I've just come off the phone from my mum & I need to vent some emotion, so I'm sorry if this goes on a bit!

To give some background to this, I'm 39 & have been overweight all my life, on diets since I was 9 & banded in April this year. I have two overweight parents, who provided no support to me whatsoever (it was ok for them to be overweight, but not me - then when I tried to do anything about it, they would just be negative about it) When I took the decision to have the band fitted, I knew that I didn't want them to know, didn't want the added pressure of them asking how much I'd lost, commenting with every forkful of food that I put in my mouth. But last week, I went to visit my mum & almost relented when I was there & fessed up! I do feel a bit guilty for keeping it from her, as in some ways, we are quite close.

But today, she has really shocked me. We were talking about Fern Britton - she is an english TV presenter, who "came out" at last weekend about having a band fitted two years ago. She was forced to "come out" due to a sunday paper threatening to "out" her in the press. She had previously only commented about her weightloss being due to diet & exercise (she has recently completed various sponsored cycle rides in foreign climates for charity, so it is definitely major exercise, not just a walk in the park) Poor Fern has not been back in work since the day after the news broke. She has a history of depression & it is reported that this has pushed over the edge. My mum took great delight in saying how she had "cheated" the public, how the band made her loose all her weight & she was decieving people by saying it is just diet & exercise. My mum seems to support the call for Fern to lose her job over this! And Fern is also the face of Ryvita (don't know if you have the Ryvita Minis range where you are?) & she is also supposed to be in line to loose her £200k/yr contract for this, too.

I tried to explain about the band just being a tool, not a magic wand & how you can eat round it, but she thought she knew best! Saying things like "your stomach is only the size of a thimble" & "you must lose weight, cos if you eat more than a couple of mouthfuls, you are sick. Sharon Osborne said so". I just got madder & madder & in the end I just gave up! But I'm so disappointed that she has that opinion. Its really hard trying to cover up my new eating habits infront of her & I'm not even restricted yet. It would be much easier if I could admit having the band. And some moral support wouldn't go amiss, as hubby is not supportive either. I feel very alone in this journey. :grouphug:

But boy, am I glad I did not come clean last week. When (or should I say "if") she mentions my weight loss, I shall just smile sweetly & say its down to diet & exercise!

Sorry, rant over!!

Suzi :behindsofa:

WOW... see that's why people keep their procedures to themselves becasue they don't want people to wait for them to fail.. That is ashame that people are so critical of others like that... the bottom line is that the lady had to work her azz of at loosing the weight.. If u get a fill and never workout u will loose weight but sooner or later it will stop.. U have to add to what u have to get the results that u want.. and that's what people do that have the band... How sad...But u were right not to tell her at this point because she was so critical of the person on tv.. only heavens knows what and how she will feel about u... u have to ween her in on it...

Thanks to all for your heartfelt words of support. I really appreciate them.

To explain to the others, I am NOT ashamed of the surgery, but I am afraid of failure! I do not want others to be heaping more pressure onto me that I am already putting onto myself! I have tried every diet under the sun & the voice in my head is saying to me "Why should this be any different"! As everyone on here says, the band is only a tool & not a magic wand. I'm afraid that I won't be able to work with it, as, at the moment, I am going through "Bandster Hell" - I have no restriction & I could eat from morning till night, though I am trying to be good. I seem to have an inbuilt "panic button", when I start to experience any hunger pangs, my immediate reaction is to eat till I feel full! This reaction, I feel, is a result of all the years of dieting I have gone through. I have been on diets for 3/4 of my whole life.

Maybe, in the future, when I am at the point that some of you are already at, when I feel some restriction & can see the weight coming off, I will feel ready to admit to what I have done. But I need to be sure that it is working for me, that I am making a difference. Otherwise, I will be in the "failure" category, once again. And this time, I will be £8000 poorer, too. When the results start to show, I will hold my head high & shout about the band from the rooftops, but until then, I will be keeping this under wraps. I just don't have the luxury of family & friends who provide support, just ones who are quick to judge, without taking time to learn the facts.

I agree with those that say that band surgery should be celebrated, it is no different to eye surgery or breast enlargements, but as with anything else that is weight-related, we are seen to be lazy & weak. I am glad I am taking back control of my life, preventing further distruction to my body & hopefully helping to become a new, happier & healthier me!

I AM proud to be a Bandster & hope that anyone else who hasn't got support from their immediate family has also read these posts & got some comfort from them, as I have.

Suzi

Suzi,

You have found support from friends here! There are some great people on this site to help encourage us all in our low times. What you are going through right now, we have all felt.

I don't know about doctors everywhere, but right after my band was placed I had a weight gain of 3 pounds. I broke down in the doctor's office. My doctor explained that I had nothing really there to restrict me from eating. I didn't know this. It would be about 8 weeks before my first fill. Then it would be a gradual filling of the ring. I had my last fill in May and that was 1-1/2 years after my surgery. You will be successful. You may need to be especially careful with what you eat right now and try to really get the exercise in. In time, the pounds will begin to melt away. It still won't be easy. I worry about nutrition, personally. I can't eat anything except soft foods and it stay down. I take vitamins, but am not sure that is the best way to get my nutrients. Keep in touch here. We will be your support.

Leah

You know that is one thing I can't understand either. If you have to have ANY kind of treatment to correct a problem everyone who finds out for miles around will pat you on the back and wish you well/fast recovery etc..

Even the people that never noticed you beforehand. But yet when it comes to doing something so positive for your health as WLS when all other options fail they all turn into the harshest of critics and know it alls.

No one ever claims to the patient after a open heart surgery "Well now you gotta change your diet and lifestyle now dont ya!?" no!! for the most part it's only doctors who will talk like that and of course they would they have the knowledge to do so.

Bah its depressing sometimes now negativly based our society has grown to be. Whatever happend to the old saying " if you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all

Fern Britton needs support and commended on doing well with her weight loss. no matter how it was achieved not the possiblity of losing her job and heavens knows what else she is attempting to deal with right now because someone wanted to be an ***hole.

rockchick you know your mom best. I personally would not blame you the slightest if you chose not to tell her. Maybe for now its best for you not to. Only you know what you can live with and what not. And if she is that much a negativity tosser save yourself the grief. You don't need that extra hassle right now. Focus on you. Later on down the road you might change your mind.

You know as a parent I may not like the choices my kids make but I have to respect the ones they do make. Even if I feel they are wrong. And I wouldn't constantly gripe about it. I might voice my mind once or twice in a serious talk. But after that I'd be to afraid my kids would stop coming around/communicating. It's hard just watching them learn the hard way but when someone is convinced/set you won't change their mind. you just gotta let them do.. And I told you so's to me are just hurtfull.

Congrats on your band and kudos to you for doing something to take control.

Suzi, thanks for the post. I know it must be difficult for you to be honest with her. Congrats on doing so.