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Things are getting to crunch time and I have some major issues that have definitely been relived. First and foremost, I was afraid to have a drainage tube and catheter. I was able to ask my surgeon about this directly and he assured me I won't have either. He went on to explain that usually the tubes are for patients with much higher BMIs for safety reasons. Thank goodness. I am now at the home stretch. I know I am going to be kicking screaming on my way in there but dammit I'm going in there in less than 48 hours and I'm coming out a new woman. Pray for me everyone!

It is 2 weeks post-op and all is well!! I feel good. My incisions are healing up nicely and the soreness is pretty much gone. (unless I bend over to far) I'm not drinking enough water yet. Getting about 32 ounces in most days. I know it should be more but I get so nauseated with it!! I find that in the morning I can get more down easier. I can drink without the squeezing feeling now. I can't wait till I can get more water down though 'cause it is causing some bathroom issues!! hard ones!! if you know what I mean. I'm still trying to keep a sensitive awareness for Minnie to tell me when she's full. I do good and sometimes when I let myself get to hungry, I don't listen as soon as I should. Bad habits take over and I have to re-organize my thoughts. I honestly wasn't prepared for the emotional struggle being so strong. I knew it would be here and head hunger is real! Food plays/ed such and important part of my life. I truly thought that learning new recipies and balancing a healthy diet that my family as well as myself can eat would be the bigger challenge. I felt that if I could just put enough energy into cooking recipes that were tasty and fitting for us all I would be fine. And for the most part I am. BUT there are times when the emotions get all fired up and what I used to sooth them in the past just doesn't work anymore. It's like someone changed the passcode and I can't get to my feel good area!! Frustrating and It's definitaly a work in progress. Thank God I have great support of family and friends. I will take this time to warn everyone about having a love affair with the bathroom scale!! I loved my scale from the moment I got home from the hospital!! I made sure we saw each other frequently and the feeling was mutal. Until day 5!! Not sure what happened on day 5 BUT our relationship took a dive!! It said I gained a pound and then on day 6 it said I gained another!!! FREAK! Not sure why, I was doing everything by the book!! I was already on the break of the emotional reality of having to change my coping mechanisms and then this!!!! WHY? WHY?? Alas, I went through this torture for 2 days only to realize at 11pm on day 7 that my scale was playing cruel jokes on me!! Yes, I could stand on different areas of the scale and the weight changed each time. it went down 3 pounds or up 3 pounds!! just depended on where I stood!! LOL I could have died! All that turmoil for nothing!! So I ended my love affair with my scale. We have broken up for good! I don't know what I've really lost since surgery and won't know until tomorrow when I go for my check up with my doctor!! hrmph! I start my mushie food tomorrow and am very excited!! I did have an egg scrambled today and I can't say enough how good that was!! I know, I know, it was a day early and now I'm little nervous that I did something bad. BUT Minnie did just fine and didnt' hurt or anything soo I'm praying that means all is well. Will blog tomorrow to let you know the results. Oh and ALL I could get in was 1 egg.... Merry Christmas Oh and I can't wait to drive again!! I need to do some secret christmas shopping!!

When we are little we believe that anything is possible-- santa can visit every house in one night, the tooth fairy brings us money for our teeth, the Easter bunny, ect. As little kids we see the world full of wonderful possibilities just waiting for us. However, as we grow we begin to loose the rose colored glasses and become jaded by the reality of the world we live in. Happily ever after doesn't exist and things aren't always perfect- now I am not say things can't be good because they can be, but not every moment of every day and not every relationship is perfect all the time. As a kid I never imagined I would become so large. I was so small until I turned 5. As I began to gain weight I would ask my mom sometimes why I was fat. She would just say I would grow out of it, after all my cousin did. I accepted that and went on. Well puberty came and went as did the teen years and I was still fat. I never grew out of it. What I didn't know is that my cousin put forth a great deal of effort in her preteens to shed the weight- all I knew was that she went from fat to skinny in what seemed like a summer and became a beautiful girl. That wasn't to be my story. Now that I have admitted that I have a food problem and needed help, got banded and begun my journey- it is hard to belive I will ever reach my goal. The first 5 months the weight seemed to fly off 45 lbs- awesome, but now the loss has slowed almost plateaued and I find myself begining to worry that I may never reach my elusive dream weight (140). I know that I should believe in myself, my band, my doctor and nutritionist, but it's hard when every other attempt I have made to loose weight has failed. Realistically I know it is different this time, I am not on a diet with a fixed end date, I am changing my life style one day at a time. I am making new habits, healthy ones that in time I hope will stick. Some things have been easy like giving up pop (soda), not drinking with meals, drinking water, even eating less at a meal. Some things though haven't been as easy, letting go of my salty snack of party mix (that stuff is addictive and it is my major weakness), not baking so I won't eat the sweets, not eating steak (just doesn't work well with my band). Slowly, but surely I am making a change to a better way of life that in time hopefully will become habit. However, there is still that little voice of insecurity in the back of my head saying you won't do it, you will gain all that weight back, you are destine to be a fat girl forever (insert menacing laugh here)!! I fight every day to squash that voice and to believe that I will make it. After all I have lost 45 lbs and I am moving more and eating less. So for now I am going to keep saying I believe in me, until I do!!

My mother says I have never been very patient, I was even born a month early. I believe the reason I have never been successful at weight loss was my lack of patience. Most of you can likely sympathize with working really hard to lose weight and after a couple weeks only a pound or half pound and finally you say forget it where is the pizza. This has been the case with me each time. With the band it has been different. My bandversary is Dec. 22 and will be 6 months. As of right now I am 45 lbs down and feeling good. Of course I wish I was down more. I have tried to be realistic in these months and eat healthy, but not totally limit myself from things I love, because I know that isn't possible to do forever. Therefore, I will highly restrict myself with things that I know aren't the best for me. For the last two months though my weight loss has slowed. Last month I only lost 2 lbs and so far this month only 2. I have started back working out and counting my calories to make sure I am using more calories than I am taking in. At one point I had a goal of getting to the 160's by April 1st. My husband and I are taking a trip to Disney, I've never been and my husband hasn't since he was a kid, so we are excited to get away. However, it's Dec. 13th and I am sitting at 199, which is great - finally below 200- but I do not thing it is possible loose 40 lbs in 4 months or rather possible for me. My first month I lost 20 lbs, after that it slowed and my best month since was 8 lbs lost, which was Oct. I do not want to discourage myself my setting a goal that is likely unattainable. So, I have decided that I am going to stay on the lapband path taking one step at the time and I will reach my final goal of 140's when I do- it may be a year from now, but I will get there. I must keep my motivation up and stay strong. During the holidays I must admit I am finding it harder that before. Last night I made 4 batches of snickerdoodle party mix- my hubby had a work Christmas party today and wanted me to make it. So, I made it. I sent him to work with half of it and I bagged up the remainder and gave it to coworkers as gifts - after all if they gain a weight it will just make me look smaller (evil I know- jk). I do not want to tempt myself with treats that are not healthy. For once in my life I want to give my body what it needs rather than what it wants!!

It's easier to start and continue exercising when you enjoy it so look for activities that you enjoy. I love cycling, dancing, walking and swimming, which gives me plenty of variety as well.

hey everyone :0) did my second weigh in....down 6 more lbs! excited, but not feelin' so hot after tryin' to advance my diet to more regular food....seems my belly isn't wanting to cooperate :0( came home sick from work today & gonna' take the next two off....droppin' back to the broth & cream of wheat for a couple days for a break....time will tell...hope eveyone is doin' well! :0)