I know this is Rants and Raves so that's why I'm putting this topic here because I'm sure I will be ranted upon which isn't my point actually. Why are people made to feel afraid to come to this forum and discuss their band failures? When someone is searching out whys and what ifs they need a safe haven and I've gotten the impression the only way you can get people to talk about their personal problems with the band is by private messaging because they're too afraid to "come out of the my band is now working closet"

Would love to have them come out so I don't feel I'm alone here, thanks brandyII.:biggrin:

BJean,

Sorry I was trying to PM you but I turned it off, I was trying to cancel my subscription to this forum but couldn't figure out how so I emailed them.

I can't believe I'm crying over this it's really dumb but I just don't feel like this forum is doing me any good any longer or I it and it's time to leave and maybe I'll be able to make some positive changes in my life.

Anyway I just wanted you to know I think you're a very smart and kind person on this forum and appreciate all the things you've stood for here and supported me too. Thanks again and take care, bye guys, Nancy (brandyII)

BJean,

Sorry I was trying to PM you but I turned it off, I was trying to cancel my subscription to this forum but couldn't figure out how so I emailed them.

I can't believe I'm crying over this it's really dumb but I just don't feel like this forum is doing me any good any longer or I it and it's time to leave and maybe I'll be able to make some positive changes in my life.

Anyway I just wanted you to know I think you're a very smart and kind person on this forum and appreciate all the things you've stood for here and supported me too. Thanks again and take care, bye guys, Nancy (brandyII)

Brandy, no matter how harsh posts get, no one here truly wants you to leave. And I DO mean no one, even Wasa. You're a great person and an asset to the board. It's just hard for many of us to sit here and watch someone defeat themselves. We just want to step in and intervene and set you on the right track to being a success. Sometimes, that comes across too harshly, and I apologize for all of our posts that have seemed that way.

BJean,

Sorry I was trying to PM you but I turned it off, I was trying to cancel my subscription to this forum but couldn't figure out how so I emailed them.

I can't believe I'm crying over this it's really dumb but I just don't feel like this forum is doing me any good any longer or I it and it's time to leave and maybe I'll be able to make some positive changes in my life.

Anyway I just wanted you to know I think you're a very smart and kind person on this forum and appreciate all the things you've stood for here and supported me too. Thanks again and take care, bye guys, Nancy (brandyII)

This makes me sad, Nancy :thumbs_up: I tried to send you this PM but you've turned them off. I don't know if you'll be back to read this, but I hope so, so I'll repeat it here:

Hi Brandy,

It sucks how that thread has turned out but I wish you wouldn't leave. If you do decide to go, I'd like to stay in touch. You can email me on Fanny_Adams99@hotmail.com, if you'd like to chat more.

Good luck on your journey!

*hugs*

Fanny

BrandyII--After reading through these posts, I'll understand if you decide to go...but I just wanted to say that I'll miss you and your brave comments everyday. And, if you do stick around, I will be here for you.

Brandy, I'm a little late coming into this thread (I don't how in the world I missed it, lol) but I just wanted to throw in my 2 cents.

I have to say that, in the beginning, I lost weight pretty darn fast and I loved it! But, in that last couple of months, I've barely lost anything. I am really struggling with getting good restriction. I've had at least 7 fills and I am up to 7.25cc in my 10cc band. My fills seem to work for a week or so, then loosen up to almost nothing again. It was my choice to be conservative with my fills (I was afraid of getting overfilled, so I suggested we take it really slow). I am regretting that now, lol. I do have an appt for a fill on the 30th....YAY!

I haven't always exercised like I should but for the last couple of months, I've been exercising faithfully and still not losing weight. I have PCOS and I have low DHEA levels that I am on medication for. My Endo is working with me to try to straighten this out but it has been really hard these last couple of months. Since I've been banded, I've pretty much stuck to high protein/low carb. Well, I don't even like meat much and I was soooo burned out on meat. I just recently became a lacto-ovo vegetarian, so focusing on high protein is out of the question now. I'm hopeful that my new eating lifestyle in combination with my exercise will start to pay off.

Even though I am struggling right now, I still love my band. I'm determined to make this work, whatever it takes. I commend you for admitting it is your own problems causing it, not the band. That takes guts...so good for you! Now is a perfect time to re-evaluate what you are doing wrong and start working towards making it right. You can do this and so can I! It's just gonna take some really hard work.

I don't think anyone intended to hurt your feelings. Sometimes we need that kick in the butt to get us going again!

I really think if you had posted this in the General Support forum, you would have gotten a totally different set of responses. Since you posted it in the rant and raves, it's not far fetched to think that people would debate the issue because that is what this forum is for. I agree with Laurend, I really don't think anyone wants you to leave LBT. I hope you decide to stay, but if you don't, I wish you the best. I am sorry you are struggling right now and I hope things get better for you soon. Take care.

