I feel rude saying this stuff but I want to get it out too. Bear with me, it's going to be long!

I did Weight Watchers (henceforth abbreviated to WW) three separate times, all online. The most I lost was probably 25 pounds. I freaking hated it. I became obsessed with points. I couldn't eat anything without worrying about how many points were in it and accurately figuring out the portion size. It did force me to learn proper portion sizes (not that I stuck with them, but at least I now know that I'm eating 2.5 portions of rice instead of thinking I'm only eating one). But overall I really disliked the program, especially the platitudes and common sense advice dispensed as if it were some kind of special revelation.

I know someone who has done WW off and on for 15 years now or more. She has all of the books and point counters and whatever else from every incarnation of the program. I believe that she has lost a lot of weight on it in the past. She falls off the wagon, gains the weight back and eventually goes back to it.

When I visited her recently she was on the wagon. We ate out a lot. I watched how she grossly underestimated portions (saying "that looks like about half a cup" when it was more than a cup). Instead of doing the work to figure out how many points something actually was, she just guessed. That's part of what I hated about WW. There are lots of sites with points listings from restaurants, but inevitably I'd eat somewhere that wasn't listed. So I'd have to try to get the nutrition facts and/or ingredient list from the place to get an accurate points count. I'm sure I was terribly off most of the time. But I don't think my friend bothered with that stuff. She'd just say, "Oh, I think it's probably about 14 points." Really, it was probably more like 25 points, but then that wouldn't leave you many for the rest of the day and that's just not something that anyone even wants to consider. Maybe she also knew deep down that it was probably more than 14 points but told herself that it wasn't.

I have gently mentioned to her that maybe WW isn't the way to go for her. But she insists that it DOES work. OK, maybe so. But maybe it doesn't work for her. It's like she can't consider trying anything else. What I want to say is that if it really did work, then she wouldn't have gained the weight back. I am not allowed to say anything potentially negative about WW.

So there's that. And it kind of pains me, because I know that she has health problems and I know that she probably needs to do something more drastic than just count points. Yes, she knows I am getting banded (one of the few people who do) and no, I have not tried to convince her that she should do it also.

I have another acquaintance that I stopped talking to her about two years ago for the most part. At the time, she had lost a decent amount of weight and was pretty proud, rightfully so, of her loss (another WW disciple). But then she was badmouthing an acquaintance of hers for "letting herself go" after getting married -- essentially getting fat and not trying to continue looking good for her husband. OK, so you lost weight and suddenly you get to judge people for being overweight? I wasn't aware that was how it happened. You'd think that you would have sympathy since you'd been there. It annoyed me so much that I didn't want to talk to her anymore.

Here's the part where I feel schadenfreude. I recently stumbled upon her blog in which she talked about how much weight she'd gained and she now has a BMI of almost 40. Wow, she really let herself go, didn't she? Yes, I know that's cruel, but honestly...I can't help it. She looked down her nose at other fat people when she'd lost some weight and now she's fat again. And she's back on the WW wagon of course!

OK, I should say now that I suppose WW must work for somebody. And it does have some redeeming qualities. But the statistics about dieting and keeping weight off long term aren't good. So I'd wager that WW is making its money off the same group of people who keep coming back, hoping that it'll work this time. Maybe THIS time.

How many times have all of us said that, come to think of it? It's a tool that I know doesn't work for me. I hope the band will. But I also hope that people who'd rather count points forever will understand why some of us would rather get banded or do something different. It's a personal choice and it's all about what you can live with. People can eat around their band and regain their weight. If you want to sabotage anything, you can. I realize this. But since most of my experience has been with WW, that's what I chose to rant about.

I am in the process of a lifestyle overhaul. In the past I could lose weight by whatever method, but I always regained it and more.

I needed

1) to look within and sort out fifty decades of stuff (help of a psychologist)

2) get moving (help of a wonderful trainer, who understands support rather than put downs)

3) get honest what I am putting in my mouth and write it down (me and Calorie King)

4) move my energy from negative "can't" to positive "can and will" (help of my acupunturist)

5) and not undo the weight lost by regaining it when I hit a snag (me and my lapband)

I am half way to my goal weight.Weight loss for me isn't linear or consistent. My emotional health, my physical health and my thought process are being overhauled and reshaped. It takes enormous concentrated effort on my part and a willingness to look at what I used to hide.

I always wondered why WW, Slim4Life, Optifast, Nutrisystem and all the other diets (like egg/grapefruit, all liquid, etc) never "worked." Well, they all worked, but never stuck. I realized I needed to radically attack and change internally to make the external changes stick. Exercise has been a saving grace, but I started with a Water aerobic class with women 20 years older than me, graduated to being able to do 1 minute on an elliptical trainer without my pulse rate going over 140. That was two years ago. I stayed with it and now I do 45 min cardio five days a week and weight training two 30 minute sessions per week. It isn't making the weight drop off, but I feel great, have wonderful energy and my body shape has changed. I encourage all of you who hate exercise to find a good trainer who is the style you know you need and bite the bullet and pay the money, it will change your life. Staying the course is the only way it works for me. When I get depressed I remember that if I continue to do what I am doing then I will succeed. I am building my future life, brick by brick. It isn't perfect, or even close, but gradually my lifetime habits are changing and I feel I have a better chance of a permanent healing.

Best wishes to you and I know we all talk about a journey, but you and I are really on one. We chose the band as a vehicle of change and a commitment to our health - I work every day to live that promise to myself.