm making positive changes in my behavior. My mother is also obese and would like to have the surgery, but she is now 66 (in a youthful way, though), and I hear that some doctors won't operate on older folks. My surgeon does sometimes take older patients, depending on the patient. I hope my mom gets the help she needs, it would be good for her, a diabetic, to make such a change - I want her to be around a lot longer.

So, I decided to use bariatricpsychevaluations.com for my eval - I was able to find only a few reviews, and they were split down the middle between satisfied people and people whose evaluations never made it to their doctors. I figured I would chance it, and it paid off for me! I was able to get an evaluation appointment within a week, and the woman I spoke with was very thorough and easy to talk to. For a little more than 2 weeks, though, I was calling my surgeon to see if the report showed up, since it was only supposed to take 72 hours, but it hadn't appeared yet. I decided to call the number on the website, and was able to reach a person (I called on a Monday in the middle of the day), and she was very helpful - it turned out they had the wrong fax number. She went ahead and faxed the report again right away, and that's another requirement crossed off my list! I needed an evaluation quickly, they were reasonably priced out-of-pocket, and the wrong fax number was my only issue. If one decides to try it, I would recommend writing the correct fax number in the notes section on sign-up and perhaps also giving it to the evaluator.

I've been watching videos of the VSG surgery, and I am fascinated. It is really helpful for me to actually see what the procedure is, what is involved, what it looks like afterward, and to get a view of the anatomy in the area. I think I would recommend these videos if one isn't squeamish, I think it is good to know what's going to happen to help one make the best decision for oneself. It is really a big hassle to be having the surgery so far away - it's a 1.25 hour drive each way to my surgeon's office, and I find myself having to make that journey sometimes two days in a row. Not easy on my elderly vehicle, but at least I have audiobooks and podcasts to listen to while I go. I do have to say, before I got this surgeon, my PCP told me I could get a surgeon anywhere in my Northern California area, which could have meant driving 4 hours each way in some cases, so I AM thankful; in fact, I'm pretty sure this is the closest surgeon I could have had. How hard is it to go to a party when one is on a diet? So difficult. I went to an annual Fried Chicken Day party on Saturday, and, boy, it was hard not to graze. I even made an Apple Cheddar Pie for the occasion, and I had to taste that, of course. I have been steadily losing weight over the last month or so, and I only have 4 more lbs to lose to meet the requirement, but things like this may set me back quite a bit. I need to buckle down. I have a little less than a month to lose that 4 pounds, and I can't keep using special occasions as an excuse.

I made a checklist a while back of all the surgery prerequisites, and I have been checking things off - feels so good! Because my blood work showed elevated liver enzymes (this has been the case for me for a while), the surgeon added one more requirement: get a liver ultrasound. Ah, well. But even with this new requirement, I will still be finished with everything by the end of the month! Then he can submit everything to the insurance, and hopefully I'll be able to have the surgery in September! I've been reading The Emotional First + Aid Kit: A Practical Guide to Life After Bariatric Surgery, and it has proved to be a good resource. Lots of earnest information, honest truths, short stories of success or failures, helpful suggestions, useful activities. I definitely recommend it. A suggestion it gave was to create pros and cons lists, just to get everything out in front of you and to really make you think honestly about your choice to pursue surgery and what it could mean to do it as well as what it would mean NOT to do it. Good stuff. A simple suggestion, but definitely useful.

Last night I went to one of the required Support Group meetings, and I wasn't sure what to expect. Turns out, all the people there were also pre-op, and the group leaders were very encouraging. We talked a lot about the sleeve and it's benefits and some about the band - looks like most of the people getting surgery from Dr. Hanna have the sleeve, which is encouraging because that is the procedure I want; I definitely do not want the band. I mean, what if my insurance runs out? I won't be able to come in for adjustments and would be stuck with a foreign object in me! At any rate, the best part was... at the end of the meeting they spoke about how hard it has been to get a psych evaluation, and I was presented with other options... so I'm going to get my evaluation done at the beginning of July, which means that all of my requirements will have been met by the end of July! This is such a relief for me. So I see the surgeon again on Tuesday - can't wait to find out how much weight I've lost and possibly get a tentative surgery date!

