My son is 4 1/2 years old and a total mama's boy. He wants to be with me all the time. He knows I have health problems and he worries about me if I show any signs of pain. I'm wondering what I should tell him about my upcoming surgery. I have not discussed it openly around him at all. I don't want to worry him, especially about the surgery and overnight stay at the hospital.

What did you tell your child(ren)?

Thanks! :smile:

i have a 6 year old son...that worries about me constantly!!!!! i told him i was going to get my stomach fixed so i could play with him more...that it needed to b smaller in order for me to play basketball ...run...ride bikes...and to do all things i had no energy 4 due to my weight...he came to the hospital with my mom and my surgeon actually spoke to him after the actual procedure and told him i was doing great...he loves the outcome...he is amazed to b able to put his arms around my waist and his hands r able to touch...i also have a lot more energy for physical activities and he is enjoying that to the fullest!!!!!!!!!! we go bike riding...hiking...walk to go get him ice cream...this surgery has benefited him as well.....

I gotta tell ya.. my son is 7 and I know that is someone older, but I told him the honest truth and keep telling him the honest truth and I let him know how hard I work every day to loose every pound.. because even though we have a band we still work hard to loose all our weight. I don't ever want my son to be in the position I am so I make sure he understands how important it is to keep active and eat right. I also make sure he understand their is NOTHING wrong with people who are over weight and he understand it is 100% not appropriate to make fun or ridicule someone for being different.. I just say as parents who were probably lied to as children we owe it to our children to be honest to them. We are not doing anything that could harm our children or shame them.. we are only improving our lifestyle and health and they should be proud and supportive of it.. best wishes

I jus wanted to add that I also have a 3 1/2 year old, what I decided to do is change his lifestyle along with mine, being that I have to take vitamins daily, I make him take a multi children’s vitamin, now of course the portions and food I eat; something’s he don’t like (veggies), but we are a family. just so he don’t feel like mommy is sick that’s why she take medicine every day! Or when it comes down to the surgery, I want him to know that im doing this for the both of us. For me but I did think about him when I started this process! Be truthful... your getting healthy! You are making your life longer! You are using a tool (3 year olds know what tools are) to help you get healthy!!

God Bless...

I have a friend on another forum who tried her best to explain to her young daughter what she was going to do. She downplayed "surgery" but explained the "band" around her stomach. He daughter seemed pretty okay with it and after a few questions was ready for other stuff. A few days after she had her surgery, someone asked her about it in front of the child....who butted in and said "Oh, Mommy just had a rubber band put around her stomach." So, there's a child's view!

I have an eight year-old son and a three year-old daughter. I haven't said a word to them yet. I've had some difficulty figuring out how...this has really helped! Thanks!

i have a 4 1/2 yr old son and an almost 8 yr old daughter. i didnt want the children to worry so i told them an abbreviated version of the truth. my 8yr old knows i had surgery and i explained it simply and then told her that it wasnt sonmething that i was sharing with anybody outside of our immediate family. that if she needed to talk to somebody she could talk to daddy or gramma or me basically anybody who i wouldn't mind seeing me in my underwear lol she got a kick out of that analogy.

my 41/2 yr old is my baby and is a sympathy crier since birth. if he hears anybody upset and crying he will start crying because it breaks his heart that somebody is sad. I told him i was having a procedure where the dr was going to help me to get healthier. i explained that mommy's take care of everybody so the dr wanted me to stay overnight so that they coudl take care of me instead. they visited me in the hospital last night and i sang their bedtime songs and cuddle w/them for a few. all in all i feel like we handled it well and gave them enough to be informed w/o being overwhelmed by it all. good luck!

Wow, thank you, everyone, for all the wonderful advice! My son is also a sympathy crier, so I know I need to be the strong one first. All of your input has helped me a lot.

Best wishes to you all! :thumbup:

My daughter is 3 1/2 and I told her the moment I decided to go to the seminar! She is one supportive little advocate of Daddy "getting smaller!" She has told me that I am being a big boy for going to see the doc and that she wants to go with me to hold my hand when it hurts! How cute is that... seriously? My son just turned 1 so it is likely he will not remember me being big which won't hurt my feelings at all. I have my initial consult this coming Monday 4-27 and am more than ready! Good luck to you as well!

Jason in WA

My daughter had turned 2 just 3 months before my surgery. She's pretty smart and aware but I kept it simple. She's also very aware of my emotions and reacts accordingly!

We actually started preparing the month before surgery. I was going to have a 6 week, 10lb lifting restriction. So she was going to have to help me. I also told her what was going to happen. "Mama has to go to the hospital to have work done on her tummy. She's going to have owies, so we'll have to be careful."

