My mother and I are both being banded together at the end of the month. I still live at home with her so it makes things easier. We have been each others support through this ghastly pre-op diet, gone to all appointments together etc. The problem is that I don't want to tell people about the operation. I think its deeply personal and don't want to deal with judgement, ogling, questions and expectations from people. I can think of nothing worse. But her? She can't help herself! She is telling anyone and everyone about herself even though I've asked her not to because people will obviously realize I would have had it with her once the results are starting to show which will make me look like a liar and make it even MORE awkward for me. She's told people from MY work about her, she's told the entire extended family (This is how she announced it in front of everyone... "This is my last meal before I start my pre-op diet! [looks at me] Can i tell them about you?"... UH I think they figured it out already somehow!) Do you think I'm being unreasonable here to ask her to just NOT tell? Is it going to kill her to zip it!

No, I have two daughters in their 20s and one had the bypass last May and I know according to my children "I have a big mouth"! If you approach her in a nice way, which always helps and maybe throw in how much you love her too, she should be able to handle it. I know I have many a time! Good luck to both of you, Nancy.

HAHAHA, I have no advice for you just had to let you know I cracked up at the title. I chose to tell very few people also but my husband let's things slip OFTEN around others. I know he doesn't do it on purpose, he's just a man! LOL (Just a joke guys!!!)

You know looking back telling people is one of the best things I did. Especially coworkers. They cheered me on and never made one single comment when I was eating my lunch or dinner at work off of baby spoons and forks. Never a single comment. I felt like since they knew I couldn't cheat. That kept me straight.

I think you surely can (and should) ask her to keep quiet about you. However I think it is unfair to tell her she can't tell about herself. We're all different; she may need the love and support of everyone, she may not see it as "judgment and ogling" like you do. So your surgery is your business and she should keep quiet about it....and shame on her for "outing" you like she did. But by the same token, her surgery and journey are hers to tell if she wants to.

Just talk to her and ask her to respect the fact that you want to keep the fact that youre having surgery private...sure she can tell ppl about herself but leave you out of it...and ppl may think that youre trying to lose wt the natural way to help your mom....Good luck.

My mother and I are both being banded together at the end of the month. I still live at home with her so it makes things easier. We have been each others support through this ghastly pre-op diet, gone to all appointments together etc. The problem is that I don't want to tell people about the operation. I think its deeply personal and don't want to deal with judgement, ogling, questions and expectations from people. I can think of nothing worse. But her? She can't help herself! She is telling anyone and everyone about herself even though I've asked her not to because people will obviously realize I would have had it with her once the results are starting to show which will make me look like a liar and make it even MORE awkward for me. She's told people from MY work about her, she's told the entire extended family (This is how she announced it in front of everyone... "This is my last meal before I start my pre-op diet! [looks at me] Can i tell them about you?"... UH I think they figured it out already somehow!) Do you think I'm being unreasonable here to ask her to just NOT tell? Is it going to kill her to zip it!

Let her talk about it. She is proud to be doing it and wants to brag. When people start to notice you, you can tell them that because of the strict rules your mother has to follow, you decided to make it easier on her and follow the rules also. Which because your eating healthier and exercising you are reaping the benefits also. That way unless they are told that you also had surgery they won't know. Good luck.

I read this thread because the title and your avitar name both made me laugh :tt1:. I bet your fun! I had a minor but similar situation. A co-worker was getting banded at the same Dr. and eventually she figured it out. I would have kept it to myself if I could but there was no way once she found out. Nothing mean spirited but she was so excited and could no contain it. So, I didn't want to come accross ashamed. It was just I didn't like the idea of people watching too closely. And what if I failed :smile2:! Well it ended up to be a liberating thing and 99% of the people have be super suportive. And when (not if) you start looking dramtically thinner and your heavy co-workers ask you what you are doing... how do you not tell the truth. I have been honest to anyone struggleing with their weight. If a scrawy person who isn't really nice compliments me I just say thanks...that is all. Good luck and be aggressive!

