If you read my other blogs you will know I went to the casino last weekend........ Lost my butt... LOL....... would have been ok if I would not have woke up at 430am and wanting to gamble cause I won 160.00 off the $ machine and blew that the following morning....
My son flew in Tuesday night.... I was almost nervous to see him..... was afraid he couldn't tell I have lost weight.... I know silly of me.. but I think we all still see the chubby person.. He was like WOW mom you are looking good........ keep it up!! Made my night.......
Spent most of Wednesday with family, Thursday he went to visit his dad and friends........ then left today!! such a quick visit,
been down since he left but at least he is not leaving the states.... He did tell me he might have to go back to Afgan... gosh I got mad!!! I was like I THOUGHT they said they were pulling everyone out....... He said no the President signed a 10 year deal to keep troops over there.......almost ruined my day yesterday!!
Thanksgiving was not to hard for me since I am so picky anyways...... I did enjoy a pumpkin bar my dad made, but did not eat the frosting!
So we did the early shopping today my son was able to pick up a few presents for his girlfriend, and for my 50lb mark we bought a new tv for the bedroom!!
So we all know I want to be 200lbs by Jan. gosh, I hope I make it..... I have 46 days to lose 13lbs....PLEASE NO STALLS!!!
My next goal is to be 175/180lb by April going to plan a trip to the Oregon Coast for reward!!
The down side to all this is my hair is falling out bad, I have to clean my brush daily. pretty nervous about that......hoping it slows down soon...
Anyone else notice there memory is not the greatest??? I can't believe I have to ask someone to refresh my memory on work I been doing for 2 years!! I have never had to take notes because I would remember after the first time being shown something and now I have printed cheat sheets to help me get into my programs!!!
The biggest advice I could give is make sure you go to the dentist ever 3 months, because I did not tell my dentist about my surgery but she kept going on and on how she could tell something was different with my teeth. She told me to get toothpaste that is SLS Free, Amazon has it. I was thinking my teeth would be great, you know with giving up pop and candy....thank goodness No cavities!
I said something to the NUT. she said yes some people end up with teeth issues because of the surgery and not getting enough Nutritiousness (cant spell right now)
Well I hope you all have a good weekend!
The morning after my surgey I still couldnt believe how well things were going for me. The Dr and nurses were surprised too. Beginning at 6am, I had to start drinking 1 ounce of water and 1 ounce of protein shake per hour. This was my first REAL experience with getting a feel for the new sleeve. I knew it had been sewn togehter with staples (and some type of glue I think), so I wanted to be "gentle" with it. I didnt know if I could "break" it or not, but I still wanted to be careful with it. So the first sips of water I took were so small that the water barely wet my lips. At first when I swallowed, I felt the urge to burp. I took another small sip and a small burp followed. As I continued to drink, I begin to feel the true size of my new stomach. The fullness came as a sort of tighness just below my sturnam. When I felt that, I knew to stop drinking for a few minutes. The good thing was that I quickly learned that the stomach emptied pretty quickly, so I could adjust the time between sips and not get too full. I Before I could leave the hospital, they wanted to make sure I could consistently get 2 ounces of water and protein shake down per hour. This is because my Dr required me to get 60 oz of water and 60 oz of protein shake in per day. I cant say at that point that I knew the real size of my stomach because of course I hadnt eaten solid food yet. But I could tell that it would be a challenge getting the 60 and 60 in each day.
I arrived in my hospital room sometime around 9pm after staying in the recovery room for what was about an hour but felt like minutes. Immediately there were several nurses around me setting things up and taking my vitals, putting an oxygen mask on me, and removing the IV that I'd had since the pre-op room. It wasnt uncomfortable, but I was glad to have it out of my arm.
My wife graciously decided to sleep on the "couch" in my hospital room and thank God she did becasue the nurses were giving me instructions whcih I doubt I would have remembered on my own. One of the nurses brought me some liquid medications, an antibiotic I think. Before I swallowed the liquid, I thought about what it was going to feel like going into my stomach. I took a very small sip and and could feel the liquid going down into my new, smaller stomach. I had the strangest sensation that there was an empty space on the left side of my abdomen. Very hard to describe, except for weird. Even though my Dr. had told me my stomach would hold about 4 ounces, I still had no idea what that capacity would feel like. I didn't really experience that until morning. The thing that I was most grateful for was that I had no nausea whatsoever. Apart from the groggy feeling from the anesthesia, I actually felt pretty good and what little pain I had was being controlled with pain medication.
