desertmom

hi,thanks for all the great comments.I posted pictures just now in a new post and now I feel totally paranoid,silly I know,but I am super uncomfortable about pictures...lol

hi I a so technologically challenged that I rather buy a new laptop than admit it might be me that just cannot work the old one...lol this is me day of surgery and me about a week ago.

And I still talk too much,even on paper...lol

It has been 7 months today since I had my sleeve.My goodness how different has this been from having the band. The good.I weighed 195.8 today.Hehehe,couldnt say 196 could I?That is down 101.2 pounds since surgery.I am not a compulsive eater anymore.Neither am I a couch potato anymore.I play squash twice a week and exercise at least 3 other times per week.I am shrinking by the day and I am beginning to feel really good about this.I cannot eat away my emotions so I am slightly more moody but more in touch with myself as well.I am somewhat more serious now,dont always have to laugh or joke away my pain about my weight.I have been at this weight quite a few times before in my life so I am now excited to get thin for the first time in 22 years. My bloodwork came back perfect.All my vitamin problems seems to have been solved with the shots I have received and my platelets are now normal. The bad.Somehow I got a hernia on the right side where the dr's used the same spot for all 3 keyhole surgeries.It is painful to move and you must see me tape my stomach to play squash.I am also allergic to plaster so it is a vicious cycle at the moment as I cannot find compression garment that would help,plasters got to do the job for now.No one will do surgery until I am at my goal weight as it will be part of the body lift to fix this. Since surgery I have had petechiae on my torso, upper legs and back 4 times (tiny little point bleeds all over the place) I am full of bruises and I thought it was because my B12 was quite low since surgery.Had a full house of bloods done this week and my dr phoned me this morning saying everything is perfect,even the D is 40 now and the B12 is almost too high,stop the pills and no injections anymore.When I asked him what ia causing the spots and bruises then he just said I dont know.This is a concern to me as where i pulled the little tape they puton after drawing the blood there is a bid red bleed under the skin now,not where the needle was in,but from the pressure of the tape.My theory about the spots is that every time I had a B12 injection I got the spots.And since I started taking the pills it came out again.Dr says not possilbe but there is a direct relationship between the 2.Anyhow,will keep an eye on it. The extra skin is a nightmare but as I am single and not planning on being anything different,it is ok until I can get to goal and start scraping together the courage to go for plastics.My little one says my body is like a jelly spilling out of a cup..lol. My body image is still seriously warped but I "feel" and "see" myself with the scale now and that helps a lot.i still wear a size 18,sometimes 16 clothes which seems very big still but I look much smaller than that as I am tall.Would really like to go to smaller sizes though. Friendships have changed.It is super difficult to be with some of my very overweight friends now.They seem to be so uncomfortable around me.I do see why.We use to be fat together.We always talked and complained about it.We couldnt walk,run or do anything else and now all of this have changed for me.I am excited about life and really try to never make them feel bad about themselves.I do worry about them though as at our age the health issues are so many if you've been fat for so long.I dont say anything and try to never say anything about my surgery or weight loss.We dont eat cake together anymore but hey,I still do lunch.My best friend however have lost 28 pounds since I have had my surgery.She is only 4'11 and is still about 8 pounds from her goal weight but she looks fantastic.She wasnt going to stay chubby while I was losing weight and it has been a delight and pain in the butt as she lives on carbs even now.She still eats about 1800 cals every day and sometimes I find that hard.Jealous of what she can eat...lol.Not really! The ugly.I am severly constipated since surgery.This is a big problem but I hope that once I get to goal and can increase my complex carbs I can add a lot of fibre to my diet.I also have hemoroids that I am never ever going to go to the dr for.This is the biggest and most terrible thing that could have happened to me..lol.No really.I hate this and dont know what to do about it.People say that the surgery for this is excruciating.Not happening! The good.Did I say the good?Since the sleeve I have had to deal with the fact that I have been fat and extremely unhappy and on diet all of my adult life.It was an obsession like no other.It ruled every waking moment of my life.Honestly,I could never stop talking aout my weight,my diet,my failure,my excuse to not so stuff.I had zero self confidence in so many aspects of my life.This I have had to come to terms with now.I kissed out on a lot of things because I was too ashamed to do anything.My world (and Im an expat living in a foreign country) was always quite small and my life lived in anticipation of the day I would be thin,that was when I was going to start living see. The sadness I experienced when different things started being possilbe was unbelievable.The regret of so much time waisted made me so depressed for a few months.But I have thought about all this a lot and I chose to move on now.Time is ticking by and regrets doesnt add to your life it just steals more time from it.I now choose to feel good about each day. My attitude about food has changed.Tonight,after our weekend,we sat in the lounge after dinner and this use to be a big eating night in my life.I felt like a snack,not chips or chocolates...edamame beans...lol.My friend still thinks Im nuts as I really couldnt think of anything nicer to snack on.I go to the beach every day and we use to always eat on the beach,now I dont even think about it. This whole process is sometimes difficult for me because I really wanted to be skinny yesterday..lol.My impatience drives me up the walls some days but this seems to be a great lesson to me too.I am a little less self centered,even though every sentence here started with I...lol and a bit more compassionate to others. Weight loss surgery doesnt fix everything in life and I will surely always be somewhat OCD and messed up but I at least now look normal..lol.I dont really have the desire to just blend in with the crowd anymore as I realized unless I cut something off i will always be taller than most people I know.Other people's opinion of me doesnt really matter that much anymore and this is a great freedom in my life.I was a real peoples pleaser all my life and we know that you cant please all of the people all of the time, which made me very unhappy before. My mother and sister is on a super strict diet as they are so scared I am going to be thinner than them when they see me in December and that can just be good for them. So life is good.And I might freak out soon again if I have another stall,but thats life!