I have to agree with Melody..I told my coworkers and they have been an amazing support system. I also never wanted to think they were talking about me behind my back, amongst themselves saying that I had to have had surgery to lose all this weight...I wanted to be upfront and honest. I also thought with them seeing me eat (including pre and post op diets) they would have figured it out eventually so it was better to just be up front... but in any case this is your decision to make. Just ask your mother to be mindful of your wishes...but also remember she has a right to tell people about herself if she wishes to...it may be what she needs to keep on track and keep positive about the whole thing...

My mother and I are both being banded together at the end of the month. I still live at home with her so it makes things easier. We have been each others support through this ghastly pre-op diet, gone to all appointments together etc. The problem is that I don't want to tell people about the operation. I think its deeply personal and don't want to deal with judgement, ogling, questions and expectations from people. I can think of nothing worse. But her? She can't help herself! She is telling anyone and everyone about herself even though I've asked her not to because people will obviously realize I would have had it with her once the results are starting to show which will make me look like a liar and make it even MORE awkward for me. She's told people from MY work about her, she's told the entire extended family (This is how she announced it in front of everyone... "This is my last meal before I start my pre-op diet! [looks at me] Can i tell them about you?"... UH I think they figured it out already somehow!) Do you think I'm being unreasonable here to ask her to just NOT tell? Is it going to kill her to zip it!

OMG I agree with the others you made me laugh so hard I had to read your post :tt1:

My best friend is flying to Mexico with me and telling everyone she is going to Mexico and why. Then I meet one yesterday and have to explain it all which I don't want to. I nicely asked her to not mention what it's all about for now if she doesn't mind because I end up feeling I have to defend myself and get into a big explanation of what I am doing. I have not told anyone at work and plan to keep it that for now anyway. Nothing to be ashamed of but just don't feel like getting into the explanation of it all.

Your mom may need to tell people for support etc. but she should definately respect that you don't want to right now. Maybe you can convince her you both want to surprise people and tell them later when your ready individually.

Good luck with it all and thank you for making me laugh out loud! :smile2:

my mom did the same thing.. she didn't have the surgery, but when i finally told her i was having it, i told her that i'm not telling anyone because it's my business... so about 3 weeks later i get an email from a couple of my aunts and a 'get well soon' card in the mail from her husband's mother... i called and was like MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM... .it was supposed to be a secret and asked who else she told and she was like "only a couple people, the girls i have coffee with and the prayer group and a couple family members"... did i mention she has 12 brothers and sisters...

but i realized that she loves me and was scared/proud and all those other emotions that crazy parents have for us and just had to laugh.

since the odds of keeping weight off for an average obese person (who didn't have WLS) is only 5%, they probably will figure it out anyways. and by that time, you may be so proud of your new bod, that you won't care who knows?

good luck !!!

I'm beginning to feel like I'm the only one who's proud to tell everyone and anyone that I've been banded. I was even showing off my surgical scars to people days after surgery. I'm not ashamed to admit I needed help to lose the weight and if anybody wants to listen I'll tell them all about it. My mom and I did this together also we were banded three days apart, we each had to drive the other home so couldn't do it the same day.

I only told a couple of people at work, but I knew word would get around, it was a small office, and there were some people who's business it just wasn't, and it wasn't like I talked to them much anyways.

Until I had the band, I used to think Lasik surgery was the best thing I ever did, while I think that's still cream of the crop, the lap bad has now moved up to the number one rank, I've lost more in four months with this, than I did in three months of watching what I ate and going to the gym almost every day.

Sam

Thanks all for your responses.

Ok, as much as I love my mother, i've decided you can't keep an Italian woman from talking.

I still don't want people to know about me, but I will use her banding to my advantage to say the reason I started eating healthy was to support "her" new life. Muhahaha. :thumbup:

Who knows, maybe in future I won't mind people knowing. One week to go which means soon, SOON no more hideous Optifast.

It's great your attitude about the situation is already changing. It's quite freeing to be able to "say yes to what is" (Eckart Tolle). You can't change what is, only your reaction to it. You can choose to suffer or not.

Congrats on getting banded and starting this amazing weightloss journey. And also thanks for sharing it with the rest of us. You cracked me up too! Best of luck to you and your mom.

i wish i had my mom at home! she is my support rock.

as far as telling every one your correct if that is how

you want it to be.

me i told every one who would listen trust me i need all the help and support i can get!!good luck