♕ajtexas♕

Thanks everyone for your love & support. I really appreciate it. I go back to the doctor on Monday, so fingers cross that we have good news.

I have not been around as much lately and several LBT friends have asked why…… I was banded in February of 2012, lost 80 pounds in 10 months and have maintained that weight until I had a tummy tuck on Halloween… After the surgery I had 2 drains, they were removed after 2 weeks. Within 5 days, my tummy filled up with fluid and my doctor drained it (this is like drilling for oil with a really BIG needle….. not fun!). Within about 5 days my tummy was full again so my doctor put a drain back in. The next week the area above my belly button filled up with fluid and I had another drain put in just below my bra line. About a week later I had the upper drain removed & that issue was resolved, BUT…. I was still accumulating over 50cc of fluid a day from my lower drain. Doc said the magic number was less than 20cc a day for 2 days in a row, well that wasn’t happening. So on Monday doc flushed Ethanol thru the tubing of my drain into the pocket in my tummy (100cc total). This is supposed to irritate the area between my skin & abdomen wall and cause it to stick together. Today (Thursday) I am still getting 30cc of fluid a day from my drain…… I go back to the doctor Monday. My options are, do the flush again and if that doesn’t work…..another surgery. Ugh Complications happen, I know that. But, how has this affected me mentally? Well, I can’t exercise (every time I do the amount of fluid goes up), I can’t go in my hot tub with my husband (open incision), Have this glamorous drain to carry around in my pocket….. IT SUCKS! And I have gotten very depressed over it. I have disconnected from my life lines (Local support group, LBT wait I mean Bariatric Pal, and my family) Yes I looked to food for comfort. (We won’t even add the holidays on top of all this….) So you wonder….how is my weight? I am about 10 pound over my original goal weight (I weigh between 177-180, depends on the day). But even more important is how I am mentally? I will be honest, I am struggling. I am pissed, why is this happening to me? What did I do to deserve this? WHY? Oh WHY? OH WHY????? Full on pitty me party here!!!! This is my confession, I am not the perfect role model. I struggle, I have pitty me parties, I ask why me…… and so I stayed away from my support. Too many people saw me as inspiration. How can I be inspiration when I am like this???? I am taking my complications day by day. I am not giving up (& yes the tummy tuck was worth it). I just don’t think I can motivate anyone right now.

Looks like a lot of fun. Congrats on your first 5k! You look great!!

Remember starting a new school? Having to make new friends? Trying to find your way around? Everything was so different and you hated it…. Remember moving to a new town? Not knowing anyone? Having to leave all your friends behind? Everything was so different and you hated it…. Well here we are, starting a new school….. Alex has built WLS University (BariatricPal) and within that university are the specialty colleges (Lapband, Sleeve, Bypass). It is all new and SCARY! We don’t know where to go, we don’t know where our friends are…… and we are expressing feelings of dislike. What if we meet some new friends? Learn about their struggles with their WLS? What if we gave them support? We all know the one similarity we share is that WE have a problem with our weight and WE had to do something about it. That problem didn’t go away when we had surgery. We just started a new journey of healing. A journey that is for life. The same journey for all of us. Let’s embrace what Alex has provided us, a place to go for support, for help and for education. I know it is scary right now, we are only 2 weeks into the new school. (Don’t know about you but I keep getting lost.) But, in time this new university will be our old familiar stomping ground. We will be running into all our friends all the time. We will know the layout like the back of our hands…..If only we give it a chance. Thank you Alex for building us this beautiful WLS University called BariatricPal.