Hi,sorry for all the loss in your life. The problem with us overweight people is we do not have external coping skills.We often cope with food.Unfortunately the only ones to make the choice not to do that anymore is you (and me for myself) You have to find an alternative to eating away the emotions.I find hard,agressive exercise to be the only thing that helps me.EVEN AND ESPECIALLY WHEN I DONT FEEL LIKE DOING EXERCISE,this is usually when I benifit most from it. This results in weight loss that does make me feel better and more optimistic about life in general,which in turn helps me to cope with the stressess that we just cannot escape. Good luck and hang in there.Life never just cycles in disaster.At some point you will be able to look back on these 2 very difficult years and sigh of releaf that things are looking up.

Hi I dont know how far out you are but this seems normal to me,happened to me as well.I've often wished I was one of these people that now feels no hunger and forgets to eat and complain that they dont get enough cals..blablabla...lol But at 7 monyhs out I have made peace with it.I still buy a big tasty burger once in a blue moon,sit down with it,take a big bite of the burger,try a little of the bun,just to have it come right back up in my mouth and have to spit it out..TMI,I know, but I somehow dont feel the frustration of not being able to eat it anymore.I just go and make a protein pancake with lots of sf syrup and Im happy. It will come,you'll see.Some of us have real food issues that takes a little longer to resolve.Also the closer I get to goal,the better I feel about not eating a lot anymore. Just hang in there.Make your food choice daily.Dont decide for forever today.Just choose every day to choose to eat right for this one day,dont know if this makes sense but good luck and remember to be nice to yourself with things oer than food.

today I weighed under 90kg's for the first time in many years.For people that weigh in pounds 200 seems to be the big number to break through but in kilos being less than 90 is the ultimate YES! Interesting stat from my dr this morning.In 4 months I have lost 20kg's which translates into 44 pounds.It averages out to 11 pounds per month in the last 4 months.Which is not something that I could see for some reason. Of course my first thought was to celebrate with food.This is something I will have to really work on.I dont mean bad food,just more food.I've been eating really little lately and I do miss eating tasty meals. Because of the protein struggle (and to keep my cals below 800 when eating dense protein) I've been eating protein pancakes made with egg white and protein powder,too often. If I could cut the amount of milk I use per day it would be easier but I like my tea and coffee with milk and 4 cups (3 tea) translates into to much milk. Anyhoo,awaiting the blood results now but the dr isnt too worried about the petechiae as it is already clearing up a little.I did have a B12 and D injection again as well.And I have been wondering how do people get off their blood pressure meds.My blood pressure is now 120 over 80 which is normal but with the very strong meds I am taking.How does the dr decide to stop it?Do they just stop it or go on lower dosage or what?I forgot to ask. Still,it is not normal and only bloods would tell if it is something to worry about.The dr wasnt to sure about the blood work needed so I kind of told him a few I thought was important.Will read up on it a little and maybe have the rest done with my GP. Beach weather here in Dubai so this weekend,starting today will be spend working on the Vit D

tomorrow I will see my physician.Since surgery I have had 4 episodes of petechiae.Those tiny little point bleeds that is a rash on my trunk and thighs and this time also on my back.This has scared me when it happened but I always got it after I had my B12 shot and it did go away in about 5 days. This time it seems to be increasing and I havent had a shot.I also have bruises all over and some inplaces that you know it wasnt caused by anything. I hope he can shed some light on this as it is quite scary to think it might be related to low B12 or low platelet count.I am a registered nurse and I know that we do not think too much of the fact that our intrinsic factor has been cut out but that this can cause some serious issues for some people. So I will fast tonight and hopefully he will do thorough baseline bloods and vitamins bloods.It is quite difficult here to convince the dr's to do a lot of different vitamin bloods at a time as some of the tests are still send away and it is very very costly to do.I just wish I knew what bloods we need to do as a standard anyway. O well,lts see what he says.