Edited June 12, 200818 yr by georgia girl

Hey Brandy,

Boy you created a monster of a thread. LOL Afterall this is what we are here for. To vent. There is no better catharsis. Get it off your chest. If you need motivation girl, let us know. We all want you to succeed. Honestly Brandy, if people didn't give a darn whatsoever, they wouldn't take even a minute of their precious time to even reply to your post. Sometimes it seems like reverse psychology. If someone yells at you and tells you just to give up and get rid of your band, what they are really doing is trying to get you mad and enraged within, so you can tell yourself that you CAN do it. Just take the critique and try to apply better behaviors throughout your day. We are here for you Brandy. I don't care what it is that bothers you, like you said, it does no good to keep it bottled inside.

Excellent post, absolutely correct.

Brandy, I do not want you to leave either! Believe me, I know what it's like to live with a slow metabolism. My resting metabolic test proved what I already knew. I don't know how I got a slow metabolism but that's what the problem was.

I exercised my brains out for 3 years before I got the band. I never lost anything.

The Beck Diet Solution is not a diet. It's about positive reinforcement when you stick to whatever plan you choose. You make little cards and on each one, you write down why you want to lose weight. You're supposed to look at them several times a day. It's a whole routine to change your thinking. It helped me a lot because my biggest problem is junk food, sweets in particular.

Hi Brandy,

Because of you and after reading most of the replies to you, I feel much more educated about the Lap Band. I wanted to know about the problems. So thank you!!! I joined this site because of reading about your situation. I have never joined a site before and I do a lot of research on whatever I am interested in.

I have similar health problems as you and take the same meds, plus blood pressure med. I am constantly struggling to get my thyroid meds right as I had my thyroid removed years ago. I have been struggling ever since. I was not overweight until my thyroid got hashimoto's disease.

A year ago I was approved for the band. The doctor told me because of my thyroid problem, I would probably not have the success others have. I did not do it, but went on a cleanse and nutritional diet and lost 25 pounds, injured my knee, had knee surgery and gained it all back and more.

Now I can get the surgery done if I want to. My insurance will pay 100% and I am still hestitant for just the reasons you have stated. I thank you, as I am not a large eater with the steak and potatoes thing, etc. And I get head hunger, even if I am not in the mood to eat. So at this point, thanks to your honesty, I am going to cancel the doctor's appt. and wait. Thank you again. I have been trying to find out this info from someone who has the medical problems I have.

I wonder if any more Thyroid problem people have had similar experiences?

Sheilak

I wonder if any more Thyroid problem people have had similar experiences?

Sheilak

I have Hashi's and had no problems losing weight but the key is to get your meds stable. If your blood work is in normal range it shouldn't be a problem.

Thank you. for some reason, my meds have never been stable and I get a blood test every 1 to 2 months. I have absolutely no thyroid gland. I have searched on line and found there are people who have had thyroidectomies who stay on the same med for years and others who are constantly struggling to keep it in the normal range. I am the latter. Over the years I have been to thyroid specialists, and now an endocrinologist. No one has been able to stabalize it for long. I use a thyroid cocktail med at this point which works the best but still needs constant adjusting either up or down. So it appears even with the lap band the thyroid med adjusting would possibly continue. I have a friend who had a thyroidectomy from hypothyroidism of some sort, eats sugar, and is thin and energetic. She hasn't had to change her thyroid meds in 20 years. I think I need more info from more thyroidectomy people before I make my decision.

Personally, I'm a little sad about how this turned out. I think people get waaaaaaaaaay too emotionally invested in a "position" to rationally discuss things. I can see how BII might think she was attacked. But also I think that if you post something in "Rants"......well you're kinda asking for extreme opinions.

If I want support, I'll post in the regular sections of LBT. If I want to stir something interesting up, I'll post in "Rants".

Either way, I try to play nice......but everybody's different.

Hey! Sorry that this happened to you! Sorry for how this made you feel! Don't leave-......unless you really want to.

You did open yourself up to what other people said, but you are still not responsible for what they said. They are. So much vitriol. DOn't sweat it. All those hurtful words are not about you at all- it's about them. I know in the past when I have attacked so hard, I generally have some fear around the issue- in your case, maybe it was easier to attack than give understanding. After all, if you understand......you might be the same as this person who is struggling, and with lapband and weight loss ON THIS WEBSITE- hot button issues.

You did open the thread, but we are all always responsible for what we say and do. You asked for it is not a rationalization to me.

Luck

KatW

I dont get why you think its vitriolic? There's certainly no feeling like that from my end, its more frustration that she just cant see the negative through processes. If I didnt give a toss about people achieving their goals, I just wouldnt bother.

The way I see it BrandyII's problem is the number one problem you see on this board - people just utterly unable to really allow themselves to change, stuck in destructive behaviours and thought processes. They reach out for help, but real help does NOT come in the form of commiserations and justifications, real help can feel like a slap in the face.

