Couple of concerns/questions(lengthy)

[Tiffykins 672]

I need to give a little back story here.

My husband is 26 (will be 27 on Sunday), he's a great looking, attractive, naturally fit/lean guy. He's 6'0" and 165lbs dripping wet.

He is currently deployed to Afghanistan and will be returning late September/early October (4 months after my post op revision). Ever since I told him I was moving forward with the revision surgery, his mentality has changed. He's working out, weightlifting to what I consider an extreme. He's bragged that he's "getting bigger" and I will be able to see a difference. I asked him "why are you working out?" He brushed it off that he was was just "passing the time".

Now today, he has ordered a whey Protein supplement online from a bodybuilding website. He overpaid for what he is getting, and the email I sent, once the email confirmation came through, let him know that he overpaid for something I could of gotten here and shipped to him for less. I could care less about the money, or that he had ordered a supplement, just the fact that I asked him about that a couple weeks ago, he said he had no desire to "bulk up".

My question is: Have any of ya'll experienced this with your husband/significant other? I almost feel like he is threatened by the fact that I will be losing weight. Kind of like he wants or feels the need to 'one up' me. We've never had jealousy/insecurity issues in our relationship/marriage. We've dealt with long distance relationship for over half of 3 years together. This is our 1st deployment as a married couple, I'm just really perplexed by all of this. He isn't the work out type. He hates working out when he is here. He has always loved me for me regardless of my pant size. He was and still is extremely supportive of my WLS decisions. He has mentioned a few times about me changing, but after the initial surgery back in October all of that was never mentioned again.

We did talk about me sending him progress pictures. He decided that he wanted it to be a surprise. . .

I just need to know if this is normal. I kind of feel like he is threatened by the thought of me losing weight. He knows that I get hit on now as a "hot fat chick". I feel like he is doubting me, or my fidelity, and he wants to make sure when he comes home that I am going to still want him, or even worse that he is the "better looking half".

I may be overthinking all of this, but I can't shake this feeling that something other than "passing the time" is the driving force behind his 5-6 day a week working out/weightlifting.

Thanks for any input. I appreciate it. . .

[Elisabethsew 50]

Have you considered the fact that it isn't about you at all but rather, about the other soldiers? Men are highly competitive and it's more likely that he's using the body building sessions to bond with the other men he is stationed with. Frequently, men pair up with a training partner so they can push themselves and benchmark off one another. It also gives them a spotting partner.

Your husband said he doesn't want progress pictures and prefers to be surprised. It sounds like he has the same plan in store for you. When he returns, you'll both see the physical changes in one another which can only be positive.

Many men are threatened in the relationship when their woman suddenly drops weight and makes physical improvements. The "I'm safe, nobody will want her" attitude is replaced with, "Damn, she's hot and men ARE looking". If the relationship is strong, the couple gets through it.

Whether you husband is working out for you, or to bond with the other men, or a combination of the two doesn't really matter. You're both making physical imporvements and that will make you a hot couple.

[Totallytater 1]

It's probably less about you, and more about the situation he's in. Lifting weights and body building are probably just hobbies the folks enjoy while they are deployed. It gives them something to do, and goals for them to reach while they're over there.

[Tasya 0]

Hey Tiff!

Everytime my husband is deployed over there he gets into this crazy workout routine and loses so much weight, in fact sometimes he just wants to deploy so he can get to the weight he wants to be (crazy huh?) But really I do think it just has something to do with all the males hormones running around over there, nothing to do with you at all.

Let the boys be boys:tongue2:

[lose2regainme 0]

I need to give a little back story here.

My husband is 26 (will be 27 on Sunday), he's a great looking, attractive, naturally fit/lean guy. He's 6'0" and 165lbs dripping wet.

He is currently deployed to Afghanistan and will be returning late September/early October (4 months after my post op revision). Ever since I told him I was moving forward with the revision surgery, his mentality has changed. He's working out, weightlifting to what I consider an extreme. He's bragged that he's "getting bigger" and I will be able to see a difference. I asked him "why are you working out?" He brushed it off that he was was just "passing the time".