Well,complex carbs are more than just bread.The thing about the losing phase at least is this.You have about 6 months to maximize your weight loss.After that it slows down sooo much.To use those six months optimally you have to cut your carbs a lot.Bread is one thing that doesnt sit that well in the sleeve anyway in the beginning.Yam,sweet potato (those orange ones) they are great complex carbs.But do let go of the feelings about the bread.60g of protein is the minimum anyone should have per day.How much do you have at the moment?Have you tried tracking to see? My friend had a kidney transplant and she is diabetic.She still loves food and she doesnt do so much proteins but she doesnt do a lot of carbs either. (I can see when her sugar is about to crash,thats when she will grab these slices of bread and db jam..lol) she loves making salad with qinoa or couscous with feta cheese and lettuce with sweetpotato,olives tomatoes....that type of thing was my staples for the first few months after my surgery.However,I had to cut carbs more now as the weight loss have slowed down.Do discuss this with your NUT. But you cannot have an emosional attatchment to bread.Thats the type of thing that got us overweight in the first place.And you will be able to eat bread again.In controlled portions every now and then.It cannot be your "go to" thing in the future though. Does this make sense to you?I was such a bread lover.All kinds of wonderful bread.And I loved butter..still do.But the bread doesnt do it for me anymore and I would rather have a melba toast with a little butter once in a blue moon now. Good luxk on your journey.

Some weeks you wont lose.Others you'll lose more than expected.Are you tracking your food and carb intake?

Are you on a PPI?Acid is sometimes masked as hunger. And if you are still on liquids this is quite normal for some of us.Once you start eating you will feel satisfied as you WILL feel full. Hang in there.Not long now before you can eat.

of course the old me was just lurking around the corner just to pop out its head when I least expected it...lol My friend came home tonight,after the housekeeper had made everybody else meal,cottage pie with a sweetpotato twist (and I had made my fish) and said she was opening a bottle of my favourite red wine...and of course I wanted a glass.So she ha one glass and I ended up having 2 and some of their dinner not my fish. At this poin I have realized how hard I have actually been on myself over the past 6 months.I dont eat carbs (well,no carbs thats not in green veggies or salad veggies) I dont eat sweets or chocolates,ever.I dont eat crisps or ice cream.I really stick to my plan 99% of the time.Sometimes I eat too much fish or too much chicken (not at once but I will snack on it as well) I am actually good as gold with the eating plan except for once a month when I go to the movies and have some caramel popcorn (shared with someone)O,and I do have a snack of chilly bite beef jerky (very salty) at least 4 days a week. I exercise all the time now.I am really very good and 99 pounds in 6.5 months is npt too shabby at all. But every time I stall,and this last time I just started losing very very slowly,I am convinced that I am doing something wrong and will fail. My choice is to put tonight behind me.I enjoyed my wine and my food and I will really try not to weigh for the next two days at least. And tomorrow night we will do maybe a 5km run and be back on track for the next 5 pounds loss. I am stoked to work super hard to lose the 35 pounds I still have to lose.

today I weighed 198 pounds for the first time in many years. It seems I really did need an attitude change...lol The food is still mostly proteins.No obsessive behavior there...a few carbs makes no difference but boy do more exercise make a huge difference. We now run up to 6 km 3 nights a week.It is still 95 degrees some nights and it takes a lot of mental strenght to go out there.But I want to lose weight. Tuesdays and Saturdays we play roun robin squash for more than 2 hours. Sundays and Tuesdays I have reformer pilates class.On Monday,Wednesday and Friday we run. I also try to do some circuit training in the gym twice a week.Should step this up a Little to build more muscle but its a work in progress. I am very,very,very,very achy all over.My right leg (in front from the thigh right down to my lower leg) aches all the time and sleeping without pain killers is DIFFICULT.But I want to be thin. We went to a Ill Divo concert last night and this morning my friend told me that I looked very pretty last night.She says people looked at me.This really freaked me out as I am tall and my hearts desire has always been to just blend in with thw crowd.Now I feel even taller for some reason and I know one notices taller people just because we stand out.All this means I have to start dealing with my fear of man or my life might be a little difficult in future. I will post pics of before and after tomorrow if I switch on my mac.Ipad does not upload onto this website and I cannot figure out how to upload with my Iphone. So,I've now lost 99 pounds.To celebrate we are going for a run tonight.Also to see how far we can run without stopping so that we can start with a more structured running program