Today I look at my life and I am thankful. I am thankful for my loving family. I am thankful for a good job and a steady income. I am thankful for my Lapband and for getting my life back. I look at who I was 18 months ago, 250 pounds of misery. I didn’t care about myself or how I looked. I would wear potato sack clothes, I never wore make-up or jewelry, I looked like a tired old lady and I didn’t care. I couldn’t exercise, just walking up the 4 steps into my house would put me out of breath. I really hated myself! Thankfully I did something about it. I got the Lapband and lost 80 pounds. I went from size 22 to size 10 and have never felt better. I take pride in the clothes I wear (no more potato sacks for me ~ I hate baggy clothes now, lol), I love to wear jewelry and make-up. I want to look good, my smile is from ear to ear. Life is so enjoyable now. So many things have opened up to me since my band. My husband and I have doubled the amount of land we use for gardening because I can physically help manage it. We increased our flock of chickens to 30 birds because I can physically help manage them. I find myself always on the go, moving doing this & that because I can physically do it. I even got my concealed handgun license (Never shot a gun before 6 months ago). All this because I decided to change. Yes, I changed everything….. No more fast food, soda, junk food, midnight bowls of cereal, or gallons of ice cream and no more sitting on my ass watching TV all day. Do I miss these things? Sometimes. But if I have cravings I have a small portion of whatever I’m craving. Day to day I don’t miss a thing. Life is too precious to waste it away on pizza and greasy burgers or cake and candy. I am thankful for my rebirth on February 6, 2012 and I promise to live a health happy life. I deserve nothing less.

Love thanks for sharing your story. You look amazing and you are such an inspiration to us all.

Forgot to mention that Hubby is making some pear wine.... My preserving is rubbing off on him, lol.

This weekend brought an end to the preserving of my spring/summer garden (except for the okra which will produce thru September). It was a good year: 137 pounds of Zucchini (15 plants) 104 pounds of Yellow Squash (15 plants) 30 ½ pounds of Patty Pan Squash (5 plants) 43 ½ pounds of cucumbers (5 plants) 73 pounds of Tomatoes (10 plants) 4 bushels of pears (2 trees) I spent the summer preserving all this every way I could: pickles, relishes, preserves, marmalades, minced meat, pie fillings, canned tomatoes, canned pears, frozen roasted tomatoes, frozen squash, casseroles, zucchini bread, zucchini cake, zucchini hummus, zucchini cobbler (tastes like apple!)… You name it! It’s been nonstop!! What does this have to do with the band? You wonder…… EVERYTHING! Pre band I could not have done a fourth of what I did this summer. I couldn’t cook dinner in the summer without sweating like a pig. I would have a towel around my neck wiping the sweat off my face before it dripped into the pan (for reals!). I would have to sit down every five minutes because my back was hurting. I hated working in the kitchen and doing anything outside forget it. My husband use to do all the work on the land, I couldn’t physically help him….. I don’t exercise, I hate the gym and any formal exercise routine. It’s never worked for me….. but I move. I move all the time. I walk and take the stairs as much as I can at work. Every day when I get home I have to feed the chickens, pick produce from the garden, pull weeds, etc. And the weekends are full of chores too, cleaning chicken coops, mowing lawns, pulling more weeds, building goat shelters…. I have so much energy now that all this work is nothing, just life on my farm. Just last night my husband asked me… “So what is my zucchini mama gonna do next?”…….hummmmm

Congrats, Dawn. That is soooo friggin awesome!

Gill took good care of her dad.

My nephew Benjamin got married this weekend in California and I was able to fly out there. This was the first time I have flown with Yellow Rose (my band). Jonathon (another nephew) and I flew out Friday morning arriving in California around lunchtime. As we are exiting the plane Jonathon requested In & Out Burgers for lunch (the greasiest burgers in town!). We retrieved our rental car and headed south to my brother’s house (via In & Out). We collected burgers for all the kids. I had no urge for a burger as Yellow Rose was letting me know she did not like flying…. Once we arrived, burgers delivered, my sister-in-law asked if I wanted anything for lunch (seeing that I didn’t have a burger). Yes, I was hungry but I knew that I couldn’t manage much more than mushy foods. I hesitated in answering and she quickly said “I have some greek yogurt or laughing cow cheese….” Ok how did she know????? She had called my mom (who knows everything about my band) and asked if there was anything she could get for me. So after choking back tears and a big hug I settled for some greek yogurt. The weekend was a blast! I saw family that I have not seen in 5 years and they were all very complimentary over how I looked. I heard “You look amazing” over & over and I loved every minute of it. I had some treats, like Trader Joes Dark Chocolate Espresso Beans but I also made good food choices (Ahi Tuna for lunch). I am proud of myself as I managed a weekend away from home (comfort zone) full of family (can be stressful) and had a great time. Oh and the best part was my hips DID NOT touch the sides of the seat on the planes. How cool is that?!!!!

