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When Alex suggested members take a three day challenge by tracking every little thing they eat or drink, I thought, "Sure. Why not?" I figured that I'd just be writing down what I was tracking in my head, so no big deal, and I could not only say I read the <i>whole</i> newsletter, but I actually took action. So I attached a sharpened pencil to my daytimer and commenced to keep track of everything I put in my mouth. As I looked over my lists last night, I admit I was very close to tears. I would say that the past three days have been pretty typical for me - nothing really out of the ordinary that I could say messed up or changed my regular habits. So no excuse there. I cringe to write this. Over three days, I drank a <i>total</i> of 102 ounces of liquid, consumed +/- 950 calories, and had ZERO protein. I hope y'all were sitting down for this. I swooned myself. How could I, by any stretch of the imagination, call this healthy eating? Ick. Alex's challenge (and the outcome) brought to mind an experience I had working with a nutritionist for the benefit of a mutual client. One day while we were discussing ways in which to re-connect this starving girl to reality, the nutritionist said, "I've found that anyone who has problems with food has an almost infinite capacity for self-deception." Ouch. I'm certainly confronted with my capacity for self-deception. How did I ever morph the reality of that list into something different in my head? I was pretty confident I was keeping track... accurately. Of course, I filed away the decision to "...have more protein tomorrow" in the back my mind. Under a pile of other **** and covered with a mental wet-wool-blanket. Seeing in writing that I'd done that for three days in a row kind of puts my stated commitment to "get healthy" in jeopardy. And, as I am wont to tell my clients, "When the words and the actions don't match, you always go with the actions. They tell the truth." Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. So, this morning, HWHN and I had a long discussion about what it really means to change our lifestyle. As it happens, he's just had his first complete physical in five years (I see all the women roll their eyes and the men shrug) and it turns out he's great except he's pushing the envelope for cholesterol. Ah. This requires a lifestyle change for him too. No more chocolate (he's the chocoholic) and no more cheeseburgers stuffed with deep-fried onion rings. (Fortunately, HWHN is not overweight, but apparently his arteries are protesting.) The 'lifestyle change' discussion precipitated a general discussion about our life, and we've decided to make some other changes as well. We've done this before, he and I - we know we can do it again. Changing our lives the first time meant I beat off the MS and got out of a wheelchair, and "flipping over the Monopoly board" again brought us out of the cold of the Great White Up to SandyTown and changed the course of HWHN's genetically-inherited arthritis. We can do this again. So an "epic fail" has caused us to take stock of what we're actually doing. Not just what we <i>think</i> we're doing. No. Really doing. And we're not doing so hot on the whole self-care thing. But, that's about to change. It's already begun. HWHN wants to avoid having to take Lipitor with all its attendant side-effects, and I'd like to get out of starvation mode, continue losing weight and keep at least a little bit of hair. Here's to Alex - thanks for the newsletter, the challenge, and the opportunity to really confront the self-deception that "...doth so easily beset us all."

It has been one whole month since my surgery. I unfortunately still feel like I'm a sick person recovering though between eating mushies still, taking liquid omeprazle, and pulling an internal stitch 2 weeks ago. However, today my stomach (where I pulled that stitch) is finally not bothering me as much. I can finally sleep on my side, which has begun to help my back pain a lot. And, so far any mushie food I've feed my sleevie has agreed with me. I went through a phase about 2 weeks out where I was freaked out over the amount of liquids I could handle in one swallow. I didn't need to sip anything by week two, I could take pretty regular sized drinks. I was worried I did something wrong. My doctor assured me, I just healed well and fast, and was happy for it. Now I freak out sometimes when I can eat what feels like it should be a lot, like 1/2 cup of fat free re-fried black beans, and I only feel full there at the end and can eat it in 30 minutes. Like... wow. Um, I thought that this was supposed to be harder? I guess maybe in the end, when all the healing is done, and I'm on regular food again, that I might be happier that I can eat most things. I've been super careful and slow when I introduce sleevie to something new. I take micro bites at first, sort of testing the waters, and then I'm like ok, we're good. And another food goes into rotation. I'm going to be trying tuna and chicken salad this week. I had to mentally get past the mushy meats idea. But, I do want to introduce meats to my system again before I'm eating real food again. I think I forgot that its a actually a goal to be able to eat a little closer to "normal" portions by the time I'm totally healed. I will be able to handle 2-3 oz. of meat, 1/4 cup of veggies, and a couple of tbsp. of brown rice. This amount of food sounds absurd to me in one sitting right now. Speaking of food...I've become pretty on top of healthy alternative recipe hunting. One of my post-surgery changes is cooking more often from home, making clean & healthy whole foods, and experimenting regularly with new recipes. I found cauliflower pizza crust! Protein donuts?! Yes! So long as this stuff tastes as amazing as my head thinks it does, (after 5 weeks of mushies and 3 weeks of liquids it will all taste good! LOL), then we're ready to rock and roll. I'm going to do my best to follow for the most part a low glycemtric diet for the rest of my life. Because I'm human, there will be "normal" food days, and I'm not going to feel food guilt those moments ever again. Food guilt is ridiculous in my life, and I don't need it. I felt guilty when I ate. Period. If I had a healthy sandwich, whole wheat bread, smoked turkey, low fat mayo, loaded with veggies... I'd feel guilty. That is something I feel I'm past now, and I don't want to ever feel like that again. I'm slowly getting past my, "Buyer's remorse." It has been harder than I anticipated for me post surgery. Not the food, I've been disciplined and not even thought about challenging my post-op diet at all. Its been physically not being where I am capable of being mentally. My pulled stitch has slowed me down, and it has frustrated me so much. I still have to take it easy, when I want to go walk a mile. I want to grab my hula hoop and just go nuts dancing, but I can't do that for another 4-5 weeks. Heartbreaking for me. I want to pick up my little dog and cuddle him like a baby, and I can't do that for a while either. I miss drinking while eating more than I thought I would. I was sad to think I can't drink milk and eat a PB&J sandwich at the same time. Is that forever? In a year or two, can I do that again? I'm just mentally past the healing and change part, and feel stunted in my ability to go forward because of this injury, and my back pain I've been suffering since I've been having to lay on my back so much. I'm back at work, but still can't bend over or reach up or move as fast as I did before... I'm ready to feel like myself 100% again and I'm pretty sure I still have a few more weeks before I will. I am rather pleased with my 37 pound weight loss, and don't even mind that I'm in a stall right now. Ah. This getting my thoughts out thing feel good.