Hi,crazy the way we lose post sleeve!At first I would lose about 5 pounds then stall 10 days.Then later lose 4 pounds stall 14 days.At 5 months I just stalled for weeks.I think 6.Then I lost 3 pounds and stalled again. This can really mess with ones mind if the scale is important to you.Sticking it to the weight loss fairy would just be to start weighing once every two weeks...lol

Earlier I posted this post about being sick of the sleeve and desperate and doing the duodenal switch...blablabla...yada,yada,yada........ Then I went back to the gym to play a game of squash.We played hard and fast and my goodness it felt soooo good. This all made me decide that I will lose more weight.Even if I have to learn to run a hundred km at a time.I will do whatever I can to lose the last 38 pounds. My friend is a personal trainer and I will start train with him next week.I need to start doing some serious muscle building. My goodness,why would I not lose weight if I really work hard?Why do I feel that its not fair that my weight loss have stopped?Who said life was fair? No more chip on my shoulder about this.Yes,I might have terrible days where the scale might affect my mind but I will think positively about losing weight and getting to goal. Tomorrow morning before we go out with friends I will do some exercise and in the afternoon I will either go and swim in the sea or I will go walk while it is still 97 degrees!(swim sounds like fun!)

Hi Cherrybombknits (big name..lol) Well,I use to love my bodybugg.When I went on the "learning to eat normal" with the shrink it worked fantastically.I would eat between 1500-1700 cals per day and burn 3500 and the weight loss corresponded exactly with the deficit.I weighed 279 when I started,lost 70 and fell off plan.(now I am dead stuck at almost the same weight for the third time in my life...seems crazy!) Ayhoo,since the sleeve the bugg is a bit useless as nothing works the way its suppose to.I exercise loads and burn about 3000 cals a day,eat between 700 and 1000 a day and have been stuck for 8 weeks (have lost the odd pound here and there,no significant weight loss) I still wear the bugg but its not the help it use to be before....shoot at this point Short of converting to the duodenal switch I have no idea what might help.

Hi PdxMan,my logical mind knows that you are right.My "have only lost 4 pounds this month while having a calorie deficit of at least 1200-1500 per day" mind,still goes nuts.I think having being stuck just above 200 pounds for quite some time now (also its right here I always get stuck at) is driving me slightly dotty! O,and that part of the old self rightious me that still believes that if you stall you must be cheating,is not helping my sanity at the moment. However,I only allow myself 30 minutes per day on the boards and time to think about food and weight loss at the moment to help regulate is madness. The fear that my weight loss have stopped and that I will fail at this is really intense sometimes,thus the boundary of 30 minutes. The rest of the day when I just plod along I am quite happy. This has made me sooo much more sympathetic to people that say they are in a long stall.I always just felt they must be doing something wrong,are not tracking,eating too many carbs,yada yada....I dont think that anymore. O,and people at the pilates class asked again how much weig have I lost since I've started there and when I tell them only 2,5kg's they say impossible,my shape has changed a lot...even your face looks very different now!So I suppose it is a matter of the body getting back the homeostasis it always needs before the weight loss might show more.

Since I have decided to take a week off I had a blast.Not overeating but just relaxing a little. Of course toda I relaxed too much and bamm,ate half a container of caramel popcorn in the movies....which of course brings my cals for the day to about 1700....ooops! Now if the theory of calories in calories out was scientifically correct then this should not be a problem at all.See we played in a squash tournament this morning with a bunch of young girls and boy did I burn a load of calories.According to my bodybugg I am far over 3000 cals for the day but to be on the modest side lets say it is 3000. Which means I still have a huge deficit for this day......but alas,as experience have taught me this will not matter tomorrow when I weigh. Ok,here is my prediction.I will be heavier at least 1to2 pounds heqvier tomorrow and this will not jus disappear again the next day. anyhoo,I will start fresh this week and see if I can drop at least a few pounds this week.It must be doable.This 4 pounds for the month thingy is not going to do it for me for much longer so desperate times call for desperate measures...will just have to figure out what that might be...lol

So i have realized that I am obsessive about weighing and measuring and proteins and carbs and my poor family is on a diet and have been since I have started the crazy measuring and weighing of everything in July. I now have given myself a week off.And just now my 11 year old and myself will be going to the beach and we will have hamburgers on the beach for dinner tonight. And we will be going out a few times this weekend and I will eat whatever,but not too much. This is the only way I am going to find this satisfaction level that I had with what I was eating for the first 4,5 months.This also prevents me from nibbling and constantly looking for something nice,which I still dont know what exactly that is. So,I will be relaxing a little until Sunday which is monday here and then I am going to start low carb and ruthless exercise program to gt rid of this last 38 pounds.