My surgeon had informed me since the beginning that he would force me to be active right after the surgery so I knew he'd have me up and walking that same night. He did, and I took a couple laps around the halls of the hospital floor without too much effort. We didnt sleep more than a couple hours that night. Not because of pain or nausea, but because the Dr was a real stickler for the nurses to take vital signs and give medications every 2 hours. It seemed like someone was in and out of my room all night! Plus, while I was in the bed, they used the electric clot massager things on my legs which made it nearly impossible to sleep with. My wife and I didnt sleep much that first night in the hospital, but all in all it wasnt as bad as I was expecting. The following afternoon I would be allowed to go home to begin life with my new stomach.
OK... so most of you know me as a member of the Banded b*****s. I have been called RUDE, SNARKY, UNHELPFUL. WONDERFUL, A LIFESAVER, all in the same day. Such is life. Maybe, it would help if some of you knew more about me. I am currently 63 years old, banded at 62 on October 31, 2011. I am 8 pounds from my personal goal, but have achieved my GP, WL Surgeon, NP and Nutritionists goal of 175. I moved my own goal down to remind me that this is a life style not a short term diet. I will always keep working. I am 5'9" tall and no wear size 8 jeans, down from 20/22's My highest weight was 263,
On the personal side, I am a wife (29 years with hubby # 2, # 1 and I parted ways.) I am a mother of two girls one 40 and the other 37. I am a grandmother to two gorgeous ladies, Morgan soon to be 13 and Grace 9 1/2. They belong to the older daughter. I have 2 great son-in-laws as well. I am the Godmother of two other young girls, Grace and Eva. I have been retired for almost 10 years. My hobbies are quilting, golf and traveling. My husband and I have been to all 7 continents and over 50 countries. We actually lived in Brussels, Belgium for 2 years, and still miss our favorite Neuhaus Chocolate. Good thing we are not there now, or I might have even more problems maintaining weight loss! LOL
I have been an active member of LBT and really like helping newbies. My less than polite side come out when people ask what I consider stupid questions.... Like "gee do my scars look infected to you" or I went out drinking and threw op for 36 hours do you think I damaged my band." If you want positive help from me stay away from asking medical questions. We all have surgeons, nutritionists and other medical professionals for that. If you hurt take a pain pill or call your doctor.
I love my LAP BAND and all the members of my private social group the Banded b*****s, so don'; pick on them either. We are all here to learn and help. I learn new things every day, and I hope a help a few other along the way. That's it for my first ever blog. I planning to go in for a fill next week, let you know how that goes. It will be my third.
CHEZNOEL, AKA Princess Grammy.
When I weighed in on Wednesday, I was over -2 lbs down this week to 171.0, I worked out and everything was great... then came Thanksgiving. Let's be brutally honest people, I didn't gain weight compared to last Friday's weigh in, I stepped on the scale and saw 173.1 staring back me (I was 173.3 last week), so I consider my first official holiday success even though I only lost -.2 lbs this week. Hands down I'm guilty as sin for grazing all day, nibbling, and snacking away. I wasn't able to eat much at the actual sit down part, but I sure made my mini plate dent through the day. I only had one alcoholic beverage, and I tried to snack on protein (turkey) as much as possible. I've never been able to control myself as much as I have this year. I walked away satisfied, having tasted all the treats, but never getting more than two bites of anything. At first I felt a little guity, but driving home last night I felt victorious. I knew I had only eaten a fraction of what I normally do, and I even somehow managed to completely shy away from taking a ton of left overs home to continue the binge eating as I've done in the past. Double score. So I'll take my lowest weekly weight loss since surgery as a huge step forward. My first major holiday with friends was a success with my sleeve. I lost weight even on Thanksgiving week... and oh, am I ever so Thankful for my sleeve!!!
