Today at work, I went in to talk to one of my co-workers. Her partner is the boss, and we had talked about my having the lap band maybe 2 weeks ago.

Anyway, today I went to just say hi and this was the conversation. It is sitting with me poorly now. What do you think?

Her: "I don't know if this is public knowledge, but I heard you were having the lap band."

Me: Yes, I should have it by the end of the summer. I am super excited!"

Her: Let me tell you, I am scared for you.

Me: Oh, don't be. I think this is going to be a good thing. I am really optimistic.

Her: Well, I will keep you in my prayers, but I am very scared for you.

Me: Have you known anyone who had the lap band?

Her: I knew one person who had the lap band, and one person who had the bypass. That's all I will say.

And with that I just had to sort of digest it and leave. She was very serious and it totally left me with a yucky feeling!

Nice..........So very tacky!! You will get a million different opinions on this, as long as you are happy isn't that all that really matters?? GOOD LUCK!

You know EVERYONE is going to have one opinion or another....some will be passive agressive and others will be outright upfront. Looks like this coworker is taking the passive agressive route. I understand how it might unnerve you...but take it with a grain of salt. As long as YOU know you have done the research and feel confident in your decision - try not to let others interjections cause you worry. Heck, sometimes reading various posts on this board has caused me concern...but I had my surgery less than a week ago and I feel great!!

If you feel the need to respond back to this coworker just thank him/her for their concern and reiterate that this is a decision you have made and are hoping that everyone can be supportive and understanding.

Best of luck to you in your journey to good health!! Take care ~ Tai

First of all your medical condition NEVER should have been discussed as it is a private matter. But if that isn't bothering you then let the rest of it go. Some people are just negative and the suggestion of a horrifying event with no details is just crass in my opinion. Who cares if she is going to pray for you? Who cares if SHE'S worried? It's your body, your life, your decision and you don't need to have that kind of energy around.

Can it be dangerous? Yes of course, all surgery is. Can it fail? Of course, it does about half the time. But only you know your level of commitment and how well you will stick to the program which is 90% of the fight. Am I biased because I was just banded Wednesday and I feel annoyingly great? :biggrin2: Yep. And you will find people here who were banded Wednesday who are still in pain.

Whatever happened to those two mysterious people she knew is their story. Yours will be different. All of us are different. If you are looking for an excuse to become fearful or back out you need to look carefully at that (and it is OK to feel that way!) as you might not be ready for this huge lifestyle change. But if you are just upset by the conversation just realize that she is rude and insensitive (in my opinion), ignorant and full of negative energy. You don't need that and go read some success stories to decide what YOU want.

Best of luck!

That stuff scares me too. I hear that at work all the time, but I have my surgery on the July 21st. My family tries to talk me out of it all the time, including my husband. I wish they would just stand behind me on this instead of trying to discourage me. I'm going to do this though. Hang in there. You will hear all kind of things. Just do what you feel is the best for you. :thumbup:

I think lots of people just dont really know what the band is, and they dont know what to say. My mom told me the band was not going to work and i was waisting my money ( never been so happy in my 15 yrs of being fat)

It was inappropriate for the boss's partner to question you about your decision. But something made her think it was OK. Are you usually very open about your personal life in the workplace? People generally respond to us as we have trained them to respond to us. Sometimes going into great detail about a personal matter to the wrong person unwittingly communicates a lack of confidence. To communicate a lack of confidence invites unsoliticed commentary and unwanted scrutiny that is unrelated to your job performance. Communicate confidence in your decision by politely declining to explain or defend your decision in the workplace. Communicate that your announcement about your surgery is just that...an announcement and not an invitation to a discussion.

The best to you! Sign me burnt in the workplace, learned the hard way.

Tammygirl

Next time you see her start your conversation like this:

I don't know if this is public knowledge or not, but I heard you were getting fired... I'll keep you in my prayers...

OR

I don't know if this is public knowledge or not, but I heard you were getting a face lift... I'll keep you in my prayers...

I HATE PEOPLE LIKE THAT... WHO THE HELL DO THEY THINK THEY ARE?