Brandy may have had a point, that she just wants to be able to vent about it all without people's advice and help, and that's fair enough, rants and raves is probably not the best place for that however, because people assume you're inviting debate.

I dont think this thread was at all vitriolic. Certainly not compared to some of the threads in this forum!

Jacqui....

I'd have to agree with you. I think there is a world of difference between being plain mean and simply giving someone a bit of tough love and honesty.

It's like when someone is cheating on the post op diet. There are some people who will pat the heads of the cheater and tell them it is okay. It is NOT okay, I want to smack these people. If you go back and look at posts of the heat patters you'll find they too, are post op diet cheaters. It's like they want others to cheat so they can justify their own behaviors.

Sometimes we all need a bit of honesty, we are all supposed to be in this one together and patronizing someone does absolutely nothing beneficial. Confirming and supporting bad habits is not helpful to another, we are doing nothing but confirming and reinforcing our own bad habits sometimes. It's almost an attitude of, "I can't do it and I don't want you to do it either." It is selfish, nothing more.

If you have a kid who refuses to study, is out all night with friends, sabotaging themselves, you don't pat their little heads and tell them to try really really hard to do better. You tell them to knock it the hell off. If you tolerate poor behavior from your child, you are reinforcing that bad behaviors are totally okay and acceptable.

We have a person here, Brandy, who went through surgery to obtain a lap band and flat out admits she refuses to diet and exercise let alone do a bloody thing for herself other than to make up one excuse after another for not accomplishing a darn thing. People, she's trying to lose weight! Hello???? How is patting her head telling her others who are being honest are nothing short of mean, how is this helpful? Since when is flat out honesty a bad thing?

Losing weight is hard, that's a reality. Nobody promised that it would be easy. The band does not absorb calories, it is not wise to reinforce that "it's all metabolism," to someone who is eating junk all day long, it is not metabolism ... it is eating junk food. When one is trying to lose weight it is not helpful to say that they don't need to either cut calories or exercise. That is an absolute lie. When a banded person is saying that they don't give a rip about their own health enough to lift one silly little finger to help themselves, what can we do? Reinforcing bad behavior is nothing short of justifying our own bad behaviors, it's certainly not helping anyone.

What is the true goal here, to make us feel better about our own poor choices in weight loss or to honestly help someone who is not lifting a finger for their own health issues? Honesty is not the horror some folks make it out to be. I think that right now Brandi is playing a bit of a pity game, a pity party per se. I'm not playing the game and I'm not going to support that behavior. I know as well as everyone else here that she did not leave, she is still reading the boards. So we all have a choice, help her or don't. But let's at least get a bit of honesty going and for those that are actually being honest and trying to do something positive for a person with a bit of tough love... that's not a horror. That's a good thing.

The head patters need to stop fooling themselves. This isn't a race to see who can be the nicest, this is a race to help someone save their life from obesity issues. Let's not take that so damned lightly. If someone can't be honest with themselves, cool. So be it. But don't reinforce the same negative behaviors in another, it's not helpful and it's not acceptable.

Nobody said anyone has to do this my way or Jacqui's way. Nobody ever claimed that eating 600 calories a day is necessary or needed for life (Fanny). Some of us are saying that it's time to damn well get out there and quit making excuses. Get off your butts, do something! Anything! But eating bon bons and whining that, "I don't want to exercise," is not going to get someone healthy and afford them a better quality life. We aren't talking about cleaning the house here, we are talking life vs. death. It bothers me when others take that as lightly as they are here.

Edited June 12, 200818 yr by WASaBubbleButt

Bingo, Wasa. No one here is saying that all slow losers or people who have problems being banded are horrible, lazy people. But the simple fact is that Brandy has openly admitted that she's non-compliant with a lot of the necessary behavioral changes that come along with banding. And I'm sorry, but it isn't at all supportive, IMO, to basically just tell her, "I'm so sorry that you're having trouble, just keep doing what you're doing and you'll be a success."

To put it simply, being banded takes work and it takes making CHANGES to what you are doing. If what you are doing is what made you fat in the first place, what makes you think that you'll suddenly start losing weight if you continue to do it? Yeah, there's a few people here who have lost a lot of weight while not restricting what they eat or not exercising. They are the extreme minority, though. And if you read through their posts, you'll see that many of them have just exchanged one eating disorder for another, because the only way they've been able to succeed is by basically starving themselves on extremely tiny portions and yacking it back up. The fact is, for Brandy to become a successful bandster, she is going to have to make some changes. No one said that she suddenly has to become a marathon-runner or an aerobics instructor or a nutritionist, but she has to do SOMETHING.

And yes, if she had made this thread in one of the support forums, I can guarantee that no one would have confronted her as harshly as they did in this forum. But she didn't make it in one of those forums. If someone makes a thread in Rants and Raves, they should be prepared for what they get.