DH and I had to leave early, before she got up, so I made sure to talk to her again at bedtime about what was happening. "She was going to spend the day with grandma (my mom had come down to help) and mama and papa would be home later that night."

She did great all day. Did ask where we were often but didn't seem stressed or worried. That night we had some issues. She was so glad to see me that she got clingy and that was tough. She also knew that I wasn't feeling good. We were able to cuddle tho and she was able to go to sleep finally.

I have a tummy doctor that helps me with his needle. She's gone to appointments with me. Only once did she cry. She was worried it hurt. (It didn't help that she was having a rough day to begin with so I'm sure that contributed to it.) The last fill she was so cute. He was pulling the needle out and she's sitting in the chair saying, "it's okay mama, you alright." It was so cute!

She likes to check my tummy and sometimes she'll kiss my port area. She likes my "tummy doctor" and asks about him. She always wants to see my bandaid after I've gotten filled.

Go with your gut. You know your kid(s). Start simple and see where it goes. Best wishes!!

Jason and Michelle, thank you so much for your advice! I know my son will be very interested in the whole procedure and journey. He is very inquisitive and quite the little caregiver, also. So, yes, I think I need to tell him soon. I'm being banded in two weeks! The only thing that worries me is that he is a worrier... just like me! So, that's why I've put it off.

Michelle, I like that title -- the "tummy doctor." And Jason, I doubt either of your children will remember you as big. I don't remember much before kindergarten! BTW, is that your Viper? Wow.

Everyone's been so helpful with their advice -- thank you all so much! :thumbup::smile::smile:

It looks like I am in the minority here. My Kids are 6,5 and 2. I told them that I was going to see a belly dr that was going to help me be healthier and left it at that. They did not ask for any further expliantion, so I didnt offer one. When they get older I will tell them, but for now there does not seem to be a reason to.

Mary, I don't think you're in the minority -- you told them the truth! :smile: They just didn't ask any more questions. I'm going to probably say something similar. I don't want to get into a lot of details. But, knowing my son, he'll ask lots of questions. I'll tell him the truth, but keep it simple. I think he'll be most worried about the surgery and overnight stay in the hospital. He will want to stay with me, I know :thumbup:

I am being banded on April 29 and I have a 2 and 3 year old. What was it like chasing after your 2 year old after surgery? Myt wife is 28 weeks pregnant so I hate to have her do the lifting (bath, car etc).

I have a 6 yr old daughter in 1st grade - and I told her from the time I decided to have the surgery.

She can SEE that I am overweight - and she understood when I told her I was going to have some surgery to HELP me get rid of the extra weight.

I have been on the pre-op liquid diet for 12 days now - and she knows that I have to eat/drink my "diet food".

I have raised her eating healthy foods in healthy quantities.

She is a little upset that she has to go to school on the day of my surgery. But my husband/her dad is going to bring her up to see me when she get's out of school.

I am being banded on April 29 and I have a 2 and 3 year old. What was it like chasing after your 2 year old after surgery? Myt wife is 28 weeks pregnant so I hate to have her do the lifting (bath, car etc).

The first week was the toughest. I was so tired and slept a lot. I had help tho. Between DH and my mom, I was covered for the first 4 weeks.

I had a lifting restriction of 10lbs for 6 weeks. That's about a gallon of milk. Every doc is different, so be sure to ask yours. It's the port attached to abdomen that is what will "pop" if you lift too soon or too hard.

DD totally got in to helping me. She loved it! If she wanted me to pick her up, I'd either have her get up on a chair or I would hunker down and give her a hug and at the first opportunity, we'd sit somewhere and snuggle. Explaining to her again why mama couldn't pick her up. For the most part, she was fine.

We switched cars, DH took my truck and I took his car so DD could climb in to the car on her own and get herself into her seat, then I'd buckle her up. Same getting out.

DH did all the laundry and went shopping with me.

Like I said, DD loves to help and she's pretty independent so it actually worked out pretty well. She climbed on to our bed for diaper changes and dressing/undressing. Bathing her, I couldn't do, it was hard to get down there and then get back up, leaning over to wash, etc. Later it got easier, but the first couple of weeks, no way.

Is there a way you 2 could get some help during the day? At the very least, for the first week? It sure would help a bunch. If wifey wasn't preggers, I'd say no worries, you 2 would be fine but it would help if someone could come in everyday. I know how busy mine is and I only have 1! You'll probably be fine without help but it would be nice.

Best wishes and let me know what you 2 figure out.