Height: 5'9
Highest (Surgery) Weight: 216
1st Primary Goal Weight: 169
2nd Optimal Goal Weight: 145
Sleeve Journey:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~> 8/17/12- PreOp/Surgery Day w/Pics Posted in Blog
Week 1 (8/24): 204.8 (-11.2)
Week 2 (8/31): 200.6 (-4.2)
Week 3 (9/7): 196.8 (-3.8)
Week 4 (9/14): 193.5 (-3.3)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~> 9/17/12- 1 Month Anniversary w/Pics Posted in Blog (-22.5 lbs)
Week 5 (9/21): 191.6 (-1.9)
Week 6 (9/28): 190.1 (-1.5)
Week 7 (10/5): 187.0 (-3.1)
Week 8 (10/12): 181.9 (-5.1)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~> 10/17/12- 2 Month Anniversary w/Pics Posted in Blog (-11.6 lbs)
Week 9 (10/19): 181.4 (-.5)
Week 10 (10/26): 177.9 (-3.5)
Week 11 (11/02): 176.8 (-1.1)
Week 12 (11/09): 174.7 (-2.1)
Week 13 (11/16): 173.3 (-1.4)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~> 11/17/12- 3 Month Anniversary w/Pics Posted in Blog (-8.6 lbs)
Week 14 (11/23): 173.1 (-.2)
I just had the hardest Thanksgiving in my entire life! I'm still on Faze 2 of my liquid diet, post sleeve, 2 weeks ago. Everyone came over here for Thanksgiving, meaning there were 13 people here, and all but ONE was eating a big Thanksgiving day dinner. With turkey, gravy, dressing, sweet potato casserole, cheesy potatoes, rolls, butter, sweet corn casserole, and of coarse dutch apple pie, and pumpkin pies! They all filled their plates, and filled there tummies, while I sat there and ate my 1/2 cup of cream of mushroom soup! Wasn't fun at all! I want some real food so badly, but I have to wait until I go back to see my doctor's nutritionist on Monday. It will be 3 weeks since my sleeve, and I'm suppose to be able to have more variety of foods then. Usually at Thanksgiving I'd fill my plate, and get over full from dinner, and deserts, but not this year!
My daughter, her husband, and our two grand kids are still here visiting until tomorrow morning. Let me tell you these people can eat! They are the worse "grazer's" you ever saw! Between them, and my husband there's someone constantly in the kitchen eating something!
It's making it horrible for me, for crying out loud, I'm only human! With my sleeve I don't ever feel very hungry, but in my head I have voices saying, "Man, don't you wish YOU could eat that what they're eating"! I know I made the right choice to have my sleeve, but right now it sure is hard to see the whole picture. I have felt kind of down these last few days, and like I'm being punished or something. This has been one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. On a good note, I have lost 22 pounds since just before my surgery!
Also 68 pounds since I first started my journey to a new me.
I have lost 19 pounds since 11-8-12 thats the good news> the bad news is that I started mushy foods on Thanksgiving day. It was the first meal I have had for 2 weeks and did not go well. I not only ate at one meal but had to go to the in-laws for meal #2. Although I'm sure I didn't eat as much as I used to I did eat more than I thought I would. To say the least I am upset with myself, but have read that I am not alone in this. I started over today with a protien smoothie for breakfast and had a mid day meal of one cup of spaghetti. Each day is a new beginning and enjoy reading everyones post. It is a huge encouragement for me.
I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving! I sure did! It was a little out of my ordinary, but a wonderful holiday and a day off from work. Woke up and watched a bit of tv, waiting for Ty to wake up. Then we had breakfast and went and saw an early movie. We saw Red Dawn.... it was fantastic!!! I couldn't believe it! Then we drove back to Ty's hotel and when we got there we realized we had nothing to do and nothing was really open for us to do anything... so we decided to see another movie! We had lunch then headed back to the theater... to see... Pitch Perfect. Again! Another hit! It was awesome! Then after the movie we laid around the hotel for a bit, then decided to go see my family for a bit and maybe get a free dinner out of it... so we drove over to Seattle and saw a small bit of my family. Dinner was awesome and then we played a few games. I was able to tell my mom that I am about to start my Lap-Band journey, and she is pretty excited for me. Then I said goodbye to Ty (since he is TDY in Everett) and I went and barely caught the ferry home. And now, I am ready for bed and ready to get tomorrow at work out of my way... lol we shall see if I have to work on Saturday. I just want it to be Wednesday soooo bad!!