I am going to say something that is opposite. If you are going to go into this surgery go into it 100% Why wait until 85% of your stomach is out to work on you? Aren't you worth more than that. Spending your time pre-surgery gaining weight is not the right way to go into such a very restrictive surgery. All surgeries carry risks, why not do your best before surgery to limit the risks by taking care of yourself. Start charting your food on something like myfitnesspal.com Start trying to lower your carb intake now. I put myself on 800-1000 calories a day (I usually stayed around 800 calories and on my "fore-special days" where I went out to eat at Red Lobster or a Japanese Steakhouse - I went higher. I made sure I kept my carbs 45-75 ...unless it was a fore-special day, which I only did once a month or maybe twice a month. I lost 10 pounds a month during my pre-approval phase. I got to have my favorite foods once in a while, but I also learned to break the bad patterns that you will need to break eventually, if you don't break it pre-surgery, well who says you are going to be able to break if after surgery? Learn to not drink with your meal and wait 1/2 hour after you eat to drink your water. Chart your 64 ounces of water a day, chart your exercise. Learn how to do this now. Limit your caffeine until you can go off it completely (imagine weaning from caffeine and carbonation during pre-op shake....) people that do it before pre-op shake are more successful. If you are going to have Last Suppers, or Last meals before pre-op shake don't do it the day before do it days before because carb overload, will make pre-op shakes so much worse. Nobody said you have to starve yourself, but why gain weight? Wouldn't it be nicer to have less to lose after surgery? It sure was for me. Even if you lose 10 pounds or 5 pounds pre-surgery isn't that something to be proud of? Aren't you worth putting 100% effort into this? The food issues you have pre-surgery, the comfort food, or the love for food don't disappear after they take 85% of your stomach. You are still going to have stress, you are still going to have anxiety, you are still going to need comfort. I guarantee you, if you work on these issues before surgery and put effort into this, you will be more successful after surgery, because the surgery doesn't cure what caused you to become overweight to begin with. This is not meant to put anyone down, this is not meant to hurt anyone's feelings, but this costs a whole lot of money and this surgery is NOT a walk in the park. It takes hard work and dedication and it will not solve your problems if you don't work hard for it. Best of luck to you all.

