DynamoMini

I am in the process of a lifestyle overhaul. In the past I could lose weight by whatever method, but I always regained it and more. I needed 1) to look within and sort out fifty decades of stuff (help of a psychologist) 2) get moving (help of a wonderful trainer, who understands support rather than put downs) 3) get honest what I am putting in my mouth and write it down (me and Calorie King) 4) move my energy from negative "can't" to positive "can and will" (help of my acupunturist) 5) and not undo the weight lost by regaining it when I hit a snag (me and my lapband) I am half way to my goal weight.Weight loss for me isn't linear or consistent. My emotional health, my physical health and my thought process are being overhauled and reshaped. It takes enormous concentrated effort on my part and a willingness to look at what I used to hide. I always wondered why WW, Slim4Life, Optifast, Nutrisystem and all the other diets (like egg/grapefruit, all liquid, etc) never "worked." Well, they all worked, but never stuck. I realized I needed to radically attack and change internally to make the external changes stick. Exercise has been a saving grace, but I started with a Water aerobic class with women 20 years older than me, graduated to being able to do 1 minute on an elliptical trainer without my pulse rate going over 140. That was two years ago. I stayed with it and now I do 45 min cardio five days a week and weight training two 30 minute sessions per week. It isn't making the weight drop off, but I feel great, have wonderful energy and my body shape has changed. I encourage all of you who hate exercise to find a good trainer who is the style you know you need and bite the bullet and pay the money, it will change your life. Staying the course is the only way it works for me. When I get depressed I remember that if I continue to do what I am doing then I will succeed. I am building my future life, brick by brick. It isn't perfect, or even close, but gradually my lifetime habits are changing and I feel I have a better chance of a permanent healing. Best wishes to you and I know we all talk about a journey, but you and I are really on one. We chose the band as a vehicle of change and a commitment to our health - I work every day to live that promise to myself.

I am going to my first caucus, not as a voter, because I am independent, but I hope to get a clearer view of the Hillary vs Obama positions. I think it will be chaotic, but what the heck? What a country! I lean more democratic, especially after our dear President Bush , our war, and our deficit. But I maintain an open mind until voting day in November. I agree that it is a crock. It seems that whatever platform they run on they change once in office. I have a concern that Obama doesn't have the know how to get stuff done in Washington (like Carter - who was brilliant but unable to get his ideas into practice). I think a lot of it is who is around the President that makes stuff happen. Both good and bad. Maybe we should look beyond the candidates, to the machines that are putting them into office. Wow! I didn't know I had so much to say about this. Hugs to you all and happy voting, Michelle

Hi Everyone, I haven't posted for a long time, but I'm back. I am done with holiday eating. I hear you about the chocolates appearing after you clear everything out. My son was leaving trays of open cookies on the table. I have been throwing his "treats" out. I also washed a big piece of chocolate cake that had my name on it. I was slicing away at it and realized, that even if I put it in the garbage, I might go back and sneak a pinch. Once the cake was in the disposal with water all over it, the "enchantment" was broken. The sugar addicition is really tricky for me. Do other people out there have those types of crazy thoughts? Well, Happy New Year everyone! You know 2008 will be a much better year now that we are banded. Life has a lot to offer. Hugs to all, Michelle

skinny - good luck to you. It would be wonderful to get someone else to pay. I wasn't so lucky. My insurance refuses to pay for WLS, so I paid for the surgery myself. Dr. Kirshenbaum in Denver will do the surgery for $10,000, it's a lot, but worth it. I just read the last page of postings and everyone is talking about the head hunger that leads to crazy eating. Sign me up. I do that. It is like the stomach has a mind of its own (if ya catch my drift) and apprears to be resistant to change. I am still plowing away. Writing what I eat, exercising, acupuncturing, therapizing and fighting the good fight. There are changes - but boy I hope I live long enough -- just kidding. I am on my way to Seattle to visit my brother's family (three kids 7 and under). Life does go on. Happy Holidays all my over 50 friends! Michelle