I was reading the forum today and read a reply to a post about snacking that said “It’s okay to be hungry.” This got me thinking (I know scary, huh?!) Do I really know what true physical hunger feels like? Hunger where you don’t know if or when you will eat again….. Pain and discomfort from malnutrition and dehydration. I have never experienced true physical hunger. But, I’m the first to say I am sooooo hungry. Why? Was it the way I was raised? Society? Or what? Before my band food was everything. I would plan every meal to the tee and as soon as the meal was over I was talking/planning the next meal. Breakfast at 8am, lunch at noon, afternoon snacks/cocktails at 5pm and dinner at 7pm. My belly alarm would go off at each time and I would say I’m hungry. I was obsessed with my meals and eating. Food had all the control. Fast forward 18 months and I have the control back (for the most part). Yes I still eat on the same schedule. This is a personality flaw for me, very organized and schedule oriented. It drives some people crazy. The difference is that I know this is a trigger for my head hunger and I don’t let that “I’m hungry” feeling take over. I know when I’m going to eat, I know how much I’m going to eat and I know what types of foods I’m going to eat. So, yes it’s okay to be hungry. But, my head hunger will not control me, I will control it!

Yes, I think Bariatric specialist should know best. Doctors orders vary and so my point is to follow your own doctors orders, not what someone says on this site or anywhere else. Good luck to you.

To having a Lapband…. Well there are Dr. O’Brien’s eight golden rules. 1, Eat three or less small meals per day 2. Do not eat anything between meals 3. Eat slowly and stop when no longer hungry 4. Focus on nutritious foods 5. Avoid calorie-containing liquids 6. Exercise for at least 30 minutes every day 7. Be active throughout the day 8. Always keep in contact with your aftercare specialist And there are the basic band eating rules. 1. Small bites 2. Chew until mushy 3. Eat slow (wait about 1 minute between bites) After this it starts to get foggy, many doctors with many different opinions and advise. There is: 1. Don’t drink while eating 2. No carbonated drinks 3. No straws 4. No NSAIDS 5. No alcohol So what do you do? Who is right?? Every doctor is different. An example is let’s compare my doctor and my good friend CalorinaGirl’s doctor: Drinking while eating: My doctor says it’s fine as long as you wait the minute between bites & sips. CG doctor says NO drinking while eating and wait 30 minutes after you eat. Carbonated drinks: My doctor says if you want that’s fine but he sees most patients prefer not to because of the discomfort in drinking the carbonation. CG doctor says NO. Straws My doctor says if you want and it doesn’t bother you, fine. (I use a straw on occasion). CG doctor says NO. NSAIDS My doctor says Yes. CG doctor says NO. Alcohol My doctor says count the calories. CG doctor says prefer not, but if so use sparingly. I would say that both CG & I have been successful with our banded journeys, we both follow our band rules (doctor’s orders) and have seen the results. So who is right????? YOUR DOCTOR IS RIGHT! That is the person you put your money and life into so why not trust them? My point is this journey is not cut and dry, black and white. This journey is what you make of it. Trust in your doctor and listen to them. Make your choices based on that.

