A blonde called her boyfriend and said, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started."

Her boyfriend asked, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"The blonde said, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger." Her boyfriend decided to go over and help with the puzzle.

She let him in and showed him where she had the puzzle spread allover the table. He studied the pieces for a moment, then looked at the box, then turned to her and said, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger."

He took her hand and said, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of hot chocolate and then............", he sighed,.......................

.......................

.........................

.......................

.........................

"Let's put all these frosted flakes back in the box."

On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just

inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts

and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts.

"One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me," said one boy.

Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence. Another boy came

riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he

heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to

investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me. One

for you, one for me." He just knew what it was. He jumped back on

his bike and rode off. Just around the bend he met an old man with a

cane, hobbling along. "Come here quick," said the boy, "you won't

believe what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery

dividing up the souls." The man said, "Beat it kid, can't you see

it's hard for me to walk." When the boy insisted though, the man

hobbled to the cemetery. Standing by the fence they heard, "One for

you, one for me. One for you, one for me..." The old man

whispered, "Boy, you've been tellin' the truth. Let's see if we can

see the Lord." Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence,

yet were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy

gripped the wrought iron fence tighter and tighter as they tried to

get a glimpse of the Lord. At last they heard, "One for you, one for

me. That's all. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence and we'll

be done." They say the old man made it back to town a full minute

ahead of the boy on the bike.

HAAAAAAAAA !!! good one

Thanks you gals! Those are really cute and both have me laughing out loud. I always appreciate anyone who can make me laugh. It's one of my favorite pastimes, laughing that is. Keep 'em coming!

A duck waddles into the market and asks, "Hey, got any grapes?"

The clerk responds, "Sorry, no grapes today."

30 minutes later, same duck waddles into same market and asks same clerk, "Hey, got any grapes?"

Disturbed, the clerk shoots a stern glare and says, "NO, we don't have any grapes today."

20 minutes later, same duck waddles in same market and asks same clerk, "Hey, got any grapes?"

The Clerk loses his temper and screams at the duck, "No, I don't have any damn grapes, and if you ask me again I'm going to nail your flippers to the floor!"

10 minutes later the same duck waddles into the same shop and asks the same clerk, "Hey, got any nails?"

The clerk says, "No, we don't carry nails."

The duck says, "Good, then do you have any grapes?"

Toooo cute, thanks Lisa!!!!

Cindy

Hehehehehe !!

Oh geez -

I think that's what you have to do the insurance company to get approval!

When Name Calling isn't Swearing

ckncat.bmp

And another ..........................

dogho.bmp

lastly..........................

Vaccuum.bmp

Okay one more.................

mellons.bmp

ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!

Thanks Eileen, for always putting a smile on my face and laughter in my heart!!!!

Cindy

I love those!

Its nice to know y'all are just as sick and twisted as I am

An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the

last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset. Upon making several

false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the latest episode was another and

stayed put. He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond

his ability to remain rational.

>

> In a complete loss of composure he jumped out of bed, gathered up the

bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.

>

> A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He

started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms violently trying to get the

unknown things off, and ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his

feet.

>

> As the drunk stood there, unsteady on his feet, staring down at the

sheets, a hospital security guard (barely containing his laughter) who had

watched the whole incident walked up and asked, "What the heck is going on

here?"

>

> The drunk, still staring down replied: "I think I just beat the chit out

of a ghost"

>

> Happy Halloween!

>

>

>