Well, have a great night everyone!
I was kinda worried how today was gonna go, but thank God it all worked out. My SIL made her famous cream cheese ball and I just put some on a stalk of celery instead of cracker. Turkey and a tossed salad for dinner, and I planned on a sliver of pumpkin pie but our Aunt brought a pumpkin pie trifle and it was all sugar free. I only had a half a cup of it. Just enough to enjoy but not too much. I am so glad I survived, and when everyone else was stuffed and actually hurting, I was content. Now I know I can do this! Thank you Jesus!
So I figure this is as good as journal.
I need to make sure I can have some system of record to track progress and see how I'm managing through this.
I can't begin to express my emotions. I'm so excited and every ounce of me feels like this is the right decision. Of course my mom is making so nervous with her over anxiousness. I keep trying to reassure her everything will be OK. I think, however, this speaks to a lot of fears within my family to try new things. It's so weird, my sister and I are just not cut from the same cloth as my family. She moved to Berlin just for the heck of it, I myself travel the world over at any and every chance. Yet, most of my family will not move further than 10 minutes from the other members. It's so bizarre.
Anywho, my surgery date is December 14th!!!
I'm so excited and I know it will be here before I know it. The last piece to all of this, is getting my passport renewed as I'm going to Mexico for my procedure.
I've already started my pre-op diet and walking 3 miles a day. I also bought a nutri-bullet. Surprisingly, it's actually help me beat the flu. I started my nutri-blasts the day I work up with an unbearable sore throat (that is always the first sign of a flu for me & it usually takes me down for a week or two). I will admit, 3 days of these nutri blasts and I feel great. I figured it would help me post-op when it was time to go to my soft food stage to help me get some better nutrients in. Whoever came up with that thing, is brilliant. I will admit, sometimes when I have more than 1 a day, I don't always add the green factor in & depending on the recipe, I allow myself a teaspoon of sugar or vanilla almond milk, but it definitely doesn't change the effect of getting all that good nutrition in me.
So yea I'm feeling great. Wish my surgery was earlier in December, just kind of ready to get it over with LOL. I've been mulling over this for like 5 years and for some reason, I know once I get going with this, I'm going to kick myself for not doing it 5 years ago. I guess the thing with me is that, I kept running into or hearing about people who were unsuccessful with bypass surgery or had complications with the band. The sleeve just makes more sense for me and I know this will be a tool that helps me succeed.
I guess I may as well start thinking of some rewards for myself. Here's a list to get started:
50 lbs = spa day
75 lbs = dance shoes
100 lbs = arjuni D
125 lbs = host huge event for friends
150 lbs = $1500 new wardrobe
Goal = book Europe trip to see my sis
I'm sure these will be tweaked a bit as time moves along, but it's a starting point and plenty of things to look forward too.
At some point about 2 hours before the surgery time, I sort of "accepted" that it was really going to happen.
Of course I've been planning this for 6 months, but the entire process had gone so smoothly, that when the
time came, I couldnt really believe it. And with my last minute nerves, I had visions the day before of
backing out (see previous blog entry).
When I arrived at the hospital 2 hours before surgery time, they got me back to the pre-op room right away.
The nurse went through a checlist to make sure all paper-work was done and signed off by me and Dr. Pirrello.
and checked my vitals. then another checklist to confirm which medications I was taking. Finally, another
checklist to make sure I didnt have a pacemaker, hidden jewelry in weird (non-visible) places, metal hip,
etc. After a few minutes, she gave me instructions to use the bathroom if I needed, strip all the way down,
and put on these loooong white hose/nylons which are used to help prevent blood clots. So after I had put
the very tight hose on (they are thigh - highs so being a guy I felt a weird and getting the standard
hospital gown on, the nurse came back in and had me lay flat on the exam table while she put leg-length
foam-straps covering the hose. I later learned that these foamy staps had little inserts in them that
variably espanded and contracted to help control blood flow and prevent clots durning and after the surgery.
