Hello guys, my name is Carlos and i decided to create an account on this website because my boyfriend / partner of 2 years (who is also a member of this website) is getting lapband November 18 and since he is always talking about what he talks about here in the forums i decided to educate myself more about it and try to understand everything so i can be as supportive as i can be.

My boyfriend has explained certain feelings that come with being overweight, both social and emotional. He has explained that a lot of his behavior is impacted and/or a result of these feelings. For example, he is very insecure, very needy at times and he has build a huge wall around him that is extremely hard and frustrating to get in. He is very judmental and is on "attack mode" a lot of the time.

I have to say that even though i understand those feelings, i cant help but to feel overwhelmed and frustrated with it; however, I love him with all my heart and i know that i want to spend my life with him and i want to be the most supportive boyfriend ever :closedeyes:!

As former or soon-to be lapbanders, how did you deal with your relationships and if your partner / boyfriend / girlfriend ever felt or is feeling the way that i have?

Any advice on how to handle it better for me so that he doesnt feel bad about it and it can be smooth sailing from here on?

I would greatly appreciate it

Thank you, guys !!!

Edited October 23, 200916 yr by GreenZairo

Carlos welcome!!! It's really nice to see how supportive you are! I have been banded about 3 months and I think my advice to you would be...be very gentle with him as he goes through this journey. I was very skinny when I met my husband and then got sick and because of the medicine gained 70 lbs in 8 weeks. Then I had two children and couldn't loose that 70 lbs. My husband has never understood this because he has never had an issue with weight. Since being banded I have lost 22 lbs but I don't see it. Other people are asking have i lost weight but even my husband can't see the difference. I'm assuming it's because we're around each other all the time. What I appreciate most about my husband is he doesn't play the food police with me. The band isn't a solution just part of the journey. And there are days (and sometimes multiple days in a row) where I fall off the wagon and say screw it I'm eating whatever I want. The first time this happened and my husband said "are you supposed to be eating that" I got so pissed and ran into the kitchen and started eating more. This is a life journey and he's going to have good days and bad. Just be there and encourage him through both. The best advice I can give him I got from this site. This journey should be taken 1 meal at a time. When I started out it was easy to say oh well i blew it at lunch so I'll just eat whatever and start over tomorrow. But the better approach which I take now is...ok I didn't do great at this meal so I'll work on the next one. Hope things go well for the two of you!

Carlos welcome!!! It's really nice to see how supportive you are! I have been banded about 3 months and I think my advice to you would be...be very gentle with him as he goes through this journey. I was very skinny when I met my husband and then got sick and because of the medicine gained 70 lbs in 8 weeks. Then I had two children and couldn't loose that 70 lbs. My husband has never understood this because he has never had an issue with weight. Since being banded I have lost 22 lbs but I don't see it. Other people are asking have i lost weight but even my husband can't see the difference. I'm assuming it's because we're around each other all the time. What I appreciate most about my husband is he doesn't play the food police with me. The band isn't a solution just part of the journey. And there are days (and sometimes multiple days in a row) where I fall off the wagon and say screw it I'm eating whatever I want. The first time this happened and my husband said "are you supposed to be eating that" I got so pissed and ran into the kitchen and started eating more. This is a life journey and he's going to have good days and bad. Just be there and encourage him through both. The best advice I can give him I got from this site. This journey should be taken 1 meal at a time. When I started out it was easy to say oh well i blew it at lunch so I'll just eat whatever and start over tomorrow. But the better approach which I take now is...ok I didn't do great at this meal so I'll work on the next one. Hope things go well for the two of you!

FIrst, Carlos, you are lucky. Love is hard to find. weight has nothing to do with it.

next

Beth,

Talk to me. I think you should look into the mirror and see you..... Not what your SO sees.

I bet you are HOT!... That you did the band is amazing....

Support, support, support...you both need support.... find groups... friends.... people that are non judgemental. cause Carlos and Beth you are both amazing people concerned about others over the concern about YOU....

Wish I could meet you... I would love to talk

TJ

Don't do what my bf did and get 4 take away meals in 2 days, plus organise a dinner out with family where I couldnt eat with them.

Actually think about the other person and not yourself and things will be fine.

If you ever turn straight and need a gf, you're all mine... I bags ya lol ...all the perfect ones are either taken or gay... damnit

Welcome Carlos!

What a great support you will be/are for your partner. Keeping checking out the posts and see what all of us are or have been going thru and that will help you tremendously.

The biggest thing is to be supportive and know for the first month or so eating with other people will be a challenge in itself so don't add to that stress.

Tina

Hey Carlos!!!!!

First off....I sound just like your bf before I was banded. So insecure, very testy, and held all my emotions in and ate to feel better. All I can say is that as soon as i started to drop weight, I began to emerge from the shell I put myself in. My confidence sky rocketed and I've been much nicer in general.

I think you should just continue to do all the great things you are doing for him, get the education about what is going to be a HUGE part of his life from now on....go to doctor appts with him and learn and listen to the doctors too. They tell you so much its nice to have a second pair of ears because there is no way one person can remember it all.

If you ever have any questions let me know and I'd be glad to help you if I can!

Hey lady lap band , Im glad that you understand what i am going through, were you in a relationship while or before getting the procedure done? the reason that i am asking is that i am curious to see how the other person in the relationship handled it. I am all for my partner to get lapband, and even more, just anything that will make him happy. I have been in the verge of just ending it because sometimes i cant believe that i am with a person who is so unlike me ( just like you said, very testy, uncaring towards others, basically an extremely difficult person to be around with). I really try to have patience because i know some of that, if not all of this behavior, is a result from the emotional and social burden of his overweight, but sometimes i just snap and its becoming very hard to find patience in that you know.

Carlos, I just wanted you to know that you are to be admired for doing all you can to help your BF throught this. I have a very supportive husband and I know that sometimes my selfdoubt has been hard on him. He kept telling me I could succeed with the lapband and I am just about to believe him....3 mo. after surgery!!

So just keep doing what you are doing and also take time to give yourself a pat on the back now and then! He is very lucky to have found you!!