Don't worry about what she said, or what she thinks... you have made this decision to help yourself and that's all you need to be concerned with... Everything is going to be just fine. :thumbup:

ya know---it can be very hard to understand why people say what they say unless you really want to take the time to have a deep conversation with them about it. I can think of lots of reasons why this woman said what she said. It could range from general negativity to a very sincere sense of caring about you. We all get different reactions from different people. I find that most people just don't know that much about the details of gastric banding. Well! Why should they? I didn't know much about it myself before I decided to spend nearly a year reading every darn piece of research that has been published in the last 5 years on it, and every book written on it, and every message board I could lay my hand on. I educated myself. If I care enough about what a particular person thinks (sometime times I do care and sometimes I don't) I can elect to educate them or walk away from them knowing that don't have the facts. As far as co-workers, friends, family --- I'm an open-book. I do what I do and I am what I am. I don't hide any of it. Some of my co-workers are very interested and they need help. My being out about my banding is helpful to others. After I have opened up about my process with others they have conveyed what they have learned to me to others and I have received a number of messages that my experience has really helped someone else. That means a lot to me. Others might think I'm weak for doing it. Well --that is THEIR problem -- not mine. If they are going to be that judgmental of me over a lap band then I really can't feel much respect for who they are or what they think --- and I'll be darn if I'm going to hide who I am or what I feel -- just because there are some judgmental small minded people around me.

Have you ever been pregnant? Every time I was pregnant, every woman I ran into had labor for 3 days, nearly died, the baby came out sideways, there was a flood at the hospital, blah blah blah! Ignore her! There are just people out there that just thrive on negativity. So maybe she new ONE person that had trouble...you're not that one person! Maybe they had 25 other things wrong with them. So :tt1: on her!

Jenn

To Littlefroggy & all ~ I got my lapband last August (2007) & have lost almost 50 lbs although before the surgery the few people I told were sceptical & unsupportive -now the proof is in my figure!! It's a slow loss but a continuous loss and I am so grateful that I made the decision to get my band. It has really changed my life!! I tried every diet on earth & nothing worked plus maintaining even a 2 pound loss was utter hell!!! Now I simply loose without counting calories etc...Everything is portion controlled & I can enjoy life like I was always supposed to!!! Yes, there can be issues but you need to stay in contact with your doctor because everyone looses differently but ultimately you will loose & you will maintain & I can't stress how much happier you will be!!! You know when you have to make a decision for yourself for the positive & weather other peope agree is none of their business~ do this for yourself!!! Everyone wants to just take a magic pill & be skinny but in reality the first step is supporting your own decision and staying ture to your own goal by looking at your past & then getting all the facts to support a positive decsion for the future. You wont' be sorry believe me and a years from now I doubt any of those people will have anything but compliments to say to you..

littlefroggy,

Ignore her. That is what I had to do with my sisters. Both were very negative.

I had to have a psych eval before surgery, I'm not sure if you have to have one but ask the doc about it. My psychiatrist (SP?), warned me about these people, they will say anything to make you feel bad.

My sister basically told me to work out and stop eating. The other told me she had better things to spend her money on. And both had horror stories of people they have heard about.

Now since I started losing weight one has come around and actually called me when one of friends talked about it with her and she had her friend call me to get my story. The other is trying to lose weight the conventinal way, and has had little success.

Again ignore her, and tell her its a private matter and would rather not discuss it with her. It's probably jealousy. She does not want to see you succeed.

Well bless your heart I am sorry you had that conversation! Everyone seems to know a whole lot about not much. You have done the work and the research and you know you are ready for this! Move forward with your plans and thank her for her prayers.

People don't always think before they speak lol I had one of my patients complement me on the weight I had lost. He did ask me how I am doing it and I told him I had the lap band in January..... without missing a beat he said " Oh well I won't tell you about the funeral I went to yesterday of a fellow that had the gastric" I just smiled and said "ummm thank-you"

stay focused and positive. This a journey you are embarking on. There will always be someone who rains on your parade. Good luck with your surgery.