The best way to decribe the action of these things is that they're like a combination of a message recliner
chair like you see in Brookstone stores and a blood pressure cuff for the way it expands. Then she shaved
my entire stomach which tickled like hell. I laughed uncontrollably and so did she.
I soon had a fast visit from the anesthesiologist, my surgeon's assistant, and finally my surgeon. Each
helped to relax me, but didn't really give me any new information. They're a very good team and I had always
been impressed and appreciative of the time my surgeon spent explaining things to me. My pre-op office visit
with my surgeon, Dr. Pirrello, the week before surgery was 2 hours long! He's great.
Verrrry slowy I began to feel relaxed. Although no one had said so, I was sure they had started me on type
of relaxation medication. Felt like a Valium or drinking 2 beers. I'm glad they did. Then they allowed my
wife to come back to the pre-op room for a few minutes. By that time I was even more relaxed. But we spent a
few minutes together talking, laughing and praying. Someone peeked their head in the door indicating that
the time had arrived. It was time to head to the big show.
At this point, my memory starts to go in and out a little. I remember (mostly) being wheeled into the
operating room on the gerny then being laid onto another table with bright lights above. But again, it
seemed like I was going in and out of consciousness. it was dream-like. I could hear several people around
me, and also remember the anesthesiologist whispering to me from behind. I think she might have said "you're
going to sleep now.", and I was out. Then they gave me the sleeve I presume
I came out back into consciousness slowly, much as i had gone out. So I remember talking with my wife
breifly, then I was in my hospital room in a bed. After that, I became fully conscious, but didnt feel any
pain. More soon...
So I have set up the first 4 appointments needed to start everything! And I'm so happy about it!
1st appointment: Novemeber 28th (nutritionist)
2nd appointment: Novemeber 30th (doctor for recommendation letter)
3rd appointment: Decemeber 20th (nutritionist <--- this one is tentative because of work, but I'm surveillance be able to go)
4th appointment: January 25th (nutritionist)
I may have another appointment after that, but I won't know until my first appointment on Wednesday, I have already seen this nutritionist, but it was in July and the person I was talking to to make all these appointments wasn't able to tell me if it would count. I hope it does. If it were to count then I could possibly be banded at the end of February, if not.... Then march. Which I'm ok with, because this is all happening about a month and a half faster than I though it would happen. Eeep!
Well I hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving!
Yea!! I received the phone call....surgery date set for January 10th. Are there any other January sleevers out there? It would be nice to compare notes as we go thru this.
hi everyone,
i was banded on oct5. i work in a hardware store and just recently have been a lot more active in work,lifting heavy boxes,putting out stock,going up and down steps,etc.
i have noticed that on those very active days,after like 2 hours of activity,my port protrudes! i dont have any pain,its just an uncomfortable feeling. but it sticks out a lot,then after i get home from work,and relax a bit,it goes back to normal.
has this happened to anyone else? is it normal?
any answers would be appreciated!
Well I am four weeks post and doing good. I made the mistake of trying to progress forward too fast, and wasnt eating the best food. I ate too fast and that caused violent vomiting and had lots of blood coming up. SCARY!
I was out of comission for the afternoon, napped andmy husband frantically looked though my weight loss books to find out what was going on. The dr. scolded be BIG TIME and put me back to purree foods.
Let me tell ya that was one hell of a reality check! My husband and I have cleaned out the cubbords and fridge and did shopping for all foods purree. I really read through all my lit from the dr again and made a few recipes of tuna salad and egg salad my dr provided and my husband and I LOVED them.
Word of advice to all of you new sleevers TAKE IT EASY do not rush! Evalute your habits, how you eat, why you eat, slow down and listen to your new stomach!
I am ready to eat my some mashed tatoes tomorrow! Lesson learned I could have been eating turkey "normal" but I didnt focus and take things one step at a time!
Good luck to you all!!!
So today is post op day 15. I did not get much sleep last night therefore i slept a large portion of the day. I still have a little soreness from the procedure so I'am going light on the exercising. Mentally I feeling ok but I must admit I miss eating alot. I guess I never thought that I would miss the act of eating and drinking so much. I know this sounds so bad but sometimes I just wish I could just chew some food.