Hi Everyone, Yes to mind hunger being a trigger. I am changing, not quickly, but changing, nevertheless, a lifetime pattern of stuffing, then starving to "make up" for the guilt of stuffing. My eating has never been normal. My thoughts about food have never been normal. It is my challenge to address my eating behaviors. Currently, I am logging my food, and trying to go with five - 300 calorie or less feedings (three meals with two snacks). I eat much more protein, shy away from, but still crave carbs and chocolate. Yes, I can use substitutes. No, even though I feel full after 3 oz of chicken, it isn't the same chemical rush that I used to experience with high carb and fat foods. So be it. I am sad that my life has changed by missing the rush or sugar high, but so happy to be living a more realistic and healthy way. I deserve a healthy life. We all do. Hugs I love being connected to all of you, Michelle

Denise - What is your eating plan? I was almost perfect for a week and I have barely lost a pound that I had gained in Oct. I am really struggling and frustrated. I am not sure it is a fill, altho' I haven't had one since July. I sometimes PB, I just don't know. Perhaps the Lean Cuisine Alfedo, glass of wine, piece of bread are too many carbs even if I am within a caloric intake that is below my resting metabolic rate. Help?? Michelle

Hi Everyone, We do get impatient with one of our players who seems to have a lot of brain freezes, and loses her place in the game. She wins as often as the rest of us tho'. LOL Well it is cold here in Denver. Do any of you feel the cold more as you lose weight? I am painting four little pictures of coffee mugs for my mah jongg group. We always do handmade gifts. However, we have postponed the giving until January, because many haven't gotten to it this year. It is fun to see what each of us comes up with. Happy Sunday! OMG I had better get to bed I have to teach tomorrow - I mean today at 9. Smiles

BJean - I have to say I am not a hardcore player, but the game takes four. It is a mixture of luck and skill. We like a 5th person to play so if someone can't make the group, the game goes on. Also, there is someone to fetch coffee, etc. You do need someone to show you the passing that preceeds the play. There is an elaborate system for tile passing. After that, it is pretty much take one tile, throw one tile or pick up the last tile and throw one tile, as everyone tries to make a pattern to earn a "Mah Jongg." In China it is played more like gin with simple patterns but more elaborate betting. American mah jongg has a card with patterns that is changed yearly. A standard set of tiles is between 55 - 100 dollars. Ebay has some sets, it is good to shop around. Is it hard? Well, not as hard as bridge, but harder than gin rummy. It is fun, social and stimulating. I highly recommend it. Sometimes local groups teach classes in how to. My mom showed my group how to play. Hugs all, Michelle

NM Sunshine - Happy Birthday!!! Enjoy!

Hi Everyone, Yes, Mah Jongg was played. We use the American rules with the printed card. It is a more elaborate game than I was shone in China, however, they simplified the Chinese rules for the first timers on the Yangzee cruise. So I don't know the similarities. I do know that we don't use all the tiles from our kits to play. We also don't do elaborate betting and have a $3.00 limit that people can lose in one game. It is fun. I did great with the food. Just drank my decaf, didn't bring the yogurt, but didn't start into the treats (and there were some) until the game was over. I had a few celery pieces and carrots with pea/avacado (new recipe without fat) dip. Came home and ate the yogurt with a pot of herbal tea. I like filling up on tea at night seems to take the edge off. So I ended a third day of good eating. It has made me stronger internally, however, there is this weird restless feeling that comes over my subconscience when I am eating right. Is it withdrawal or fallout from pea dip??? Who knows? Does anyone else get this weird feeling when focused and eating balanced meals and you are under control? I had weird dreams last night that I couldn't quite put my life together. I am not hungry, I am eating enough. All I do know is that I will tolerate it for another day. Day 4. hugs all, Michelle