I had my colonoscopy/upper-endoscopy last Thursday, and the prep for that was a struggle - I think my body registered the Miralax solution as a poison because I could not keep it down, and I got a migraine from not eating. But the procedure went fine, except... and this is so embarrassing... I think I ended up singing during it! I know I was all drugged up, but I am so mortified about singing a love song while there was a camera in my colon! Anyways, ever since then, I have been eating like a crazy person again. Just always feeling that deep, deep hunger, and I'm struggling to control myself. The other day, I ate more than double the amount of calories I was supposed to, ugh. I think it may have to do with the fact that I'm feeling very depressed lately, and I have always tried to use food to comfort myself (like many of us here, I'm sure). I'm also struggling with the exercise portion of this diet. At the beginning, I took a 30 minute walk, and my lower back seized up after about 10 minutes - and, of course, I had just gone down a steep hill, so I HAD to continue around the loop to get home via a much easier hill. That was very very painful, and I've been afraid to walk more than 10 minutes ever since. I do, however, go rollerskating twice a week, which is AMAZING exercise, low-impact, and it doesn't hurt as much even when I skate for an hour. But there is a huge fire happening in my area, and the fire department is using the parking lot of my local skating rink, so they're closed for a few weeks. What will I do? I love to skate. Hopefully I can knock this depression soon and just get on with life. Just wish I could skate it off.

I was so so nervous and discouraged about the 1,200 calorie diet the surgeon wanted me to do, but it has turned out to be okay. I go over the calorie limit much of the time, but not by much, and I am able to take it in stride and not beat myself up over it. But lately it has been easier to control my eating (I almost feel like the promise of surgery is bolstering my spirits), but half of the days I still have that deep deep hunger that just won't seem to go away. I'm not sure how long I'd be able to keep up this diet without the eventual help of the surgery, but I seem to be doing okay with it for now. YAY! In other news... wow, it is hard to get a bariatric psych evaluation. All of the qualified individuals in my provider network are extremely backed-up, and many of them are not taking new clients. It is frustrating because I will be done with all of the other requirements by the end of July, but my psych eval appointment is at the end of October! I can't even get a surgery date set until after I've had the evaluation. I'd rather not have to wait that long, but I don't know of viable alternatives... ...Except I was googling and I saw bariatricpsychevaluations.com - I am not sure what to think about it... if I could get it done more quickly, paying $150 seems like it would be worth it, but is it legit? I was able to find a few reviews, and it seems to be split half-and-half - some people are happy, but other people never got their evaluation sent to their surgeon. Hard to know what to do. To be safe, I should probably just be patient and wait until October, but I need to have this surgery, and now that I've made up my mind about it, I don't want to wait. I need to be healthy YESTERDAY.

From 06-03-2018 I have always been easily discouraged. I will often not try something because I "know" I will fail at it, or I may do some other self-sabotaging thing. This is a terrible way to live life, and I've only recently started working on it. This weight loss surgery is something I know I need to do, something I even WANT to do, and I am determined to give it a shot even though I "know" (untrue) it's just another thing I will likely fail at. I'm trying to push past my automatic hide-under-a-rock reaction. So, keeping in mind my default self-defeating attitude, I am already struggling with this diet. It was only YESTERDAY that the surgeon told me I needed to lose 20 lbs and that I need to keep a food log and try to eat only 1200 calories/day. I guess I'm struggling with the IDEA of the diet. 1200 calories is crazy! I'm HUGE, how am I going to successfully function in day-to-day life on so little sustenance? I'm going to get low-blood-sugar migraines, I'm going to be even tireder than I already am, I'm going to be so so hungry all the time. The thing is, I have barely even started the diet, but I am already psyching myself out, worrying before it's necessary, my brain is screaming for me to eat a huge amount of whatever I want in protest. Am I strong enough to withstand? I'm not so sure. So then how am I going to be successful with the surgery?? Lots for me to think about. I want this so badly, but I am AFRAID that I won't be successful. Being so full of fear can really squash all the joy from life.

From 06-02-2018 Well, the surgeon said I am a great candidate for the surgery, so we're moving forward! I am very excited, I was so worried that he wouldn't approve, but it took very little time for him to evaluate me. Boy, the requirements! Obviously there's the Nutrition appointments and a psych eval, but there's also lots of blood work and X-Rays, a Colonoscopy/Endoscopy, and the dreaded Pap Smear. I will also need to attend a support group, twice. It's fine, though, I am willing to jump through the hoops, I just wish that all of this wasn't so far away - 1 hour drive each way. The other requirement is: LOSE 20 LBS. From what I've read so far, this is quite a common requirement, but it seems really difficult, since I have been gradually and constantly gaining weight over the last year. In fact, I GAINED 20lbs over the last 6 months, which is incredibly alarming, and was the main reason I even thought I might need the surgery. I liked the doctor - he seems like a no-nonsense type. The only thing is, we didn't talk about the different types of surgery yet. I suspect he wants to see if I seriously follow his requirements before taking the time, but even so, much of the information in the packet I was sent home with talks about the LAP Band, which is a procedure I most certainly do not want. I know he also performs the sleeve, which is the one I've chosen for myself, so I'm hoping my suspicions are correct and that we discuss surgery types next time we meet. Anyways, YAY! I'm on the way