Exercise:
30 minutes cardio: speed 2.2, incline 7, calories burned 303
50 sit ups
10 girl push ups
Food/liquids:
30 oz of plain water
11 oz (2) Priemier Protien chocolate shakes ( each 11oz shake contains 30g of protien 160 cals, and 1g sugar)
3 oz of pureed marie calender chicken pot pie
1 oz sugar free popsicle
Things I plan on working on tomorrow: being more active and not laying in bed all day and trying to get all 64ozs of fluids down.
Surgery date 11/06/12
Starting weight 260
Current weight 239
Yes scales. I have two. One is to double check the other in case it's off. :ph34r:
So, I have been stalking the post op forums and there is so much angst over ONLY having lost an awesome number of pounds in a very short time. I know myself and I am sure I could get very obsessed about the numbers, especially if they aren't going to drop like I want them to. My body does not like to subscribe to my goals. I'll get close to a goal by a certain point and then gain 3 lbs.
I feel like what I want to focus on after surgery is being able to fit into clothes I can't wear right now. Feeling good, being healthy, being able to exercise without pain. I don't want to focus on the numbers because I know I will obsess.
Maybe I will just take them downstairs...........
27 days from today. WOW.
So my doctor wants me to change my mindset, think maintenance instead of weight loss…
What does that mean?
I am finally comfortable with my portion sizes and my band. I don’t get stuck or pb, I can eat breakfast, lunch and dinner, I can eat any foods, I eat 1200 calories a day and I don’t feel hungry between meals.
For me, it means nothing changes. I lost my weight with my band more on the loose side than the tight side and therefore my body will settle and I’ll stop loosing (that’s what my doctor says). Probably around the weight of 170-175 lbs.
That’s the physical part, but what about the mental part? How does the head handle maintenance?? What if I can’t keep the weight off? What if I fail and gain weight back? I can’t fail; I've worked too hard to get here. But, what if??? Man, the head is my biggest obstacle.
I have to get a hold of my thoughts. I know I can do this. Per my doctor, nothing has changed. I still have the same fill; I still eat my cup of food, 3-4 ozs protein, ½ cup veggies. I still drink my water. I still exercise. I am at goal and it’s just another number on the scale.
I'm just at the next chapter in my banded lifestyle.
I'm a few days late with my entry but I have been very busy traveling. I traveled to visit my family this past weekend and it was a good visit. I did inform my parents that I was going to get the surgery and of course they are supportive. I think that they were surprised because I was so defensive when it was brought to my attention in past years. I told them I needed to soul search by myself and it was my decision and my decision alone. I still have my days that where don't think I can do it but I know that in the end I can do it.
These next 10 days are going to be interesting because I am traveling for work. I am spending Thanksgiving with my friends in DC and taking this vacation is a must. Trying to eat the same as I do at home has been hard but I have made better decisions then in the past when traveling. I get into this mood where I try and rationalize that since I'm on vacation I can eat what I want. I think becasue of the past 3 or so months of me watching what I eat and the differences in choices has helped me now being out of the comfort of my home. This is a much needed vacation and I will still enjoy myself but I still need to watch what I eat and make better decisions. Now next week will be the test because of where I am for work.....it will be interesting but at the same time a leason in how to choose better food when there isn't much to choose from.
I hope everyone has a joyful Thanksgiving....enjoy family & friends
My surgery is now set for 12/11, and I'm so very excited. On Tuesday of next week I will start the liquid diet, and then I'll be counting the days until surgery.
Last night I decided to start organizing my closet. I'm a bargain shopper, so few of my clothes are terribly expensive, but I have a lot of clothes. As many of you can probably imagine, I also have many different sizes of clothes. Right now, I'm comfortable in a 20 and sometimes an 18. It's been many years since I've been less than a 16, though. Still, I'm not good at getting rid of my favorite clothes. I still have the size XL dress I wore to my college graduation in 1999. I found that last night as I sorted through my "I Have a Dream" section of my closet. My son graduates from high school this spring; wouldn't it be wonderful if I wore that dress to his graduation?
To save space, I always put my out of season clothes in a couple of rubbermaid tubs in the corner of my closet. Last night, my ritual had a strange element to it. Will I need those clothes in 6 months? I hope not! But I still couldn't find the nerve to give them away. So I compromised: I put some of the clothes that are big (or roomy) on me now in a pile for Goodwill, and then neatly folded the rest and put them in the tub. But before I closed it up, I took a moment to write myself a note.