HI Everybody - I just want to report another good day - two in a row. I am committed to having a good day again. The trick for me is staying totally away from the white carbs. Foods with lower Glycemic Indexes are better for me and cut my cravings. Denise - you are not BAD, you just made poor food choices. Been there, done that for SEVERAL months. You will feel great if you commit to a day without junk, and do the day at a time, until you are back on track. I can't believe it is working for me. Tonight I have a Maj Jongg game with the goodies all over. But I am determined to stay the course, so I will bring my yogurt (night time treat). Planning ahead will help I hope. I sure want to feel good about myself. Confession - About the scale Denise, I don't know. I was such a scale whore in the beginning, gave it up because it was interferring with good thinking, did fine for a while weighing once a week, ate crazy for several months, refused to get on for several weeks (not a good idea), now I have to say I weighed every day since I've been good. I know this is CRAZY behavior, but I don't know how to normalize it. So, bottom line, I understand your reluctance to get on the scale, but know that ignoring it, as a feedback system, doesn't work and also praying to it, as a god, doesn't work either. Any thoughts anyone?? I am measuring monthly with my trainer, that has been good. Nothing really changes if I don't lose weight, but will grow again if I do. Hugs and befuddled in Denver, Michelle

Thanks Everyone for sharing - It does feel good to make a committment to myself and follow through. It adds to the core strength that seems to fly out the window when the sugar cravings are taking over. Addiction is a slippery slope. I want to be normal, but the reality is I am not, at least for right now. My dream is to be able to maintain my weight by eating healthfully, my shape through exercise and my mental health by being able to indulge once in a while and end it right there. I agree the South Beach really helps, I was a successful Optifast dieter 18 years ago (six months of liquids only), but when I went on solids I spiked up the 70 pounds I had lost. So the liquid proteins are great suppliments for me, but not as my meal choice. The water intake definitely helps my body release the weight. I appreciate your words of kindness and support. It is wonderful to not be doing this alone. Hugs, Michelle

Hi Everyone - Just wanted to report I was great and stayed the course today. I realize that I have "cheated" for months, everyday. Little stuff, but today no sugar. I am proud of myself. I know I can lose weight if I stay within range and have good eating habits.

Hi Everyone - Indigo - thanks for the support. I think I am depressed, I just want to shake myself out of it. I have a number of systems to work through it along with medication, but know that what will make me feel really good is to stay with a good eating program for just today, then tomorrow, etc. It is like alcoholism, but you still have to eat. I liked the idea of no overt white sugar in the diet. I think that would help me reduce the "eat now or die urges." Well, I commit to a no sugar day, and I'll report tomorrow. Have a great Monday! Good bye mashed potatoes and gravy. Hugs, Michelle

Hi Everyone, I haven't posted for awhile, kind of depressed with my lack of loss. I was in the carb cycle after a vacation to Mexico I found that booze really revs up the carb cravings too. Especially rum, because wine gives me a headache. Oh well, I'm on the wagon again, didn't even do badly after Thanksgiving. Even with the band, I am left with my eating "issues" wanting more, more, more to fill a lonely heart, boredom, anxiety - you name it I react to it. I have decided that we are all very sensitive to our environments inside and outside. The defenses I have used is through insulation, over saturation, going into sugar numbness to protect myself. I've been in therapy for five years, exercising for four and now doing acupuncture for about a year. I do think there is light at the end of the tunnel, but there isn't any magic, for me. At least with my band, when things get off, I am not gaining great sums of weight! Yeah! That alone has given me a chance to breathe again. With the band I just stall for awhile. Happy Thanksgiving to all - I am so grateful to you bandsters. It is wonderful to talk with people who understand and "get me." Hugs, Michelle from Denver

green - do you think you might share a picture, even better, a before and after one???? Just nosy in Denver. Well ladies - I am off to Mexico for two wonderful weeks. Please wish me sunshine and great times. i am staying at a condo so I will be able to control the food better, but I love those marguaritas. Lots of walking in the sand and will try snorkeling if the water is clear. Hugs all, Michelle

Denise822 - I had trouble with thai food too. Especially the spring rolls (not fried). I do better with meat in a sauce. No rice or large chunks of anything. It was a sorry surprise, because I love those tastes. I had trouble with Thai shrimp and scallops just this week. I need to cut my fish up really small and chew, chew, chew.... Throwing up isn't as bad as having a mouthful of slime and pain in the chest. Yuck! Anyway if you don't have a special baseball team, root for the Rockies. They are playing Sunday night. It is amazing that no one was even that supportive until they became a winning team - I guess everyone loves a winner. Hugs to all of you, Michelle

LadyHR - it does sound like you need an little unfill. I am surprised how sensitive we are to even .1 too much fill. A little out will ease things, you are doing a great job losing, so don't sweat it. You have to be able to drink water, etc.

