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Need Lap Band Buddy / Mentor Troubled bandster needs advise (may be a little TMI for some readers)



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This probably isn't the right place to look, in fact I have already seen a doctor and plan on seeing a counselor PDQ, but I need to solicit some help and feedback from the many good people I have talked to on this forum.

The situation as of current. Thursday of last week, while at home on vacation, I got "the call" from work informing me that I had been laid off after having been there 9 1/2 years. Sunday after that my wife announced that she was moving out.

Between the two of these incidents, in addition to some deep depression that I had falled into recently because of the issues that my wife and I have been experiencing, I feel like my whole life is in a downward spiral.

Monday I went to the doctor and got prescribed Prozac for the depression - God please let it start working quickly because I can't take how I am feeling much longer!

A little background to the issues with my wife. She and I had our 2nd anniversary on 5/12. We were both banded on 12/8/08. Before that she had some personal issues (out of respect for her I won't give any details publicly) that drove her into a depression and ultimately onto anti-depressant medications. After starting to take them she was the woman that I married again and I couldn't be happier!

She stopped taking them for a while because they were no longer having any effect, which from what I understand is simply NOT a good idea. She got into some hellacious mood swings and we fought a lot. The problem with the fighting was not because of what she was saying, but rather, what she was not saying. She would not open up to me what she was upset about, regardless whether or not it related to me or something that I had done. I eventually would get it out of her that she was mad at me, but, never got any details of what I had done, not done, or otherwise.

Because of the stress of her issue that prompted her to go onto the anti-depressants and a lot of workplace stress, I had to go onto blood pressure medication because I got to the point of having extremely high pulse (160-170 BPM) resting.

As a result of these blood pressure meds, I experienced one of the ugly side effects - erectile disfunction and total lack of desire. "Things" would work, but required some work to get them into "drive".

She took this personally as if I was no longer attracted to her , which could not be ANY further from the truth - she's the most beautiful woman I have ever know, inside and out, and I love her with all of my heart!

This caused some fights as well and got her thinking that I was cheating on her, which could not be further from the truth.

We went through some bad months and good months. She ended up going back to the doctor and got the dosage of the anti-depressant increased, which helped out a bit. About 2 months ago we got into a pretty bad fight and then it came out - she had cold-turkey stopped taking the meds again.

About a week later she told me that she was sorry for everything that she had been putting me through. This honestly lifted a lot of weight from my shoulders.

After a trip up north to see her family, she came back and I felt the weight again. She was upset about something that I did but wouldn't tell me.

I took it upon myself to go see the doctor about the erectile disfunction and he gave me a couple of sample packs of Cialis. (NOTE - This stuff works, and works WELL - but ONLY if you actually have some form of ED!) I told my wife about it and we put them to use. She was very satisfied!

A few good weeks went by again and we hit another brick wall. We had another huge fight, which I didn't find out what we were even fighting about for a few more weeks, but come Sunday, she announced that she was moving out.

Her explanation is she doesn't feel the same way about me that she used to. "It's not you, it's me". "I love you but I am not in love with you."

In my heart I can't help but think these are cop-outs, but, I must say that everything in the past she has told me I took at face value and it ended up being just what she said. I can't help but think though that maybe she's seeing someone else, maybe she feels that she can do better than me now that she's lost over 60 pounds, maybe it's the ED issues I'm seeing because of the BP meds.

I need some direction here. Do you think it's her lack of taking the medications that has brought us to this?

I love her with all of my heart and can't bear the thought of losing her.

She has all the divorce papers already filled out but says she just wants to live apart for 6 months so she can have her space and see where it leads her feelings. In my experience, these trial seperations never work - you may as well just skip the trial and go right to the divorce.

Any advise is greatly appreciated.

There is one other concern, that I'll need to talk to a lawyer about , but I want to see what everyones thoughts are here.

Child support.... I have a 11 1/2 year old daughter from a previous marriage that I pay $500 a month support on. With me now being on unemployment, having to keep a roof over my head, having other financial obligations, what happens now if I can't afford to pay this $500 a month? I'll be talking to a lawyer about this but this really has me scared. I've lost my job, lost my wife - the last thing left is my daughter and it scares me to death to face losing her.

Thanks so much for reading and any help anyone can provide.

All in all I don't feel like much of a man anymore because of all that's going on.

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Hi , I can only say from my experience with living with someone with severe depression who stops taking there medications its a rollercoaster all the time. I was with my partner who had severe depression and he would take his meds then stop taking them. They think that they are fine and that they dont need to take there meds. But they really honestly do need to take them and go to counseling as well. I was with my boyfriend at that time for over 7 years and he kicked me out 3 times and I was stupid enough to keep going back for more. He didnt take his meds nor did he get the help that he needed. If your wife gets the help she needs and takes her meds and continues this then perhaps counseling will work for both of you. But I can honestly say this its a tough road living with someone with depression and I was being brought down alot too. And the fights are with herself and not you, they blame people alot for the things that are there own mistakes. So stop blaming yourself its not your fault trust me on this I learned in my counseling sessions and there were many of those. I could talk for hours on this topic but this is just my experience, there is of course more to my story but I got out finally and now I am happily engaged to someone else.

In regards to child support, here in wisconsin and even in minnesota you contact your child support worker and they give you the packet to reduce your child support this will take time but it will work. You can request this every 2 years for it to be updated. Goodluck to you and if you ever need a friend let me know

Julie

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