Exactly what I wrote is kind of personal, but I was very aware of the fact that I will probably be very different-- at least in size, but I imagine in other ways as well-- when I open that tub this spring.
I'm glad I'm doing all of this, and documenting it. I've actually started loading video blogs into Youtube, but they are pretty amateur, so don't expect to be dazzled. Still, if you're interested, go to youtube and check out: NewAndImprovedJennie.
Last Friday I went into my old place of work to see my old workers and co-workers. Despite the stress of the job, I have to admit, I really liked what I did and the people I worked with. Some of these people haven't seen me at all since my weight loss. Others have not seen me in a few months. So, it was interesting to see the looks on people's faces when I came in. Most would scream in delight to see me and then focus on my weight loss. I heard so many positive things that I felt like I should go up there once a month just to get the support. I was surprised that I didn't get any mean comments or people who were passive aggressive about it. To be honest, i really expected it with a few people.
The shock on everyone's face was so extreme that it made me start thinking, "was I really THAT big before?". Well, one of my old workers had a photo of me (a couple actually) from my wedding shower. I took a good look at them and I have to admit, I was HUGE. I am not sure why I thought I wasn't that big. I mean when it was taken I weighed around 290. But like I have said before in my blog, I never felt fat. I mean, I knew i was I just didn't let that run my life. I refused it to get me down. There were times it did, but at a whole, I was happy. Don't get me wrong, I would have been much happier if I was a size a 10 but we can't always get what we want (according to the Rolling Stones anyway).. But, even though I was happy with who I was, I knew I would be much happier if I wasn't on all the meds i was on for my medical issues. At my age, it really bothered me to have to so many pills daily. That's one big reason I had the surgery....and now I am off them off (except my pain meds) and much happier with myself.
Now, as I was driving home I started thinking. Why is it that no matter how content we are with our body (big or small), we always feel so much better about ourselves when we have people give us that double take look. Sure, it's better when it comes from the opposite sex, but even getting it from the same sex can put an extra bounce in your step. It sure did for me. Does that make me one of "those people". You know the kind. The ones that strive for the double take, especially from the opposite sex (or same sex if that's your thing). Am I turning into the girl that I've always made fun of/ You know the one. The one who always looks great. Who bats her eyelashes too much, shakes her but even when there is no music on, and always wheres a push up bra and a low cut shirt only to bend over in front of the person they want to get a reaction from? The more I thought about it, the more I was positively sure the answer was NO!!!!
Just for a laugh...hope you like it. Reminds me of Joey from "Friends"
Those girls don't have high self esteem and need to get reassurance from people who are only looking at their body. I am far from that woman. I am the woman who my whole life never felt like men found her attractive. I am the girl who was only asked out once in high school and to be honest, i am still not sure if that was a date or not. I am the girl who's self esteem through all that stayed very high (thanks to my wonderful parents) and I was able to see the difference between outer beauty and inner beauty. And, I didn't need someone to want me just to have a pretty girl on his arm. I wanted someone who wanted a pretty girl with brains and a sense of humor. It took me awhile to find that man, but when i did, i kept him close.
But, with all that said, I am human. I like to be admired. I like to be looked at in a way that says, "Damn she's hot!". I mean let's be honest. Who wouldn't? So, I will continue to bask in the glory of the double takes and smiles, the positive feedback, and the flirting that happens from men I've known for years. I will take it all in and then come home to a my husband and tell him how happy I am to have in in my life. A man who loves me for every part of me....big or small....crazy or sane....pensive or talking his ear off for hours....yes, that's the person for me. And as I have done for 11 years, i will always do a double take when he walks in the room and wonder, "Damn, how did I get so lucky?"
Even though Ty is staying 2 hours away from me, he couldn't have been a better fiance' than today! After I called him with our amazing news about being able to start the process, he went and bought my Christmas present so I could have it early! A brand new Canon camera!! So that I can take photos of my journey and start recording a continuous vlog of everything! I'm soooo happy today! Nothing could bring me down! (Except this sad episode of Catfish ) I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving eve!