O my goodness,my sleeve has shrunk! After 2 day on liquids an no real weight change I decided screw this,I need food...lol So today I had low fat cheddar (1oz) for lunch and then I had some edamame (eating them out of the pods) too many of them but hey,they chew down to nothing! For dinner I put 2 oz of chicken and 2 tablespoons of spinach on my plate.Now after 1oz of chicken and about half of the spinach I am stuffed.....not really satisfied but full. The question of the moment is,do I walk away from the rest or do I wait for a while and finish it?of course I know I should leave it.This is exactly why I lost weight so fast while on holiday.I would have a glass of wine and a teensy tiny bit of food and feel happy and satisfied.I didnt try to "make proteins" and worry so much about this. However,my hair fell out loads.Now,the new strategy will be 1 protein shake with 120 cals and 25g of protein.For the rest of it I am just not going to worry about it anymore.I will go back to teeny tiny portions of great quality protein and some veggies and some wine every now and then....I will have a good meal again. Anyhoo,my resolve will most prob just last until my obsessive compulsive nature takes over and start obsessing about the fact that I am not at goal yet! I average 2800 calories burn per day.I exercise,I eat right and my weight should stay right here then C'est la vie! I am doing everything I can to get to goal and it will happen!

O,and I have allowed my frustraion as an excuse to smoke today. Will not start again.So,back to no smoking and no eating if that is what it takes...lol

I have started with the 5 day pouch test today. It is just so frustrating to me that my weight have stopped again where it have always stopped...just above 200 pounds.I am not cheating.I am exercising to the point of exhaustion. But I will get under 200 even if I ahve to not eat for the next 2 weeks!

Its been longer than a week now since I quit smoking.I also lost the weight I gained when I quit plus one. Today 204 pounds. The exercise program for the week was as follows: Reformer pilates on Sunday and Tuesday for one hour at a time. Some interval graining with weights on Monday. Tuesday evening 1 hour of squash wednesday evening 6,4km in 40 minutes (its still 98 degrees in the evening here with very high humidity) Thursday 6,4km walk in 55 minutes. friday squash 1,5 hours saturday squash 1,5 hours I didnt have the guts to up my calories.So I lowered it,hehehe! I have been on 700 with 30 carbs and between 65 and 75g protein every day! Lots of hard work and little food for 1 pounds! Ok,now for this week!

cant quite remember how long I've quit now but this is hard.Had to reason with myself a few times today but am ok now. I feel like rubbish with the flu and but muscle still painful but went to reformer class just to do something.Also going to play squash tonight just to get out and not having to sit and resist the temptation to eat the whole night. Crazy thing is my weight is now stuck on what I have gained.I have been low carbing (very low) for 3 days and did not have the usual results when I cut the carbs way back after a few high carb days. Another interesting thing is this.Smoking does affect metabolic rate.This is very clear on my bodybugg at the moment.Now I have to do something other than wheezing and huffing for oxygen..hehehe...to increase my metabolic burn..lol All in all I am way friendlier than I thought I would be and that is a real blessing for my kids (they were trembling with fear when I said I was going to quit..lol) Tomorrow we are starting a week long experiment.I am going to up my calories to 1300 per day.My carbs to less than 100.I am not going to cut out any food groups but will not do refined carbs.It will be 3 meals and 2 snacks and I will only weigh on day one and day 8. (this is the plan...lol)I am not allowed to freak out about whatever happens.added to this I will have to burn at least 600 cals extra per day with exercise and I have to step up the weight training. Next week I am starting hypoxi therapy!

Hi everyone I decided to go cold turkey.When the cravings stop I want to be free of all things related to smoking. Today I decided to eat very little.This has had a very positive outcome for the cravings as usually every time I ate something I would want a smoke so eating more often made the cravings worse.I am starting to feel a bit better today but boy I feel like an addict craving just that one hit!lol Anyhow,if I dont learn my lesson suffering like this I am utterly unteachable. Will take it just one day at a time.Sooooo happy I am back on plan with the eating.Will see how the evening goes as this is my weakness!Planning once again on going for a walk this evening (I havent gone once yet,too lazy, but tonight is the night!) xxo