Indio - Wow! It is great to get to a place where you are more fit and can go a little more. Good for you!! I am fooling around with my food to cope with my stresses, IRS audit that went terribly and my mom's neediness around a hip replacement. Both are undercontrol and I am taking charge again. Have a good Monday everyone! Michelle

Judie4800 - A PB is short for Productive Burp. Now I have had the many experiences with PB's I can say that they range from a little of what you ate comes back up, to a fist in the chest (like when a pill goes down sideways), to full out nausea and vomiting. Basically, it is the band telling you to stop doing what you are doing, whether it is gulping, not chewing enough or eating too fast. I have found that the PB's for me change and are sometimes unpredictable. I try not to take in air when I drink Water, etc. Bjean - I have had computer crashes that are unbelievable. I know we are supposed to back everything up, but I don't do it every day. let's keep in touch about PS surgergical sites. I will have to lose at least 60 more pounds before I consider it though. I try not to focus on my sagging neckline, which is hard when I exercise and have to look into a mirror. Maybe we can motivate ourselves with that as a goal. Green - glad the meds are working. The face has a ton of nerves and can be excrutiating. I learned this with my hand when I had a trauma with a table saw and amputated my middle finger and several tops off other fingers. The recovery on the middle finger area was nothing compared to the healing of the other fingers, which would be like your facial incisions. The tissue has to resettle and get reconnected and happy again. I hope I am as brave as you when we get right down to it. skinnydipping - I ended up being a self pay because I didn't have the $$$ to file suit with my insurance who categorically denies WLS. The world is bias against us - most don't understand that this is a disease not a choice. Good luck!!! Hugs to all of you - Michelle

Green - I think each surgery has its own complexion (ha..ha) sorry. I imagine that being under for 7 hours may cause you to need more recovery time. He must have done great stuff. We'll want to see pre and post pictures please. NM Sunshine - I'm with you. But I know that Denver isn't a good place to get it done. The surgery is much more expensive here, I heard Seattle is more competative and two of my friends had it done there. Any other ideas out there? Of course at the rate I am losing I might be 90. Hugs all, Michelle

Ditto Green what Momlambert said. I never heard of facial surgery taking quite that long. You will be stunning when you heal, so sorry about the pain. I hate pain.... Hugs, Michelle

Hi Everyone! Doing ok. My mom just had a hip replacement, so it is hard to focus on myself, but I am trying to stay the course. I do eat more when I am around my mom and sis. They are very food focused, mom would rather ask me about my fills rather than deal with her surgery. She is having trouble getting out of bed, but walking ok. My IRS audit is Wednesday. Wish me luck! I have several notebooks that I hope I can dazzle the auditor with. Some of it is near and dear to my heart. My retirement scapbook, with pic of the kids I taught and their notes to me that show how much stuff I did for them. Green - You must have been a beautiful baby..... da...da... Look at you now, well, soon. You will be grateful and glad that you were so brave to go for it. Hugs. Be well, Michelle

NM Sunshine - Not only will exercise help you lose weight, but I am now, after 4 years, finding it truly helps me emotionally. Take care, start out slowly and wear really good shoes. I buy new ones every three months or my knees hurt. Hugs, Michelle

NM Sunshine - Don't worry about a slow start. It has taken several months for me to lose, but then the skin isn't hanging 10, I don't feel deprived. I really believe I can do this, and you will too. I continue to lose a pound every week or two. The inches are firming up. I measure once a month with my trainer. I do think exercise is the only way to go. I feel great working out, it only took 4 years of fighting it to get here. Hugs to all, Michelle