I bought myself a new water bottle this weekend. My previous bottles were inexpensive bottles. Never really liked any of them. I have been looking for a water bottle that had a few features that seem to be hard to find. 1. No straw – a bottle that you pour the water out of (or sip into your mouth). 2. Double lined – I don’t like ice in my water but I like it cold. 3. Cap that doesn’t leak – I want to be able to put the bottle in a bag and not worry if it will tip over and leak over everything. 4. Holds a good amount of water – about 20 – 24 ounces preferred. Well hubby & I were at Academy Sports this weekend and I found this water bottle. It meets all the elements I was looking for. It holds 24 ounces of liquid, double lined, nice mouth piece and the lid snaps closed (no leaks). Today was the first day of full use and I filled it 7 times (7 x 24 = 168 ounces). Holly Toledo I must be floating. I drank 168 ounces of water today. Ok, I know the newness will wear off and I’ll be back to my 80-100 ounces, but hey I like my new tool (& you know my thoughts on tools). There have been a few threads recently about water & dehydration that make me want to say I hated water when I got the band almost 18 months ago, never thought I could get in 68 ounces a day. Not possible. And today I drank that twice! How? By not giving up, by getting a tool that I like (Yea, the Longhorn encourages me!). By mixing up my water with lemons, limes or flavor packages. I go through phases, some days its plain water others I want my water flavored. I’m currently on a fruit punch kick. Really like the Tropical Punch flavor packs by HEB. Could be something totally different tomorrow. Point is when I’m bored with something I change it. Water can be so darn boring alone, but when you have a great tool like my UT bottle anything is possible. PS - yes it was over the budget but WTF I’m worth it! I get an awesome bottle and show my UT spirit all in one tool!

Trust me it can creep back on very quietly!

They say we didn’t gain all our weight overnight and therefore we shouldn’t expect to lose all the weight overnight. And as we get closer to our goal it gets harder and harder. It becomes a very frustrating thing. Then when we finally reach our idea weight, we have to maintain that weight FOR LIFE! No relaxing allowed. Because it will creep back on bit by bit. That is where I am at, I let my eyes do my measuring and bit by bit the sizes kept getting bigger….. Then I let myself make some not so good choices. Oh I can have a little of this and a little of that, I’m not trying to lose weight, just maintaining so it won’t hurt….. Guess what, I am pushing that five pound threshold that my doctor said I should keep. Yep up five pounds from my goal. Oh, I could sit here and say I don’t understand. I haven’t changed my eating or my exercise. But I did change things (slightly). A little bigger size of this and that. Extra treat here and there. Skipping on this exercise or that. It all adds up and at the end of the day I have gained five pounds over the last month. Now what, cry in my Wheaties? Nope, I get my a s s back on track. Weigh my food, eat my protein first, drink my water and exercise every day. And guess what, I will have to do this for the rest of my life. So for anyone thinking that the Band (or any WLS for that matter) is a quick fix, guess again! It takes change and lots of it, and it takes a lifetime commitment. I’m in it for life and bit by bit I will get these five pounds back off.

You know I will do anything to encourage & support you (& my fellow bandsters). Love ya too!

The band is a tool and will only work if used correctly, we know this and state it daily. We have another very important tool, our doctor. He (or she) is the one we trusted to cut up our insides. But this tool doesn’t stop there, we pay them for our after care. I’m not talking just for the post op diets. I’m talking months and years of after care, whether it is fills or just checking in or complications we need this tool as much as we need our bands. So why would we not use this tool? Why are we afraid to call the doctor? Why don’t we want to go back to the doctor? Who loses out when we don’t use this tool? The doctor doesn’t. He’s off helping other patients who are using their tool. We lose! We keep spiraling out of control, gaining weight, feeling like we failed, and hating the band. I use my tools to the fullest capacity! I lost 80 pounds in 10 months and have maintained my weight for the last 7 months. And, I still see my doctor once a month. Why? Because I am using my tool. I often don’t get a fill, I weigh in, ask any questions I may have and say hello to everyone. I am there so much that all the staff know me by name. They may get sick of seeing me, but hey I pay for this tool and by golly I’m going to use it. So, if you are struggling and you haven’t seen your doctor in a while, pick up the phone and make an appointment. Use your tool! If you don’t you are only hurting yourself.

Dr. McDreamy did my band back in February 2012. Not only is he good for the eyes he is a great surgeon. Sounds like you go to True Results, if so hope to see you at the next support group meeting.