This is the secret recipe fom Chilli's! Description: "fajita-marinated chicken,cornrelsih, mixed cheese, cilantro, diced tomato and crispy tortilla strip. Garnished with a Chipotle-ranchdrizzleand cheese quesadilla wedges, served with citrus-balsamic dressing." start with 4 skinless Chicken Breast Fillets (Serving size 4 ) Fajita Marinade 2 1/2 cups of water 2 tablespoons of soy sauce 2 tablespoons of granulated sugar 2 teaspoons of salt 1 1/2 teaspoons ground cumin 1 teaspoon garlic powder 1 teaspoon onion powder 1/2 teaspoon gound cayenne pepper 1/2 teaspoonground balck pepper 1/2 teaspoon Hicory flavored Liquid Smoke Corn Relish 1 cup frozen yellow corn kernals (thawed) 1/2 cup canned balck beans, drained & rinced 2 tablespoons minced green bell pepper 2 teaspoons of Cilantro 1 teaspoon lime juice 1/2 teaspoon granualated suger 1/4 teaspoon of salt 1/8 teaspoon ground cayenne pepper pinch of ground black pepper Chipotle-Ranch Drizzle 1/2 cup hidden Valley Ranch salad Dressing 1/8 reaspoon ground chipotle chile Citrus-Balsamic Vinaigrette 1 cup canola oil 1/4 cup balsamic vinegar 3 tablespoons granulated sugar 2 tablespoons grey poupon dijon mustard 2 tablespoons lemon juice 1teaspoon minced garlic 1teaspoon lime juice 1/2 teaspoon salt 1/4 teaspoon ground black pepper Crispy Tortilla Strips 6 corn Tortillas 2 cups Canola Oil Cheese Quesadillas 8 7-inch flour tortillas 1 cup shredded chedder cheese 1 cup shredded Montery Jack cheese butter 8 cups chopped Ice burg lettuce (about 1 head) 8 cups chopped romain lettuce (1 head) 1/2 cup shredded chedder cheese 1/2 cup shredded Montery Jack cheese 1 cup diced tomatoes (aprox. 2 tomatoes) 4 teaspoons of minced cilantro 1. The Chicken will need to marinate for 2 hours. pound out the fat end of fillets with kitchen mallet/meat tenderizer, wisk marinade ingridents together in medium bowl and pour over chicken in zip-lock bag, Park them bad boys in fride for 2- 2 1/2 hrs. 2. while chicken is doing it's thing, time to start the Corn Relish,dressings and Tortila strips, To make Relish simply combine all ingredients into Medium bowl, cover and Chill. 3. Make the Chipotle-Ranch drizzle by combining ground chipotlepepper to hidden Valley ranch, LOW FAT is BEST! 4. Make the Citrus-Balsamic Vinaigrette by combiningall ingedients in blender/food processor on medium speed for 30 seconds or until thick, cover and chill. 5. Make the Crispy Tortilla Strips by slicing 6 corn tortillas into thin strips. heat oil into medium saucepanover medium heat until one strip dropped in oil bubblesand fries to crunchy golden brown (1 minute.) When oil is hot fry tortilla strips in batches until crispy, drain on paper towels. 6. when the chicken has marinated for few hrs, preheat BBQ gril on High, arrange chicken on plate and coat with little oil so they won't stick to grill, once grill is hot enough cook for 5 to 6 minuets per side , until done. 7. as chicken cooks make quesadillas by heating medium saut'e pan over med/low heat, Combine 1 cup of shredded chedder and 1 cup of montery jack , then spread 1/2 cup of cheese blend on top of flour tortilla, cover with 2nd tortilla melt butter in saut'e pan, and brown quesdilla for 1 minuteon each side or until light brown. repeat for other 3 tortillasand slice each into quarters with pizza wheel or knife. 8. build each salad by combining 2 cups of Iceburg & Romaine into large serving plate. sprinkle salad with 1/2 cup of crispy strips spoon 1/3 cup of corn relish on next, slice each grilld chicken breat into thin strips and arrange over corn relish, followed by 1/4 cup of diced tomatoe, 1 teaspoon of Cilantro, drillze Chipotle drizzle over salad and serve citrus-balsamic in small bowl on side. arrange 4 slices of Quesadilla around edge and serve. **** Makes 4 Large Salads **** Tidbit save time money and get blend of shredeed chedder/ montery jack or whatever blend you prefer.

Hi there! Have you been referred to theworldaccordingtoeggface.com? A great resource / blog by a post-op foodie. Lots of ideas for every stage.

OMGosh, I could've written this myself.... except I started at 349 and am only 5'6". :s I am HORRIFIED at pics that were taken only 6 or 8 months ago. I want to burn them and pretend that "that me" just never existed. YIKES... (I have before and current pics in my photo gallery if you want to be horrified too! LOL) This Part: "You were so fat that I was really worried about you. When I stood next to you, I could hear you having trouble breathing and I was scared for you. You’ve had trouble walking and getting around. You look a lot better and a lot healthier now.” My sister in law said the EXACT same thing to me just the other day! Unbelievable!!

I would say that I a VST stalker.....i don't have internet at work, but I make sure to read through the day on my blueberry.....wow, this post hit home. I want to see how everyone is doing, what questions pop up through the day, and I just love looking at photos......ummmm I may need intervention!

I have wondered the very same thing, but I agree with Tiffany has part of the success of what we are experiencing. I know that if I ate as little as I do now I would be constantly hungry, shaky, and unhappy. I know that people who have had the gastric bypass DO get hungry so that's one reason I chose this surgery. I have been lucky to have only a few people scoff at what I did - one called me an a*****e and a gigantic hypocrite [on Facebook for all to see] to do what I did and actually tell people about my journey. She said that not everybody can afford to better themselves and therefore I was the bad guy. She, I might mention, is not overweight which makes it even stranger. Oh, well - enough about my little life. I'm happy with the choice I made and YAY for the rest of us!!

You are an amazing writer!!! I'm sorry I can't find a better superlative, but you have a wonderful way with words. I just relived your childhood while reading. If you aren't already a blogger, or planning to write a book, you should plan to do both!

As I understand, it's a lack of the proper amount of protein intake... My doc told me he wants me to make sure I get in the amount of protein recommended, because he didn't want me to lose my hair. I hope this helps.. How much protein and what kind are you taking now?