Now today, he has ordered a whey Protein supplement online from a bodybuilding website. He overpaid for what he is getting, and the email I sent, once the email confirmation came through, let him know that he overpaid for something I could of gotten here and shipped to him for less. I could care less about the money, or that he had ordered a supplement, just the fact that I asked him about that a couple weeks ago, he said he had no desire to "bulk up".

My question is: Have any of ya'll experienced this with your husband/significant other? I almost feel like he is threatened by the fact that I will be losing weight. Kind of like he wants or feels the need to 'one up' me. We've never had jealousy/insecurity issues in our relationship/marriage. We've dealt with long distance relationship for over half of 3 years together. This is our 1st deployment as a married couple, I'm just really perplexed by all of this. He isn't the work out type. He hates working out when he is here. He has always loved me for me regardless of my pant size. He was and still is extremely supportive of my WLS decisions. He has mentioned a few times about me changing, but after the initial surgery back in October all of that was never mentioned again.

We did talk about me sending him progress pictures. He decided that he wanted it to be a surprise. . .

I just need to know if this is normal. I kind of feel like he is threatened by the thought of me losing weight. He knows that I get hit on now as a "hot fat chick". I feel like he is doubting me, or my fidelity, and he wants to make sure when he comes home that I am going to still want him, or even worse that he is the "better looking half".

I may be overthinking all of this, but I can't shake this feeling that something other than "passing the time" is the driving force behind his 5-6 day a week working out/weightlifting.

Thanks for any input. I appreciate it. . .

From one military wife to another, IMHO this sounds more like he's trying to keep up with you (or surprise you!), compete with his "co-workers", fill his down time with something interesting and productive, and maybe even a little bit of an age thing (especially a macho military type). Even with today's technology, long separations are still hard. (My DH has had his DD-214 for many years) Your mind will sometimes play tricks with your emotions, as a coping mechanism. It is easier to deal with being so far apart when you feel a little irritated with them, as apposed to sobbing and worrying all the time.

I recall my first 6 month separation as a young wife. I went out and bought this really HOT outfit to wear for his home coming (I was a size 5/6 back then). Short skirt, low cut top, etc. A couple of days before his return, I panicked and returned it and wore something old and way more conservative. I thought he wouldn't like the "NEW" me, or would think I looked trashy and that my personality had changed while he was gone. I wanted him to come home to the same me he left back at the home base.

Also, I can remember when my DH would come home, it was like a first date at first. It would take a while for the closeness to return and for us to feel like normal again. They smell different, they look different, they act different than the little memory movies you've been playing in your head while they were gone. Continue to be supportive, loving and encouraging to him. When he gets home you will both enjoy the others hard work!

Also, thank you for what you go through every day to support your husband in his serving and protecting of our great country. The military wife and family is often not thought of as part of the "Corps", but they SO are!!!!! It's a tough job. Give yourself a break on the emotional craziness and just look forward to his triumphant return and how good you will both look together!!!

[Tiffykins 672]

Thank you all for your input. . . I thought long and hard about it being more him than me. There has been a few comments here and there that led me to feel the way I do.

It's just so uncharacteristic of him, but I'm just going to take it in stride. We're both changing, and I have to accept it.

Thanks again ! ! !

[Eyfura 3]

I know you are already reassured but I wanted to let you know that I think it is pretty normal. I too have guys that hit on me as the "hot fat chick", and it does not really bother my husband...much lol. Anyways, since we decided I should do the surgery he has been working out more and trying to "buff up". He too is already very fit and good looking. I think it is more along the lines of, "crap she will have more guys interested then ever now", and wanting to make sure I still find him attractive. (My husband all but admitted this to me) Men really don't differ that much from us in wanting their loved ones to think they are hot! Also, having been around many in the military, I know it can be even more stressfull when he is deployed and he just wants more confidence that when he comes home and you see him you will like what you see! Don't worry another minute about it!