Everyone has a different idea as to what the ‘Green Zone’ should be like, how it should feel. How tight do you need to be in order to be in the zone? Some like to be really tight where as other like their band a little looser. I have experienced my band being ‘nice and tight’ so to speak. I never felt physical hunger, but there was food I couldn’t eat like chicken breasts and vegetables. I would cook a wonderful meal for the family and then find I couldn’t eat it. I also found that it would take me over 30 minutes to eat. I hated meals; I would get frustrated and found myself turning to slider foods like cheese and crackers or peanuts. I struggled to maintain my weight from week to week and I was miserable. This was not the lifestyle I wanted so I had my doctor take out half a cc of fluid from my band. The result is I can eat any and all foods without problems, I go 3-4 hours without feeling physical hunger and most important is being able to enjoy mealtime with my family. This is my ‘Green Zone’. This experience makes me understand why so many posts say they are gaining weight and they might be too tight. It is very easy to gain weight when the foods you eat slides right down (they can be healthy foods too – mine was cheese & peanuts). I cannot manage my band when it is too tight, I would rather manage my lifestyle and use my band to complement that style. I am a loosey goosey! (Yep I made up a new term)

Congrats you are doing great, girlfriend!

I have thought about writing this blog all day long. Part of me says don’t write it, you are a success and you don’t want people thinking you slip up and fail. The other part of me says write this, maybe this will tell others that this journey is not easy and even after reaching goal & being declared a success you still struggle… ‘The other part’ won, so here goes…. I have always been called strong, never showing my weakness or emotions. It is a skill I learned early in life, build a protective barrier around you so no one can know how you feel or hurt you. The way I coped with this barrier was with food, it got me to 250 pounds…. When I started my weight loss journey I recognized this habit. That being said doesn’t mean that the habit went away or that it doesn’t get the best of me still. Over the last couple of weeks I have experienced events in my life that caused me to retreat to my protected barrier and to comfort myself with junk food (ice cream, etc…). Now, those closest to me know me well enough to see through the barrier and last night my husband did just that. He asked what was going on and I caved, I told him everything that was causing my stress, my work, my friends, and the whole lot. I had a good cry and we talked about how I could try and cope with things. I also confessed the eating that I had done and do you know what he did? He said, “Well trash is picked up tomorrow morning” and went into the kitchen, threw away all the trigger foods that I had mentioned. When he came back in he said to me, “You are worth so much more than any of that junk food. From now on there will be no junk in this house.” God, I love this man. I am so lucky to have such great family support. Then, this morning one of my most dear friends asked me what was up. And again I caved and told her everything. Know what she said? “Done now….back on track” and then she said, “It is what it is; pull up those panties, put on those heels and work it!” Thanks princess, I needed to hear that. I am so lucky to have such great friends supporting me. I know I can do this and I will do this for the rest of my life. I will have days and times where I stumble and fall. But, I will get myself up, brush myself off and keep going. Because I WANT this! I guess what I am trying to say is that even the success stories (the veterans) make mistakes, have bad days, and go backwards. The important thing is to identify the problem and find a solution. Then get your ass back on track. Thant is exactly what I am doing.

Now I want NE fried seafood.....

I am so sick of playing by the band rules; I just want to break one or two of them. Eat a big huge meal, take big bites, or wolf food down in ten minutes flat. Wish I could have a break and not think about my food choices, my portion size, how I eat, my water intake, and exercise, ugh…. Calgon take me away! Do you feel that way some days? I’m sure we all do. So how do we get past this? There are some who have reached their goal and have been maintaining for years. They say they think like a thin person. They never think of food. Will I ever be like that? I reached my goal in December and have been maintaining since then. Has it been easy? NO. It has been the most difficult part of my journey so far. But, I won’t give up because I look in the mirror and I really like the person that looks back at me. So, I will continue to play the game. I will make health food choices, take small bites (hubby calls them band-bites), drink water and exercise. I will do this for the rest of my life because I am worth it!